I walked into work today, energy drink in hand, ready to face the day.

My main kitchen manager walks up to me. "Ah, Society." (As in "Menace II," the word "Menace" being one of three words that rhyme with my name, etc.) "You, uh, can go home. Your schedule changes weren't approved by the head managers. So you've been given the night off. And talk to the cooks, get yourself something to eat, the managers will comp it tonight. Least we can do after you walked here."

So.

Here I am. San duties on a Saturday night.

Now HOW to spend it.

Maybe I'll take in that Dark Knight thing tonite...

I just don't know! This has NEVER happened to me, in my 8+ years of being employed, anywhere!

Current Music: Savatage ~ "Not What You See"

I think I have gastritis.

Current Music: Spacemen 3 ~ "Things'll Never Be the Same"

Oh, and by the way.

littlestink wins.

His name is Omar.

I liked it best.

Current Music: The Coup ~ "Busterismology"

I closed tonight, and now I close tomorrow, Sunday, and Monday. Fifteen straight days of closing shifts. 60 hours in 7 days. My next day off is Tuesday.

Buncha crap.

And really, people, how did this post not get more love? Come on, it's drawn just like Watterson. It's clever and awesome. Poop on you for not noticing.

Current Music: George Carlin ~ "Pyramid of the Hopeless"

MTV Prepares Rocky Horror Remake.

GOOD. Never has a franchise needed kicked and stomped on more than this one. Never have I wanted to boil alive an entire audience like I do the Rocky Horror audience. Bunch of loud, stupid troglodytes in lingerie hollering the same tired old crap for the past 33 fuckin' years. It is not brilliant, the songs are not good, and several thousand jerks need to find something better to do with their weekends and midnights.

I will personally exult in the tortured "NOOOOOO!"s and "This can't be happening!"s being shouted by the thousands around the world who didn't want it to be. Hollywood's been eating it's own tail for the past decade. This was almost overdue. As far as I'm concerned, this is a bite of sweet cherry cheesecake after the asswater that was the Watchmen trailer.

"It's just a jump off a bridge..."

Current Music: Flaming Lips ~ "If I Go Mad (Funeral In My Head)"

And I have a 13th one tomorrow. But then I'm off Sunday! Hoo-hah!

Until then, I find reasons to smile:



Guess who. :)

Current Music: Don Cherry ~ "Togetherness"

Today on the perspective forum?

One Paul Verhoeven, director of such films as Robocop, and the infamously depressing Showgirls.

Get to it.

Current Music: Ephel Duath ~ "My Glassy Shelter (Dirty White)"

Poll #1229009 Hurry up and buy!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

If you were me (and granted, there are only a few who are) and you had the cash (which, as me, you do right now), which would you rather purchase?

Current Music: Solomon Burke ~ "Don't Give Up On Me"

There's a thing people do, that couples do, particularly, that pisses me off. Like, a great deal. Like, wishing I was a dyed-in-the-wool xenomorph, the kind that has acid spittle and burning blood.
I'm glad I couldn't find any pictures of it. It means that there aren't any to speak of. Either that or I don't know the proper name of it, which suits me fine.
It is the practice perpetrated by the male (it always is) of grabbing his female partner from behind, by the waist, and then pressing his pelvis to her ass. Like a form of walking spooning. They often either rock back and forth afterward, or worse, they try and walk, making them look like two stupid people who got off the same stupid horse.
I hate this more than any other kind of public display of affection, because it really makes less sense than anything else I've seen. "Hey baby, I'm pretending my dick's in your ass! Now let's try walking!" I don't get it at all. Is there even a point to it, besides looking like total fucking morons? If someone has a better explanation out there, I'm all ears.

On the lighter side of things...when I went to the zoo with Beth and T.Q., T.Q. did what Dads do to surprise their children...she bought me something I mentioned earlier in the day that I wanted. He's a lovely creature, a dark, purplish squid, some 2 feet long, tentacles and all. However, I've had this beautiful fellow for almost two weeks, and I still don't have a name for him. It's plain unfair to him, being the second-biggest stuffed animal in my collection, to be completely unidentified among such fine company as Tang Uraniumkins, Louis, Jefferson Twlight, Right Said Fred and Sterence.
So, I need your help, LJ friends and family.

Poll #1228799 Name Me a Squid
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

What should I name my squid?

Current Music: Venetian Snares ~ "Kyokushin"

Hello? Livejournal?

Current Music: Tom Waits ~ "Heigh Ho"

I sat down with the second of my rentals today, that being Bubba Ho-Tep, the celebrated independent sleeper starring Bruce Campbell as a retired Elvis Presley, living in an East Texas rest home.

And it certainly has a lot going for it, going in. Directed with capable old-school horror chops by Don Coscarelli, (the man behind the ever-growing Phantasm series) and featuring some truly odd storytelling, as well as starring both the world-class chin of Bruce Campbell and the venerable Ossie Davis in a daring role.

See if you can find anything normal about this plot: it is the present (which at the time of filming, roughly 2002). The real Elvis Presley is alive and..sort of well, and as previously stated, living in a rest home. As it turns out, the Elvis we all knew to be dead was the impersonator, who was supposed to switch places with the real one once the fame and stress died down. Unfortunately, he had a bad heart, and the paperwork cementing the clandestine deal went up in a freak barbecue accident.

So, the real Elvis languishes in obscurity, ruminating on his life and his past. In fact, that's what a great deal of the movie is; most of it is weathered Campbell-Elvis waxing philosophical in his own head about old age, infirmity, sex, what he'd ever do should he see his daughter again, how he treated Priscilla while they were together. He comes to a number of realizations, one being that his love for life had long since passed him, and aside from eating, sleeping and thinking about sex, he'd not given time to anything else in "two presidencies."

The only person who'll listen to him in the whole rest home is an elderly black gentleman named Jack (Davis), who believes himself John F. Kennedy, recovered from the assassination attempt, dyed black and abandoned in the rest home by Lyndon Johnson. Surprisingly level-headed for a man obsessed with the idea that the dead are coming back for him, he is the motivated center of this movie, the perfect compliment to the battered, tired Campbell. Whereas Elvis is aimless, despondent and effectively disinterested in all that he assesses, Jack is focused, knowledgeable and has a contingency for everything that comes his way.

After being suddenly attacked by a scarab beetle in his room, Elvis believes something is amiss. He and Jack find some hieroglyphics written on a bathroom stall, which lead them to believe that a number of the rest home are being assailed by an ancient, soul-sucking Egyptian mummy, and set about to stop it.

Though there is certainly some subtext about the value of what we leave behind, the focus is largely Elvis' numerous bed-ridden epiphanies: the good things passing him by, the bad things being all his fault, leaving a lasting mark on the world at large. Perhaps looming largest...what we do with our lives is most important...who we do them with, and surprising graciousness in the face of inevitability.

I would say that it's good for what it was...a low-budget affair, something that needs to be reliant on B-grade, silly storytelling and the strength of its actors. Our two stars compliment each other as could be expected, and kudos to whoever cast them. Bruce Campbell brings a great deal of energy and humor to the B-est of B-grade movies, and Ossie Davis is nothing less than wonderful as a man who believes his brain has been replaced with sand.
And while the jokes are as tired as b-grade movie jokes go, you have to appreciate the fact that a mummy is the perfect choice of monster to assail people living in a rest home. Second in ponderous slowness only to Frankenstein's monster (and only when Frank ain't focused on anything), the mummy's gait is matched by people on walkers and in electric wheelchairs. Young people with enough werewithall need only jog briskly to avoid them. But the elderly? Easy pickings for the slowest land-monster in moviedom.

Voice-actor note: you won't catch his name in the credits, as can be expected, but when the mummy catches fire, listen for the trademark beast-howl of one Frank Welker.

Not great, but good. Pleasing. And it's given me a little to think about, as well. Recommended for the b-movie enthusiast in your life, and people who just like Bruce Campbell, who may be the best Elvis Impersonator in the world.

Current Music: Sam Cooke ~ "A Change Is Gonna Come"

See, you use the butterfly net to catch the faeries, DUB-ya, THEN you put them in the bottles. Just another poor yutz who apparently never played A Link to the Past, the best Zelda game ever made.

Current Music: George Carlin ~ "Dumb Americans"

It would figure that the swamp-mouthed loons who run Damon's would just forget to schedule a dishwasher for Tuesday, and would just spring that on me the instant I walk in the door today.
This means my next day off is Sunday. And I'm closing every day until then.

It would doubly figure that today would be the day that Mundo Fine, my forever stand-by MP3 player, would seize up for 10 minutes, reactivate without prompt with everything deleted, and then resist any and all further attempts to put any music back on him. The software is bluntly telling me that, while I have nothing on him, he's completely full.

So, yeah, pardon me if I seem a little stir-crazy and grouchy these next couple of days.

Current Music: Raekwon ~ "Can It Be All So Simple"

In the past 2 hours, Zack & I:
- Helped break into the old apartment to snare Zack's cell phone (a reason and a story behind it, I assure you)
- Went a-hunting for Japanese trapdoor snails
- Got caught in one of the world's goofiest traffic jams
- Bought a brand-new vacuum cleaner (for me)
- Cleaned a refrigerator and an oven, and shampooed a carpet

And I have to leave for work in about 20 minutes. Fun times for all involved!

Current Music: Ephel Duath ~ "Ironical Communion (Amber)"

A week's worth of closing shifts have given me the hands of a longshoreman.

Current Music: Gruff Rhys ~ "Gwn Mi Wn"