![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
Rumbles and Grumbles
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
8:47AM - constantly amazed
it is amazing how much i dislike the people in my class. the stupidity of all my classmates constantly amazes me and throws me into fits of rage. literally there is no one in my classroom that doesn't make me violent. i leave school wanting to throw things, kick puppies, punch infants, and generally mow down anyone on the road in front of me. small things that just sort of irritated me in the beginning have now turned into burning hatreds that i will hold within me for all time. beeman is fine. in fact, he's probably the only one that doesn't send me into fits of rage... most of the time. i realize i'm a bitch and that i should be used to disliking people but it is amazing, truly. the sergeant in my class constantly brings me to the verge of assaulting an nco. if it's not the twitches and tapping of feet or pencils or anything within reach of his hands, its his freaky breathing or the whistling through his nose or the farting in class or just the sound of his voice or the petulant sighs whenever he doesn't know a word (which is at least 10 times in every class hour). every break i have to listen to my headphones so that i can drown out the voices discussing the most retarded things, with the most close-minded and arrogantly unbalanced opinions i've heard in a very long time. the marine has his holier-than-thou attitude alot. when he's not being ultra christian, he's fine, but sometimes... the other marine is just dumb and should be sent back to the fleet where he came from. the navy chick is the most naive 35 year old i've ever met and her laugh would give children nightmares. she has the most random opinions that i agree with half the time but she defends herself in such a way i don't want to associate myself with her in other people's minds. that and she gets randomly bitchy and freaks out about everything. what the fuck ever. my teacher last hour made me smile twice. not she caused me to smile because i was amused. she ordered me to smile so that we could go on with the class. people have been asking if i'm okay alot but what can i say "i hate your guts, get the fuck away from me"? not so conducive to a learning environment. what the fuck ever. looking forward to failing the test tomorrow and friday. after yesterday people are starting to understand how far behind we all are. i've known it for a while but no one would listen to me. it's not like i've been at DLI before, its not like i might know what the testing and everything here is like. they just told me that i don't know what the tests are like for arabic, that korean is different. actually its not. tests at dli are pretty much the same across the board, the questions they ask, speaking test, at least for cat 4 languages. now everyone is freaking out and telling me things that i've been saying for over a month now. anyway, i have to go and interact with morons now. lucky fucking me. why the fuck did i join again? oh yeah, because i'm stupid.
enragedFriday, April 7, 2006
9:50AM - still among the living
its been a minute or two since i've updated but that's mostly just because i've been busy and when i wasn't busy i was too preoccupied with enjoying not having to do anything. i've been promoted as i've said before, and i'm probably going to be getting my specialist next wednesday. also i took a mock pt test today (the first pt test of any kind since i've been here) and passed it with time to spare... which was a surprise to me. it's been a very long time since i've run two miles straight for a pt test... like since i was in the army the first time. anyway, i have no worries that i'll fail the pt test that's coming up whenever it's coming up (though i have every intention of riding my bike more so that my cardio stays up) and now i don't have to freak out about it. if only arabic were the same. our first test is next friday. technically it is the c1 test for us, but it is the old c1, c2, and c3 tests combined. yay for being a fucking pep class. anyway the teacher is here so i have to go. more later... i don't know when. just check in periodically. unless you just don't care, which makes me wonder why you are reading this in the first place.
Thursday, March 30, 2006
8:46AM - first class private
so i finally got velcro-ed this morning. took them long enough. according to my erb i've been a pfc for over a year which is pretty fucking cool since a year ago i wasn't even in the military. so that means that any time now i can be promoted to specialist. i just need to get my pay straight and it will be a goodness. im in class now so i'll talk to you all later.
oh, and i hate kids. no, not all kids, just the ones next door who think its okay to blare music at three oclock in the morning and not turn it off for a half hour while you pound on the wall. then at four twenty turn it back on when there is only ten minutes left until your alarm goes off. not that it really mattered since i wasn't able to get back to sleep after i woke up at three. fucking bastards. we are complaining to the management today
tiredMonday, March 20, 2006
1:44PM - my birthday
my birthday this year was actually the best one i've had in a long time. we ended up being zonked for pt so i got to go back to sleep. then, the day wasn't so bad except for having to deal with stupid people in my class. the navy chic is probably the only one that doesn't bother me. anyway, after class i went home and took a shower and then mike took me out to dinner at the forge in the forest in carmel. i got semi-dressed up and he definitely cleans up well. after dinner we went out to the crown and anchor and had a few drinks with cc and matt and some of mike's friends and then we went home. we had a few more drinks but then went to bed. the next day we all woke up with wonderful hangovers and went to breakfast and decided to go play mini-golf. they were all aghast that i had never played before. so then we all drove up to the boardwalk and got an all day pass and rode a bunch of the rides (which was not so great with my headache). it was awesome, i had so much fun. we played golf and i confirmed my belief that i have absolutely no skill with golf. after a full day in santa cruz, we came back and played a few games of sorry (the board game) and it was much the goodness. sunday i pretty much slept all day long because i've been running low on sleep. the down side to that was that i wasn't tired at all last night. so i took the rest of my cough medicine that had codeine (however you spell that) in it but instead of making me sleep, it made me sleep for an hour and a half and then i woke up. i woke up at 1, 2, 3:10 and then wasn't able to get to sleep after that. it makes me sleep really lightly and every sound and movement makes it so that i can't sleep. so i got about three hours and i'm all jittery and nauseous now. i can't concentrate in class but even with that i'm still getting more than everyone else is. anyway enough for now.
Monday, February 6, 2006
4:21PM - how easily things can change
today we started with our new company and PTed at 5 this morning. because charlie co was up to almost 500 people and the next largest company was just past 200, they decided to move the entire middle east II school over to foxtrot. i don't know why they chose us to be the unwanted bastard children but now we're stuck doing pt at 5 mon-thurs instead of mon, wed, and fri after class. not a big fan right here. class is going well... as well as can be expected. when i look ahead the night before i can actually follow along during class and not feel like i'm racing to understand everything and feeling overwhelmed. of course if the other people in class would do the same it would actually help the rest of us since the teacher has to constantly go over things again and again (like vocab) and then they get frustrated with us because it seems like we don't know anything. but today was an awesome day, even with morning pt. and when i got to his place after school, i was just in time to hurry him out the door to his class. smiles all around. and not five minutes later i hear a child's terrified screams from the apartment next door with a man's voice shouting obscenities while the wet sounds of hitting happen again and again and again. i could hear the child pleading for the man to stop while the man just kept cursing at him and beating him. and i could tell that the child was running away from the man since the screams grew faint and then closer. i waited for about 15 seconds to see if the man was just mad and was giving his melodramatic child a spanking, but it just kept going and going and going. in fact, it only stopped about a minute or so before the officer showed up and i was able to get off the phone with 911. right before the officer showed up, i saw a boy (i can only assume it was the child i heard) come outside crying his eyes out to get something out of the car. i only saw his front and didn't see any marks, but with the sounds coming from next door... i'll feel bad if it sounded a lot worse than it was and cps investigates them and overreacts but i think it was just as bad, if not worse, than it sounded. regardless, my wonderful mood went down in flames and now i'm sort of paranoid that the man is going to come over here to confront me about it. whatever, i did what i thought was right.
Thursday, February 2, 2006
5:33PM - update
this has to be quick because i have to leave for study hall, but odds are that if i say that i'll write later it will never happen. class is just how i imagined it would be: a mile a minute with no time to take a breath. everyone is assuming that things will slow down and we'll have time to absorb everything... i just shake my head and continue making flash cards for everything we learn. i've already told them what to expect and they don't want to hear my "negative" outlook for our class so i just keep it to myself knowing that the bet i made with one of the marines in my class is as good as won. he says we're not going to lose any more people from our class than they did with the last class. it's only five bucks, but it's the principle of knowing that i was right and he was wrong. anyway, off to study hall. maybe i'll write more later... then again, maybe not.
ciao
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
11:33AM
right... so... i know i haven't really updated at all... in fact i really haven't been in contact with anyone at all. i sort of fell of the face of the earth for a minute there. suffice it to say, i've had things going on that made updating my page not so high on my list of priorities. but i realized that with some people, this is the only way that they really know what's going on in my life.
i start class tomorrow and i'm torn between being psyched and being really fucking nervous. being in the army again takes some getting used to but at the same time it's just like riding a bike. you get into the routine of things and its just like you never left. formations and pt and dealing with nco's. christ on a crutch, i need to get promoted. most of the sergeants are cool, they see more than just my rank, but then there are the ones that have been e-5's for years and are pissed that they can't get their rockers and receive more respect and so they will take it out on anyone lower ranking than them. i talked to the education office yesterday and set up some times to CLEP out of four classes so that all i need to do is take a science class at MPC and i will receive an AA degree in korean. after i get done with arabic i'll be able to do that again (through a different program) and receive another AA in arabic. fucking awesome. i'll probably CLEP out of as many classes as i can while i'm here. it's free and it will make the amount of time i have to spend in college for my BA much much less. rock on.
i've been seeing someone for about a month now and i'm so twitterpated it's unreal. this man is absolutely amazing, he spoils me while at the same time he doesn't take much of my shit. he makes me laugh, good gods does he make me laugh. he has eyes that i fall into and a smile that is infectious. he's smart and witty and gorgeous and oh so ticklish. it's scary how well suited we are for each other in just about every aspect of our personalities. so much for not getting into anything serious... i wouldn't have it any other way.
okay, i'm at work and i shouldn't be typing this here so this will have to do for now. i'm alive and well and i'll talk to you later.
contentTuesday, December 27, 2005
9:07PM - exodus
at the moment i'm in georgia visiting with my grandmother, her boyfriend, her sister (my aunt sari), my uncle joe (sari's ex-husband), and my brothers. this is going to be the least relaxing vacation ever. on the 24th i flew to san antonio to spend xmas with sabine, the 26th i flew here to atlanta, the 29th i fly back to san antonio and then on the 1st i fly back to monterey. very hectic. xmas was great, sabine and i made artichokes and pasta for dinner with wonderful wine and gabby came over for a bit to visit. on the 25th sabine, art, kirt, and i went out to eat and then went and saw fun with dick and jane which was hysterical. we just hung out and sabine and i snapped at each other like usual and it felt like i was home. then the next morning at 0530 my plane left for here and i was beyond jet-lagged. spent yesterday with the boys, bruce, debbie, and lynnette and then they (minus the boys) left to go back to tennessee after dinner (which was absolutely delicious). today cole and travis taught me how to play spades (how wrong is that? my 13 (almost 14) year old brothers teaching me how to play spades) after they pummeled me when we were playing rumy (however you spell that). um... aside from that, oh, i got a phone call from a woman today asking why i was on her phone bill. this is happening alot recently and i'm really tired of it. when i was in ft wood, a friend and i became close and were essentially dating (at least what passes for it there) about the time that he broke up with his girlfriend. i can only assume that they are back together because she called me tonight wanting to know who the hell i was and why we had called each other so much. i just said that he was a friend of mine and we used to be stationed together. fuck, if it's not girlfriends, it's wives calling me. if one more woman calls me asking who the hell i am, i think i'm going to lose it. but in better news, i met a guy a couple of weeks ago (the night i got to monterey in fact) and we've really hit it off. he's an absolute sweetheart, funny, and totally hot, but the best part is he seems as smitten with me as i am with him... though, of course, this complicates things (only in my head) since i'm not looking for serious here, i'm not ready for it what with language training and getting back in the army and all. but this isn't a guy you have a fling with and move on. damn him for being wonderful. okay, i'm being rude, i need to get back to the table before my grandmother starts doing the dishes before i can... and the boys, too, of course (cheap labor hahaha). ciao.
Monday, December 19, 2005
2:55PM - i'm alive
life is... odd at times. i'm here in monterey... again. i'm sitting around waiting for my language to start... again. it's surreal being here. i sometimes feel like i'm turning into the person i was before, but at the same time i also realize how much i have changed from who i was then to who i am now. my relationship with NCO's is odd as well. i don't have the mindset of a private. i did before but so many of my friends are NCOs or close enough that my way of thinking evolved with theirs. parade rest? what's that? i have to remember to throw in a "sergeant" now and then when i'm talking to them. and for the most part, it's cool. they think of me as prior service and so do i. it's funny watching the kids from bravo being as professional as they know how to be, so precise. it looks exhausting. of course i might be getting away with it just because the NCOs are tired of getting it left and right. every once in a while i'll get a weird look, either from one of the sgt's or from one of the iet kids, and then i remember to pretend like i'm concerned about rank and all that. whatever. my class starts jan 19th and i've met a few people who are going to be in it so that's good. my uniform draws some looks and everyone wants to know how i got them if i'm prior service, so then i end up telling them that i got out, and then they want to know why. now it's gotten to the point where i just say "yeah, i gratuated korean and the army thought i was fat so i got out for a couple of years and now i'm back." most people are just like "oh, okay" but every once in a while i can see the term "shitbag" floating around behind their eyes. nothing less than i expected. hell, if i hadn't gotten out and someone told me that about them i'd probably have the same reaction. okay, i have to go change for PT. last friday i had my first PT in a while and it just happened to be a battalion run. that was oh so pleasant. later.
Friday, October 28, 2005
1:46AM - elizabethtown
"why didn't we take this road trip years ago?" indeed. and at the end i cried... for so many things. when the credits rolled i was dry eyed and looked at her and she looked at me... and then we cried on each others shoulders.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
2:00PM - i should have learned by now
i should know better than to write when i'm upset. it is inevitable that some things are misconstrued, some get blown out of proportion, and some are just me bitching about things to blow off steam. and if i had to wrtie i should have just kept it short and sweet: i got my feel-bads hurt and now she seems pissed at me for something that she's not talking to me about. because inevitably when i start writing, i'll try to justify myself. even when i write that i understand the whys i'll still say that i was upset because bla bla bla. none of this is directed at sabine because we'll talk today (i hope). this is more of a reminder to me. sabine and i are too much alike in too many ways... the problem is that sometimes those ways don't overlap, or at least not enough. whatever. i need to clean. and pack. gods help me.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
1:24AM - the perfect song
A young girl give me a good luck charm
Put a snake on my neck and a bird on my arm
Got one good leg cause the other went south
Got a brand new crutch and a brand new mouth.
I got a sheriff's name branded where I should have kept clean
If you get too close you're going to know what I mean
And I know when I'm old the only runnin gonna come
Away from my lips and the fork of my tongue
It only gets to me in times like these
And times like these are getting to me
Put your hand in the oven there's a heaven inside
It burns straight through but the devil don't mind
cause he takes what he wants and he finds what you hide
And it will buy you a place on the lower east side
I rolled a number last night and I walked in my sleep
I could feel all the nerves in the tips of my teeth
As they crumbled into dust and washed into the sea
Finally shut my mouth so I could hear myself think
It only gets to me in times like these
It only gets to me in times like these
It only gets to me in times like these
And times like these are getting to me
Monday, October 24, 2005
1:18AM - star light, star bright...
I'm losing my love of adventure
I'm losing all respect
For me and myself tonight
I wonder what happens if I get to
The end of this tunnel
And there isn't a light
I've worn down the treads
On all of my tires
I've worn through the elbows
And the knees of my clothing
And I'm stumbling down
The gravel driveway of desire
Trying not to wake up
My sleepy self-loathing
Do you ever have that dream
When you open your mouth
And you try to scream
But you can't make a sound
That's everyday starting now
That's everyday starting now
Don't tell me it's gonna be alright
You can't sell me on your optimism tonight
Don't tell me it's gonna be alright
You can't sell me on your optimism tonight
It's a stiff competition
To see who can stay up later
The stars or the street lights
And all they really want
Is to be alone with the darkness
No more wish I may
No more wish I might
It takes a stiff upper lip
Just to hold up my face
I gotta suck it up and savor
The taste of my own behavior
I am spinning with longing
Faster than a roulette wheel
This is not who I meant to be
This is not how I meant to feel
Do you ever have that dream
When you open your mouth
And you try to scream
But you can't make a sound
That's everyday starting now
That's everyday starting now
Don't tell me it's gonna be alright
You can't sell me on your optimism tonight
Don't tell me it's gonna be alright
You can't sell me on your optimism tonight
I don't think that I'm strong enough
To do this much longer
God, I wish I was stronger
This song could never be long enough
To express every longing
God, I wish it was longer...
Friday, October 21, 2005
10:55PM - athena's quest
i talked to my recruiter yesterday and followed daniel's and sabine's advice: i told him i would wait until MI opened up. he wants me to come in on monday to talk about it, to think about it over the weekend, but i've already made up my mind. and i think i will end it right there since i've been writing this with only one hand and it is starting to cramp as athena is binding my fingers together on my other hand.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
2:49AM - neverland... what a shame we aspire to reach a place that can never exist for long...
nights like this are the worst, and while normally there is wine involved, tonight i'm stone sober. nights like this are when i start to think, just sit and think, and then scenarios are played out in my mind. and it never fails, i think my way onto an avenue of thought that it is best to leave alone. and it always ends with me feeling like i'm five again and sick and the only thing that will make me feel better is my mom. and i can't even talk about it here. or anywhere. my guilt and my inadequacies and all of the mistakes that i've made... and the only thing left for me is to run with my feelings. if i cannot be worthy then i shall exacerbate my sorrows... i should have been catholic.. i'm good at punishing myself.
melancholyWednesday, October 19, 2005
6:15PM - to void or not to void.. my contract, that is
sabine thinks i should wait and enlist in the mos that i want so i won't get stuck as a medic (she talked to her commander and they both think meps is full of shit), daniel thinks i'm getting hosed and he's going to talk to branch tomorrow and he's offered to talk to my recruiter too, kevin said he would talk to branch too... i can't imagine having to deal with this without people who know what to ask and who to ask it of. the odds of me getting shafted are still pretty high, but at least i'm getting some help from people that i trust above almost anyone. but it's one of those things that i'm going to have to know this week so that i'll have time to get my contract voided if i have to... cross your fingers for me!
hopefulMonday, October 17, 2005
5:52PM - things never go the way i hope
no MI for me. they have no slots for it, at all. no 97E, no 98G, or C or 96B. no intel. there is no training to be had right now, and they don't know when anything will be available. so... they gave me medic (after trying to get me to consider fuel handler, shipping and receiving, cook, haz mat... i could barely contain my disdain... by that alone do i know i'm cut out for MI, snooty bastards that they are). i'm already looking two years down the road to when i'll be able to reclass into 97B... and i leave next week... or rather, i'm in the army next week. but my AIT is at fort sam, which is in san antonio. my head is still reeling from everything and i'm jumping between being terrified and having a panic attack at the suddenness of it all, and being relieved and somewhat excited about doing something. i'm just... i need sleep. i only got two hours of sleep this morning after the concert and i'd had some drinks there and i've only had a handful of french fries all day. spending 12 hours at meps is not my idea of a good time, and everyone hated me by the end of it because i was dead set on MI and only after they tried to find a slot in anything intel related all day without any sort of luck did i finally agree to listen to other options. and if i just can't handle it, so soon, the idea of that job, i can still back out, all the way up until wednesday. but honestly... while that is the only reason i didn't keel over at meps it can't really be an option, or rather, if i'm going to join the army, it's not a viable option. we'll see.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
4:58AM - unreal
tonight we were supposed to go get verana's tattoo and then hit up a club before she had to fly back to germany tomorrow... er, today. well the inking took forever (her skin just didn't take the ink, he had to go over it time and time again) and we didn't get out of there until 2:30. i rode back with jaila so kirt and verana could spend some time together and as soon as we walked in the door, kirt stops us, looking very serious, and then gives us a little quiz. first question: who is the only consistent person in nine inch nails? before i could even think, i blurted out trent reznor. silke:1; jaila: 0. at this point i'm like "oh i thought this was something serious." and he responds "it is serious." i'm like "sure, whatever." second question: what are the top three songs by nin? jaila's horrible with song names and i just say my favs: closer and hurt and i couldn't think of the name of the other one. (the correct answer was closer, hurt, and head like a hole) silke: 2; jaila: 0. third and final question: when is nin next playing in san antonio? at this point i just think he's being melodramatic about the whole "quiz" and i say "your mom." then i said, "i don't know, tomorrow?" and kirt then hands me a ticket to the nin concert that is taking place at 7:30. my mouth dropped open and i just couldn't close it. i'm psyched. kirt and scott were going to go, but scott has way too much to do and can't make it so kirt decided to see which of us was the bigger nin fan. i get to see nin tomorrow! for free!! woohoo!!! it's fucking glorious.
ecstaticSaturday, October 15, 2005
2:38AM - my recruiter called this morning...
er.. yesterday morning. my packet's approved and i'm going monday to get my job in writing. here's hoping for the best....
Navigate: (Previous 20 entries)