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[Monday October 6th, 2008 at 1:16pm] i dropped my math class. edison screwed me over, so i just wasted two months of my time. time i could have used to take another class. things just feel so wrong.

[Friday October 3rd, 2008 at 10:48am] i can honestly say that i have never been so busy in my entire life. here is where i would write my feelings- but i really don't have time to feel anymore. man.

[Thursday September 18th, 2008 at 3:50pm] i hate my insecurities. really, i do. they're destroying everything that i'm holding. i really wish that i didn't have to hold what others have done to me, against you. i can't trust you. i can't, and i don't know why. i really really want to, and that scares me. it scares me how much i feel for you, and how i really have no idea how you feel. i wish you'd spill to me like i did to you. i wish you had something to spill so i didn't look so ridiculous. i dont know why i feel like i need answers, but i really do. i don't even know what questions i want answered. really, i just feel like this is incomplete. I SOUND LIKE A FREAK. i'm thinking of just buying a ton of cats and crazy sex toys, and never feel again. wouldn't that be so much easier? ahhh. 2

[Tuesday September 16th, 2008 at 7:00am] i've just got that feeling. i have such a feeling about you, that it's almost scary. my parents have it too- they say things i've never heard them say. i think my mom likes you more than i do. i don't understand these feelings.. i've never felt like this before. i've never been treated the way you treat me. you're amazing. and i'm so scared of what you could do to me. vulnerable. life is really great. i ran from the cops for a bit with erin- kidnapped her ass, and got her on a 36 day prison sentence in her own home. talk about bs. i'm going to school, working, going to the gym daily and coaching soccer. it's really fun being so busy and active. :)

[Saturday September 6th, 2008 at 6:06pm] just when i think i've hit the bottom- i'm thrown something potentially really great. what are the chances? :) what a great night.

[Tuesday September 2nd, 2008 at 2:36pm] life is weird. everyone is weird. everyone is fucked up. everyone is suicidal, depressed, really sick, ADD, or something. everyone is fucked up. are there any normal people left that just want to go to college, start a career and have kids? why the hell does everything have to be so damned complicated with the many choices we are given. honestly. drugs, different girls and boys, school, no school, work, car, just priorities in general. i sometimes don't understand how twisted things can get so quickly. my ex called me. he killed himself. or tried. i don't know yet. i wont be sure, until at least tomorrow. this is the weirdest feeling i have ever had. i'm scared. i'm terrified. i'm worried. but i really don't know what to do. all i did was tell his brother, which made things worse. so here i sit. waiting. to hear from him, his brother, his mother, anyone. i wonder how sad you can really get. like the level of sadness. how much can one person bare? i've felt sad, i've felt pain. but absolutely nothing was painful enough to force me to desire death. i guess i just don't understand. will i ever understand? i hope not. damn. i hope you don't either.

[Thursday August 21st, 2008 at 9:19pm] you seriously think i don't notice? you have a pocket full of them, and you're acting wicked off. i'm not as retarded as you may think. you said to tell you what was wrong, so you could fix it. i don't want to you fix it. i'm sorry. you said you couldn't live without me. but you're going to have to. good luck.

[Thursday August 14th, 2008 at 12:35am] hahahahahahahaha if she only knew what she was getting herself into. and it's funny to think of all the shit you said about her. if she only knew. damn, you're shitty. so my sister is probably the worst person on earth, and being around her makes me feel like i'm changing into a ridiculously terrible person. she is so shallow and self centered, it's maddening. i'm being chased by too many boys right now. and really, i only want one. it's weird when something is chasing you that you used to be chasing. i don't know how to act. it almost makes me uncomfortable. i hope things work out. i don't like being chased by boys. i feel bad. i hate it. i just want to crawl up and forget about everyone. i just want to keep my certain close friends really close. i don't want to hurt anyone else. ..when someone tries to kiss you, i'm pretty sure the respectful response isn't yelling "Stop! i don't want to kiss you!" damn i suck. fuck.

[Wednesday August 13th, 2008 at 6:38am] i just want something real.

[Monday August 11th, 2008 at 3:56am] what. on. earth. life is so crazy, but i really can't tell you how amazing it is. in the last couple months, i have done the craziest shit ever. i'm glad i got that out of my system. now it's time to really focus on me. :) yayy i love my life.

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