Tuesday, January 8th, 2008
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11:29 pm - The REAL reason she is in it to win it
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Ya know, there is a sick, sadistic part of me that has a Zach Braffian mental fantasy that the only reason Hillary is running for President is so she can win, take over the White House, get fingered by an intern in the Oval Office, look Bill in the eye and go "HA! I waited 10 fucking years to get you back! Whatchu know 'bout Hillary?...no seriously, we're getting a divorce now". That part of me has tremendous respect for her.
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(comment on this)
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Friday, January 4th, 2008
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3:00 pm - Public Displays of Idiocy
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Over the holidays I happened into my friendly neighborhood Target for some post-Christmas activities. Whilst walking through the "Books" section of the store, I happen upon an elderly lady (I'd say in her 60's somewhere) talking on her cell phone, blissfully unaware that it was, in fact, on speakerphone. I guess in order to compensate for this, she decided to deliver her own contribution to the conversation at about a 7 on the volume scale. I couldn't really make out what the "live via speakerphone" participant said, but as you'll see, I preferred having this woman's part out of context. Bear in mind that throughout this, I am literally following this woman through the store, trying to look inconspicuous and failing miserably.
Woman: "Well he got married at the justice of the peace the first time and look how that turned out?"
Speaker: mufflemufflemuffle
Woman: "Look, I'm not trying to be overbearing, but I am putting my foot down. He is getting married in a church, I don't care if she is
Japanese, I am not tolerating any other religions."
I lost her here for a second and picked back up at:
Woman: "You know this is a really weird conversation to be having in Target."
Woman: "I don't even know her last name, what is it?"
Speaker: mufflemuffle
Woman: "What? Nika..niki...nikma...I can't even say that."
Woman: "Then what is her first name?"
Speaker: muffle
Woman: "Huh?!? Yoshim...Yosha...see you can't even say it! So that's where we are."
Woman: *looks back at me for the 15th time as I am pretending to be VERY interested in potted plant accessories*
Woman: "Look I have to go, I can't be having this conversation here."
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 26th, 2007
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11:55 pm
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Turk: "You're watching Sesame Street?"
Elliot: "You know when I was a kid, I had my first sex dream about Mr. Hooper. At least...I think it was a sex dream...he was trying to choke me."
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, December 19th, 2007
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11:25 am
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From the Office:
Kelly: "You better not hurt that little bat."
Creed: "Animals can't feel pain."
Kelly: "Don't hurt that bat! It's a living thing with feelings and a family!"
*bat swoops down on Kelly*
Kelly: "Kill it! Kill it! Kill it!"
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, December 15th, 2007
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10:30 am
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So I haven't posted in my journal in over a year. This is partially due to the fact that I have other online forums (facebook, etc). This is also partially due to the fact that I am locked up in a lab all the time and don't really hear too many funny things to post. I found something that was just so perfectly LJ worthy though, that I'm going to post it (here) and make a concerted effort to post more.
This is, swear to god, Dale Earnhardt Jr 's candy bar:
http://purestock.tv/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/09/photo_091907_001.jpg
To beat a comedic horse, for those that don't know, a "Big Mo" is a common phrase used to describe a particularly flamboyant homosexual (mo being an abbreviation of that very word). Classic. Can't make this shit up.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Friday, October 27th, 2006
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12:22 pm - Evil
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Saturday, October 7th, 2006
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4:16 pm - money well spent
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Child: "What did you study in college daddy?"
Dad: "Engineering. And you know what? I don't remember any of it."
I can't wait to say this to a patient.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, September 27th, 2006
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10:55 am
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Sunday, September 17th, 2006
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11:19 am - Jon Stewart For President
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9:22 am
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Friday, September 8th, 2006
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11:21 am - BhuTang Clan
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Oh how I love the Bhuvan-isms!
Best. Biology teacher. Ever.
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, August 24th, 2006
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5:36 pm - I love Morbo
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Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
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12:59 pm
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In the elevator on the FIRST floor....
Dentite, to getting on elevator: "Going up?"
No, she's going down, tooth fairy.
Also written in this dental elevator is 2 things:
"dookie" (which I haven't heard out of the mouth of anyone but Nobles and 12 year olds) and "NKOTB" which you may remember as the abbreviation for New Kids On The Block. They're so weird.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, August 21st, 2006
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1:24 pm - Fun With Taboo
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For those of you who don't know, Taboo is a game where you are given a word, and must get your teammates to guess that word without using the 5 related "taboo" words. That being said, hilarity ensues.
This word was Credit.
Mona: "Oh! I have bad..."
Avni: "Breath!"
Steven "Posture!"
This one was Freckles.
Mona: "Um I have these all over my body."
Avni: "Zits!"
Steven: "Pimples!"
This one was Dreams.
Avni: "I have scary..."
Mona: "Hair!"
The word is Sailors.
Emma: "Ok so they're always in boats...they come in boats..."
Sharmin: "Hispanics!"
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, August 17th, 2006
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1:38 pm
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Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
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10:08 am - Dr. Phil's replacement?
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Two Ditzy girls in the coffee shop talking about ending a relationship:
Ditz #1: "You can just tell him that you aren't going to date him, and then you can explain to him why if you want. But you dont' have to explain yourself. That reminds me of something my mom always says."
Ditz #2: "What does your mom always say?"
Ditz #1: "You don't ever have to explain yourself."
Ditz #2: "I like that."
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
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11:21 am
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Monday, August 7th, 2006
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4:05 pm - But what if that's what I'm looking for?
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So yes, I've joined the unholy legion of myspace. That being said, if you've ever been there, you know that they have a million ads for dating services and the like on there. So I just checked my account and an ad popped up that said (shit you not):
True.com: we screen for felons and marrieds.
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, August 6th, 2006
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1:24 pm - Julia Sugarbaker: Gangsta
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Saturday, August 5th, 2006
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2:13 pm - for those of you looking for xmas ideas for me...
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ugaryan's journal