My Pirate Journal

Why can't a guy with an eye patch get a decent shot? Girls all think you're being funny or worse, handicapped. I'm not funny, and I'm sure as hell not handicapped ladies!


I gotta stop beating myself up. It's obviously their hang up if they can't see through my eye patch. Wait....what did I just say? I'm confused.


I need some boobies.


Stay salty.


And forever celebate.


Here's some strips for ya.

My buddy Gary just got his own strip over at laughingboycomics.com!

That's so good for him!

Here it is:



I'm going to go kill myself.


Oh wait, here's Herkimer's strip too.



Ahahahahahahaha!

To hell with it all!

It's way to nice to be updating this thing!

let's place some frisbee!

(Here's yesterday's and today's Herkimer strips...)

Stay salty!

Yesterday's:



Today's:

I keep checking, but the new strip isn't on laughingboycomics.com, and I'm pissed.

Fortunately I have the hook up, so here ya go.





How come whenever I wake up in the afternoon and go for a walk in my neighborhood, people never make eye contact? It's like we're all part of this great big world, but no one can take the time to acknowledge it. We're in this together people! We won't make it if we all treat each other like strangers!


Or maybe it's cos I can't see out of my left eye, with the eye patch and all, and I'm just not seeing people making eye contact...hmm...


How come people never say hello when you pass them on the street?

Praise Allah It's Friday, huh?

(That's right, I'm flirting with conversion. Muslims like sand right?)

Let me tell you, being in the Philly PATCO at 4 in the morning makes me damn glad the C.H.U.D.s haven't made it out of New York City...

Have they..?


So much for getting to sleep tonight...


Oh well...here's today's Herkimer strip from laughingboycomics.com...



Stay salty...

I know it's Thursday, but I love Wednesdays and NEW COMICS. Who read Captain America #25? Pure craziness! I nearly tossed my sea biscuits (Oreos)!

I can't take much more excitement...

Here's yesterday's Herkimer strip!



AND today's!



Who loves you?

Happy sailing!

Ahoy mateys!

Happy Tuesday! Who saw Heroes last night? Siiiiiick.

There should be a super hero pirate in there somewhere, I mean, we make a considerable chunk of America's minority population. If I wasn't always fighting for pirate-American rights, well I'd...I dunno...sleep away a lot more afternoons probably.

Sigh... I need some soder pop...off to Taco Bell...

(Check out the new Herkimer strip from laughingboycomics.com, YAARRR!)

Hey everyone! Anyone?

The past week has been pretty sweet...I can't really think of anything that happened that's worth mentioning...but I'm not massively depressed so that's a good sign, right?

Also, check out the new Herkimer strip at laughingboycomics.com. Daily Monday through Tursday...that's kinda cool. Oh hell, here it is, but check out the site anyway.



New York Comic Con was a killer time last weekend. I met Joe Quesada. He didn't even hit me. Super awesome.

I'm going to go make peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches til I'm sick...


Avast!
Johnny.

I am so pumped! Tomorrow is the New York Comic-Con! Last year ruled sooooo hard! It's gonna rock.

So far, my agenda is:

1. Cup O' Joe with Marvel's Joe Quesada. I love Marvel, and Joe's giant head!
2. I'm finally, finally going to finish my Starjammers collection and nail the first appearance of Sikorsky! Can I get a hell yea?
3. Not crap my pants from the crappy hot dogs.
4. Sexually assault Joss Whedon

It's going to be a great day!

Stay salty!

Monday's huh?

Another week, and I already just want it to end.

If I were at sea, I could go months with never knowing what day it is.

Too bad I'm terrified of water, boats and sea serpents.


Guess I better start getting used to Tuesday...

It's been 2 months since I've last posted, and you deserve an explanation...


Roberta re-entered my life, which led to some bad nights, and well, I had a relapse.

That's right, I, Johnny the Urban freakin' Land Pirate got scurvy. Again. I know, I know...I should know better. You say: "Now, Johnny, you've learned time and time again that you can't live off of salted meats, old bread and alcohol." I know! I meant to put a lime in my Corona!

The doctor I saw was actually really impressed. He said he didn't know how someone my age, who didn't even go near a boat let alone spend months at sea, in the 21st Century no less could have survived so long, let alone get freakin' scurvy.

Ya hear that mom and dad!? Someone's impressed with ol'Johnny!

Now if only I could shake the chlamydia. There's always tomorrow.

Stay salty!

I think I've suffered several heart attacks since Thanksgiving. I feel gravy in my veins. Bleck. I've been too fat to even check my livejournal. I'm sure I've been missed.

No one reads this.

Anyway, seeing the crew (aka my family) was interesting as always.

Why doesn't dad get I'm a pirate, and not gay?

There's a difference you old bastard!

Now I'm fat and crying...

Sometimes, when I catch people staring at me (especially the eye-patch), I'm not sure they're looking at me with awe and fearful respect. Sometimes, I think they may even be laughing at me.







I have been crying for days.

Ever notice how relaxing a Sunday morning can be? Ever notice how relaxing a Sunday morning can be when you're a pirate? It's better.
Trust me.

Today at the park I saw a little girl.

She said to her mom "Moomy look! A pirate!"

Hells yea.