More or less, my roommates are asking me to move.
so they can move in one of their friends.
I suppose it's more complicated than that,
but I'm too tired to write right now.

I'm sick of moving.

Above is a map of all the places I've lived in New York.

got your message.

will reply soon.

was unemployed for most of July.

is really really broke. for real.

had a panic attack a few weeks ago and ended up in Philly with Justin for a weekend.

is considering getting some affordable professional therapy.

thought about you a few days ago.

had a kitty nap on her stomach while reading comic books that Saturday afternoon.

has dated a boy for the past two months and is a better and happier person for it.

lost that thing that you wrote for her.

bought some new headphones.

loves her mom.

needs a new deodorant.

maxed out her card last week to buy an airplane ticket to Ukraine.

will send you a post card if you send her your address before tomorrow afternoon.

misses you a lot.

won't be able to meet you at the airport.

spends a lot of down time there.

is subletting her apartment.

bought a hamster and named him Lenny.

is slowly but surely working on some projects.

saw you do coke.

updates her tumblr blog more than you.

has trouble saying those things to him.

wishes she hadn't had to do that but doesn't know how to undo what had occurred.

thought you were ok but wished for more.

lost her cellphone this morning and hasn't stopped whining about it.

will probably need your number when she comes back.

can't fucking believe you.

M: Do you smoke weed? 7/28/06

Jon: You can't answer my call because of Michael Jackson videos? pff. 7/28/06

Mattie: Fear is the mere lack of love. 8/15/06

Max: Stay food empty please.
Fivington confirmed. Buzz pending. 8/16/06
/last time I saw Max in NY for dinner/

Ashley: At Shakespeare's Books. Reminds me of you
+ stories of the resident kitty. Let's play soon! 8/16/06
/I miss you, Ash/

Max: I am alone on the bus (in Jacksonville) with a gay overweight black man who
is aggressively hitting on me. 8/17/06

Scott: Hey, I'm taking a Greyhound to your city this weekend. We should hang out.
Maybe selling zines in warm weather. L broke up with me. Thus the rash travel. 8/24/06
/the last time I sold zines in Union Square. A very sad but nice visit from Baltimore Scott/

Anon 1: I don't mean 2 bother you but, do u live in NY? If so, I want 2 know if we can talk
and get 2 know each other better and become friends in the future possibly? If not, lemme know
and I'll leave u alone. 8/29/06
/The first guy who called me when someone posted my # in the Casual Encounters section.
He was nice enough but texting me about wanting to be friends after I said I wasn't the one who posted the ad,
was a little much, regardless of intentions./

Anon 2: YOUR NUMBER IS ON CRAIGSLIST.
( ... )

I just realized that 'I hope you got/get laid'
has become my most recent version of 'Have a good day' or 'Be well.'

Not that I say it to everyone, but if I really like the person..why not?

I mean it.

Justin and I gorging on ice cream on a late Monday night.

There are a bunch of new old photos on my flickr right now.
I scanned them many many months ago
but somehow didn't bother to upload.
I don't think they're quite as good as the first two batches
I put up sometime ago, but they might still be interesting to look at.

today was good.
i feel good about today.

I'm starting to prefer these multi-layer bi-weekly updates.
They're surprisingly easier to write than the second-by-second event snapshots
I used to do almost daily 2003-2005.
There's a little more context, there's a little more thought.

No doubt I'll miss re-reading first impressions in the future,
but third impressions can be more filling and less embarrassing,
even if they are revealing.

---
MID-MAY CRUSH

To start with, I'd like to mention that I'm unfiltering most of the friends-only entries
from last month. The overwhelming 2-week crush on X has faded as quickly
as it revealed itself. It made me sad to let it go, but it was obviously based on a misunderstanding ( ... )

---
HOUSE

It's possibly the grimiest and smallest (at least my room, not the house as a whole) place I've lived in,
and I LOVE it.

( ... )

---
STEVE

There are still strings here and I'm not sure what to do, so I've been taking things one step at a time,
adjusting myself to the daily fluctuations of our morphing ..relationship.

A certain degree of affection will never fade.
A year with a person is not something you can amputate.
Nonetheless, ( ... )

---
WORK

I had a chance to get a full-time permanent job. I refused it.
Though it doesn't seem like it, it was the most adult decision I've made in a while.

( ... )

---
DATING

After the two-week stint at the patent office
(Which bytheway, was interestingly enough my first real 9 to 5 job.
I don't think I've ever worked anything but 10 to 6 before..),
I had an entire week off.

It was amazing.

I'd placed an ad the previous weekend
and took advantage of my time off to go on a few dates.

( ... )

---
PROJECTS

Working on a post-it note ptoject.
I'm pretty into it and it may take me the summer to finish, so I think I'll postpone revealing the details.

I may, however, post photos of the progress, as things begin to move along more steadily.

Re-writing issue 2 of the Zine.

Printed a few copies of FUCKYOU and was about to mail them
but they disapeared into local hands. Will buy more paper and ink
and will try again quite soon (=next week at latest).

Remember that while I am not here I am still often HERE,
posting videos and links and other observations that seem a little out of place here
but may still be of interest.

I have seven Matt's in my phonebook right now, and that's not counting Steve who is also a Matt by origin.

Matt C.-introduced me to kareoke, "just funny enough"..generally difficult to describe

Matt Handy-makes a zine about beards

Matt Howard-architect extraordinaire and general smart-dude about town

Matt T.-too handsome for his own good

Matt Wittman-amazing mover slash drummer boy

Matthew F.-subtle & a fantastic dresser

Mattie-telephone friend and boy scout

I have my first real date with a girl on Friday night.
Oh, shit.

Scared? Yes.
Does she look like a cute, femme version of Beck? Uh yeah.


---
Furthermore,
I've been posting more stuff at http://ksen.tumblr.com/ these days than here. Still, my internet connection is awkward and my entry about my busy past week of new job & being duped out of 80$ has been post-poned.
Maybe I'll write it tonight. We'll see.

drawing ksen from ksen. on Vimeo

---


stay hungry from ksen. on Vimeo

I'm all over the Internet. At one point or another, I have signed up for nearly every major social networking/sharing/dating website there is.
Myspace, Facebook (I keep meaning to delete my profile..), Consumating (I kind of miss it, but probably won't be back for a while yet, if ever), Ljo, Flickr, OkCupid (that site looks like Match.com now..), and Spring Street Personals are just the first to come to mind. There are plenty of others.

I like seeing how these webs work, what kind of people I can find, and how I can skewer my personality in yet another format.

Nonetheless, I've been avoiding a few. I only signed up on YouTube when I had trouble embedding videos in my blog. I like adding videos to my favorites. I don't post videos or leave comments.

The same goes for Vimeo. I've been on it plenty. I just never considered signing up and posting my own clips.

---
Then my mom started posting videos on YouTube. It was weird.

It feels so much more..what's the word?..public. Extremely private blog posts and photos don't make me flinch anymore. It feels natural to talk about personal ongoings and illustrate one's latest projects and social outings through snapshots. It's a way to meet people and get a clearer sense of oneself.

Video just seems...excessive.

Sure, there are people who can do it well. I just never thought I could.

Maybe part of my avoidance has for practical reasons. I simply don't have adequate tools. My digital camera records no more than 30 seconds of crappy video at a time, my phone's video contents has been impossible to transfer to my computer, and so the only "real" camera I'm left with is the iSight on my Mac. This would be useful if I was a video blogger, but I'm not. I'm not extroverted enough, nor do I find speaking as comfortable as writing. Not to my computer, at least.

---
Still, I feel like I've been missing out.

As an avid promoter of online personal archiving and communication, I feel it's silly for me to be so fearful of how video will effect people's perception of me. More importantly, I'm interested in exploring the art of the video snapshot. I'm starting small. A few weird videos of myself drawing and (un)eating cookies.

Hopefully it'll grow from there. Hopefully, I'll make something of real interest for others or my future self.

MY NEW TUMBLR SITE,
a more public blog of sorts, centered on movies and books and music I don't mention here.

Let's see if I can keep up.

Saw Brand Upon the Brain! tonight.
The live version--with Isabella Rossellini narrating to the left of us
and the orchestra up front, the foley artists too, distracting me all the while.

It was amazing

and increased my recent girl lust terribly.

---

ACCEPTING BOOK SUGGESTIONS

I've been searching and searching for the right book to read recently.
I need something that refers to identity and/or relationships and is overall uplifting
without being too simplistic or cheesy.

Any ideas?

I've been reading "house of leaves" and re-reading Barthes' "Lover's Discourse"
but my craving is very specific and has yet to be sated.

the following was sent to mr. mccrushsicle
at 1:30 am tonight.


+
an mp3 of GET A LOAD OF MY FAGGOT WHISTLE.

yes.

if sending such things to a boy you like
is not the thing to do
then i will never love again.