This is a Roy/Ed ficlet dedicated to my kitten, Missy.  My sister got her for me as a b-day gift.  *bounces*  I've been begging for a kitten for years, so I'm completely thrilled.  *cuddles kitten*
Anyway, no real warnings.  Just fluff.  Quick ficlet.

Kitten Tales

For once, Fuhrer Roy Mustang’s smirk looked a little unsteady on his face.  His dark eyes, instead of glinting with their usual confidence, were shadowed with the barest hint of what some mortals would mistake for fear.  However, in his defense, most of his plans had some sort of back-up or safety net.  At the very least, in most instances, the stakes weren’t quite so high.

But judging by Edward Elric’s expression, he was not only displeased enough with the gift to warrant the usual couch punishment, he was displeased enough to refrain from the usual office quickies.

In short, his petite lover looked utterly enraged.

“A kitten?!” Edward shrieked, holding up the blinking furball.  “Why the fuck would I want a—”

With a hiss, the young colonel almost dropped the black kitten and instead hunched over, clutching his bandaged abdomen.  Hastily, Roy snatched the kitten out of Edward’s hands.  “Would you like me to call a nurse?” he asked, his voice as collected as ever.

Edward glared at him, rubbing his ear with his unbandaged hand.  “The nurse said she’d kick you out if you started screaming again,” the blond reminded him.

Collected did not necessarily mean quiet.  Right.  Roy cleared his throat and straightened.  After a slight incident with a dissatisfied state alchemist, his young lover had found himself “imprisoned”—Edward’s description—at the Central Military Hospital for the next three weeks.  Unfortunately, his pressing duties as the leader of the military—Hawkeye’s description—kept Roy from spending those three weeks glued to Edward’s side.

With that thought in mind, along with the thought that Edward refused to let Alphonse know that he was again in the hospital, Roy decided that he would get his lover a companion.  How was he supposed to know Ed would react so badly?

Because he always does, he grumbled to himself, even as he examined the bandage covering Ed’s side.  No sign of blood.  Roy hid a sigh of relief.  Then he scowled again.  He didn’t even think about how hard it was to get them to allow Ed to have a kitten in here.

The black kitten mewled, and Roy absently petted him.  “I have to get back to work.  Please, just take care of him.  If you still dislike the idea so much in the morning, I’ll take him back.”

Edward glared suspiciously, first at Roy, then at the innocuous kitten in his hands.  “Promise?”

This time, Roy didn’t bother hiding the sigh.  “Promise.”

Still scowling, Edward nonetheless took the kitten from Roy’s hands.  He eyed the furball like he was diseased.  “All right,” the blond growled.  “Get out of here before Colonel Hawkeye hunts your ass down.”

However, the look in those golden eyes softened Edward’s harsh words, and Roy couldn’t resist a kiss.  “Right,” he murmured against Ed’s lips.  “Good night.”

Edward closed his eyes.  “Good night.”

After Roy left, Edward stared at the kitten.  The black kitten stared unblinkingly back.  His slate eyes dominated his tiny face.  Edward huffed.

“Why the hell does Al keep collecting you guys?” he murmured, carefully hoisting himself into a more comfortable position.  His ribs and spine violently protested the motion, and Edward closed his eyes again.  “Dammit.”

The kitten chirped, and Edward gaped.  “What the hell are you?  A bird?  Trust that idiot to get me a kitten that doesn’t even meow!”  The kitten chirped again, climbing out of Ed’s bandaged hand to settle on Edward’s stomach.  Ed cringed.  “Oh yeah.  You’re not only odd, you’re sadistic!  Definitely Roy’s idea.”

With another half-hearted chirp, the kitten curled up and closed his eyes.  Edward glowered.  “Bastard,” he grumbled.

“Colonel Elric, sir!” a nurse called, entering his room.  He shifted his glower to her.  She didn’t flinch.  She didn’t have to.  She was the one who could administer shots.  “Here’s your dinner.”

Edward surveyed the plate, his face growing thunderous.  “I specifically asked for coffee,” he snarled.  “Not . . . this!”

Still not a flinch.  “The Fuhrer ordered us to have one for each of your meals.  Besides, it will aid in your recovery.”

Edward twitched, but the nurse only smiled as she turned around to leave.  “Remember, we will mark what you eat and don’t eat every day,” she called over her shoulder.  “I’ll be back soon to gather the dinner dishes.”

The kitten chirped sleepily as Edward sat up a little.  As he sat up more, the kitten grudgingly sat up, too.  Shooting him a drowsy glare, the kitten began to clean.

“Oh, shut up, furball,” he grumbled, stabbing the mashed potatoes.  At least, he thought they were mashed potatoes.  They kinda had the texture of some meat product.  Edward tested a bite and grimaced.  And for some reason, they tasted like chicken.

He was just moving on to the required fruit side dish when the furball climbed off his lap.  Edward rolled his eyes.  Great.  Now he got to babysit.  “Hey, you—” he began.  His eyes bulged.  “Ah . . . ah. . . .  Oh, furball, where the hell have you been all my life?!”

xoxoxox

Roy blinked.  “So, you want the kitten after all?”

Edward smiled sweetly, petting Furrball.  “Yep.  Decided he wasn’t so bad after all.”  The kitten chirped, and Ed scratched under his chin.  The kitten’s purr resembled the rumble of a train.

Still blinking, Roy managed a shrug.  “All . . . right.”  He smiled tentatively.  “You like your gift?”

Edward’s grin was blinding.  “Yep!  Furrball’s my hospital buddy now!”

After a moment, Roy decided it wasn’t worth contemplating and stole a small kiss.  “Three weeks, huh?” he mumbled.  “How long after that until strenuous physical activity?”

Edward tilted his face up, parting his lips.  Regretfully, Roy pulled back before Ed could try to deepen the kiss.  “I’ll be as good as new in two weeks,” Ed retorted.

Rolling his eyes, Roy gave Ed one last kiss before straightening.  “I was just dropping in on my way to work.  I’ll see you after work, all right?”

Edward offered him a sunny smile.  “See you then!”

The whole situation rubbed Roy wrong somehow, but as it seemed like he wasn’t going to be sleeping on the couch, he wasn’t going to protest.  Flashing his lover one last smirk, Roy turned to leave—

Then something caught his eye.

Patient completely finished dinner, which included fruit, Salisbury steak, mashed potatoes, tea, and—  Roy’s eyes widened.  The pieces fell into place.

Milk.

“Edward!”