| it's a thug life |
[May. 10th, 2008|03:05 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
some time between the hours of 2am and 11am my car was stolen AGAIN from val's brand new apartment complex. i wasn't even mad, it was a little funny actually. it feels like my poor car has been the victim of assault everywhere i've gone for about the past 3 months. if someones not ripping door handles off trying to steal my car, they are popping the lining around the windows and successfully stealing my car. just from my experience i'm pretty sure i've become an expert on how to break in and steal other peoples cars. especially if they are hondas. the weird thing was, as rene and his cousin came to my rescue... we found my car.
in another parking lot (in the same apartment complex mind you), parked across 3 lanes with the door wide open, the engine running, the left blinker on, a new gadget attached to some wires where you would stick a screwdriver to hot wire the car, and all my shit inside. apparently it had been running and sitting there all night. someone came up and told us. but the car thieves/borrowers didn't steal anything except my UIW sweatshirt. all my cd's, money and juice bottles where still there. they actually cleaned my car too. like vacuumed and threw away all the plastic and trash i had in there from when i got takeout last week. it's like they just used it for the night to run errands. or commit felonies.
i think karma is playing a joke on me.
right now it's in the shop. but i'm pretty positive i need to sell it and get the ugliest strangest car i can find. something no one would ever want, or could use for parts.
the search is on. |
|
|
| |
[May. 5th, 2008|12:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
i have 2 finals today, 2 tomorrow and one everyday until thursday. i just finished my first one this morning, it was super easy. next i have ballet which i think will go smoothly, i just don't want to get stuck doing bar exercises by myself again. it's so much less intimidating when it's in a group.
i also have some very exciting news. i've finally decided what to do with my life. i've hopped around from ideas and was never fully satisfied with any of them. my list ranged from zoologist to psychiatrist to professor to trophy wife but now there is no doubt left in my mind what i was meant to do, which is really really EXCITING!
after i graduate in May 09, i'm going to study Naturopathic Medicineand take a dual track with the master of science in Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine, hopefully at Bastyr University in Seattle, Washington. it's still at least a year away but i feel like i'm ready to pack my bags and move across states to dive right in. i'm trying to gain as much information as i can: schools, what it is like living in seattle, everything! anything constructive anyone has to say would be greatly appriciated. at this point i'm like a sponge.
wish me luck!
and the best of luck to anyone else going through finals this week.
|
|
|
| ahhh relief |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|01:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cheerful | ] |
yesss! all that studying for my math class really paid off, i felt like i breezed right through it. i also presented my powerpoint today and that went over really well *sigh* i'm so relieved all this stuff is over! i ran two miles with a new friend named kelly. now its time for ballet, then yoga. it's been a really great day. right now all i want is my man, my val, and a delicious meal.
Fifty told me
Go head and switch them styles up
And if they hate then let them hate
And watch the money pile up...
|
|
|
| monday piss fit |
[Apr. 21st, 2008|09:35 pm] |
today i lost my credit card, accidently deleted my powerpoint presentation that took me two hours to make, and teared up a little during my math review because it was so hard and i don't feel prepared enough for the test and i had forgotten my pencile so i had to write in pen and make a thousand sratch-out-marks which cluttered up the entire paper and made me feel even worse. and i was also really tired. i also had to present the powerpoint today, the one i deleted. i get to go next time which is nice and will give me a chance redo it, but i hated having to sit through so many presentations on "Why Obesity is Bad"and "The Dangers of Fast Food". hasn't this been drilled into our brains enough?! but looking around i noticed at least half of my class was overweight. and half of that half was REALLY overweight. it's not the first time i've noticed, it just made me sad. irritated too. i don't want to sit through a presentation on why obesity is bad, taught by a fat person.
Another problem is that its a taboo to make fun of fat people. We make fun and harass smokers regularly, but we think its rude to make fun of fat/obese people. And yet how else will fat/obese people gain the willpower to exercise/eat properly if they don't get negative feedback/concern about their weight?! it's not good to think that being a size 16 is normal.
i'm not saying i'm perfect, i'm far from it! i've even gained a little weight since i've come back from italy, but i'm still incredibly healthy. how do I exercise? i do yoga and i jump. thats my thing. i like yoga, and i like to jump over things. puddles, chairs, piles of dirty clothes and sleeping animals. sometimes i use one or two arms to sorta "arm vault" myself over something. When I get out of bed in the morning, its a sort of a "tuck and roll"/"arm vault"...
i'v also recently given up eating fast food. the food itself is never really all that satisfying and the industry has flooded the labor market with low paying, dead end jobs. thats not healthy for anyone.
really, all i'm irritated about is that i had to sit through an hour of "Lets Not be Fat" conducted by a you know who. i also don't want to hear in anyone's future presentation about how obesity is "genetics". that's a bullshit excuse. i'm so glad i'm not a professor who has to deal with bullshit essays from students. (also seeing really fat kids makes me want to scream, "CHILD ABUSE!")
i go to a chatholic university; isn't laziness and gluttony two of the seven deadly sins? i'm not chatholic, but i do believe there is a ring of truth that those two things are definitely deadly.
Basically what I am saying is: I'M NOT CRUEL, I'M MAKING FUN OF YOUR FLABBY BODY BECAUSE I CARE! YOU SHOULD TOO IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET UP AND LECTURE ME ABOUT IT! SO GET OFF YOUR FAT ASS AND EXERCISE! PUT AWAY THE COCA-COLA AND GO WALK IT OFF! I hope I've offended your fat ass enough that you get outside and exercise.
*dedicated to the 4 people in my wellness class. |
|
|
| OH MAN! OH MAN!!!! |
[Apr. 17th, 2008|03:46 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
guess who just got an internship for the fall and got the "OK" to do some research work this summer! REAL LIFE RESEARCH WORK. oh man. with real doctors working with real people and real problems. oh man, i'm so excited i could pop! right now i only know the basics: i'll be working with minority children and little girls and studying how our society is currently not fulfilling their needs, not on purpose but the fact is what works for one culture/ gender may not necessarily work for another: education, socialization ect. which is why (in general) it is harder for them to succeed when they are competing in life against those who's needs have been met. all this stuff is right up my alley. oh gosh i don't think i could be any happier than i am at this very moment.
i am totally blissed out.
i go in monday to get the full description, and to discuss my training and reasearch. time to get some experience.
shit i am totally ready!!!
|
|
|
| a lumpy bunch |
[Apr. 8th, 2008|06:56 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  uncomfortable | ] |
my moms having surgery tomorrow morning. there's some kind of lump in the side of her cheek. doctors say it's a mass, don't know if its dangerous or not. i don't think it is, non of them ever have been. my moms had 4 tomors removed: one in her stomach, 2 in her breasts and 1 from the roof of her mouth. and my dads had 3 tomors removed. one from his upper back, one from the lower back, and one from his head. none of them have ever been dangerous. just uncomfortable or suspicious, but i'm still worried about her.
and i'm worried about what that means for me. how many tomors will i have?
.. or if i have any right now. |
|
|
| we traded grapes for watermelon |
[Apr. 6th, 2008|09:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  nostalgic | ] |
uhhgg. this weekend has gone by too fast. saturday was spent in austin having a perfect visit after a day in limbo. he looked cute meeting me at the door with sleepy hair and squinty eyes blinking in the sunshine. we passed the day going for a long walk along the highway, taking pictures with my replacement camera and looking for mexican bakeries. i miss my old camera, but i had forgotten how much fun these replaceable cameras could be. my substitue camera is the yellow card board kind. the kind where paper printed design on the outside gets smeary and wavy when it gets wet, and has a little plastic turn dial that clicks to let you know when you can take the next photo. i still have a few pictures left. that night we went to a bar where he would play. the outside reminded me of the circus with its red and white stripped tent roofs and my little dress did not keep me warm enough for the few hours i was there. not enough food, too much fun and too much to drink and the only thing i could do was dance or lean on someone to keep me from tipping over. before i knew it i was being hoisted in the air, too clumbsy to walk in my own heels. got carried through doorways and had to have another set of hands help unclasp complicated earrings when my own lifeless fingers couldnt seem to do the job. today has been much slower. i like wathich flight of the conchords and listening to music with my eyes shut and eating grapes together. i wanted to stay. the drive back home seemed to take forever.
not excited about my math test tomorrow
need to wash my pink ballet tights, and remember to scrub the footsies
edit the rest of my theories paper
i wish the weekend didn't have to end. |
|
|
| di vivere di un fiato |
[Apr. 3rd, 2008|11:52 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | grateful | ] |
houses of bread, frog meetings
elderly that dance inside cadillacs
golden muscles, laurel crowns
love songs for babies in tuxedos
serious music, light that varies,
rain that falls, life that passes
street dogs, alpacas and wizard kings.
bandaged heads, cured wounds
the sun's rent is paid in advance, please
rainbow, more for less
doctor, what symptoms does happiness have?
|
|
|
| cabin fever |
[Mar. 29th, 2008|01:08 pm] |
|
emotionally disturbed.
or...
socially malajusted.
is there a difference?
.... or are they one and the same?
i guess it depends... on who your talking about.
i need to get out of the house!
this is what i'm turning into. |
|
|
| akward haircut |
[Mar. 19th, 2008|11:31 pm] |
|
today i came home from yoga and cut linus's hair. he looks a lot better. a lot happier and cooler without all that fluff. every time we clip his hair, we save it in a plastic bag and tie it shut so it won't leak out and float around everywhere. we have bags and bags of snowy white dog hair stuffed into the back of closets. one day i'll send it off to one of those places that cleans the hair and spins it into thread or something so i can have a fur coat. i don't think it's gross if its my dog.
also, i got a bit carried away and decided to cut my own hair. i used the same sisccors, but i washed them.
my hair is too curly, i cut them crooked and too short. i look stuuuuuppid with bangs.
waaa |
|
|
| nothing is more precious and disturbing to me... |
[Mar. 16th, 2008|03:33 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | exhausted | ] |
why is it that anytime my life seems to be moving along with some stability and direction, i always find some way to fuck it up? feels like i am always struggling to put words to my own kaleidoscope of confusing emotions, and always i am at a loss or they just come out completely wrong wrong wrong.
outside is scary
inside is a storm
the resulting collision makes me overwhelmed and timid.
i am not a victim, but i will give up trying to convince of the painful realities of growing up female in today's world.
it's costing me too much. |
|
|
| rachel gone wild |
[Mar. 13th, 2008|08:33 pm] |
|
my spring break has officially begun. aahhh, yes this is exciting. a whole week not having to wake up at the the crack of dawn and battle traffic to get to and fro. what shall i do? some sweet beauty rest is definetly a top priority. tomorrow all i want to do is lay in the sun, give my dogs bath, have a mid day nap, and do my best to not touch a computer. i think i'll finally pick up that half finished short stories book i've been eyeing for about a week.
time to go to the store for supplies:
- koolaid
- peanuts
- sun screen
oh precious precious time! |
|
|
| pissed off... grrr! |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|09:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  pissed off | ] |
last night after clumbsly fumbling around in the dark trying to open my car door, i realized my door handle was gone. completely ripped off. there is nothing there but the indent of where a doorhandle should be and i have no way to get into my car from the drivers side. unless i have another set of hands helping me to lift up the jagged metal pieces on each side of the indent, otherwise it's just me crawling through the passengers side. it sucks.
was someone trying to steal my car? AGAIN!?
i don't understand.. |
|
|
| surveys are lame, unless they are about the apocalypse! |
[Mar. 10th, 2008|10:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
SO EVERYONE KNOWS THAT WE ONLY HAVE A FEW
YEARS LEFT BEFORE WE ALL DIE. HERE IS A FUN SURVEY
TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU AND YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE DOING
WHEN THE BIG DAY COMES!
1.WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DURING THE END OF THE WORLD?
near a camp fire laying on the coast of New Zealand
2. WITH WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND IT WITH?
my family, my friends, rene, his family
3. WHAT WOULD YOU BE EATING DURING THE END OF THE WORLD?
pineapple
4. WHAT WOULD YOU WEAR?
my favorite pair of jeans and a tshirt
5. ONE THING YOU WOULD DO BEFORE THE END COMES
ride in a hot air balloon
6. WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO WHILE THE WORLD IS ENDING?
augie march, so everything could feel like a beautiful dream
7. WHAT WOULD YOU BE DRINKING DURING THE END OF THE WORLD?
banana margaritas and raspberry kool aid
8. WHAT DRUG(s) WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING DURING THE END OF THE WORLD?
experimenting with different kinds of mixed drinks, keeping it at a slight buzz
9. WHAT MOVIE WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE WATCHING?
the incredibles, three amigos, happy gilmore. anything upbeat and not having to do with the apocalypse.
10. WHAT BOOK WOULD YOU LIKE TO READ LAST?
something smart, funny, sexual, and sad. (lolita)
11. POEM?
humm.. something short and abstract about human nature
12. WHAT ANIMAL WOULD YOU LIKE TO PET DURING THE END OF THE WORLD?
lucy, jack, linus, and baby elephant
13. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR LAST WORDS?
i would probably be a big huggy kissy mess
14. IN ONE SENTENCE, DESCRIBE THIS ERA OF HUMANITY?
we tried.
15. WHAT IS THE ONE THING ABOUT EARTH YOU WILL MOSTLY MISS
nature and food
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST YOU WILL MOSTLY MISS?
insect bites and driving
17. WHAT WAS THE MOST IMPORTANT EVENT OF HUMANKIND?
the indoor toilet
18. ARE YOU HAPPY THE WORLD IS COMMING TO AN END? WHY?
of course not. but it could be worse.
19. REGRETS?
nothing really
20. SO DID OJ DO IT?
yeah probably.
21. HOW DO YOU PERFER IT ALL TO END? POLAR SHIFT? DEATH BY ALIEN DEATH RAY? RAPTURE OF GOD? NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST? ZOMBIES? PLEASE, BE CREATIVE-
exposion followed by silence.followed by a whoppie cusion to ease the tension |
|
|
| bitches be hatin' |
[Mar. 10th, 2008|09:05 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  artistic | ] |
the injured party, wearing glasses of victimization, can always find scores of clues to reinforce the belief that he or she is being wronged, and this girl who was dating my brother has stirred up a whirlwind inside of me. i am like a tornado of red ants and wildabeasts and all i feel towards her is unbridled rage. i regret responding. my defense is that i was provoked and she was talking shit, but now i feel like i have only poured more oil onto this burning disaster.
its weird how blinded some people become when emotions get a hold of them. it's like this programming is so strong, and one that people align with so colsely, that some people would rather be dead than wrong. but i guess now that i think about it, we were both wrong. i hate being a perfectionist, but i know that i am and i can spot others with the same flaw. in her case, searching for the perfect man is a hopeless and tire some endeavor that will only keep her bitter and lonely forever, since no man or woman in this world is perfect. and for that i think she is foolish and her quest for the perfect man, perfect job, perfect life, is only going to give her a life of disappointment, and i do not feel any remorse for saying so. i only wish that i had been a bit gentler about it. but none the less, she contiues to point the blame in another's direction. all her ramblings mean nothing to me. i feel like i know far better than her that "best" (for the perfectionist) is translated into a completely unrealistic standard, set higher than any god could achieve. and although i know this seems like common knowledge, i feel for her, and i can sympathize because i realize (as a perfectionist) this is a hard rock to swallow.
i only wish i was more like Kane  he would have known what to do.
i don't care if he is only a t.v. charator, he is super awesome and if they made WWKD braclets, i would wear one, i'm just saying. striving to eliminate your judging mind is an accomplishment to which followers of many spiritual disciples aspire. i wonder if reguar people could attain it as well?
today i feel sorry and i feel sorry for her and what i'm saying is that most of our actions and thoughts are not entirely conscious. we live most of our lives automaticaly. we even think automatically. we create mental images, we analyze, we evaluate, we make unlikely associations and call it art or poetry, or love. we render judgments of good and bad on everything we see, feel, hear, or think about. then we venture out into the world, attempting to live from these descriptions as if they were the whole truth and nothing but the truth. i think it is vital that we get to know our on minds. learning to pause, to observe, to listen without judgment, learning to drop identicication with the minds consant stream of illusions, while still nurturing the creative flights of fancy. unless we can appreciate how powerfully our thoughts direct our experience of reality we are doomed to an unconscious existence filled with automatic responses.
it was socrates who said that to "know thyself" is the greatest of human endeavors, yet most people (myself included) are regretably ignorant about the operation, as well as the moment to moment content of their minds.
i feel the need to change. |
|
|
| my first spurs game was kick ass! |
[Mar. 7th, 2008|10:12 am] |
last night val and i went to go see the spurs vs. indiana, ah it was so cool. the players look like giants even from our high up, awesome, seats. box seats. delicious free food, free desert, free parking, free tickets! and we watched the whole game from the comfort of our lazy boys on wheels. the spurs won. traffic blows. a pit stop at HEB. a crisis averted. all in all it was a good night.
 perfect view  fancy seats, and getting friendly advice from the real rich people about etiquette things  cute little blimp floating around  tiny dancers  spurs cyote  val and i
also just now, good news about my car! i'm getting it back from the shop today. turns out there is nothing wong with my engine after all, thankgod. just needed a new fuel filter and to screw the gas cap on a little tighter. easy as pie.
now it's time to pack my bags. i need a weekend of love.
|
|
|
| ....i'm a jerk. i know it. |
[Feb. 28th, 2008|03:47 pm] |
today in philosophy i was partnered with someone, who i think might be retarded. at first i was irritated because working with this guy is a real nightmare. he contributes nothing and when i ask for his thoughts or opinions, they never make any sense or are completly irrelavent from the task at hand. but as class dragged by i started to wonder if there was maybe something not quite right about this kid. he looks completley normal. red hair, freckles, a little bit of blonde stubble and dry skin, but his mannerisms are just.. a little off. his eyes are big and he always has this "i'm surprised and confused at the same time" look on his face. he wears a really big backpack thats ajusted really high, and he runs from place to place like the little white rabbit in alice and wonderland. and his hand writing is really bad.
not that any of those things matter, i've heard studies saying that its actually better for your back to wear backpacks higher up on the back (for posture sake)and maybe all his classes are back to back which requires him to always be in such a big hurry. and bad handwriting i'm sure is more common now a day with more and more use of keyboards, but still. it was really really bad.
plus he was writing with one of those thick pens. you know, the fancy ones doctors use or the kind business men give eachother for gifts. they look nice and sturdy and easy for clumsy fingers to wrap around. i have no idea at all.
if there is something going on of course i would understand and give him a break, but i can't tell if there is something or if he is just an idiot who doesnt want to do any of the work. i have a hard time imagining the professor would pair me with someone who would not be able to handle it. right now i'm doing all the work anyway but i at least want to know if i have a right to complain and tell this guy to get with it and do his share or if i have to just suck it up and carry on. i feel like i lose no matter what.
if i ask him to get with it, he might have a disability and be embarrassed that he can't actually do it. we would still be in the same situation only he would feel bad about himself and probably hate me.
if i ask him if he's retarded, and he is, i will feel aweful and no doubt be in serious trouble. if he isn't, he might be insluted enough to feel inspired to actually contribute.
what to do..
what to do. |
|
|
| i need more sleep...Zzzzz |
[Feb. 26th, 2008|09:13 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
today has been a strange day. i feel like someone has swallowed my soul and an imitation rachel zombie is walking around in my place and doing all the things i should be doing but this zombie is doing instead. i can't remember shit. i pour a glass of water and put it down and it's gone. i pour another glass and it disappears like the other. who's taking my water? where is my left ballet slipper? why can i only find one of my shoes? everything tastes weird. in elementry school we did this experiment where your blindfolded and you hold your nose and then take a bite of apple and then a bite of raw potato, but because you can't smell they both taste the same, that is how everything has been tasting today. in yoga today i knocked over my water and got it all over the person next to me :( and then after i got a hair trim and bought a leave in conditioner that smells like hamsters. yeah.. |
|
|
| close call! |
[Feb. 24th, 2008|10:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
we all were really lucky driving home from austin firday night. i had riden up with rene, jaime and abe to go watch their show at the red scoot inn. after driving through all the back allies and graffiti covered houses to find the bar, my nerves had finally settled down once the boys had unloaded and we were inside and i could see some familiar faces again. it was a pretty neat place, a little spooky on the outside but on the inside it was full of happy hipsters, and sort of felt like i was standing around in someone's back yard. kate and nicole showed up which turned out to be a lot of fun and we drank and danced and i tried not to bounce around too much since i had been asked to videotape. who knows what time we left, i had been escorted back to the van earlier to go lay down. too many pink drinks and too much bouncing started to give me the spins and before we left austin we got a couple tacos from cabana.
the drive from austin to beorne isnt really that long. maybe two hours from where we were, and we were almost home. less than a driveway away, when jaime had fallen asleep at the wheel and we ran off the road. we had all fallen asleep. rene stretch out along the back seat and me curled up into a ball in the passengers seat. i woke to the sounds of jaime yelling, which was the scariest fucking thing in the world, and i could no longer see the road and we were crashing through branches, which make an aweful high pitched scrapping sound along the metal. like fingernails on a chalkboard but much louder and way worse.
jaime and i were yelling so loud we didn't even hear the sounds of glass braking and windows shattering. rene had been thrown to the floor and my heart had moved up into my throat when i reached back and could not feel him in the seat. everyone was ok. rene got cut up a little bit on the glass. when the windows broke they shattered in, instead of out, so glass had sprayed on the inside. everyone is a little sore but we're all ok. we accidently took out their neighbors mailbox also. the crazy thing is, when they went to go tell the neighbors what had happend, she said the last people who ran into her mail box got killed from hitting that same tree head on.
whoa..
 where we ran off the road (you can sort of see the tracks).  we hit a tree and kept going..  side of the van :*(  cracked windshield  missing back window  jaime finding pieces of the car along the road. sad |
|
|
| |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|02:53 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | content | ] |
i may suck in my math class, but i for sure kick ass in my psyc class. during my brake i went to walk the trail by the back soccer field and ended up falling asleep in the grass, on my homework, and showed up to class with leaves in my hair. no one said anything to me the whole time. i only realized just now. i feel funny haha and my stomach feels weird from eating that tunafish sandwich that got all hot because i left it in my car. yoga in an hour my body has learned to breath deeper.
i love bonus questions |
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
undercoverfox's journal