Current mood:	bored
Entry tags:	hahahaa, i am a misogynist, i am repulsive, porn is ok but theferret is not, sexism, victim of internet hate machine, why am i so popular

The Fascinating Thing About Porno

I look at a lot of porno. If there's a way to put a penis in it, I've probably looked at it in the course of any given day. Every woman's face I see looks like a glazed donut by the end of the page.

But I don't want to.

I'd much rather be reading. But every morning, I get up and do my internet walkthrough. I hit the cartoons first; PVP, Doonesbury, Dilbert, For Better or For Worse, FoxTrot, Zits, User Friendly, Sinfest, Commander Kitty, and the Cagle Collection of political cartoons on Slate.com. That's five minutes, tops.

Then I wander on over to my own LiveJournal to read my comments and maybe respond if I have time, then I read my Friends list (as well as a couple of people who've friended me but didn't quite make The Big Page) to see what you're all doing. Apparently half of you are involved in a breakup of some sort. Must be summer.

I then wander over to StarCityGames to look at our forums (and I always shudder - good God, we have some people who have more posts than brain cells, giving advice that would make a monkey weep and they never realize it), and then I hit GameSpy to see the latest computer games. There's been quite the death of them lately, and it's mostly been previews of games that will be jim-crackingly good when they come out, by gum! Sadly, everything now kind of sucks, so I ignore the previews (which are always far too taken in by technical glitz) and read the one review that's there.

I'm feeling kind of tawdry by then, a shallow man only interested in friends, games, and other rampant pleasures... So I hit Salon.com to suck in most of the lefty (yet accurate) news. I go to the BBC News to cleanse my palate with a good healthy wash of independent political reporting, and I feel important and well-up on the day's events.

Depending on the day, I hit Misetings, The Onion, Fark, Box Office Guru, Roger Ebert's movie reviews, the Sun-Times' Quick Takes, Web Pages That Suck, X-Entertainment, James Lileks, and Snopes.com.

After all that, it's maybe 1:00 in the afternoon. I've read every reliable source of solid, entertaining writing that I know about, and the well is dry.

What's left is porn.

There is a never-ending supply of porn, as it's ridiculously easy to create: Find at least two humans, strip them naked, have them start swapping bodily fluids. Porn is eternal, always filled with something new; the allure of Salon.com articles peters out after half an hour, but the peters of my porn sites are always there!

And Good God, it makes me wonder. Every day, I hit two amateur sites, and they always have fresh pictures of new women... And these are just the tip of the iceberg. There are thousands of porn sites out there, and relatively few of them overlap. How many women have posed naked for the internet?

Sooner or later, my dream will come true and I will actually recognize someone I know, naked and spread wide... But until then, I'm left with the uncomfortable feeling that while I may not have met them, each of my neighbors is slowly peeling off their panties, one by one, for the camera.

But I digress. The point is that I don't want to look at porn. I like porn, but I far prefer facts to flesh. I want to look at good, entertaining writing... But I keep running out, and so I have to return to the never-ending wellsprings. If there were three or four Salon.coms out there, a million constantly-updated and entertaining blogs, five trillion good cartoons, I'd never have to look at a naked woman again.

But alas, the writers fail me. The pen may be mightier than the sword... But it's weaker than the pussy.