Gave Danny the boot.

A man can live with another man messing with his xanga, but when he drinks the last of the Crystal Light without making more... continually... well, enough is enough.

And then there were three.

Me, Alan Moulder, and Daisy-May. (Jerome Dillon's a robot and Leo's just a dirty old pervert).

Made nin.com all black and pretty. Like this:

Then I went to go get a beer, and when I came back, Rob was off his chain (Daisy's been gnawing at everything these days) and was typing feverishly at nin.com. It turned into this useful horror:

WTF? I'm trying to make it go back to its old state again, but Rob did something to the website so now it's perpetually useful... I do not want this.

nin.com is no longer sanctioned by Trent Resner. How dare it be of any help to anyone. I'm sorry, pigs. I'll try to make it go down as soon as possible.

Went to another Bowie concert. A while ago. Not sure when. Was kinda trashed. I think. Um. Nice people. Yeah. David was cool. Yeah. He was. Uh. Fuck.

Yeah.

You guys need to start believing I'm dead, man. Can't a guy take a break for once? "Do your album. Do your side-projects. Do another music video. Do me. Prove you're alive, dumbfuck. Give me news to make fun of you, PLS!!!"

I'd like to take the opportunity to tell Meathead I still love him, but unfortunately I'm too lazy busy to help him out.

13 more days until my b-day!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!1111 I expect lots and lots and lots of pretty pressies from all of you!!!!!!!!!11

Cannot believe Danny's nerve. Asshole. And of course his password would be "avrillavigneishott". Punkophile.

Cannot believe Meathead's either. HOW DARE HE MAKE A COMPLETELY BLACK PAGE FOR HIS SITE? THAT IMAGE IS COPYRIGHTED AND PATENTED FOR TAPEWORM.NET.

Lo and behold:

Um. Oops. Sorry. Here's the right one:

Oh.

Shit!

Maynard changed my perfect layout for the tapeworm page! Goddammit! I'm calling him right now! I deserve an answer!

--wait. No. Shit. I'm supposed to be dead.

Sorry.

I said Trent, "Dude, you suck, man. WTF?"

He just replied, "Go update my xanga yourself, you motherfucking pig."

So I typed in motherfuckingpig for the password, and hijacked his xanga.

I now hereby name this xanga-- The Diary of Danny Lohner! I just kicked your ass, Trent!

*LOL*, Avril Lavigne is hott. I'll be back, I need to close all my porn windows.

-Yours Truly, Daniel Lohner.

EDIT: You suck, n00b. -Trent.

EDIT: No, you suck. -Danny.

EDIT: Bitch. -Trent.

EDIT: Double Bitch. -Danny.

EDIT: Ha! I changed my password! -Trent

EDIT: Damn, I can't figure it out... oh well, at least you'll never figure out how to sign out of xanga. -Danny

Dear fans,

My last entry was not mine at all. It was just Rob again. Jesus. But anyway, it brought me to my senses.

I'm sorry I haven't posted in a long time, but it's because... well, I regret to inform you, but I'm dead. No, really. My silver Porsche flipped over, and an alligator bit my head off. Yeah. So. I'm dead. No Bleed Through, or Bleedthrough, or whatever the fuck the ouija board spelled out that one day. Yeah. I don't have to put a new record. Ever. Because I'm dead. No, really. I'm dead. DEAD, goddammit. Why won't you believe me? I died on Mardi Gras, for fuck's sake. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Yeah, I know that was a while ago, but since when was I timely with anything?

Dude, your god is dead. Get over it, so I can play video games and fuck off without more people bugging me molder in the grave, deadlike. You want proof? Check this out. I am so dead. It is not Photoshopped at ALL whatsoever.

So long, pigz!

-Michael T. Resner. (leave me alone!)

Sorry dudes and dudettes...I was just not</> reading Echoing the Sound and remembered this place. You know how I've been working on Bleed Through (Bleedthrough) and shit. It's tough work and I've been busy.

I can't believe you pigz accuse me of being meathead!! To prove to you that we are different people, I made this diagram!!

Hopefully you won't mistake us again!

I'm worried my fans are getting upset about there being no new album. As some of you might have heard...I've started golfing. If Mario can do it, so can Trent, damnit. Also, I bought FFXI online, which eats up my time like Rob eats up the crumbs I leave around my crib. The new album is gonna be so experimental, yo, and it will leave you breathless. Even though I haven't written any of it  finished it, I can already tell it will rock the world. Fuck The Fragile...it's nothing compared to what Bleed Through (Bleedthrough) will be.

Maynard's such a fag.

Blablablablablah. "Don't drink all my Dom Perignon 1735 or whatever the fuck this expensive shitty wine is." "Don't touch my expensive wall hangings." "Don't touch my guitar. All you do is smash them." "Don't try to trick me, I know you can only do two bar chords." "Don't bring the groupies inside the house. I'm trying to meditate." "No, we're not going to have an orgy! What if I catch one of your diseases!" "Don't let Daisy near the Siamese cats. I don't see why you had to bring the dog with you, you're just visiting."

What he doesn't understand is that Daisy is a PERSON, not just a dog. Fag. All the while, Danny's trying to make Maynard seem like a cool person.

"Trent, maybe if you put Daisy outside--" "Trent, we could have an orgy over at David Bowie's place--" "Trent, maybe you'd rather have this lollipop-- right? Right."

Fucktard. I DO NOT LIKE CHERRY LOLLIPOPS GET THAT INTO YOUR HEAD. I hate Los Angeles. I'm always obligated to visit Maynard when I'm in town.

Today, I met Mike Patton.

MIKE: Arr. *wheeze* How are you?
ME: Who the fuck are you?
MIKE: I'm a man.
ME: I can see that.
MIKE: Sorry I'm not wearing any clothes. I'm making an artistic statement.
ME: You look like you could use some Preparation H, my man.
MIKE: Yeah, I know. I'm Mike Patton, by the way.
ME: No, I'm not going to shake your hand. You just scratched yourself.
MIKE: Oh, sorry. You got any spare change?
ME: No, man.
MIKE: What's that jingling noise in your pocket.
ME: Um... steel condoms.
MIKE: They better be stainless steel.
ME: You're the singer from Tomahawk, right?
MIKE: And Fantomas, and Mr. Bungle, and for one album, Lovage, and--
ME: Hey, look there's a squirrel!
MIKE: Where?

I ran away after this. Thought it might be wise.

Hey pigz. I'm in Los Angeles, because the rat infestation over at my NOLA bachelor pad was getting kinda bad. I said I was recording over here, but that's because I don't want people to know I have a rat infestation.

Today was a bad day. I think Danny's beginning to suspect. I know Alan Moulder knows, because Daisy-May jumped up and mussed my combover in front of him. Not her fault, though, my cutsie-darling-poo.

Anyway, Danny kept looking at my hair really funny. Then I think I was right under the air conditioner, so my combover kept blowing away.

But anyway.

I know I've been kind of erratic with my xanga posts, but you ought to know already that I adhere to no rules! To no laws! To no habits! To no deadlines! To no responsibility to let people know that I'm still alive!

BT is going rock the socks off y'all. Because I am TR of NIN, and I am aided by DL and AM in my NOLA studio (once I get back there). BT will be better than TF. It will surpass all the songs on there, including TDTWWWA, WITT, JLYI, TWOIT, WIB, TMHBM, and R (WD). And obviously it'll be better than TDS.

Aren't abbreviations cool? The recognition of ninbreviations are what separates the true followers from the mere shallow ones.

|\| | |/| r0xx0rs.

***

P.S.-

Am I hot or not? Talk about easy questions. It would be harder to ask, "Is Trent dead or not?"

Of course I'm not dead.

I'm just... not reassuring anyone I'm alive.

But I'm not dead.

Really.

Okay, maybe.

But I'm still hot.

So here's what you do-- click on this link, then click on the little white bubble next to the number 10. To the right of the number 10. That's right. But don't do it as soon as you get to the site if you want to gaze upon all my overwhelming sexiness. My hair is so great in that pic. And doesn't that remote control right there at my elbow add to the great composition? I especially like how the purple of the cereal box magnifies my vampire-pale skin and jet-black hair. Yeah, those are Fruity Pebbles. I *heart* Fruity Pebbles.

So go vote, pigz!! Let's see if people truly recognize the hottness of Trent Ressner!!

Well, I removed the Closer beat from my xanga, cause it was kinda getting annoying. Now, you may be thinking, "NOTHING OF NIN CAN BE ANNOYING!!!!!!!!!" That is completely untrue. For example, take the fans, or that idiot useless piece-of-shit website.

But it is also true that Xanga kept fucking the beat up so the timing was always wrong. Also, what is the Closer beat without my vocals? Nothing, of course. (Hur hur hur, kinda like my studios). But ya know, I'm sure I was driving all the ladies apeshit, making them think, "Soon... I shall hear Trent's incredibly sexy voice!" But it never shows up, because it's just a fucking looped beat that's not even timed correctly.

Anyway, this is the time that I shall introduce to you... THE OFFICIAL T.R. SEAL OF APPROVAL.

As you can see, I used ALL NINE INCH NAILS FONTS. That alone should clue you in to the genuinity of the seal. 

THEN I USED COLORS FROM nin.com!!! Only the great T. Rez is allowed to do that, surely!

Finally, MY SIGNATURE IS ON IT. My signature's not just everywhere. It's completely impossible to Photoshop, because I am God, and you will be beset by blindness and hairy palms if you Photoshop my signature.

As you can see, my signature is BLEEDING THROUGH the seal. Don't feel bad if you didn't get it the first time you saw it. I know everyone's not extremely deep and poetic like I am.

But anyway. The Official-Seal-of-Approval-Bearer of the day  week  month year  five-year cycle  very brief period of time goes to...

www.toolband-sucks.com!!! These people really have the right idea!!! I mean, I didn't even visit the site, but it's got to be really great if these people understand that Maynard suxx0rs!!

Toodle-loo, pigz-- I've got a Bonanza marathon to watch an album to record! I'll see you some other time, hopefully before Bleedthrough comes out!

Well, it's sure news to me that I'll be on nin.com on January 15. Maybe I should tell Rob to move a couple of pixels in honor of that great occasion.

Anyway I've been working hard on Bleedthrough, taking a break only to party for Christmas Eve, party for Christmas, party for Boxer's Day, party for New Year's Eve, party for New Year's, party for Daisy-May's cousin's birthday, and then wait for my hangover to go away.

It occurs to me that I have not entertained y'all with a haiku in a really long time. Oh well. Bleedthrough will make up for all of it! It's going to be the best album EVER! And even if it isn't (and it's going to be!! so whatevER!!) my hair has got to make up for it.

I saw Return of the King yesterday. I think Thom Yorke should have been a hobbit. lol.

Oh yeah, and allow me to answer those stupid MTV fuckers:

Nine Inch Nails
Can Trent Reznor return from exile and reclaim his goth throne?

</a>

Since when have I been in exile? Besides not giving anyone any evidence that I'm still alive, which I have been doing a lot! Look at how radically nin.com updated! Just from the rate of pixels moving, you should be able to tell the new album is going to come out, and it's going to kick some fucking ass!! That's a LOT OF PUBLICITY THERE. Motherfuckers. MY GOTH THRONE HAS ALWAYS BEEN WHERE IT OUGHT TO BE-- UNDER MY ASS!!!!!1@

Anyway, I need to go walk Daisy-May... Danny's on the crapper and I can't ever trust Rob again, not after that running away incident. See you on January 15th.

Ho-fucking-ho.

Merry Christmas, everyone. See you next year, pigz. And I promise, the new album will be out in early 2004. Hell, I might even surprise y'all and put it out on Dec. 31! Dammit-- Someone just called-- BRB.

EDIT:

Back. Am disturbed.

These stalker-types are getting persistent. Oh well. Hope the stores aren't closed for Christmas Eve-- we're almost out of Cheez-its.

You are... Trent Reznor. Millions of women would
fall down at your feet, begging you to
impregnate them, even if you weren't all that
talented. As it is, you are GOD (plus the lust-
inducing voice and the sexy hair), and not only
do you get the women, but the men as well!

Which Member of the NIN Family Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!1 MY ALBUM GOT DELETED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fuck you, Rob!!!! How the fuck did you delete the back up copies too?? And why the fuck did you miss "The Line Begins to Blur," "My Dead Friend," and "Everyday is Still the Same"????!@

I DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!

Well, still, no big loss. "Beer Beer Beer" and "Teh D.K.in' O.G.G. Pigz" kinda sucked. Kinda. And Danny's been griping about them ever since he came back from recording the Underworld soundtrack... now he's stopped bitching. Thank God. He's in such a good mood I actually caught him slipping Rob a twenty. Rob ate it, of course. Not sure why Danny would want to give Rob money... whatever.

I was going to post my Christmas wishlist, but then I realized I already have everything I want, AKA fabulous hair and a body to die for/kill for/blow Fred Durst for.

Okay, so I'm getting a leeetle chubby.

But it's just a leetle.

Shut up.

Jesus Christ... am I on the New Orleans Annual Holiday Home Tour, again? I don't want to meet people! They cannot comprehend my dazzling sexiness! And they're so tedious! "So when's the new album coming out?" "So how's the new album going?" "So what's the new album going to sound like?" "So what do you think of the new album?" "So when's it coming out?" "When's it coming out?" "Is it coming out at all?" "Does it exist at all?" "Please, god, tell me it exists!" "It doesn't exist, does it?" "You didn't do any work, did you, you lazy motherfucker! Fuck you!" "Tell me it exists!" "Does it exist?? Huh? Huh? Does it?" "OH GOD IT DOESN'T EXIST I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!"

Tedious, I tell you.

I think I'm going to go take a few online quizzes now... I've been working too hard lately...

I don't think it's very nice to pressure me to update my xanga. It's just that time of the year. If I were a high school student, I would be busy with assloads of homework and shit. As it is, I am the great M. T. Rezzo, and I am working on music that will change the world and save you from yourselves/your girlfriend/your boyfriend/mutant clone armies of the Republic.

It might take a while, but you know, it's getting there. And when the day arrives, I will marry the sea there will be rejoicing as there has never been seen upon the surface of the earth.

So don't pressure me. I'm serious. Really. Stop it. Now. Before I tell Leo to post more disturbing pics of himself on nin.com. I really will. And believe me, peach-pink is so not his color. Especially with those fishnets.

4:11 AM
Was woke up by a lot of clanking in the kitchen. Turned out Dannmy forgot to chain up Rob again. Fed Rob some of Daisy's leftovers and then set him to work on Thanksgiving dinner. Went back to sleep.

9:42 AM
Woken up again, this time by Danny. Seems Rob ate half of the turkey before it was completely defrosted. Danny wanted to take Rob to the emergency room, or at least the dentist's. Talk about messed up priorities. Put Rob under Jerome's supervision, and sent Danny to go buy another turkey. If he has to drive all the way to Old MacDonald's Farm to get one, so be it.

10:15 AM
Took a shower.

10:30 AM
Oh my sexy, sexy hair.

10:45 AM
Checked AOL. Lots of "Happy Thanksgiving" cards. Yay. I feel loved.

11:00 AM
Checked theninhotline.com. No... nothing new. Bastards.

11:31 AM
Leo is hungry. I smacked him.

11:42 AM
I'm hungry too. Where the fuck is Danny?

12:00 PM
Set Rob and Jerome to work on dinner. Meanwhile am barely surviving on a tiny jar of salsa, two (2) bags of Tostitos, three (3) boxes of Cheez-its, a bag of neon worms, two (2) pints of mint chocolate chip ice cream, one (1) pint of frozen pink yogurt shit, and beer.

I guess it seems like an okay amount of food, but remember, Leo ate most of the Tostitos and all of the ice cream, which left me with the frozen pink yogurt shit.

12:52 PM
Time to play DOOM!

1:31 PM
Something's wrong with this game. I lost.

1:49 PM
Checked theninhotline.com again. Those people are so tedious.

2:01 PM
Marilyn dropped by with a couple of bottles of absinthe and a honey-baked ham. Bastard. Should have brought a TURKEY.

2:39 PM
Leo just busted out the Scrabble. Am winning, although Robin Finck's a close second. Cannot understand. How can a gothbot be almost winning?

3:38 PM
Honey-baked ham all gone now. Where the fuck is Danny?

4:44 PM
Oh look, four four four. Trippy.

4:45 PM
Where's Danny?

4:59 PM
Leo just brought out the Twister. Marilyn's winning, but only because he had those two ribs removed.

5:41 PM
Where the fuck is DANNY?

5:42 PM
YAY! I LOVE YOU DANNY LOHNER!

5:43 PM
YOU FUCKING IDIOT DANNY LOHNER!

5:33 PM
Turns out he got distracted by the adorable little piggy-wiggies at Old MacDonald's. I am deeply, deeply disgusted. Especially since Farmer MacDonald didn't even have any turkeys! Danny had already bought one but he drove out to the farm anyway, just to see the adorable wittle piggies.

Imbecile.

The good thing is, it's completely defrosted from sitting around in a car all day. Now, 5 more hours and it'll be cooked.

5:35 PM
Finished off the mashed potatoes.

5:42 PM
Absinthe's all gone too.

6:31 PM
Eww!! Marilyn just drank the gravy straight from the jar!

7:21 PM
We're out of BEER?

7:52 PM
This is it. Trent Reznor, goth rock god, is going to end liek this. Starving to death like this. At least in Mercer Country, there were big phat Thanksgivings... with corn fresh from field... and newly slaughtered turkeys...

8:22 PM
That bastard Robin Finck hid the pumpkin pie under a couch. He must malfunctioning again. Either way, it's all gone now.

9:10 PM
Danny says he's found some beer behind the box of frozen fishsticks!!!!!!!!

9:12 PM
Motherfucker! It's just Busch Light!!

10:32 PM
TURKEY!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling pretty good. Nice day out today. Think I might go play fetch with Daisy-May.

I finally got my Halloween photos developed. To make this more fun for y'all, I thought we might play a game. Guess which photo isn't for reals!!

Exhibit A:

Me in my Halloween costume.

Exhibit B:

Leo in his Halloween costume.

Exhibit C:
Danny in his Halloween costume.

If you guessed C, then you're right! No way would Danny ever wear a cowboy hat. That's just Photoshopped, which is why you can't see it too well in that pic.

Well, Maynard left town in time for me to go see The Matrix Revolutions without him. Yay!

The movie sucked. I think. Kind of fell asleep.

But still... while I was sleeping, I got some kickass ideas what to do with nin.com...

I've been brooding over this for the last few days, but I wasn't sure what people would think-- also, Rob doesn't want to do it.

I want to leech all the color from the nin.com discussion boards.

Christ, no one uses color anymore. That's so Fragile-era. Instead of the blue room, green room, red room and yellow room, we can have the dark gray room, the light gray room, the medium gray room, and the zebra-striped room. And then the page to sign in can be a simple, elegant black, with maybe a few white speckles aesthetically arranged around the form boxes.

This might be a bit of a radical move-- but it's really not that radical. Look at that wide range of grays! That's a colorfest, man!

I think that this is one step closer to just making all of nin.com pure black, to represent how deeply gothic and depressed I am. Then I can make all the text red-- or just black, so that the only way you can read it is to highlight it.

Now all the remains is to get Rob to do it. I want everyone to tell Rob right now that he needs to do what Trent wants, or else Trent will... uh... not... uh... pay... uh... not... uh... feed.... uh...

I'm sure you guys will think of something.