| #007: I hate D.I.Y. |
[18 Jul 2007|08:38am] |
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Ballroom Blitz by Sweet |
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#007: D.I.Y.
I prefer it when other people do things for me because I am lazy. I am capable of doing things myself, but it's rarely an awesome experience. I don't understand why people find enjoyment in putting things like cabinets, beds or shelves together, especially when they could just buy it assembled or get someone else to do it. I guess some people find it satisfying and rewarding to put work into something and then proudly display the result in their home? Well I find it much more satisfying to just buy something in its finished state and spend my time doing things that I enjoy, like not putting furniture together. I think most things could be classified as more fun than putting furniture together. It's just a lot of unnecessary bother if you ask me, and everyone should hate unnecessary bother.
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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| #006: I hate Forwarded E-Mails. |
[15 Jul 2007|06:30am] |
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Doomsday Clock by The Smashing Pumpkins |
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#006: Forwarded E-Mails
It's lame when you see that there's new mail in your inbox, get all excited, and then realise it's of absolutely no interest. It's just a special offer from a website you ordered a Christmas present from last year or something like Hotmail telling me about how I should pay for a free account. Yeah, no thanks. However, now and then, you will get a real email from a real friend which is just as pointless. I'm talking, of course, about forwarded e-mails. There's usually the warning sign of an email title like "LOL YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS" or "SOMETHING FOR THE GUYS/GIRLS!!". After scrolling past several thousand email addresses that have already 'enjoyed' this email, you get to the payload - and how disappointing it always is. If you're lucky it will be a mildly amusing photoshopped picture. If not, it'll be some rant about how love is all around or how peace is like THE BEST, written by someone in a dead end office job somewhere. Either way, if you have any sense you'll delete it faster than you can say "DELORTED" because these things have all the intellectual worth of a raisin. And not even one of those California Raisins. Just a regular, dumb raisin. If you are one of those people who actually does the forwarding, stop. If you want some attention, think of something entertaining yourself, rather than regurgitating someone else's crap.
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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| #005: I hate The Taste Of Medicine |
[10 Jul 2007|11:50am] |
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Run For Your Life by The Beatles |
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#005: The Taste Of Medicine
Medicine is something that is supposed to make us feel better, right? Right. So can someone please explain to me why the manufacturers choose to make medicine the nastiest tasting stuff in the universe? No matter how "cherry-flavoured" they claim something to be, it always tastes absolutely evil. And you can never really place the taste. Sure, there's some cherry in there, but you're also tasting some gasoline, wood, raw meat and...tears? Is it really that difficult to make something taste nice? McDonalds should release some McMedicine because god knows I (and half of the rest of the world) would happily take that shit until it made me indestructible. But yeah, I hate being sick - not necessarily because I'm sick, but because I know i'm going to feel a whole lot worse after tasting the stuff that's supposed to be making me feel better. Nyquil? Nyquon't touch the stuff anymore.
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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| #004: I hate Two Of The Six Writers Of Scary Movie |
[30 Jun 2007|07:07am] |
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You Woke Up My Neighbourhood by Billy Bragg |
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#004: Two Of The Six Writers Of Scary Movie
I am referring to Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who market themselves as the title above in a bizarre attempt to win audiences over to their recent intelligence abortions, Date Movie and Epic Movie. First of all, being one of the people who wrote Scary Movie isn't much of an accomplishment. In fact, having seen Scary Movie, it's somewhat depressing to think that it took six human brains to simply make fun of the horror genre in a way that was both non-hilarious and anti-entertaining. However, this self-appointed title of theirs apparently has Hollywood chomping at the bit as they have been allowed to write and direct two of the worst comedies ever concocted. I'm hoping that their next movie will be Parody Movie, a flick all about shit films that make fun of much better, more original films. I'm sure it'll be hilarious, especially when the movie starts to parody itself and ends up imploding in a puff of sarcasm. Let's hope that, for the sake of cinema, it takes its writers with it. Otherwise I fear I will soon carry the title of 'One Of The Many Contributors To The Two Of The Six Writers Of Scary Movie's Bloody, Bloody Demise'.
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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| #003: I hate The Middle Finger |
[21 Jun 2007|03:40pm] |
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The Bends by Radiohead |
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#003: The Middle Finger
This is a pretty simple one really, but anyone that relies on using the middle finger to express how they feel probably doesn't deserve to have any attention paid to them whatsoever. It's become such a ridiculously mainstream thing now, and yet people still do it because it makes them seem edgy and dangerous. Ooo, a hand gesture?! Wow! Rebellion! It also appears to be a standard part of the common idiot's photographic pose, usually partnered with a backwards cap, ridiculous pout or a bottle of Mike's Hard Lemonade. I am all for anger but the middle finger doesn't demonstrate it. It simply shows that you have run out of anything interesting to say or do.
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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| #002: I hate Car Bras |
[18 Jun 2007|08:58am] |
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High Acetate by Rival Schools |
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#002: Car Bras
A car bra (also known as a front-end mask) is a piece of vinyl that wraps around the front portion of a vehicle, protecting it against flying rocks, debris and anything else that might smack the front of your car, causing dents and scratches. I got that description from a website that sells them, so it's obviously a bit biased and wouldn't mention to you that this product simply creates the impression that Optimus Prime and Zorro have had a vehicular lovechild. Basically, car bras looks stupid. If the vinyl is so awesome at protecting the paintwork, why not have it cover the whole car? I'm sure there are people out there who would relish the chance to purchase a gimp mask for their vehicle. These are obviously the same people who consider Pimp My Ride to be educational programming and more than likely enjoy pumping Nickelback out of their unnecessarily bass-driven car stereos. If you're a demolition derby driver then I could appreciate the benefits of something that will catch and hold pieces of your car as they attempt to fall off. For anyone else, a car bra is basically a way of painting "I AM A DOUCHE" on your bumper without vandalising your vehicle.
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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| #001: I hate Nickelback |
[12 Jun 2007|08:18am] |
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Turning On The Screw by Q.O.T.S.A. |
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#001: Nickelback
Why do I hate Nickelback? No, that's not the right question. Why does anyone not hate Nickelback? Now you're talking. They sound like an unhealthy car engine and look like an unhealthy whore's vagina. That's all there is to it really. They create some of the most monotonous 'rock' music I've ever heard and the fact that a large number of people (in America, at least) seem to enjoy it really just points towards some kind of Canadian gypsy hypnotism. I really look forward to someone defending Nickelback but I'm pretty sure that won't happen because most of their fans are either busy fucking their cousin in a barn or being fucked by their cousin in a barn. I guess I've answered my own question there. Why does anyone not hate Nickelback? Incest, apparently. Makes sense to me!
P.S. You can hear this post by clicking on the image.
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