The Musings of An ADD Ch...Oooh, Shiny!

Subject:	Just a rant about being an *NSYNC fan
Time:	4:34 pm.
Mood:	bitchy.

The 90s was a weird decade to grow up in. People paid four hundred dollars for a bear stuffed with beans. Fanny packs were fashionable. “I did not have sexual relations with that woman” was a phrase a three year old recognized. And of course, boy bands ruled the world. The options were never-ending: New Kids On The Block, Backstreet Boys, 98 Degrees, and my gorgeous crooners of choice: NSYNC.

Any 90s kid could recite each member’s name, favorite color and opinions on the Gulf Wars. Pre-pubescent girls felt their hormones rush every time Justin Timberlake flashed a toothy grin. Fuck Kurt Cobain, we all said. It’s all about the bubbly teen-pop and literal dance moves. OJ? Chris likes it with pulp. The life span of our mother’s black eye liner plummeted, because dammit! JC would be able to see “I HEART JOSH” scribbled on our arms.

And then, as quickly as pop music rocketed to the forefront of any self-respecting teenager’s mind, it was replaced by the misogynistic lyrics and monotonous beats of hip-hop and rap. The boy bands of our youth faded from the charts and the members went into hiding, popping out every three years to make appearances on a reality show. Suddenly, a cultural phenomenon that mesmerized our eyes and dominated our bedroom walls morphed into something that was mocked, ridiculed and deemed “gay.”

I’m 16. I’m surrounded by whiny emos whose idea of fun is slitting their wrists and bemoaning their middle-class existence. If I turn on the radio, my poor ears are assaulted by bands like My Chemical Romance, Fall-Out Boy, and songs called “I’m In Love With A Stripper.” The fact that this song is even popular makes me want to bash the collective heads of my generation together with that stripper pole they seem so fond of, but I digress. Amidst all of this crap, it still comes as a surprise to everyone I meet that anyone still likes NSYNC. To which I answer: what the fuck.

It really is amazing how judgmental my peers are over music. I mean, it’s not like I’ve just admitted to blasting Osama’s demo tape while planning world domination; it’s pop, for chrissakes. Ten years ago, y’all liked it too! Why am I being demonized for my continued enjoyment of such gems as “It’s Gonna Be Me” or “Tearin’ Up My Heart”? Is there a difference between the pop music of my past and constantly replaying the 1996 Yankees beating the Braves for the World Series every night before bed? How come it’s okay to worship all things John Mayer but I can’t get a little excited over a possible NSYNC reunion without being labeled a stupid teenybopper?

In this country, it’s almost expected that straying away from the norm is totally unaccepted, yo. Being a girl growing up at the crux of two different generations has set me, and others like me, in a cycle of being mocked for our music taste and subsequently brushed off as bubblegum loser with a loosening grip on reality. All because I listen to NSYNC in 2007.

When fourteen-year-old Jessica from Nebraska says she loves Justin Timberlake, she does. Not, granted, in the way she will someday love a man who will be her husband and the father of her children and will leave his nasty smelly socks on the floor, but she does love him. She loves him with an intensity that is almost painful, with a kind of lonely desperation, with a commitment that may be short-lived, but is also all encompassing. Jessica is exploring relationships between men and women in a way that is safe and won't get her pregnant, and we deny her the space to do that and call her a teenie. Which, you know, she is. But still.

When fourteen-year-old Johnny from Nebraska says he loves Jamir Jagr, we pat him on the head and send him off to watch the game. When Jamir loses, and Johnny cries, we try to help him deal with it by saying that things will get better, that Jamir will pull through, that Jamir is the king. It'll be okay. Johnny is given oodles of space to learn how to deal with adoration and loss.

Have you ever noticed that hockey is cool and NSYNC is not?

A large part of why hockey is cool is that men like it.

A large part of why NSYNC is uncool is that women like it.

Jessica's love for Justin is as real, as important, as valid, as Johnny's love for Jamir. But because we live in a patriarchy, we attach value to male things, and frown on female things. Things which are loved by men are meaningful, while things which are loved by women are meaningless.

Jessica has been one-upped already, and she's just started.

When Justin vows love eternal to Britney, and Jessica weeps hot adolescent tears of pain and confusion, we awkwardly tell her that she never had a chance anyway, and that she'll get over it. Which, of course, she will, but that's not the point. WHAM. Shut down, Jess. Your emotions have just been invalidated, by your parents, your teachers, your peers, the media which encouraged you to love Justin in the first place.

As dictated by our society, it is now a crime to show any interest in the Ghost’s of Music Past. Jessica will now learn to stifle her opinions because hey, they never really mattered anyway…she like a boy band. Since when did it become alright to discriminate against us chicks based on our musical preference?

So yeah, maybe I am a teenybopper. But I’m a Heartlessly Bitchy teenybopper, and I will not take this crap anymore. The next time someone rolls their eyes when I tell them No Strings Attached was a great album, the next time my love for Justin Timberlake becomes the basis for a twenty minute Insult-Laurie-A-Thon, the next time I have to defend my boys’ sexuality, I’m going to say Bye, Bye, Bye to the niceties and throw a fucking fit. How dare you ridicule and tease me and then say you were “just kidding.” I’m a Heartless Bitch, and I am DONE apologizing for my music.

My name is Laurie, and I’m an NSYNC fan. Ya dig?

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