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de funk 'd. [Feb. 28th, 2007|09:48 pm]
This journal is no longer operational. See:
proverbs for paranoids.
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UPDATE [Sep. 8th, 2006|12:08 am]
[Current Location |ATL]
[Current Mood |exhausted & optomistic]
[Current Music |Remy Shand]

It's a little past midnight on a Friday morning, and I'm in a hotel in Atlanta, working on a spreadsheet for a meeting that will last all day tomorrow. In the last six weeks, I have slept in Northern Virginia for about 7 nights. Mostly, I've been in St Louis, but I've also spent time in LA, Boston, and here in Atlanta. In Milwaukee next monday, Toronto for the rest of the week, and probably straight to Ithaca after that, to hang out and recruit more people to make my employer money. This fall, I'll be headed to Kansas to see my sister, to Rhode Island to see my grandmother, back up to Ithaca for the Waiters show, and possibly to the Dominican Republic to see Galen. Then I'll blink and it will be time to move again.

The flashbulb diary site expired two weeks ago, and I am still kind of sad.

The last 9 months have flown by in ways that I didn't know time could move.

I've fallen back in love with TS Eliot and Einstein's Dreams.

I've had the most expensive meals of my life, become a regular at the Ritz Carlton, drank a $50 glass of port. My tastes have grown expensive and my patience for incompetence has shrunk. I don't have a home, and I don't have a routine. I also don't have a life.

I like people, basically. I miss them.

If I had to guess, I'd say that one year from now, I'll be finishing out the last couple of months of a lease in Washington, finishing my last couple of months as a consultant. I'm not sure what's next, but I'm excited about it. One of these days, I intend to own my own business, and change the world. It's all about people.

I have grand plans to create a website. As long as work continues like this, it's unlikely. But, if it happens, maybe I'll get back to this public blogging thing.

Back to my spreadsheets. Cheerio.
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weirdo, batman [Dec. 17th, 2005|03:59 pm]
[Current Mood |more or less everything at once]
[Current Music |fbd]

today, i graduated.

i'ma miss this place. rawlings gave a good speech, touching on the simpsons ("there is a time for everything. that time is college"), ithaca's weather, and how we all now have a responsibility to think about and fix the ethical and moral dilemmas in broader society. his three examples: torture, national surveillance, and religion masquerading as science. (stupid nyt select). made me proud to call this place home. also: cornell doesn't give honorary degrees. that's cool.

my room is empty. moving out on monday.
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back to the future! [Dec. 11th, 2005|12:46 pm]
[Current Mood | good]

SO. I'm going to GRADUATE soon. I want graduation PRESENTS. Specifically:

I want lists from people of books that have changed their life in some manner. These lists needn't be long, and they needn't be annotated. You can comment here, or email me. I need a nice long list of good books going into the new year.

Note that I am not asking for the best books you have read, or your favorites. I want the ones that have fallen at crucial times in your life, and left a mark.

For encouragement, I offer a short list of my own:

1. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, Pirsig. I read this on the Greyhound from Ithaca to Charlottesville, Fall of 2002, during which ride, I decided to leave Cornell.
2. What the Buddha Taught, Rahula. Concise, straightforward. Read it making coffee outside in November 2003.
3. Philosophy and Social Hope, Rorty. Read it this last Spring.
4. The American Scholar, Emerson. It took me a while to decide what of Emerson to put on this list, but this was the first thing I read, so it won. First read it December 2004.
5. The Meeting of East and West, Northrop. This book is long as shit, and a little outdated, but it was the first philosophy book that I read without cringing. Read it recording with FbD, summer 2004.
6. Ghandi's Challenge to Christianity. I forget the name of the author, but he was a Christian Missionary in India in the 1930s. This book is both brilliant and impossible to find. Read it in that rain-forest of an apartment, summer 2004.
7. Acts of Faith, Stark & Finke. I spent so much time with this book last semester it was unhealthy.
8. The Picture of Dorian Grey, Wilde. Spring 2001, high school graduation.
9. The Art of Loving, Fromm. Fall, 2004. I read this immediately after The Road Less Travelled, which was also seminal, but wasn't quite as simple. Thus Fromm makes the list and Peck gets and honorable mention.
10. The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, Kundera. Read it on the plane from Ithaca to DC, for my sell day at my future employer. Made me think the world was beautiful again.

// end request.
--

I have spent the last couple of days thinking about what life might/will be like when I move to DC. Thinking about money, and what I'm going to do with it (which is, put it into an investment portfolio automatically so I don't even see it.) Thinking about how I am going to exercise (some nice yoga studios in Georgetown), where I want to live (right now, Vienna or Georgetown), how I can still read books and have some sort of intellectual life while working 60 hour weeks (haven't solved that one yet). Over all, I am getting very excited about the move. I am very excited about my west coast trip in January, and, really, very excited to start work. I don't want to build it up too much in my mind for fear of disappointment, but the people at this place seem awesome, the work seems like it will be cool. I don't think I will ever get bored.

I'm thinking more about music, again, thinking about trying to put together a solo act and play out in DC. Not for a career, for me. I tried, for the first time in god knows how long, to write something new on the guitar yesterday. I would like to get something set up to record with and put a couple of demos down. I think if I don't get something musical established in my life right off the bat, it will be a rougher transition.

As usual, I have the most to say when I should be studying. Last final ever tomorrow. Back to the books.
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Progenitor Peng [Dec. 1st, 2005|11:13 pm]
[Current Music |Library cafe chatter.]

Today I:
- went to my last college class.
- finally worked up the guts to call my future employer and accept their offer.
- started planning for January (anybody know James' email?)
- ate sushi with Galen.
- emailed some people I've been needing to email.
- shivered. A lot.
- did a load of laundry.
- ate several spoonfuls of Nutella, which really is the nectar of the gods.
- wrote the first in a series of terrible but adequate papers.

A state of my mind and body update:

READING/READ RECENTLY:
- The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, Kundera. My God this man is a genius.
- The Long, Dark Tea Time of the Soul, Adams. Funny man.
- Beyond Belief, Elaine Pagels, who is a Harvard (I think) professor of Christianity. Back in the seventies, she wrote The Gnostic Gospels, likely the most widely read book on the Nag Hammadi Library. She also won a MacArthur Fellowship, somewhere along the way. This is a personal book about her views and beliefs. Very interesting.
- The Gospel of Philip, in three languages and five translations. Stupid paper. It's interesting, though.
- Wandering on the Way, Chuang Tzu. Dan handed me this book with the warning: "This will be the most important book you ever read." I'm not sure about that one. But it's interesting.

LISTENING TO:
- Maxwell
- Brubeck
- Afro-celt Sound System

DRINKING:
- Armagnac
- Peppermint tea

PONDERING:
- Life after college?
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T-18 days. [Nov. 30th, 2005|06:37 pm]
[Current Music |dave brubeck]

two days of classes left.
before I graduate:
a paper, a backlog of reading responses, a business plan, a presentation, and an exam.

I'll be back in nova on or around the 18th; skiing (?) for the last two days of the year; on the west coast for most of January; starting work the last week of February at a small strategy consulting firm.

It's all happening so fast.
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goings on [Nov. 13th, 2005|11:19 pm]
[Current Mood | sleepy]
[Current Music |windy outside tonight]

my my my what a busy week it has been.

first: the show was good. better than good. i am not sure exactly what i am going to do with myself musically after i leave here, but i don't think, at this point, that i could keep away. i don't think i could not sing. we'll see what happens. if i end up moving to new york, i have a band waiting for me there (with a few waiter alums), but that is looking less and less likely.

second: i got a job offer for that consulting company in vienna. it is rather attractive, and i am thinking seriously about taking it. i would probably start late February/early March. the firm itself is wonderfully appealing -- small, analytical, staffed with mind-bogglingly intelligent people (I interviewed with a physicist, a p-chem ph.d, and the president, who i think majored in cs back in the day). most analysts are in their early twenties. the day starts at 9:30 or 10:00. it's a short, two to three year expected tenure.
has it's downsides, of course. a 60 hour week is average, as is 1 to 3 days of travel per week. and, some how, i sort of feel like taking the job would be "selling out."

at any rate, this weekend they are flying me down there, putting me up in the willard, and trying to sell me on the company. i am currently wondering what to do about the vegetarian thing when they take me out to dinner. should i warn them ahead of time?we'll see how it goes. but the more i think about it, the more i like it. it would be nice to have a positive net income for a while. and at least i wouldn't get bored.

probably the only downside of getting a job offer is that i now no longer care about my classes at all. this is compounded by my attendance record recently, which has been remarkably poor. even by my standards.

anyway. nova this weekend, back for two days, nova for thanksgiving, back for two weeks, graduating. it's all happening so fast.
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it's raining leaves [Nov. 6th, 2005|12:55 pm]
[Current Mood | good]
[Current Music |iris]

i reiterate my love love love for dinner parties with amazing people.

finished foucault's pendulum. started on intelligence by Jeff Hawkins, the inventor of the palm pilot (+handspring, +sony treo, and more or less mobile computing in general), whose real passion, it turns out, is brains. he founded the redwood neuroscience institute (now part of berkeley, though he doesn't seem to be involved anymore). interesting book. i am finding it more and more difficult to do school work when there are so many other things to learn about that are actually interesting.

we have had an 'indian summer' in ithaca for the last several days. astonishingly beautiful.

last night i met a girl with a map of the world tattooed on her skull. how cool.

i am in a west coast frame of mind.
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life reeked of joy [Nov. 3rd, 2005|10:49 pm]
[Current Mood |glorious]
[Current Music |debussy]

Today it was nearly seventy, and flabbergastingly amazingly beautiful.
Had a first round interview yesterday morning with another consulting company, which I thought I totally bombed. Somehow, they called me back for second rounds, which were this morning. I talked to a manager and the president of the company (!!) and it was wonderful. I don't know how likely it is that I will get a job--also not sure how likely it is that I'd take it, since they're based in NoVA and I'm currently not to excited to move back there. But it was a fantastic experience.
NB: the 9th floor of the Statler (the on-campus hotel, where these interviews were) has ridiculously beautiful views. It was impossible to concentrate.
The second interview of the day was with a PIRG recruiter, and began by him saying "That's a good book" (I was killing time by finishing up Foucault's Pendulum). It was the first interview I have left not just feeling good, but actually feeling like a better person. I need to think more about this idea.

I didn't apply for teach for america. I wasn't inspired.

Tonight I tried to follow Isak's recipe for Butternut Squash soup. It was pretty good, but nowhere near the nectar he makes. It probably would have been better if I had written the recipe down when I heard it (as G did), rather than thinking "oh yeah, onions, garlic, ginger, etc." etc is important.

I'm gonna go sleep forever.
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same is not equal. [Oct. 24th, 2005|12:12 am]
[Current Mood | good]
[Current Music |debussy]

Listening To:
- Joni Mitchell
- Kind of Blue
- Debussy
- Jamiroquai
- Jaco Pastorius

Reading:
- Foucault's Pendulum, Eco. Enjoyable. Well researched. Long as crap.
- Wandering on the Way, Chuang Tzu. Given to me by Dan with this recommendation: "This will be the most important book you ever read." So far, it's not. But I'm only on the second page.
- The Art of Loving, Fromm. Again. Just skimming it, mainly, for our little discussion group. There are passages in this book that blow my mind, in the sort of way that makes you think "huh, i've never thought of that before. that's impossibly true."

Drinking:
- Whisky (mostly scotch, these days, but not very much of it. alcohol is bad for my body.)
- Pu-Erh tea (mmmmm earthy)
- smoothies (strawberries, blueberries, peaches, banana, oatmeal, milk = breakfast)
- boatloads of water.

Not Getting:
- a job
- anywhere on this paper
- rained on anymore: how I went through college without owning an umbrella I have no idea. but now i have one and it is glorious.


I was at the booksale today, stressing out about how much work I had to do today and how I was never going to get hired by anyone and how complicated and hopeless everything was. Just outside the building I passed a mother and daughter. And for some reason this prompted the thought, "Man, my life is amazing."
I'm not sure how that happened, but it happened again walking home from rehearsal tonight, which was more or less a three hour trudge through hell. And it happened over dinner, and just now talking to people online. Just a satisfaction with, well, this is how things are I guess and that's alright, actually, it's pretty good, so cool.

So, life is good. Just don't ask me what I'm doing when I graduate.
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[Oct. 16th, 2005|11:18 pm]
[Current Music |joni mitchell - both sides now]

fall in ithaca: metallica weather. pretty pretty pretty RAIN RAIN RAIN WIND WIND pretty pretty RAIN.
(galen gets credit for that one.)

weekend: dinner parties. "howl's moving castle" : a beautiful escape. more booksale books (couple eco novels, couple goethe plays, bunch of religious sociology books, another copy of the alchemist, a book on single malt whisky.) wine tour with a couple of waiter alumni + dinner party = far, far too much wine.

didn't get the bain job. was a wreck for a couple of days. now, i'm getting excited about bcg, whose first round on friday I think I did really well on. the interviewer actually replied to the little "thanks" email that i send to everybody i interview with. nobody's every done that before. it wasn't much, but it was wonderful. second round with accenture tomorrow, first round with sapient friday, first round with bose next friday.

although the job search is going better this year than it did last, i still hate it. the uncertainty kills me, on two fronts: the pressure to perform well in interviews, more or less sell yourself to a company, while at the same time asking: is this really what i want to be doing with my life?

this album is beautiful. the title track kills me.
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t r u t h o u t [Oct. 10th, 2005|11:34 pm]
[Current Music |Dave Brubeck]

If anyone was as annoyed as I was when the NYT op-ed section went behind an expensive curtain, an organization called truth out has found a magic loophole and is reprinting the columns. Especially worth reading is Frank Rich's Sunday column.

// end public service announcement.

rambling within )
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booksale aquisitions, part one [Oct. 10th, 2005|06:46 pm]
[Current Music |Jaco Pastorius]

I didn't know I still had this icon. Huh.

Annotated for your edification:
1. Einstein's Dreams, Alan Lightman. I love this book.
2. The Tassajara Bread Book, Brown. I've wanted this book for a while now. Tassajara is the monastery associated with the SF Zen Center.
3. Tassajara Cooking, Brown. Impulse buy.
4. Metamorphoses, Ovid. Impulse buy.
5. The Mind and the Brain, Schwartz and Begley. Impulse buy.
6. The Virtue of Selfishness, Rand. I have a love-hate relationship with Ayn Rand. This book is interesting.
7. Slowness, Kundera. Haven't read it. Kundera is a genius.
8. The Book of Laughter and Forgetting, Kundera. Ditto.
9. Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, Reps. Wanted this one for a while. If there is a classic American Zen text, this be it.
10. Flowers of Evil, Baudelaire. Bilingual. Terrifying cover art.
11. Collected Poems, 1909-1937, Eliot. Nice little hardback.
12. A Brief History of Time, Hawking. It is ridiculous that I am about to graduate with a degree in physics, yet have not read this book.

Things crossed off my list for the weekend:
- bread.
- two waiters arrangements.
- send that battery back to apple.
- end table (thank you galen!)
- groceries.
- hanging out with excellently cool people.

Things remaining on the list:
- physics problem set.
- three reading responses that I totally should have done before they were due.
- research 802.11g for "business plan."

I am reading Erich Fromm again, a book called The Forgotten Language about dreams. Also, I am spending more time than is probably healthy reading news blogs.

Dinner parties are probably the best things ever. Is there anything more naturally wonderful than getting a bunch of friends together, cooking dinner, drinking liberally, and letting the conversation go where it wills? Fantastic.

Job Search Update:
I got second round interviews with Blackrock and Accenture. This somewhat eases the pain of blowing the Bain second round last Thursday. But not really. Accenture is a week from Today on campus, and I will definitely go. Blackrock wants to fly me to New York this Friday, and I have second thoughts. I can't do it this friday, anyway, since I have 1) an interview with BCG that morning and 2) a Waiter roadtrip to Williams that night. It's in the Financial Modeling Group, which I need to learn more about. The director of the group is a physicist, which usually instills confidence in me. They solve interesting problems. But if it involves working 80 hour weeks, count me out.

It's been a weird weekend.
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[Oct. 1st, 2005|09:54 pm]
[Current Mood | tired]
[Current Music |dave brubeck]

I'm tired of waiting for a revolution.

Got an interview with BCG, which is pretty exciting. I need to do some more practice cases.
I might just stay here for fall break. My car isn't doing so well, and I have absurd amounts of work to catch up on. We'll see.

I got nothing.
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bain! [Sep. 19th, 2005|10:39 am]
[Current Mood |excellent]

*does the happy dance*

got the bain interview.

(also skipped class this morning. i doubt these are related.)

today: kung fu! fixing car! finishing umpteen problemsets! and:GROCERIES!
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The great website lust demon strikes again [Sep. 18th, 2005|11:56 pm]
POSSIBLE DOMAIN NAMES:

secondhandtango.com
claycrow.net
jpjohnson.us


when am i going to have time to make a website?
january. but right now it's a great way to procrastinate.

what would i put on a website?
... yeah, whatever.

TODAY:
i lost my hat. this is the most upsetting thing that has happened in weeks.

THIS WEEK:
will be very busy.
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"the future" and other popular myths [Sep. 17th, 2005|09:46 pm]
[Current Mood |same as it ever was]
[Current Music |stevie]

reading rorty again. what a genius.
also: einstein's dreams, by alan lightman. brilliant.

number of interviews applied for thus far: 6
number of interviews offered: 1
number of interviews pending: 4

career fairs tuesday and wednesday. polished my shoes, ironed my pants.
i have developed an interest in business consulting jobs.
to learn that language by solving other people's problems.
plus, lots of money. short term commitment. probable tuition reimbursment.
smart people. very large amount of information to assimilate in a very short time.
dynamic work environment. possibility of interesting travel.
short term. probably ridiculous hours. but short term.

after i learn the language, i'm gonna change the world.

OTHER POSSIBILITIES:
teach for america.

yeah, that's about it. not many people will hire a physicist who won't work in defense.

teach for america is also changing the world. but in a different way.
my thing about this is in terms of impact size. i am drawn towards business
because that is how the world works.
though i go back and forth on this one. sometimes i think teach for america
would probably be the hardest thing i could possibly do -- which is generally
enough reason for me to do anything.

the one interview i have so far is for a financial consulting firm called black rock.
which is low on my list of preferred places to work.
near the top are bain & co (where l/g's father worked), novantas,
mmg, and infosys. we'll see if i get interviews from these people.

after probably 15 hours of work and many many peer revisions, my resume kicks ass.
i am slowly mastering the art of writing cover laters.
i am miserable at the art of waiting for a response.

my ibook says it has 31 hours of battery life left. hrm.

i suppose i have a life outside of classes, waiters, and this job search.
but most of the time i forget about it.
those friends i do have left here are close friends, though. which is good.

THINGS I HAVE BEEN DOING OTHER THAN THE THREE THINGS LISTED:

- starting a happy hour intellectual club with groovy people (discussed thus far: ayn rand, milan kundera)
- drinking and eating incredible french chocolate with Dan
- going scotch tasting down at simeons
- baking bread. (at least, loading up a breadmaker and turning it on.)
- obsessing over rasberry jalapeno (sp?) jam (which is amazing)
- kung fu! which hurts, but is awesome
- laundry
- becoming more and more of a beer snob

THINGS I AM NOT DOING NEARLY ENOUGH OF

- writing
- playing guitar
- calling people

car won't start. this does not upset me nearly as much as i think it should.
though it is inconvinient. i seriously need to go to the grocery store.

ithaca is cold.
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the blood in my lungs is from biting my tongue [Sep. 9th, 2005|12:26 am]
live flashbulb diary songs.

spread the love.

ALSO:
if you have pictures from this show, please email them to me. merci.
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[Sep. 5th, 2005|11:03 pm]
[Current Mood |zzzz]
[Current Music |Debussy]

My NYSEG account number has 15 digits, with five dashes. It spills over from the memo line onto the signature line. Does NYSEG need 100,000 unique account numbers for every individual on the planet? Maybe they're planning ahead.

Life is good and crazy busy (things that tend to go together often). I have a class at 8:40 in the morning (Entrepreneurship for Engineers), which kind of sucks, but it's an interesting class. My other classes are easy (physics), amazing (intro to acting) and erudite (gnosticism seminar). Great mix.

The real purpose of this post is to say: if you share any of my obsession with the mind/consciousness/the self, go read this book (Mind Time), in which a neurophysiologist shows empirically that there is a 500 milisecond delay between stimulus and awareness (consciousness) of that stimulus. A reaction time can be 100 ms or faster. This means:
1. There is no stream of "consciousness", since one is not aware of thoughts until after they happen.
2. Decisions are not, in fact, made consciously. That is, we are not conscious of the moment the decision is made.
3. Public speaking, music, the arts, etc do all have their roots in the "unconscious" or, maybe better put, preconsious. That is, there is some neurological evidence to explain why thinking about a difficult passage while playing just screws you up.

Also, it has some serious repercussions for the debate about free will. Interesting ones. (The author still believes in it, and presents a pretty good case.)

Also reading/read recently:
1. Good Omens, Gaiman and Pratchett. I love this book so much.
2. Fear and Trembling, Kierkegaard. Iinnnnteresting. I'm not so sure about this one. Whenever he gets all "the individual is greater than the universal" I get a little woozy -- not because he is necessarily wrong, but because I feel it could be _interpreted_ wrong. Anyway. Not done with this yet.
3. The Sorrows Of Young Werther, Goethe. What a brilliant book. Brilliant brilliant brilliant.
4. The Virtue of Selfishness, Rand. I have impossibly mixed feelings about Ayn Rand. John Simeone and I are starting a friday afternoon tea-and-heated-argument-and-maybe-whisky-afterwards group, and starting with this book.
5. The Alchemist, Coelho. Required reading.
--

Ithaca is amazingly beautiful. I feel I have done a good job so far of not falling into habits. Job search starts in a couple of weeks, that'll be big. See what I end up doing for the next couple of years.

Sleep.
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[Jul. 19th, 2005|09:10 pm]
show: was good. next time, we're writing more parts for olivia. i love my band.
am still recovering. i guess i compartmentalize poorly.
there will be video and audio recordings, courtesy of miss kapadia up on the website at some undetermined future date.

i am getting back into music, i think. i have actually willingly listened to a few songs on my own during the last few days -- something i haven't done in several weeks. i am happy about this.

work every day this week. ithaca for a couple of days next week to find an apartment, home, quitting work on the 6th, kansas aug 7-11 (culture war!), apple store show on the 12th, last gravity show for the summer on the 14th, to ithaca for good on the 17th.

i am starting to get excited about going back. i have much to look forward to this semester, and the january whatcomesnext question is starting to excite me more, and terrify me less. given a lifetime of missed opportunity...

need to decide what i'm getting for my birthday. i'm thinking a bike. or a nice set of kitchen knives.
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