So, here's the thing.

My LJ life was fun. I could say what I wanted without being judged. Okay, I was judged but I was okay with it because I - Lydia - wasn't judged, TTT was, and TTT is pretty cool about these sort of things.

Lydia, however, isn't. Lydia is a bit more thin skinned than TTT. A bit more careful. Lydia doesn't slash...in public.

Lydia isn't on LJ. Lydia is on Facebook and when Lydia doesn't get friended back she gets bitter. She gets bitchy. And she doesn't forget.

Yes, I am petty.

I also have to behave because these people know me. Work with me. They are related to me. And they know my mother.

And there is an appalling lack of smut in Facebook. What's the point, really?

However.....

I was just contacted by someone I hadn't spoken to in nearly 20 years.

And that is kinda cool.

Yes, I’m still alive. I didn’t want this place to become my dumping ground so I told myself I would not update until I had something good to report. As you can see it’s been a while.

Yesterday, however, Mr. Tart and I watched the last Harry Potter movie and I remembered that the next movie is coming out in November. I also realized that I knew nothing about the movie. Usually at this point I’ve seen a slew of pictures, have read half a dozen interviews, and have seen at least three of the main stars naked. I’m so behind. Any news would be greatly appreciated.

So a quick update –

The good – I’m buying a house!!!! Or really trying to. It needs a new septic system. And boiler. And the electric needs to be updated. And the roof needs to be reshingled. And the kitchen needs to be updated. And every room needs new paint and light fixtures. And there’s radon in the basement. And some termite damage, don’t forget the termite damage. But other than that it’s perfect!!!!! I know it sounds awful but we got a good price on the house and are able to make most of the updates before we move in. It has a great backyard and it’s in a great school system so I’m thrilled. I’ll let you knew when we close on it. Until I get the keys I’m not sure it will actually happen.

The bad – I’ve had my third miscarriage in a year and a half. I’m taking the summer off from thinking about it. In the fall the hubby and I are getting a work up to make sure there isn’t a bigger problem. Then we have to decide whether we try again. I’ll tell you the truth, this last time broke me a little, but the idea of not trying again bothers me more than failing again. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted on that as well.

The ugly – My sister is going through an bitter divorce. I’m actually pretty thrilled she’s getting a divorce. I hate her husband- a bigger waste of space doesn’t exist on this world or the next – but I hate what it’s doing to her and my nieces. He’s irrational, erratic, selfish, and unstable. And those are his better qualities. I’d like to give specifics but I can’t until the whole thing is settled. Fingers crossed that it’s soon.

Mr. Tart is great (most of the time), the Tartlet is fabulous (for at least part of the day), and the job is getting better (very, very, very, slowly). We go on as best we can. I’m actually feeling pretty happy today. We got a good report on the state of the attic and tomorrow I’m signing mortgage papers. Here’s to new beginnings and crippling debt!

Miss you much,

TTT

It has taken me this long to say Thank You to everyone who wished me a Happy Birthday - two weeks ago. How pathetic is that!?!

Well, any way....

Thanks! It was really quite extraordinary. I've been around so seldom that it really surprised me.

Having your birthday fall on a major holiday kinda sucks. At first I thought it would be cool to have it on Easter because I would be with family and everyone would would be in a festive mood.

I was wrong. So very wrong.

I did get a cake though and it's surprising how much better everything seems after cake.

I've been corresponding with a lovely person who translated a couple of my fics into German and was kind enough to translate reviews for me. It made me remember how much I missed this fandom and how badly I want to finish the half written stories sitting on my hard drive. It also made me realize just how much I devoted to fandom. It was basically my drug of choice for 5 years.
Just sitting here, taking ten minutes out of my day to say hello feels so very good.

Anyhoo....

The house hunt continues. We have a realtor. We are also considering going on a tour of foreclosed housed. I am not keen on the idea of profiting from another's misery. There's too much bad Ju-Ju already in my life. We'll see.


I also got a call from an ad agency looking for me to interview there. My job is killing me but who's to day that one will be any better. There is must too much to think about right now.

I have 10 minutes before I have to be at work. I might just nap.

Later Days, mi amigos.

Allo, Allo, friends and those who vaguely remember who I am. How goes it?

I missed you so very much.

I realized how much I used this place as a refuge from all the things that pained me. I miss reading your journals, and lurking in the comms, and the reading and the writing of the lovely fics. Especially the writing. It's been so since I've written anything. Not that I haven't wanted to. I've had bunnies - evil, wicked bunnies.

*le sigh*

But life goes on.

Funny kid story -

So I'm singing a lullaby to my son. Now when he was four this was cute. At six - six going on forty - he has less patience with me. He looks at me with a tone of incredulity says "Why does she buy her son such rotten gifts. Can't she tell that the mockingbird can't sing when she's in the store? Why did she buy it?"

I thought you'd like that one. :o)

Oh - I need some advice. Mr. Tart (he's waving hello BTW) and I are looking to buy a house. Our first house. I have no idea what I'm supposes to look for or ask about. I know many of you own homes. Can you give me some pointers? Something that you wish you knew to ask before you bought your own home?


You could also just say "HI". That would be nice to.

I would love to hear from you.

Reasons why I suck –

1- I totally missed the birthday of one of my favorite people in the world. abigail89 I’m so sorry. You had a special comm – WHICH I JOINED WEEKS AGO – and couldn’t get my shit together in enough time to wish you a happy birthday.

So…..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

Sorry I suck so much.

2 – I was nominated for a bestmatesawards but was away from my email for so long I didn’t accept the nomination in time. Thanks so much to whoever took the time to nominate my fic. It really means the world to me. I’m sorry I suck and didn’t follow through.


3 – I have a friend I introduced to Harry Potter. She read all seven books in a matter of weeks and got just as obsessed with it as I was. She’s really having a hard time moving past it and reading anything else. Frankly, she is a perfect candidate for fandom. I think she’d love it and would truly find that little bit more she is looking for, here. I can’t bring myself to introduce her to fandom because I am not comfortable about sharing this part of my life with outsiders. The few times I tried to share it …let’s just say it didn’t go over well. I feel for her because I know what she is going through, and I know fandom could help, but I’m terrified to share it with her. I feel like I’m betraying her and I hate that. I suck again.


4 – I’m petty. No really I am. I have always been one who’s cheered for people when they’ve succeed or when good things have happened to them. Lately though it's been a lot harder to do. I started to list out my pettiness in detail but I’m really embarrassed at how bad I’ve become. Everything is bothering me lately. That’s not me. That’s not who I am. But I’m afraid it’s who I’m becoming.

5 – I want to write so freaking bad, but I can’t. I’ve been working so many hours that I can barely stay awake when I come home.

That just sucks.



What doesn’t suck –

You guys are great. I’ve just skimmed a tiny bit of my flist (I’ve been MIA for a long while and have missed everything) and I love that you are still reading and writing and creating. You give me hope.

Stay strong!!!

Love you ,

TTT

I was going share the details of my week - I mentally quit my job six times so it was quite an eventful one - but I refuse to spend one more minute thinking about the wretched place. Instead I turn to my lovely source for all things Harry Potter.

My book club is going to have a Harry Potter Special and I'm wondering if you could help me with the following. Please answer any and all that interests you -

1 - What inconsistencies have you found over the course of seven books?

2- Are there any questions JK left unanswered that really irked you?

3 - Were you satisfied with the ending?

4- Which book did you like most? The least? Any particular reason?

5 - Favorite/Least Favorite character from book one? By book seven did that change?

6- Which character death bothered you the most?

Thanks much ......

My boss is this optimistic, bubbly, extremely energetic, Grateful Dead loving hippy who hasn't worn the same outfit twice since I've started working here.

Most days I just want to kick her.

Well Howdy.

Let me say that I am thrilled (and a bit surprised) that I haven’t been defriended by all of you. Thanks for having faith.

Life proceeds.

I’ve turned into one of those work-a-holics. Not by choice, mind you. Normally I’m horror-struck by those types, but the whole “making money to buy things with” thing is actually more important to me than I would care to admit. Sadly, I spend so much time at work -- actually working -- that I don’t have time for anything else. I get home at night and can do little more than kiss my son good night and vegetate on my couch to whatever is on the Food Network.

Luckily for me I found a small group of Harry Potter fanatics so that I don’t feel completely out of the loop. And while their enthusiasm pale sin comparison to yours, it’s enough to keep me sane. Then, on those rare occasions that I can skim my flist, I find home. I hadn’t realized how much this place meant to me until I was forced to take extended (and unwanted) vacations.

Not being here doesn’t mean that I haven’t been thinking of you. It doesn’t mean that I don’t have half finished fics that I think about or new fic ideas running through my brain - hello, Potion's Master to revive!!! I even have a fic that I sent to a beta to look over. Part of me wants to post it just to get back in the swing of things but I know that it isn’t ready (by ‘isn’t ready‘ I mean it sucks donkeys). It’s het, rare-paired, and painfully PG. If I’m going to put a fic out that no one will be interested in, the least I could do is make it readable for those few brave soul who might give it a once over.

Speaking of fandom can someone direct me to a recent Ron/Draco that I might read before I go to bed.

Pretty please. :o)

There’s also all this other crap going on that I tell myself I’m going to share with you but never do. I don’t want to be the friend who only shows up when she need to bitch about something. That’s no fun. I will there’s one person who is getting a long overdue divorce, another getting divorced that never wanted it , and a third that really needs to get divorced but won’t. None of those people are me - Mr. Tart and I are still tight and the Tartlet is still the light of my life – but all these people are important to me so I’m affected.

I’ll stop here because I can’t seem to form another coherent thought.

I will now open the floor to questions.

Love me, hate me,
Kiss me, kill me.
Torture me slowly,
With feathers of doves.

Call me, ignore me.
Curse me, adore me.
Set me on fire,
But do it with love.

I can't tell you why this has been running through my head for days. Shows you the sorry state of my head. I also just steam cleaned my carpet....at 9 PM. I've obviously lost it. :o)

I have just had my longest hiatus from fandom since I was first ensnared in its ho-so lovely tentacles all those years ago. I"ve not been online for a couple of weeks. I have no idea what's going on except there's some sort of age-content filter that I don't quite understand. It seems like a good idea, I think, but I'm sure it will somehow bite us all in the ass sooner or later.

I hope you are all doing well.

BTW - does anyone else get spam mail from Greatest Journal. What the hell is up with that? I get so excited to get email only to find someone is very concerned about the size of my penis. Does every man on this plane have penis problems that so much mail must be sent out to stop it.

Enough of that - How goes it, y'all?

I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Did you ever feel that? Like you were a stranger in your own skin. It’s an odd feeling, like you’re floating above yourself watching someone else’s life from a distance. And it’s not a very interesting life. Frankly, if it were a television show it would have been cancelled before the pilot aired….and all copies burned in some sort of ceremonial sacrifice.

If I had to feel like someone else why couldn’t I feel like Angelina Jolie? I might be feeling odd but at least then I’d be smoking hot. Actually, then I’d be married to Brad Pitt, and really he does nothing for me. I’d also have half a dozen kids and while they’re cute being saddled with my own little league team doesn’t allow me to really take advantage of my hotness, so what’s the point.

Okay, forget Angelina. How about Selma Hayek? She’s hot and engaged to a bazillionaire. Only one kid. That I can handle. Also, a bazillion dollars buys many nannies. Maybe I could buy one for Angelina; seems like she could use one.

So….where was I?

Oh yeah, I don’t feel like myself lately. I feel out of sorts. Work has been tough and I feel like that’s all I can think about, like my brain can’t handle my job and an actual life. Two people in my department want to quit. When you have a department of four that doesn’t bode well for the rest of us. One of the disgruntled workers is my manager - this is also not a good sign. Not that I blame either of them, I’d like to quit too. The part that sucks is that I like the work - it’s interesting - I just think I’d like it better at a company that didn’t work me to the ground and expect me to be chipper about it. There’s nothing about me that says ‘chipper’ or ‘perky’ or any variation there of. I don’t even care enough to be apathetic.

Why couldn’t I feel like someone who likes her job? :o)

Family is still good and that counts for something. Counts for a lot actually. And it will be Christmas soon which means I can put up my tree and my ornament collection. For those of you that don’t know I’m obsessed with Christmas ornaments. (Obsessed as in my Harry Potter was mildly amusing in comparison.) I have a couple of hundred and have even started a collection for my son so that he will have one (or four) for each year of his life. If I could, I’d have my tree up now but my husband insists on waiting until after Thanksgiving (the heartless bastard).

So, in short, I’m not me and I’m not Angelina Jolie. I like Christmas and my husband is a heartless bastard but only until after Thanksgiving.

ETA: Heartless Bastard husband wants it duly noted that he just made me a cup of my favorite tea while I sat mocking here him to you all. So who ever this is who I am currently, is a bitch. :o)

Good night all.

As has been the case time and again over these last few years, every time life drops me down a sewer Fandom is there with a ladder, a flashlight, and a piece of chocolate cake. Whether it's with words of encouragement or support or something else completely unexpected.

In this particular case the lovely and talented xiaogui has drawn fan art inspired by my story The Tao of Diogenes.

You can find it here in LJ and here in Deviant Art.

I'm so in love with this picture - everything from Severus's knees to his expression to the haughty little Diogenes perched in is hand is simply darling.

Please go and leave much praise, not only for the lovely piece of art but for the gesture that salvaged my month.

I got in a car accident this week.

I do the obligatory “I’m fine” song and dance for anyone that asks but I’m pretty freaked out about the whole thing. I close my eyes and I see myself hit the car in front of me over and over again. I hear the crunch of metal and the screech of tires. I’ve driven since but I was shaking the whole way.

The adjuster thinks my car might be totaled. The mechanic thinks it can be saved. Either way it’s costing me. The little financial gain we’ve made since my husband’s new job will be depleted. I can’t say I’m surprised - I’ve led a very one step forward two steps back sort of life - I am disappointed, however. Mostly in myself. I gave my husband permission to take the kid and run before he is sucked in the vortex of my misfortune any further.

That’s right – I have my very own vortex of misfortune. Envy me.

I haven’t told my mother yet. She worries about me enough, I tell her this happened she’ll be lighting candles and buying every saint statue in a six mile radius.

I haven’t told my son either. I didn’t even want him to see the car. There’s really no need -- unless it is totaled then I’ll keep it around for his teenage years. That ought to make driver’s Ed fun.

The funny part is the mechanic wanted to give me an Explorer for a rental. I turn to my husband, “I crashed a Focus and he wants me to drive an Explorer.” Needless to say I’m not driving an Explorer.

Oh, and to top it off I have three cavities.

Welcome to my life.

*sigh*

So, I’m fine….mostly.

I have a very varied friendslist. From, “No one is gay in the books, you freak. Can’t you read?” to “Everyone is gay in the books, you freak. Can’t you read?” Most of us fall somewhere in between. I think it’s unrealistic to think that no one is gay in an entire universe of books. Thinking everyone is gay is unrealistic too. It’s fun mind you, but unrealistic. Boys can like girls too. No really, it’s been known to happen.

I really didn’t need to be told Dumbledore was gay. I knew it (I mean look at how he dressed - crushed velvet indeed). To me the Dumbledore/Grindelwald connect was pretty clear. Ridiculously clear, actually. That being said, it is pretty cool to have official canon slash. I thank her for that. It tells me that I’m not nuts (about this anyway). That there were definite clues to things not said peppered throughout these books.

It also allows for more “what else isn’t she telling us” speculation, which is why I fell in love with fandom in the first place. The “what ifs” are what make it fun for me. I never really had interest in rehashing canon (though I did dabble in canon pairings once or twice, I’ll pair up whomever I damn well please, so there.)

Something like this statement, however, revitalizes fandom. The flame wars will rage for some time. For the sake of fandom I hope she continues to blow things up and allow the rubble to fall all around. And I hope we continue to pick up the pieces and do with them what we may.

That being said….there’s some part of me that wishes she’s shut the hell up. That’s right. I’d said it. As far as I’m concerned book canon is the only canon. If she couldn’t manage to get it in several thousand pages - in seven books - then let it go. If you want to give us a glimpse of a post book seven world then write another book.

I can hear you saying - If you weren’t in fandom you might not feel this way. You might want the closure. But I don’t think so. I think I would have liked to think that Neville married Luna and that they spent a lifetime confounding each other. Or maybe Luna and Dean ran off together. Or maybe Harry and Ron started a Quidditch team and much hilarity (and slash) ensued. Or maybe Hermione became the Muggle Prime minister. Or maybe….or maybe …or maybe. The great part of having read a book (for me) is thinking beyond the end and taking the characters to other places. So really, she can stop.

But that’s just me. I’m probably in the minority. In the meantime, let the DumbleWald ficfests commence.

Oh, and JKR is so very obviously a trio-shipper. Put that in your pipe and smoke it. :o)