theferrett: Why The Fuck-Average Should Be Higher

The Ferrett (

theferrett) wrote,
@ 2003-01-09 10:19:00

Current mood:	energetic
Current music:	Buffy, Season 3, Here At Last!
Entry tags:	sex

Why The Fuck-Average Should Be Higher

"This is bothering you, isn't it?" Gini asked.

The final results were in - and I was way above average. I've slept with roughly sixty-five people, and possibly as high as seventy-five; the national average is six.

I tried to check this by an informal poll - but most of my friends hovered around the "average" mark, with my women friends coming in a little higher and the men a little under. It turns out that this poll is probably right.

That depresses me.

(Though the statistician in me notes with amusement that Sheldon and I drag my local average up forty-two points; without either of us, the average falls to a simple five.)

But many people have asked me the question: Why does it matter?

The reason is simple - I want to believe that everyone is having as much fun as I am.

You see, in my mind, everyone's a little smarter, everyone's a little sexier, everyone's a little kinder. I truly believe in people, and I want them all to accomplish their full potential - to truly squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of their life. And these statistics are a pretty good indication that most people aren't.

But hey!, you say. Sex isn't pure enjoyment. And not everyone wants it.

This is true. There are some people who just don't give a crap about fucking. They get married, they have children, they go on with their lives... But in the end, sex will always be a distant second to a movie. And these people keep their lack of urges in secret; it's not acceptable to not be driven to the lash by your hormones. You're supposed to want to fuck - anything different and there's something wrong with you.

So they stay quiet during the sex talks and stay low, flying under the radar. And God bless them. I wish them well.

But still, I know the flip side; I've spoken with too many married men who shake their heads whenever I recount my past exploits and say, sadly, "Man, I never had that kind of life." These are men who played it safe, married early, never experimented for fear of rejection or societal pressure or whatever, and they live their lives with a sad pall of regret.

That's sad. I want everyone in the world to go out and get everything they need. Don't settle! Go for the gusto! Live your life with no regrets and fuck until you're sick of it!

I spoke with a friend of mine who makes $120,000 a year as a doctor. We took almost precisely different paths in our lives - when I was offered a $65,000 a year job as a SQL programmer, which would put me on an accelerated career path, I rejected it. Instead, I went to Alaska to marry a woman I was wildly in love with. He took the job.

Me? I quit my job in Alaska, earning even less money to be a freelance writer. He stayed at his job, which he hates, in order to be financially stable. And when we chat, he always looks at me fondly, knowing that he could have the kind of life that I do - free, crazy, fulfilled.

I never look twice at his life, except maybe around bill time.

I say... Never be satisfied.

I've lived my life to the fullest. Sure, I've had downs, and been suicidal - but I've been up more than down, and I have very few regrets about my sex life. Matter of fact, I have practically no regrets. I know sex isn't everything... But there are very few people who say, "Hey, I wish I'd had less sex."

I've been to orgies, I've picked up chicks, I've had threesomes and kissed a guy. I've tried the safe drugs, followed my heart where it took me, been to the depths and the heights of society; I've seen attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion, watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate, bled my life onto paper....

And gotten lucky. Very lucky. I'm happy to be where I am.

The sex partner survey is a signal that maybe all of you aren't following your hearts. Please. If you love me, then follow your dreams - even if your own heart isn't enough. Go where you need to be, not where you should.

Because when you die, you should be wreathed in something better than a halo of regrets.

Love,
The Ferrett

P.S. - As a final amusement, I leave you with this quote:

"Not only should this article never have been printed, but the fact that [The Ferrett] still holds his job as editor of his website still baffles me." - Shawn Jackson

(Post a new comment)

	shawnj 2003-01-09 07:43 am UTC (link)
	Lies, I tell you, lies! ... Did I really say that? Chances are that was before I started writing for you ;) (Reply to this)(Thread)

	theferrett 2003-01-09 10:37 am UTC (link)
	You did. It was in response to my cheating essay, written way back when - I think it was your 13th column. I discovered it this morning while trying to find Ed Fear's email address (thanks to CCGPrime's abysmal archiving, all of your columns were on the same page, thus putting Ferrett and Ed Fear in the same place). (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

shawnj
2003-01-09 11:13 am UTC (link)

Oh yeah, now I remember that. I was much more idealistic back then. I think you got lumped into my (then) hatred for David Sutcliffe (aka Gizmo). Him for the assumption that Magic was healthiest right after Urza's Saga, and you for the idea of showing people who wouldn't know how to cheat how to cheat. I was wrong, but you learn right?

I think I actually called you and Rizzo 'casual millitants' at one point.

(BTW, it was hella funny reading through my old CCGPrime articles. Now if I could only find my best of on CCGPrime I'd be all set)

(Reply to this)(Parent)

	fireshaper87 2006-10-23 07:47 am UTC (link)
	links to both yours and shawnj's? (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	theferrett 2006-10-25 03:24 pm UTC (link)
	It's a long time ago. That site is off the web now, sadly. (Reply to this)(Parent)

leanerbean
2003-01-09 08:56 am UTC (link)

Ferrett,

I've been pretty amused by your last couple of quotes. I was also a little shocked by the partner averages. Ted and I are fairly close to the averages, but we got married pretty young.
A few further points you might want to consider:
-How are they measuring "sexual partner?" Are they using the old-fashioned heterosexual, Clintonian definition of sex as penetration only? Were Bill and Monica not partners according to this pole? Would lesbians still be virgins?

-In my experience, women (and men,too) who have a number of partners that is way higher than the average are less concerned with having fun and gaining experience than in desperately seeking affirmation and shoring up their own insecurities.

Don't get me wrong. I think everyone should have lots of really enjoyable sex (with multiple partners or long-term partners, or whatever floats there boat). I'm just saying that the people I've known who sleep around alot don't necessarily do it as confident people out for enriching life experiences.

Alena

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	theferrett 2003-01-09 10:51 am UTC (link)
	I believe it is defined as penetration - dreadfully narrow, I know. And your point about the higher-than-average is well-taken; I'd say it was true until I was about 25. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	Re: gentlemaitresse 2004-02-05 09:55 pm UTC (link)
	I think you're right. My average was even higher than [Bad username: the ferrett]'s before I turned twenty. I've become much more secure as a person and much more picky about my partners since then, and I've had much better experiences. (Reply to this)(Parent)

The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis

neorxnawang
2003-01-09 10:21 am UTC (link)

Both you and Sheldon have something in common (actually, a few things) that I would wager are held in common by most people who are significantly over the bell-shaped curve.

1) You didnt get married until quite late in life, going by statistical averages. Neither of you got married until you were around 30. This gave you 10 years of comparatively single life to chase down as many partners as you could. Wives, fiancees, and such (generally speaking, and barring the occasional polyamorous exception) generally arent OK with multiple sexual partners, and once they get into a longterm relationship, most people's numbers plummet rapidly.

2) Both of you (at least before you got married, and I could make some arguments that in your case, marriage didn't change this too much) have few responsibilities to others. Neither of you have any children, and in your case, at least, your Mrs. is OK with you continuing to stretch the curve at least under certain conditions. But once you accumulate a sufficient store of responsibilities to other people (i.e., children to care for, a job where your out-of-office behavior is considered fair game for in-office scrutiny, a job that demands so much of your time as to crimp your time to socialize, financial responsibilities that do likewise) it cramps your dating style in a major way. Trust me: CHILDREN are a major crimp, even if you arent married, and stepchildren who are about occasionally or even 1/2 the time just arent the same in this way.

3) The band thing. It puts you consistently into venues where women are looking and makes you a visible target.

It is all about placing yourself in a target-rich environment and feeling free to play, right? So it seems that number of partners would correlate to time spent in such an environment. 3 of my 5 (including my mrs. the first time) came during a summer spent in isolation in the woods at a camp for emotionally disturbed children, such a target rich environment that even an INTJ geek like myself had no problems despite being penniless.

There are a lot of 3s and 4s out there who simply got married when they got out of college, as many people do.

Posit this theory: You have simply led a life where you dont have many burdens or responsibilities of the sort that take you out of target-rich environments.

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Re: The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis

theferrett
2003-01-09 10:50 am UTC (link)

Posit this theory: I find that people who get themselves bound by these sorts of responsibilities prematurely are the kind of people I tend to feel sorry for.

Posit THIS theory: I've led my life to minimize such commitments. As such, I've maximized my ability to lead more experiences, and haven't missed much.

As far as the "working too hard" bit and "being subject to scrutiny," I can tell you that to a LARGE extent, it's BS. At one point, I was working seventy-hour weeks for Waldenbooks and was dead broke from my bills, and still found time for some dates. For another thing, I dated around while I worked - there are ways to keep it discreet, and frankly you shouldn't be fucking your coworkers anyway. (Now that I think about it, that's one rule I never crossed. I did try twice, though.) You'd be surprised by how much you can get away with if you're genuinely competent and communicative of what you're doing.

Even so, if I DID get a job where I found my sexual exploits being scrutinized, I'D LEAVE. That's not a job I'd care to be in.

Furthermore, I never got laid in a band. It was Rocky Horror. But still, your argument boils down to, "Hey, you put yourself in situations where you could really experience life, and did." Granted.

The number of people who have kids because, well, they should - knowing full well that children will cut them off from a range of activities they have yet to experience - are a sad legion. I didn't want to play that game... And I know FAR too many people who did, and secretly regret it.

They'll always say things like, "But kids are worth it." This is true. They would have also been worth it slightly later in life, and if you'd waited until then you would have been able to explore more. Of course, they can't ever blame their children for their mistakes - that would be terrible parenting - so they spend a lot of time shaking their head mournfully and saying, "Man, if only I had the time...."

Posit this theory: I didn't LEAD a life that put me in such target-rich experiences. I CREATED one. Discuss.

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	HERE:S the answer! lyssabard 2003-01-09 11:02 am UTC (link)
	Rocky Horror. Not a bad, ROCKY! That ALWAYS works. THAT....is why you are above average. ;) tease (Reply to this)(Parent)

Re: The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis

neorxnawang
2003-01-09 11:53 am UTC (link)

Discuss: Same thing. Everyone leads the life they choose, subject to certain social and legal constraints, and the constraints born of their own personal limitations. Me being a case in point in constraints: Even if I wanted to, I couldnt wave a magic wand and make my children and the resulting financial burden go away. There's police folks that wouldn't like that. Nor can I force someone to give me a job in the area before this becomes an issue, necessarily. Nor will I ever be a championship downhill skier thanks to my physical limitations: no matter how hard I would train, until bionics become a reality, Im going to have my ankle buckle and fall on my face. Are you as free to do what you'd like to when you have young houseguests? You're know that you're not. Not even you are really free to do as you like.

A minority choose to lead lives where they have no burdens of the sort that prevent them from moving where they want, trying to get entangled with whom they want, etc. and they blow the average fuck curve all to shit. There are things that living this kind of lifestyle cut you off from though.

I think that in order for people to be truly happy in a free lifestyle, they have to truly grok what it is they are missing. Otherwise, they are only happy in a clam-in-a-bed sense of the phrase.

At risk of drawing fire, I will say: People Who Have Never Had Children Cannot Truly Judge If They Would Be Less Happy With Them.

At risk of drawing further fire: A carefree, hedonistic(?) lifestyle is greatly facilitated by the wealth of the society in which we live. It's a subculture, made possible, supported and defined by the larger

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Re: The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis

theferrett
2003-01-09 12:25 pm UTC (link)

((((At risk of drawing fire, I will say: People Who Have Never Had Children Cannot Truly Judge If They Would Be Less Happy With Them.)))

Possibly. However, you chose to have children, and now you are ossified in a position - trapped there by financial, emotional, and legal burdens. Perhaps I'm not qualified.. But choosing to have children is indeed a choice - and I've seen far too many people who have children endlessly grousing about how they'd love to do x, y, and z except that they have these little bundles of responsibility.

Hey, maybe it DOES make you happy in a sense I can never understand. But just as a personal example, there are several posts on your own journal about the burdens of job looking and financial obligations that you would not have and how it's difficult and stressful for you and oh God the stress. (Legitimate stress, by the way - I'm not mocking you.)

But by comparison, there is not one post on your kids, or how they've made your life better during this stressful period.

(Hmm. I may be drawing fire of my own.)

I may not be qualified to judge... But when the majority of what I hear from the kid-havers is lament and the tedium of responsibility, you kid-havers aren't doing a very good job of convincing anyone that kids are the joy you say they are.

Also, clams in a bed, bereft of any other measure of happiness, can be happy enough - otherwise, you're going for the old, "Everyone must be see free of the Matrix immediately, tumbled into cold ruin and waste with no better alternative!" argument. Happiness is happiness. It needs no judging.

(You may note that I said if you don't like sex, I support you fully... Even though it's a great joy in MY life.)

Of course, I enjoy my own adopteds tremendously. (SNOWDUCK!) And yes, one of the things I do cherish about it is the freedom. Hey, I chose to be here.

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Re:The Kids...

force_of_will
2003-01-09 02:15 pm UTC (link)

We manage to wedge a shoe under the door and still get it on...but of course it has cut the numbers of partners clean down to one. I'm working on that. As I say things are at their worst if sex is the first thing that ties you together...and many often wonder if it is something to tie you together at all...

Yeah, I went to college bars and was in a band, and was a high school BMOC. It helps. I guess the question is how much?

And yes I now do the majority of the herding of 3 kids. The youngest just spilled soda on three decks of Magic cards...but they give a certain joy and their mother gives another.

Oh yeah, curve. Curve. Hmmm. Well all I can say is this. Studies have found that humans are generally monogomous over a period. The Seven Year itch has some basis in fact. So most people pair up and break up over periods of time. Others of us, are well, a tad different I guess.

I also might add that from 80-86 when I was doing a lot of notching, AIDS was relatively unknown. How the world sucks with a death threat hanging over the reproductive cycle. Also, my, but doesn't the disease spread to so many folks even under the numbers that we're talking about. Several issues there and I don't know that I can cover them now...

And don't think that morality didn't stem from such issues long ago...

Guilt is damn, and I do mean damn, powerful...

Will

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Re: The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis

gentlemaitresse
2004-02-05 10:07 pm UTC (link)

I've seen far too many people who have children endlessly grousing about how they'd love to do x, y, and z except that they have these little bundles of responsibility.

Most people love to have something or someone to blame for why they are not as happy as they think they might be.

you kid-havers aren't doing a very good job of convincing anyone that kids are the joy you say they are.

You haven't read my journal. ;-)

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Re: The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis

hedonistpoet
2003-01-09 02:04 pm UTC (link)

Absolutely to all of that.

I brought up the whole concept of averages to another slut friend of mine the other night before a bit of debauchery, and we were both somewhat shocked that the numbers were so low. Most of us tend to surround ourselves with people of like mind, and so I know that my peers are all, collectively, sluttier than others. Still.

It just seems sad and wrong.

She brought it up to one of her friends (a member of her band) and eventually asked him how many he had slept with. He put the number somewhere between 150 and 250 (he wasn't sure).

At first, this seems insanely huge. But still. He's been in one band or another since he was 19, and he's in his mid to late 40s now. What this means, though, is that people like this guy do skew the averages. If you think that people like you and I do, imagine this guy. By himself, he has enough sex to offset something like 20 virgins.

I'm certainly willing to bet that in terms of statistics, outliers like him are not discounted, but they most certainly should be.

I got off-topic. Yes, you DID create one. ;)

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	Re: The Hidden Factor In Your Statistical Analysis gentlemaitresse 2004-02-05 10:00 pm UTC (link)
	All that you have said is probably true of most people. I guess I'm different. I had a lot of wild experiences at a VERY young age, then got married and had children. But I didn't stop LIVING! That's the key, I think. (Reply to this)(Parent)

I am with you...

force_of_will
2003-01-09 10:31 am UTC (link)

I didn't do this before but, well, we're in the same range. Somewhere in college I noted that I'd had 12 professed virgins and some multiple of that in other women.

You know my life is tied up around women. You've probably read about my mother, and it has lead me to continue a warped devotion to seeing 'just what the girl will put up with'. I must say that I've backed off a bit in marriage, none-the-less I press my wife...and thank god she generally obliges me...

Anyway I wouldn't trade a bit of it. There was a lot of gnashing and crying that went on with a lot of it. Hey, you know how it goes. But one day I woke up and realized that if anyone is with anyone then that's the way they want it, and honey, if you wanna walk or threaten to walk, go right ahead, there is always another one tomorrow.

I'm a pretty firm believer that sex is the worst thing that can tie two people together. The wife and I had a pretty long period of looking at each other before the glands got involved. Not sure how this pushes things but you need a partner that is your best friend. Heaven knows that just about any two humans can fuck...and like it.

Will

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Re: I am with you...

theferrett
2003-01-09 10:58 am UTC (link)

I think that phrase:

"Heaven knows that just about any two humans can fuck...and like it."

Is probably the truest thing ever written in this journal. I think you're spot-on; friendship HAS to come first, which is why I never propositioned my friend in New Orleans. I'd rather have a friend than a fuck.

Just as a footnote, I never deflowered a single virgin. After several horrid incidents trying, I vowed that I could never be Captain Kirk.

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Re: I am with you...

force_of_will
2003-01-09 11:53 am UTC (link)

"I'd rather have a friend than a fuck"

We are a tad older I guess eh? Not that it's like I'd pick watching football over the wife in undergarments but, you know, the somewhat steady and reassuring supply may have an effect.

This is all to just get to this point. There's nothing in this world I like more than a good hard romp with the wife. We've had some talk. What does come to be 'missing' is that you can never to back to that first time excitement. I weigh and balance this out some and I always make the same choice (at least when sober), my wife is the best thing I've ever had because we get along and she's my best friend.

I'm still glad for the moans and effort if you know what I mean.

Will

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Re: I am with you...

theferrett
2003-01-09 01:37 pm UTC (link)

Well, I would have always rather have had the friendship AND the sex - but when forced to a decision, I took the friendship. I did that when I was young, which I sort of regret - there were some lookers I probably should have gone for, since their friendship wasn't there for that long - but usually, I'll choose the companionship. I'm willing to bet that you would, too, Will.

MAN, I missed you in New Orleans. Some day, I have to buy you the "won't-kill-you-if-you-imbibe-it" drink of your choice.

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Re: I am with you...

force_of_will
2003-01-09 01:53 pm UTC (link)

I did that too you know. One girl I had a long friendship with and one night we came close to breaking over the line...and then backed off. And it was a very mutual sort of thing and if I think back on it now, well, I can wonder if it ever woulda ended...

Also I wound up never really getting it on with any girls in my grade. They were all in the friendship bin.

Yeah, we need to meet. I feel some sort of kinship with you that probably has a lot to do with the contents of this conversation and some other things. Of course in some other ways we seem quite dissimilar.

I spent a summer in Cleveland so maybe I need to get up there for some floppin or somethin.

Will

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	A Paean for Better Days (Anonymous) 2003-01-09 01:24 pm UTC (link)
	Let's just remember that these sentiments are easily shared from moments of richness. In times of despair "I chose this" is cold comfort, indeed. -- JB (Reply to this)(Thread)

Re: A Paean for Better Days

theferrett
2003-01-09 01:34 pm UTC (link)

I disagree. I think that if you chose to be somewhere - and you did - that means you can choose something else. Yes, there are children and monetary concerns and various other problems - but barring the specter of death, your new lifestyle is always a choice away.

People HATE it when I say that. They like excuses. Excuses work better; you don't have to work as hard. But it's true.

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Re: A Paean for Better Days
(Anonymous)
2003-01-09 02:09 pm UTC (link)

You miss my point. You know well enough that bad comes with the good in every decision. It's those moments, where you're sick to death with lonely and it's part and parcel of what you want and given a chance you'd do it again the exact same way, it's those moments when the flush of your potential does little to stop the hurt.

It has nothing to do with excuses. It's just that feeling often overrides knowing.

-- JB

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	unencumbered yet uninspiring sherborne 2003-01-10 02:57 pm UTC (link)
	well, I'm between the national average and Bill's number. And since 1) I don't have any kids 2) Don't want any kids 3) Live in New York City, where there are three single women for every single man I don't have a lot of excuses. I guess I just haven't been squeezing the lemon of life, huh? (Reply to this)

epa_flip
2003-10-10 08:31 am UTC (link)

Hmm... So, any reccomendations on creating a "target-rich environment?" I'm a 24 year old male with his own place and a nice, steady state job that provides adequate income and free time in central IL, and my numbers are about 1/2 the average. I have no children or other life-consuming responsibilities (I am beholden only to show up to work and pay my bills on time). I live in the moderately-sized college town of Champaign. For whatever reason though I have a poor time getting dates, much less anything else. Thus, suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advance. On a slightly related note, deflowering virgins is bad, bad news. I made that mistake once. Several personal attacks and letters to the RAs about me being a sexual predator were enough to make me swear off virgins forever.

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	a year and a half too late.... terpsichoros 2005-04-20 11:51 pm UTC (link)
	Learn to dance. Not silly-ass goth dancing (which might work, anyway), but honest-to-goodness dancing with a partner. Once you're good at it, you'll have lots of opportunities. Dance events almost always have more women than men; and the more energetic forms of dancing skew younger, for obvious reasons. (Reply to this)(Parent)

	gentlemaitresse 2004-02-05 10:14 pm UTC (link)
	I've come to a point in my life where I've chosen quality over quantity. Having said that, one more committed relationship with a guy who really turns me on would be welcome. :-) (Reply to this)

	scathedobsidian 2004-02-09 09:42 pm UTC (link)
	That you just managed to sneak a Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep/Blade Runner reference into this post reminds me why I read your blog. (Reply to this)

	batshua 2004-04-23 02:42 am UTC (link)
	This is a placeholder for a very involved comment and/or email discussion on the off chance you care to know all about my health and how this article relates to it. (Reply to this)

	docwholigan 2004-08-30 09:00 pm UTC (link)
	You, sirrah, are a beacon unto pathetic virgins such as myself from all around the world. You have much to teach us. (Reply to this)

I realize this is an ancient entry, but ..

russian
2004-12-28 10:56 pm UTC (link)

My boyfriend has you beat. True, he was a hippie and a fan of coke in the 70s. He's had dozens of one night stands, and between his two marriages he was actually only married for five or so years. I was a virgin until we met, and hope to never have sex with anyone else. His heart led him to a string of shitty relationships and good sex. Mine has led me to my soul mate, who had the dirty job of popping my cherry. Please keep in mind-- not all of us are prudes or guilt ridden or whatever. Some of us just prefer sex when we're in love.

That being said, I dig you.

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albinosquid
2005-05-04 12:12 am UTC (link)

I'm surprised there aren't more comments to this entry. I'm especially surprised there aren't more people disagreeing with you besides the few that politely and meekly claim the benefits of quality over quantity and whatnot, and the one person that mentioned the fact that a lot of promiscuous people seek out sexual partners for unhealthy reasons.

I'm all for living life to the fullest, taking control, not being afraid to get yourself out there to take hold of the oppurtunities others are too timid or brainwashed to see. I agree with you that society puts a lot of pressure on people to go for the career and the spouse and the 2.8 children and lead a general life of mediocrity. But how much does the number of sexual partners one has had directly contribute to their quality of life?

---I want them all to accomplish their full potential - to truly squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of their life. And these statistics are a pretty good indication that most people aren't.

I'm probably taking things way too seriously here, but what I get from all of this is that you should measure the quality of someone's life based upon how many people they've fucked. You're saying everybody should do what you've done and have a lot more sex with a lot more people, and those that don't are doomed to die empty, miserable, unfulfilled lives. Does it really matter that much to be able to whittle down all of life's complications and individual quirks to this one overreaching statistic?

Because it'd be really pathetic if that's all our lives added up to be.

Maybe I'm just too young and inexperienced to get it, maybe the few sexual relationships and resulting massive heartbreaks I have gone through have left me too bitter and untrusting to believe you, but I do place a lot of emphasis of quality. I choose my partners carefully and responsibly. I don't want to cut myself off from some potentially wondeful experiences, but at the same time I know well enough that I'd never include 'sleeping with 400 people' on my list of wonderful experiences.

If that's happiness to soome people, fine. But it will never be for me.

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theferrett
2005-05-17 03:14 am UTC (link)

what I get from all of this is that you should measure the quality of someone's life based upon how many people they've fucked. You're saying everybody should do what you've done and have a lot more sex with a lot more people, and those that don't are doomed to die empty, miserable, unfulfilled lives. Does it really matter that much to be able to whittle down all of life's complications and individual quirks to this one overreaching statistic?

Wrapped up in an obscenely-simplified nutshell? Yeah.

If someone said to me, "I've eaten my meals at six restaurants, and only six," I wouldn't think of him as a gourmand no matter how good the restaurants were.

If someone said to me, "I've read only six books, and only those six," I probably wouldn't think of him as a deep thinker even if the books were all immense philosophy tracts.

The thing is, and you obviously don't know this, sleeping with different people is a very different thing - different scents, different smells, different motions, different tastes, different techniques. And while I have no doubt you can have fun with one person forever, you're going to be more inherently limited than you can with several people under your belt.

And that's assuming, of course, that the people don't want this. Usually, when I say how many people I've slept with, you get a number of people looking forlorn and saying, "Wow. I could never have done that." And really, they could.

I'm not scorning those people who choose fewer partners on purpose, but usually it's not that they chose them, it's that they didn't know how. And even if they do have less, it's certainly a lesser experience than going out to trying a lot of people, then coming back.

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blergeatkitty
2005-09-07 01:02 pm UTC (link)

Okay, but if someone, um, dined out for every meal, but 90% of those meals were at various McDonald's franchises, does that make him more of a gourmand than the guy who's only ever eaten at six very swanky restaurants?

Of course, take me with a grain of salt, because I'm in the infinitesimal minority of people who actively wish they'd had less sex. I'm a boring old vanilla girl, and I suppose I'm just lucky I figured it out before I tried all the flavors. :)

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theferrett
2005-09-07 05:11 pm UTC (link)

The problem is that nobody ever wants to believe they've eaten at McDonald's. "It's not a chain restaurant!" they cry. "It had, like, a special playground and everything! That was so totally a unique experience!"

You try to point out, gently, that maybe it wasn't quite as swanky as they thought - when you go out to eat once every six months, every restaurant seems tremendously new and daring - and they recoil in horror. "I don't eat out much," they say. "That's why it's special."

But the truth is, if you go into McDonald's with the idea that it's going to be the best damn meal you ever had because you're eating there with OMG THE MOST WONDERFUL GUY IN THE WORLD, you're probably going to have a vastly inflated idea of the quality of the food and presentation. That's all I'm sayin'.

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