Below are the 16 most recent journal entries recorded in Christy's LiveJournal:

Sunday, July 1st, 2001
7:01 pm	You turn around, and wham, it's so incredible... I'm in heaven, I'm in love. What an amazing experience. I felt free and away from everything. Human race? Didn't believe they existed. Just we did. The sensations, love, passion, was almost more than I could take. We both wished we could have absorbed each other we wanted to be that close. It was emotional and beautiful and I will ALWAYS remember that. I love you. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 30th, 2001
7:48 pm	Sweating from the heat wanting to say... I love you. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 26th, 2001
8:26 pm	Three rings... Man. My mind cannot seem to get off people I have known, past, present and future. It?s all been good, all been an experience, every single one of them. Mike Collins for his amazing sense of photography and intellect. John Cookman for standing up for me when I didn?t think anything would. Tom Zurell for being so fucking sweet and tolerant when my mind was elsewhere. Gene Flynn for helping me see who I really am and for growing. Aaron Sandeen for being just a plane ride away. Barry Gallant for making me see that love can extend over a decade, even though it was in a schizophrenic kind of way. Neil for making me feel so comfortable when I was nervous. Dayna Karges just for being the first woman I kissed. Jamie Reid for his thoughtfulness and love even when I wanted to be single. Don Robertson for his intellect and writing. Scott Kelterborn for his Tragically Hip, being beautiful, and making me feel the same, his uniqueness, his love, his craziness, his caring, passion, intimacy, time, soul, everything, and for us not being together being the best thing in the world that could have happened. Michelle deVerteiul for letting me be the first woman to be with her. Dean Carter for being passionate about so many things. Jen for her absolute obsession with getting me naked. Paul Girling for being dangerous with seductive eyes. Paul Langlois for his oddities. Paul Hayes for tricking me into thinking he was asleep. Rick McKenzie for always being honest with me. Don, Alec, Tom, Rod, Ricky, Brent, Dave, and Brad for always letting me be one of the guys. Caleb Lepp for always keeping me on my toes, his eyes and the way he seeps into my heart and soul, for his beauty, for letting me love him, his mind, his love that I am proud to have, the future to come and the fact that he allows me to sing my toe song. Tammy Claridgefor letting me know that she?s never had a friend like me, and allows me to know every secret, every thought she has and says I have expanded her thoughts. And because she tells me she loves me. Adam Cull for the look on his face when I told Mom and Charlie about the bathroom. Mike Charest for almost breaking his legs for me. Not a person but the Circus Room for an adventure I never thought would happen. Shane Claridge because he always looks me in the eyes with a smile and asks how I?m doing. Panda because he?s simply the best. Lou Petriello for being my good friend, always being there for me and seeing him cry when I moved to Kitchener. Charlie for being my second Dad and putting up with the shit but never giving up on me and being my best friend. Fletch. For being someone I loved with all my heart, for our talks, for his friendship, for being different, for being my brother and for leaving me with beautiful memories when he died. I?m honored to have had him in my life. Mom for her sweetness, for her weakness, for her neverending love and support, just for her. Dad for his astounding mental abilities, his creativity, his philosophy, his understanding of anything I ever talk about, just for being an incredible spirit. And once again. I thank Caleb for for his love. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 23rd, 2001
4:11 pm	I took a personality test... Your Existing Situation: In a static condition, while conflict of one sort or another prevents peace of mind. Unable to achieve relationships of the desired degree of mutual affection and understanding. Your Stress Sources: Resists any form of pressure from others and insists on her independence as an individual. Wants to make up her own mind without interference, to draw her own conclusions and arrive at her own decisions. Detests uniformity and mediocrity. Your Restrained Characteristics: Trying to calm down and unwind after a period of over-agitation which has left her listless and devoid of energy. In need of peace and quiet; becomes irritable if this is denied her. Feels that she is burdened with more than her fair share of problems. However, she sticks to her goals and tries to overcome her difficulties by being flexible and accommodating. Your Desired Objective: Longs for sensitive and sympathetic understanding and wants to protect herself against argument, conflict, or any exhausting stresses. Your Actual Problem: Greatly impressed by the unique, by originality, and by individuals of outstanding characteristics. Tries to emulate the characteristics she admires and to display originality in her own personality. Your Actual Problem #2 Seeks to avoid criticism and to prevent restriction of her freedom to act, and to decide for herself by the exercise of great personal charm in her dealings with others. (Comment on this)
4:05 pm	Please... Someone tell me what I did wrong. (Comment on this)
3:59 pm	I can't do this, I can't do this... Maybe I can. Who knows. Have a blissful sleep, wake up and go to work. I'm feeling very anti-social so I keep the office door shut all day. Start getting sad at around eleven a.m. In the afternoon, I'm so upset my ulcer is killing me, I feel like I'm going to be sick and I have this sinking feeling in my stomach. Why..why? I don't know whether to grab a shower dress all cute like, sleep, cry, or flirt. Argh. Seems it will be one of those days I guess. Women's intuition. Maybe food choice. Who knows. I'm going now. Will post later I guess. Current Mood: distressed Current Music: sound of my heart pounding waiting for the inevitable... (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 19th, 2001
11:18 pm	Ahhh..the peaceful sound of silence... I must admit it's been a great few days... Friday night after work Pete and I went to the DIY and fixed the cv joint on my car. No more knocking noises. I got home and Caleb phoned from a payphone he was with Chris and Ryan. They came over, played some Atari and then we bought some alcohol. Went to "the rock", had my body invaded by mosquitos and loved feeling the wind through my hair walking down the train tracks. I was walking with them and just felt the need to run. I felt amazingly free and happy. On the way back Caleb looked at me and my skirt was blowing around me, exposing my leg. I loved that look he gave me... We then went to Mikado's and had a drink, walked around, talked then came home. Chris spent the night, and so did my love. Saturday we decided to go to Marineland. It was fun just getting outside for the day, The lineups weren't bad at all on the rides and when Chris got on the dragon ride I almost peed in my pants watching his face. Obviously he overcame his hatred of it as he ended up going on it several more times before we left. I wanted to go on the roller coaster one more time but this one last ride I went on did it for me. I felt sick to my stomach. Icky feeling. Thought I was going to throw up. I ate half a burger and some fries, and at the bargain cost of eleven dollars! We went to the arcade played the games where you can win the tickets and got a Christy's house dolphin mascot and with the extra 75 points Caleb pointed out a fake knife that collapses inside itself. My love stayed over again. It was heaven. I made him breakfast in bed. Bagels, cream cheese, mango, bananas... Yummy. Decided to go to Decew for a swim. It was beautiful weather and I thoroughly enjoyed the spot. It was kind of secluded put just the way it was bordered with rocks and trees made me feel so comfortable. I had my shirt off, and then felt totally free. I like feeling the sun on my back and chest. It's extraordinary. Chris came out of the water and looked kind of red. He had leeches on him. I ran to tell Caleb and Ryan to get out. I look over and Chris is furiously ripping his clothes off and grabs a towel. Collapses. Hands are swollen, he's red as shit, he starts to puke. I go with Caleb around the corner and there are leeches all over the ass of his shorts, inside his boxers. Not a recommended place to swim. Chris panicked and couldn't walk, Ryan had to help him up the hill while I grabbed my car. We were going to take him to the hospital but after he calmed down, got some fresh air and got to my place he seemed to be improving... Yesterday after work I headed to Tammy's place. Talked to Shane for awhile. I miss him. Tammy came out and we chatted. Taylor had caught a toad and was trying to build a home for him. He takes his newfound pet to the park brings it back and the poor thing looks like it's about to die, has dirt all over him. I asked him what he did to it and he says in a sarcastic tone like I was dumb "I needed to camouflage him for when he's in the garden". Silly me, how could I have over looked that important factor? Went to Caleb's house, we came back here. Ryan, Craig, and Chris came over. We watched a movie that I could barely follow and can't rememebr the name of it. So they all leave and I go to bed. I get up, grab a shower, throw some clothes in the dryer and am putting on my makeup when I hear a key in the door. I look, expecting it to be Chris forgetting something at my house and lo and behold, it's my sweet little C! Too tired to go to school and what a marvelous surprise to have him as the first human being I see. Hugs and kisses in the morning before work is a good way to start the day off right. Come home at lunch and spent it making love. Damn, best lunch hour I've ever had since I started working there let me tell you. Come home after work and my love has cleaned my house. What a sweetie. I feel kind of embarrassed because it is icky, but oh well, shit happens. Then we had sex twice more before I took him home and it was pure heaven/ecstacy. It's getting so amazing between us. I'm just so content. Dropped Caleb off at home, and Ryan stoped by. Caleb was having Darci come visit him. He called and told me about this kickass program to download where it' all forms of media, including programs, and text. It's a beautiful thing! Caleb called me after Darci left. I guess she says she's going to not talk to him for awhile. I was concerned, knowing that would bother him, and told him I can't see that happening, and not to worry cause he'll still talk to her, she won't disappear. I know she's important to him and I don't want to see him unhappy. It just bothers me cause he thinks I'm all giddy and happy like. He doesn't understand. Of course I'm not feeling like that. It's a simple as I don't feel comfortable having my boyfriend sleep with his ex. Period. I don't want him to stop talking to her or hanging around with her, I just get worried. I'm human, I have emotions and trust me, it hasn't been easy but I think I've done pretty good considering the circumstances. I love him and if he's not happy that affects me. I don't want him to be unhappy. I don't want him to not have his friends around. I would never tell him who to see or not to see. I just hurt when it happened so I worried about being hurt again. I don't worry as much anymore, and I don't want him to not talk to her or not see her cause that really bothers him. I just wish he'd understand. Understand that I like her. She's fun. I don't mind him hanging around with her or talking to her. I just don't want to be hurt. I know I'm not going to be. I trust Caleb. It took me abit, but I do trust him. Things seem to be going good for us and I want this to continue cause he's an amazing soul, and it seems to get better all the time in every sense. I just can't wait to see what will happen next :) God he makes me feel good. How did I get so lucky? It's quarter to midnight. Pan is waiting for me in the bedroom, must go snuggle with my other love. Reading a book with him purring and curling up to me is sweet. Falling asleep with him is even better cause he sleeps on my pillow with me and when my alarm clock goes off, he always meows in my ear and starts snuggling and purring. He's the best... Hot. I'm hot. I'm going to light a cigarette. Ryan left about half an hour ago. We watched a movie, well, he did I only saw about half of it. Going to bed now. Thinking of Caleb and hope he's doing alright. Until then... Current Mood: mellow Current Music: silence. (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 14th, 2001
12:15 pm	She whispers and shuts her door... Ugh. Hot. Humid. Sticky. Makes me feel tired, fatigued, just want to lay underneath a factory sized fan blowing on me while I lay down. Caleb slept over the night before last. Drove him to school after the doctors (damn, yet another upper G.I. test)... then lo and behold on my lunch hour he's back at my place. It was nice to see him again so soon.. Went over to his house yesterday for dinner, came back here, Chris and him hung out. I tidied up, had a bath. Caleb and I had amazing sex. I just felt so damn relaxed afterwards, needless to say I drifted off into a completely restful sleep. Until the alarm clock went off an some insane hour, which I believe was 4:30 a.m. Came into the living room woke Chris up and went back to bed. I just drift back off to sleep and Ryan phones for Chris. Ugh. I fell back asleep once again... Got my car parts ordered, they should be in today. In fact I have to go call Pete right now. I shall return... No answer. Left a message. I'm trying to figure out the best day possible to do this. Maybe tomorrow while I'm at work. I'll have to see about the parts, and if Pete is available to do it then... Haven't seen Tam in a couple of days. Hope all is well with her. I'm going to stop by there sometime this weekend and visit. I don't do that often enough. I have to grab my wooden and metal chest from Dad's house, he needs the room and I can throw them in the spare bedroom. I think I'll also grab the couch from the studio, so maybe I'll ask Dad if he can grab Pete Chess' truck for me. *takes skirt off* Much better. Now why can't I do this at work? Would me so much more comfy... Oh ya, Gord. Yuck. So that novel I just finished reading by Sylvia Plath was incredible. I couldn't put it down. I'm going to spend sometime researching about her, a friend at work has some of her poems at home and is going to bring them in for me. I'd like to read more of her prose, she intrigues me. Too bad she died before she had the chance to write more. I need to plan a weekend to head to Mom's house. Maybe in August sometime when Caleb isn't in school. We'll see. Damn Royal Lepage hell is back. Next week. I really need to plan ahead and book a day off when that shit comes. No, no that's just a fantasy. I'm the only one who has ever done it and I wouldn't drop that on someone else... Current Mood: hot Current Music: school children laughing (Comment on this)
Monday, June 11th, 2001
12:15 pm	Power best expresses itself in gentleness... Argh. People get to me. The way people speak to you, disrespect, rudeness. I loathe it. Not an endearing quality by any means... On my lunch right now. Chris is sleeping on my couch lazy bastard. Came over last night when his London girl wrote a message saying the timing is bad, and blah blah. Now I believe she has said something about him going there on Wednesday, but I'm sure there will be an excuse then anyways... I need to go eat. Just ranting on my lunch hour. Some people just drive me, especially those you work with because you have to see them daily... Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: The sound of freedom for an hour (Comment on this)
Sunday, June 10th, 2001
4:24 pm	Tranquility, love, solitude, peace, comfort....you. At Caleb's house right now, have to get used to the height of the desk, or should I say the height of me sitting at this desk. So last night I had fun. Picked up Caleb at 5:30, then headed to Dad's house cause he was having a barbecue. We get there and Dad is all sleepy eyed on the couch. He forgot to tell us that the barbecue was actually on Sunday, not Saturday. Ahh..all in a day's work for my Dad. These things tend to slip his mind. He did buy us some dinner to compensate as well as invite us over for the "real" barbecue. Not sure if I/we are going yet. So we head back to my place, read books, play Atari. Drink Goldschlager. We start to snuggle on the couch and pop in Total Recall. Phone rings, it's Ryan. They are on their way over. They had to work today as well but it's too bad I didn't have a chance to speak to Chris before he took off for London/St. Thomas. I hope his has everything organized, left himself enough money to get home, food, has arrangements for a place to stay and all that jive... There was weed, there was beer, there was laughter and competition, there was Boondock Saints which I fell asleep during but promptly woke up as soon as the word pizza and order were mentioned... I was beat. Chris was in a jovial mood, I'm sure stemming from the money in his pocket and dreams of a 1/2 oz today... Cuddled up in bed with my monkey. Have I mentioned I love burying my nose in his back? So we wake up this morning and I'm just giddy and giggly and silly. I had sex with a cyclops, told E.T. to go home, played Lone Ranger. Then I had sex with a troll...all in all it was a good morning. Dropped him off at home, went to Tammy's where there were water fights, peanut butter and banana sandwiches, snuggles and a german shepherd pup. Very cuddly that pup was. Yep, uh-huh. I'm now back at Caleb's house. He's in the other room studying, his parents have gone out for several hours. When I was drifting off weird things were popping into my head. Memories past, some that I had forgotten about. I wonder if that happens to most people. I believe so. The crazy shit I did. The good shit I did. Certain times I have had with people, Talks, walks, loves and enemies. Only one secret do I have, which only my old friend Dayna and I know. No one will ever know. It wasn't anything bad, nothing that would hurt anyone, but private nonetheless. I believe it will remain a secret because of a certain stigma which may be attached to it. People have tried and tried but they can't understand that this secret will always remain a secret. That's not one of the things that I had forgotten about, but it popped into my head, and rehashed the memories. I guess everything until now has made me ther person I am today right? I wish I had the power to go back. Not to do things differently, but to see how I would react in any situations I was in the person I am today. I would love to list out situations I was in, things I did or didn't do and just have them in my hand, on a piece of paper. I'm sure I'd be amazed instead of one or two incidents popping into my head at various times. That crazy guy years ago that was ready to be put into an arranged marriage at the age of 18 and was begging me to have sex with him, or take him away so they couldn't find him... The night Ricky, Tom, Don and I drove to St, Catharines to see my brother's band play. Then after that in Thorold and the incident and Ricky's place afterwards when Tom was trying to figure out what the hell was going on and we were all laughing... My friend Lisa begging me not to sleep with her brother after he told her he liked me. Friends of mine, their boyfriends trying to be with me when they weren't around, which of course I did not do. They must have though me to be very trusting to approach me in that manner. But then again, I never said anything to my friends about it, I don't like conflicts or disturbances. Let someone else ride that train... When I was in California and my Dad and I were writing a novel together, each taking the next chapter to write and mailing it... Ahh..the past. So many things, so many memories. It's sometimes nice to think about things that happened eons ago when you were a different person than you are today. And today is wonderful. I'm in love. I love. I am loved, by the most beautiful soul. He makes me feel safe and warm. I'm so comfortable with him. Nothing can touch me when he's around. The way he smells, the way his lips move when he smokes, the way his arms and body flow so nicely when you're watching him walk from behind him. His moans, his eyes, the way he touches, the way his hair is all toussled when he wakes up. He's one of a kind. He's an angel. And I shall go now, put my arms around him and tell him just that... Current Mood: thirsty Current Music: Can't listen to anything, I'm thirsty!!!! (Comment on this)
Saturday, June 9th, 2001
1:55 am	You've gone now, but you've left me content with the way you look at me when you say I love you... Well I decided that instead of trying to back date journal entries for the past week or so I'll try and sum up everything. Lots of Atari, lots of Caleb, sex with Caleb, Mom and Charlie came down took Caleb and I out for dinner and the next day took us and Tammy out to Pow Wow for brunch. A girl I work with just got arrested for fraud, stealing 300,000 dollars from her last job. And she still works there. Go figure. Doctors apointments, medication is helping dramatically, she wrote me a prescription for it today. Ugh. I'm tired. I think shortly I shall cuddle up with my babies on the couch yeah yeah!! I never get to sleep on the couch! Then grab my book that I'm almost finished and read until I drift off to the sounds of purring... Poor Caleb. He thinks that he disappoints me, but he is so wrong. I love him dearly and he rarely disappoints me. Like tomorrow for example. I have never and would never tell him who he can and can't see. He is his own person and capable of making his own decisions. He says to trust him, so I can't do anything but that. No one can blame me for being hesitant and a little nervous about it. After everything I've gone through I think it's a normal human response and I shouldn't be faulted for that. I will try harder to not show that though. I just wish I wouldn't get this icky feeling in the put of my stomach everytime he goes there. I'm sure that will dwindle with time. I trust him. Of course I do, I love him... So nice crawling into his bed while he was sleeping, kissing his neck, smelling that amazing sleep smell that he has. He's so damn tasty. Tonight after we left Beantrees, with us being naked, the wine, the music, the candles, was so relaxing I could have stroked his flesh for hours. Not that I minded having him inside me mind you. He's just so special and I wish he could see that about himself. So I'm wondering how Chris is doing. I can't imagine not doing anything forever than all of a sudden working three days in a row at 15 hours a pop. Now maybe he can see why Caleb needs to do his homework and go to bed, or why I have to go to bed early, or why we both can be tired. I wonder if he misses the computer. I hope not. This is good for him. It will feel good for him to have money in his pocket. I just hope he doesn't blow it all in one pop, but it's his money and he earned it, so it's up to him. *lighting a cigarette* ahhhh.... I'm in the cozy relaxed state right now, just had great sex with an amazing Caleb, got some fresh air, had an iced cappucino, and a cigarette and what really makes it perfect is the realization that I can sleep in till whenever I wake up naturally. Weekends are bliss. Weekends are all about sleeping in and not hearing that damn alarm clock in your ear... I did want someone to snuggle with tonight. That's me, the snuggly bear. But you know what? I'm kinda happy right now. Just me and my babies. Rarely do I get this... Caleb and I are heading over to Dad's tomorrow for a barbecue. Yummy yummy in my tummy. I need to hit the drugstore and pick up my prescription tomorrow. The cheapest place I found is Herbie's for $63 a month. Edie said she was going to price it out at Wal-Mart so we'll see how much it runs her... Ladybug, ladybug. I'll be back must take contacts out. Dry eyes... Much better. Well, it's off to couchland for me. Kitties and novels and cozy comforters. Could anything be better? Besides Caleb of course.... Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: nothing but the sound of peaceful silence... (Comment on this)
Thursday, May 31st, 2001
9:00 am	Slander will be silenced if we do not gratify it with injured retorts... Hmm...very odd night twas last night. I didn't go to work today. Can't blame that on anyone but myself. Darci called me up we had plans to go for a milkshake. I grabbed Chris and we headed over to darci's house to pick her up. After deliberating in her driveway for awhile, we decided to go to the *ugh* chinese buffet on Lakeshore. It sufficed I suppose. I hate the all you can eat places cause I never seem to eat enough worthy of the price I'm paying. Oh well, so be it. So I had to wait until Chris went alone to get some food to see how Darci was doing. She said she was alright, we talked abit about the whole thing, she told me some things... Then Chris came back. With jello. Red cubed jello. Two bowls of it. I grab two pieces and tell him to open his mouth so I can toss it in there. My devious mind was envisioning pelting Chris in the head with red jello so it dripped down his face. Of course, he retaliates. I try to be nonchalant about the whole thing, even though we were sitting in a section all by ourselves. My shirt got stained red. What the hell do they put in that jello?? So chiquita comes for the bill and of course they don't take interact. So I run to the bank, come back and Chris has made a water/jello/soya sauce concoction. Needless to say none of us tested it out. We left and decided to go to Mindbomb for a few drinks. We grabbed a booth and started talking and drinking, the three of us. My hair came out of the braid so Darci got all giddy when I asked her to put it back in. It was cute. So then we start talking about sex, and I'm just getting Chris all flustered talking about this Shea chick that he met the night before and was with. Then I start to wake up because I could talk about sex for hours and hours. I like having that vibe in the air, and it's my favorite topic :) So the little people move off the couches so we grab them, I offer to sit in the black hole which was kinda cool as my feet didn't even touch the ground. Two drunkards came over and wanted to sit on the couch with us. Squish squish. Couch is not made for 4 people, which included two very drunk female strangers. Finally they left and Darci and I were chuckling as Chris was trying to pick up Weilands (sp?) ex-girlfriend who still lives with him. I wish him luck and tell him by her body language that it's never gonna happen. It didn't. She left. Poor boy, what can you do right? So we're sorta on the sex topic again and all I was wishing was that Caleb would walk in, grab me drag me out of there and pound the hell outta me. No such luck. :( So I kick my legs out on Darci when Chris moved to the other couch. Very comfy, very cool relaxing with cool tunes coming out of the stereo. Somehow I end up on the other couch by myself and Darci moves over beside me, grabbing my thighs. Cute. I started laughing saying, no no we can't do that. I was having a good time and I wasn't even tired. It must have been close to 2 am at that point. So then I wanted to torment Chris so I crawled on the ground up to the couch and gave him the eyes. He's like, oh, what I could do to you right now. My response was something like "Ew! I better go back to the other couch then". Gee, really, it's Chris we're talking about here. I go back to the other couch and Darci goes to talk to Chris. Music is too loud I can't hear what they are saying, so I'm just lying on my back whole couch to myself, having a smoke and staring at the ceiling thinking that I'm in a really good mood. They both look at me, Chris says "Why? No, forget it, I don't even want to know why". Then they both start laughing. Darci comes over and I asked her what was so funny. I guess she had said to Chris that in about four and a half seconds she was going to jump on top of me, which she did, but in a funny way, not sexual. So then it's closing time, lights go on (I hate that) and we all go back to my place. Chris is frantically searching for Shea's number to call her and smokes some weed. Chris gets ahold of her and leaves to go meet her. i guess someone wanted to get laid that night. So I tell Darci I'm going to bed, I have to work in the morning, and that she can come with me if she wants. She gets up and follows me. We get into bed, and I pop a movie in. I start to get sleepy so I roll over and snuggle with her. She grabs my leg and strokes my hair. I didn't do anything with her, under the circumstances that whole scenario would have been pretty messed up. We were laughing the whole night about it. It could have turned into a movie of the week. So then I went to sleep and decided in the morning that along with my ulcer killing me, I did not have the right amount of sleep to function so Dad called into work and I told him to tell them I'd bring a doctors note in the next day. Then I cuddled up with Darci and fell back asleep. I was so comfy and it felt all natural and cute and we were finishing each others sentences all night and giggling like school girls, and I wouldn't change any aspect of my night, but I wish Caleb was in bed with me... Current Mood: peaceful (Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 30th, 2001
6:04 pm	One night in Saint City... My brother just wrote this and it's supposed to be recited/read in a kind of rap/stream of consciousness manner... One night in Saint City... Here's a sweet little story, I'm sure you can relate It was a hot kind of night, sun went down just after eight. The air was humid like hot breath, yeah, it seemed to lubricate. I thought of calling Double A, but it was getting late, so I picked up from some kid, in Montebello, near the gate. He said My buddah's great and he did not fabricate. I put it on my scale and it was deemed the proper weight. Then he said 15 a gram and shit, that got me mad irate I said 10 a gram sounds better so how does that sound mate? He said I don't need to give deals out, my product is first rate He didn't speak True Method, so I needed to translate: I said that I'd seen better, and his jaw I'd dislocate but we came to an agreement before I had to seal his fate. Then I went down to the Greenhouse where the Tin Men congregate. Everyone was present, so we began to elevate. Natas, Lex and Kal were there, with spliffs to circulate. Somebody cooked me up a dragon, to change my mental state. It caused my heart to slow down, and my pupils to dilate. It got my skin all itchy man, shit, that's the part I hate. But that warm feeling through my body, made me want to fornicate. Now we were heavy medicated and there was minimal debate That it was time to go up topside, with no time to hesitate Cause last call's in an hour, and soon it will be too late for me to find a slut, in whom I can ejaculate. We agreed, then smoked the weed, to get us motivated, then stumbled to St. Paul street, where all the bars lay waited. We hit the pepper first, cause it was so closely located. The mood down at the Oyster bar, got us all sedated, but the eight dollar pitchers got us more intoxicated. Got me belching out the alphabet, beer was so damned carbonated, so I switched to rye and ginger, cause it's much more concentrated. The pepper was played out, I said It's time we relocated Kaleezto said agreed so to Mind Bomb we migrated. We told the other guys to come, but they seemed situated. Peace, we'll be back by last call Kaleezto estimated. Yeah, that should be enough time, we both had calculated. But when we got to Mind Bomb the crowd was heavy populated. Two dollar mixed drinks at the bar got the whole Bomb detonated. Saw Deakin on the patio straight up inebriated. He slurred Happy birthday asshole, sorry it's belated I slapped him five then went inside to get assimilated Couldn't find Kaleezto, we were already separated. But I bumped into some drunk ass girl, that Lexicon once dated. A lot had changed since then, and now she had me captivated. She asked me to sit down with her, can't say I hesitated We moved into a private booth, to get us more aquainted. She was rubbin' on my leg and really getting me frustrated. I wanna stick her bad, would Lex be mad? I contemplated Why do situations get so god damned complicated? All of a sudden, out on the patio, the tension elevated. Apparently some punk ass kid had Deakin agitated. He had his crew behind him so his courage was inflated. Shootin' off his mouth. It was quite unsophisticated. Then Deakin caught a bitch-slap and instantly retaliated. His fist smashed through the punk's face it got annihilated. If a body is a temple, you could say his got renovated. The crowd stepped back a full five feet, while Deakin smiled and waited. But the kid was knocked out cold, and his crew evacuated. Someone asked me what went on that night I said Oh, nothing really Just another night of deviance on battleground Saint City........ Current Mood: cold Current Music: Leather Strip - Sex Dwarf (Comment on this)
12:28 pm	Those things in our psychic body later manifest in our physical body Ahh... the freedom of lunch time. One whole hour granted to me for whatever I wish. Usually involves not much more than food, e-mail, phone call from Caleb and cigarettes though. So last night after I picked Caleb up from piano we walked to Beantrees. Caleb had a coffee which made him a little jittery so we didn't stay long. Only long enough for Caleb to beat Loughlin in a quick game of chess. Tara was working and she told me that Alex has an art exhibition in Kingston and she's heading there on the 6th and 7th to see it. She asked if I wanted to go with her, but unfortunately she's heading there in the middle of the week. I guess his show is running from the 6th - 16th. Dad is going to e-mail me some of his writings and poetry. I'd be very interested in checking it out. So then we headed to Caleb's house where his wonderful mom Edie had saved me a piece of her rhubarb pie. With ice cream. Yum Yum. Stayed there until shortly after ten p.m. and came home, pretty much went straight to bed and read for awhile. I find that the medication makes it hard to fall asleep at night, but I feel like I've gotten a good sleep in the morning. Dad called me last night, we talked for about half an hour. He's glad that the medicine is working. He said he's going to check on his benefits at work and see if there is anyway I can be covered on them. That would be extremely cool. 24 mins left until work. Been a quick morning. Maybe because Janaki hasn't been up my ass yet. We're finally caught up at work, on schedule and everything is back to normal. Took awhile, but we're there. I'm wondering what Caleb and I are doing tonight. He wants to see me but I'm not sure what we'll do. I guess we can do almost anything our little hearts desire. He'll be calling in the next few mins, I guess I shall ask him if he has anything in mind. *school bell across the street goes off* That's my cue to go back to work... Until then... Current Mood: relaxed Current Music: Placebo - Every you every me (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 29th, 2001
7:07 pm	A situation only becomes favorable when one adapts to it... Back to the grind. Janaki is at it again. I'm sick of it, everyone is sick of it. Not sure why she has it in for me, I do believe that it's partially due to the fact that I won't take her shit, but everyone else will. Even my supervisor is getting sick of her running down to her office every five minutes. I guess she's going to have a little chat with her tomorrow. I told her not to bother, because then it will seem as though I'm complaining and Janaki will perceive that as an all out war. So Betty says, well what will you do then? Silly girl. I told her I have a low tolerance for pettiness and plain childish stupidity. I told her if she keeps it up I will have to say something. Betty has already told her before to mind her own business as have I, but if she persists, then something has to happen. Can't I just go to work, do my job and go home? It's a very simple thing. Not too much to ask. Oh well, I guess when you take 25 people of varying ages, views, cultures, you can't expect them to all get along. But I would expect them to act adult like. Especially from a 50 year old woman. I think she maybe is just going through menopause. Who knows. I've heard the horror stories. Have to leave in about twenty minutes. Going to pick Caleb up from piano lessons. Went to take a shower 10 minutes ago, no hot water damn it. I'm absolutely freezing. Sun was shining all day but it seemed as though the temeprature inside my office and my apartment was of winter degrees. My Mom and Charlie are coming on friday to visit. They have a wedding to go to on Saturday so it won't be a long visit, but it will be so wonderfully nice to see them. I haven't seen them in close to half a year. *lighting a cigarette* Much better. Moved my journal cause it was getting too hectic. I had a journal for myself, one for Caleb, and one for friends and family. I decided I shouldn't have to split them up. I'm me, no matter who reads the damn thing, just pass no judgements and we'll all do fine. I still haven't sent the url to anyone yet though. Just little ole me. It's all mine for right now. I'll share soon. Promise. 1. Finish cigarette 2. Brush hair 3. Get dressed 4. Try to find car keys which I lose every day 5. Unlock passenger door, crawl to other side and unlock door 6. Start engine. 7. Turn corner of my driveway listening to the awful sound of my cv joint ready to fall off and my squealing brakes. 8. Fight the other drivers on the road for a parking spot on St. Paul street. 9. Go into Fletcher's Piano 10. Walk up the stairs to Eunice's apartment. 11. Sit on chair in hallway listening to Caleb play Bach. 12. Receive a kiss. Well, those seem to be my most immediate plans. I do belive Caleb mentioned something about his Mom saving some homemade rhubarb pie for me. I could surely go for that seeing as my own Mom is not readily available for those rhubarb squares that kick ass. Will write the rest of my night in when I get home, but for now I must depart... Current Mood: content Current Music: Perfect Circle - Judith (Comment on this)
Monday, May 28th, 2001
8:23 pm	*sigh* It's been a hectic ride, but I survived. I feel so much better now that I have met Darcy. We both agree that it was a situation that neither of us has been in before, of even heard of for that matter. I like her. She's alot like I am. She's quirky and funny, and I wish I would have met her sooner. So it's Monday night. I didn't go to work today. My ulcer was doing a number on my stomach after the lack of sleep I got. Caleb called me last night after I got back from dropping Darcy off and we were on the phone for a couple of hours, so sleep was not going to happen unless I avoided the daily monotony I call work. Caleb makes me so incredibly happy. Not even happy, more than that. He sent me a message earlier... "I love you, and I don't want you to ever doubt that. I do not think that there has been a woman that has ever given me so much hope for myself. You make me feel like I'm important. You give me hope, and I've never felt the way I feel (about myself) before. This is all because you've let me see that I am a person who is important, and even if it is only to a few people, it's more than I ever would have believed." He's my angel. Ryan just stopped by. Him and Caleb are playing Atari and giggling like little school girls. Chris phoned recently. I don't believe it will be too long until he stops by. He says that he is now not going to leave on his "journey" until either friday or saturday. Guess we'll see what happens when that time rolls around. Caleb is incredible. He was scared when the two of us called him but he says he's quite relieved that things finally happened the way it did. I guess he wasn't too happy having to do all the shit he did. It was wrong what he did, and he acknowledges that. But he seems to be in much better spirits now that yesterdays events happened. I'm hungry. I'm content. My bum is cold. My cat needs his needle. I want to fnish reading my book. I shall go eat now. Current Mood: loved Current Music: John Lee Hooker (Comment on this)