Journey On The Earh

9:19pm: ...
Another journal entry. Yahoo!

I have been busy the last two weeks so I have predictably ignored this blog. So to update:

the Kona performance went ok. We were given the dimensions of the stage but they neglected to mention the unmovable speakers, sound equipment and the drum kit which effectively reduced the usable space in half. Some of our dances had to be performed on the concrete in front of the audience. Have you ever danced on concrete mid-day in Hawaii? Not fun I tell you and at least one lady from our group developed blisters on the bottoms of her feet after water the stagehands poured on the surface evaporated.

The crowd was a little weird. They were terribly grumpy for the first two or three dances. I wanted to shout at them “Look! Pretty ladies in midriff bearing shiny stuff! Smile why don’t you!” Luckily a loud and appreciative women showed up partway through the show and the rest of the crowd seemed to wake up to her whooping.

Our costumes looked great and my new bedlah (bra and belt) worked out really well. I will have pictures as soon as Dan gets back from NY with the digital cameras.

My friend VG and her daughter are visiting for a few days and that is fabulous. Our kids get along really well and I just love VG. So we are quite happy.

My abnormal psych class started today. It is weird. I realize just from reading the text book so far that I really don’t want to go into clinical or counseling psychology. It’s interesting (but then most knowledge is interesting to me) but I don’t feel a passion for it really. Lets hope for the best.

8:31am: And there was much excitment...
Oh Oh Oh I am sooo happy!

One of my professors has said she could probably work something out with me as a research assitant (I got like a 96% in her class) or possible I could work with another professor that she works with! They are both well known in their field so I I am feeling pretty kool right about now. I still have a seperate research project I would like to do. Hopefully that will work out as well. Of course in my dreamy little head space I imagine how great it would be to publish the research project I would like to do or to attend a conference and have a poster my research.

Another good note, I am making headway in organizing a show for October. Hope that works out because then I could feel like my first degree was not a total waste!

And finally - I am almost finished with my new belly dance costume :). It takes a rediculously long amount of time to actually put those things together and mine is significantly less gaudy than your average Egptian style bedlah (bra and belt combo). When it's done I will try to post pictures.

11:53pm: Well aren't I just the koolest
Two things:

1. I realized that I can import a live journal blog entry to my multiply site. How kool is that! The one or two people who read my live journal can still bore themselves with my life can join the three people from multiply who apparently have nothing better to do...

2. I got all A's this semester. Ok I have to say that again - I got ALL A's. In five classes. The psychlinguistics paper did not kill me! I thought for certaint that my brain would defect throug the neares hole in my head while I agonized over that paper. It was the first one I wrote in APA format. That's a big headache if ever there was one.

Random News:
Now the summer is looming. I have to come up with a proper project list.

I have some work lined up next month but I need to find a "real" job.

I need to seriously research which schools I want to apply to for grad school

Beg and plead for some professor to let me be a research assistant

Beg and plead for some professor to supervise a research project I am developing

There's a lovely Turkish man who might want to hire Amy and I to produce a show in October

That's it for now!

9:53pm: I am soooo Pathetic
It's been months but I want to update just to put this in my live journal


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And - I will actually update some more if anyone actually reads this...

9:33am: The Official Start of School
Well I had my first day of school! I felt like the biggest idiot striding around campus with a huge grin plastered on my 31 year old face amongst all the 18 year olds. I still love it though; especially since this time around I can almost believe my levels of cluelessness is so much lower than before. So much so that I will be able to eventually parley this round of educational expenses into an actual viable career!

So on to the day...my first and only class on Monday the 23rd was French 101. Deciding on which language was a big deal for me. I in the dark depths of time I was a decent Spanish speaker, not fabulous but I knew enough to eaves drop in conversation on the bus in Chicago and be properly scandalized by the gossiping women from Mexico and Puerto Rico. I considered just going with Spanish again figuring I could test out of at least one if not both years of the General Education language requirements at my university. But, I really wanted a language I could use in other parts of the world (eg Africa) and that might look good on a application for the UN or an NGO. I even considered Chinese, Japanese, Hawaiian and Arabic! I might still try to learn Arabic as my best friend in fluent in that language and it might be useful in my planned career in social psychology.

Yuck! Rambling again! Ok so my first day - school was just as I remembered it. We went around the room and introduced ourselves in French ("Je mapelle blah blah blah. Enchantee"), told some interesting facts about ourselves and chatted about the departmental requirements. I was happy to know that I am not the only mom or the only one that's a non-traditional student. One classmate had been out of school for 20 years.

Overall it was a good day and I was very happy with it. Today I have Survey of Peace and Conflict Studies and a Hawaiian studies class. I am also going to show up to a yoga class and beg the teacher to let me join. Wish me luck!

Next post I might have something to say about my latest belly dance class(es) and the performance I have coming up next month

3:04pm: Fast Forward...
For those who might actually care, I offer an apology for my negligence in posting a two day week last time. Here's the abridged version:

DAY THREE

1.D (husband) and T (daughter) arrived today.

2.It's hot

3.Traffic, traffic and more traffic.

4. Stores, lots of stores; in fact too many stores.


DAY FOUR

1. It's still hot.

2. Dropped daughter off for first day of school (in retrospect this was a BAD idea)

3. Have given up on comparing store prices and began blindly grabbing things off shelves.

4. Trying to figure out how there are more cars driving on the road than people on the island...

DAY FIVE
1.D leaves for Kuai.

2.Daughter gets sent to principle's office for poor behavior.

3.More stores

4.Still hot

DAY SIX
1. Laundry

2. Lot's of crying from T (daughter) and conversations about the move. Told to go back to airport to take
a plane back to Hilo.

3.Hot with rain.

DAY SEVEN

1.Quaker Meeting and First Day School for T.

2. Spend entire day with T's old best friend from when we lived in Honolulu before.

3.ZZZZZZZZZZZZ (afternoon nap while T's best friend's mom takes the kids to the park)

4. Did I mention traffic?

5. Decided to bribe T with a new toy if she has a good day in school on Monday.

There you have it! The first week in Honoluku. Stay tuned for the next post : will T have a good day in school? Will Maisha be able to register successfully? Will the weather ever cool down? These exciting issues tackled next time!

1:52pm: Made it Through the First Week - Still Alive
Readers beware as the following post may(will) contain poor grammar and even worse editing.

So I have survived my first week in Honolulu. It has been a very odd week to say the least. Many triumphs and some disappointments as well. Without further delay here's my first impressions.


DAY ONE

Arrived at Honolulu International Airport's interisland terminal around 10 AM. Nice place. The people are generally local so you don't see so much rushing around and it's actually not that crowded. I was picked up by my friend E. We headed over to my new apartment. Took about half an hour trying to figure out the lock box where my keys were. The plan was to head over to Walmart to pick up a few things after getting the keys. Well we got sidetracked. E's son had a playdate so that's what we ended up doing that for most of the day. Got home with boxes around 10 PM.

First few impressions

1. Where did all the cars come from? It's quite shocking how bad the traffic has gotten in just the 2.5
years since we lived there.

2. Damn it's hot. The Big Island (island of Hawaii) where we had lived is at least 5-10 degrees cooler
and much cloudier on any given day.

3. Mountains look funny with wall-to-wall houses


DAY TWO

Went to orientation at the university. Learned mostly things I already figured out but found out my
early registration day. Unfortunately, they weren't planning on releasing the codes to register until the following day provided we showed up to everything. I was glad to see that the school isn't overrun with 18 year olds. Being 31 I was a bit concerned.

Further impression

1. Damn traffics worse than I thought.

2. The university is bigger than I thought.

3. There's so many places to eat Indian, Korean, Chinese, Japanese, Thai and Vietnamese food here!
How am I ever going to be able to resist!

TBC

11:14pm: Unfortunately Not a Real Update...
Well, I haven't updated here in a while. This is largely to save the two or three readers of this journal from my endless whining. My journal is temporarily on hold until I move to Honolulu 8/1. Then I will begin anew. So my lovely readers (the friends that I slack to much to e-mail) hold just come back next week!

3:44pm: School Update
After much waiting, stress and pulling of hair I finally received notification from UH. Drum roll....more drum roll...........I was accepted. Woo-hoo. I am happy, I really am but oddly enough, I feel numb also. Of course this is only the first hurdle. Now I have to start wrestling with the Financial Aid office. I am scared of the loans I will undoubtably have to take. Perhaps I should just sent UH my left arm and right leg now and be done with it.

I am terribly happy about the idea of finally being on my way to what I would really like to do. It's empowering to know what I want to be when I grow up. I only hope now that I don't blow the opportunity somehow. Wish me luck

Brownie points to the reader who springs for Rogaine

9:52pm: Condoleeza Rice
This morning I saw an interview with national security advisor Condoleeza Rice. It was fairly short, only about three or four questions from Diana Sawyer on a morning news show. Wow I really have to give that woman credit. She talked and talked without managing to say a single thing of true substance or answering the questions. Ok ok that's not entirely true. The first question asked whether troops could expect to start coming home next year; buried in the middle of her answer was a sentence stating how we should not concentrate on a return date or something like that.

Condoleeza Rice is a quandary for me. On the one hand, I grew up in a culture that discourages public condemnation of African-American's in high places - unless it's Clarence Thomas. Basically, we are suppose to be so glad to see another African-American "making it" in the halls of power that the person is above criticism; this is compounded by Condoleeza's gender. Quite embarrassing and illogical. Though on second thought perhaps not. It does make sense in a way to support people who are categorized like you by the larger society. Their success opens doors through which more of "you" can follow.

8:09pm: Yoga Reflections
I recently bought a book by BKS Iyengar. It's one of those huge three or four hundred page things that would easily qualify as a coffee table book were it not about yoga. It is very interesting so far and in the back there's a twenty week course of yoga routines. I have decided to follow those routines and see how it goes.

Week one's asanas (postures) are: Tadasana Samsthithi
Tadasana Urdhva
Tadasana Urdhva Baddha
Uttanasana
Adhomukha Svanasana
Dandasana
Virasana
Adhomukha Virasana
Paschimottanasana
Bharadvajasana
Setubandha Sarvangasana

I have done this routine for two of the last three days. It has been an experience. This is a much simpler routine than I usually do, in fact, I didn't even break a sweat while doing this. But as simple as it is, I felt a difference in my body afterwards. The difference was most pronounced in my lower back. As a general rule, I don't have lower back problems but even still, this simple routine created a greater feeling of space and opening. This was mental as well as physical It was fab!

Today was a different story. While my body felt good as a result of the routine my mind did not. During my practice today, I was unable to focus. My mind kept wandering in different, unrelated directions. I ended the session feeling greater anxiety than I started out with. This is highly unusual. I am not quite sure what happened. Oh well, tomorrow I plan to take class with my regular teacher so I can ask her opinion.

7:40pm: Uninspired...
I have been feeling thoroughly uninspired these last few weeks. This is largely why I have avoided my blog. Afterall, who wants to read some relatively privileged woman bemoaning her depression? I can hardly stand it myself and I have to live with me 24/7!

4:37pm: Indian Food and a Random Thought
I have been perusing my long standing blog crush's recipe list again! This time I decided to try mirch masala ( http://www.route79.com/food/mirch-masala.htm). I don't know if I did t quite right. I used large russet potatoes instead of the new potatoes he used. Also used a combination of green and red peppers. Usually I prefere red peppers to green but in this recipe the green definitely tasted better than the red. My results were also a little dryer looking than the pictures at route79. Overall though, it was still tasty - especially the second day after the flavors had time to develop. Of course hubby wouldn't eat it but this time my daughter at least tried it. She said it was too spicy and then started begging for me to make bhaturas.

Heres the link to my photo of mirch masala http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/the_earth_guide/detail?.dir=/91bd&.dnm=ae06.jpg

Random Through below:

There are moments in time
when all is right

10:46pm: Not Much to Say
My life is very boring I almost put myself to sleep. Actually it has been grey lately, not raining but overcast. I think it's affecting my mood. I have been hanging around my house reading and writing fic. Not the best way to spend my time!

Oh I have one new thing, I am taking swim lessons. I can swim, just not as well as I would like and I cannot free style without a snorkel. I have recently realized a few things about living on a large rock in the middle of the ocean; the main one being that it's silly not to be able to swim like a fish, my non-chemical treated hair allows me freedom to swim without fear of of perpetual "bad hair" days and....I want to surf! My friend Frecia is one of those crazy surfer types and she has been encouraging me to start learning. I a few weeks ago she convinced me to just lay down on her board and practice balancing. I am hooked. The water is calling, now I just have to get over my slight unease in the water and I'll be good to go!

6:23pm: Fluff and a Few Words of Other Stuff
Don't laugh but I went to see Troy today and dammit I will admit that Orlando Bloom has a lot to do with that. Now hubby has been reading the reviews to me for the last week or so, but I was unfazed by the nearly universal opinion that it sucked.

Well over all it came closer than I would like to being as horrible as most critics seem to think it was. I almost don't know where to start in relaying my oh-so-well-informed-after-one-college-film-class opinion. But here goes:

Music -Ahhhh! really really wanted to shake the composer. As with almost everything in the movie, the score tried really hard to not let us forget this was an EPIC film. The score was populated with huge swells of generic. scene stealing "look this is important" moments.

Brad Pitt - Ok first off, he is so fine it's almost hard to look at him (his body anyway, his face has never been appealing to me), but that man cannot act. Admittedly, he had improved dramatically (ha ha ha) over the last few years but it's still safe to say that if he were any less Adonis-like, he would be waiting tables. I did find the character of Achilles interesting. I can see where Pitt was trying to take the role and sometimes he almost made it.

Sean Bean - My favorite character! He played Odysseus quite well. He managed to add an element of sophisticated humor without turning into simple comic relief. Though there was at least one scene where I could think was "Boromir lives!"

Orlando Bloom - I am very very VERY biased where this man is concerned *swoon*. I just look at pictures of him and collapse into a puddle. That being said -- the writers really didn't give him very much to work with. My biggest problem was with the romance between Paris and Helen, there was zero development of their relationship. It seems to me that if he's going to waltz off with her and cause a war, there had better be a good reason. The relationship they filmed wasn't a good reason. Most of their dialogue reminded me of a poorly written soap opera :(. Many of Paris' other lines ranged from silly to
pointless. I read a few interviews with Orlando about his interpretation of Paris. Once again, I can almost see where Orlando was trying go with the character but there just wasn't enough to work with.

Eric Bana - Now he CAN actually act. His character was probably one of the better developed. I don't know if it's his acting ability or because Hector as written for this movie was not terribly complex. I enjoyed watching him on screen.

All others - The other main characters were all fabulous. This would include the guy who played Agamemnon, Peter O'toole and miscellaneous others. It was interesting to see the difference between the two sets of characters. The older members of the cast were quite simply better actors and carried them film in terms of talent.

Editing - I have to take a moment to talk about this. I am hoping that part of what made the film not work so well for me was editing. The first half in particular seemed very choppy as if they were rushing through the set up for the second half. The second half of the film was actually good. Perhaps also enough scenes had gone by to actually make me care about the characters. i wish that development had begun earlier instead of just tossing the viewer in and essentially telling them we should care.

Some other general points - One of the themes that irritated me were the many comments on how they were making history and that their names would be remembered for thousands of years. Seems every other scene someone was talking about glory and history. All part of the plan to be certain the viewers didn't forget they were watching an EPIC. I was impressed with the battle scenes I have to admit. it has been quite a while since I have seen battles with so little CG. That lent a certain realism to the battles that was refreshing. Overall maybe it wasn't THAT horrible, I think my expectations were too high since it was based on classical literature. For a summer flick it really quite good all things considered and it has Orlando Bloom and nude Brad Pitt. That alone will help it break even!

-----

I am now feeling to lazy to put in my other words so I will just post a link instead
http://www.tnr.com/doc.mhtml?pt=0ZdfRhJppv8bZBLG0CVFfw%3D%3D

9:52am: Promo for a Friend
I have a friend who is an animator and has created a really awesome digital show called "Strange Frame".
It is series set in the 28th century. Very visionary, creative stuff with incredible visuals. Check it out!
Be sure to watch the trailer.

http://www.strangeframe.com

9:36pm: In Praise of Minor Victories...
Not much to say for today. Went to work, came home, had staff training...actually staff training was kind of interesting. The first half was fire safety. We watched a video on types of fires and extinguishers to use for them. I learned to never use a class B extinguisher on a class A,C or D fire. Then watched three coworkers put out fires. The fire safety guy brought this machine with a little wheeled bin with a hose that was connected to a propane tank. One of the fire guys would turn on the propane and start a fire in the bin. Kinda kool for the fire loving pyro in all of us ;).

The next guy was from the civil defense service. He talked to use about disaster preparedness and handed out packets. I realized how thoroughly unprepared we are. This is not a particularly smart thing considering that we live on an island that in the last 60 years has been subject to severe flooding, two devastating tsunamis, earthquakes of 6.0 or higher, a current volcanic eruption, hurricane force winds and forest fires. Ahhh a tropical paradise :)

Ok on to the minor victory - the one or two regular readers might remember mention of a new blog. Well I have been stumped as far as getting Movable Type to do what I want it to. Tonight, I dusted off some of my rusted html skills (I use to code from scratch back in the late 90's) and actually solved my problems. Woohoo! Go me! I feel so kool in a techno-geek kinda way.

(I really really need to start proof reading my posts. I'm just to damn lazy though!)

8:39pm: Happy Birthday To Me...
Today is my 31st birthday. In the days leading up to today I was actually quite sad. I never pictured myself being 31; I always felt unbound by age. That is no longer the case as I am keenly aware that my "youth" is passing. I don't feel old per say, but I certainly feel a narrowing of probabilities as my age advances.

I am very ambivalent when it comes to birthdays. I am happy to see another one but then I am always afraid to make a big deal over them. Any kind of deal actually. I had at least one friend who seemed disappointed that I didn't want to do anything special for my birthday. She even offered to help plan a party. But I wasn't interested. I think I am afraid to make a big to do -- what if no one else sees it as important? Then I would feel lame.

I wish I could come up with something that's actually interesting and philosophical about birthdays but my brain is mush from sleep deprivation. Working at night sucks...

8:48pm: Liberating thought of the day & a school update
Poor sad ignored blog...

Last week, I arrived at my weekly yoga class a few minutes early and was able to have an interesting conversation with my teacher. She is recommending that I take teacher training this winter when her teacher comes back to the island to host a workshop. She said it would help me deepen my own practice and begin to prepare me for teaching if I wanted to follow that path. Wow! I am excited that she sees that potential in me. As a direct result of that conversation, I ended up in Border's Books where I bought titles on the subject of yoga. One is a large picture book showing the asanas (poses/postures) and the other was about treatment of depression with yoga.

The first book is to help me learn the sandskrit names of the asanas and the other I just stumbled upon, or perhaps it was the universe sending me a message! At any rate, I have read the first few chapters and have found it immensely helpful already. Since the first few yoga classes I bumbled my way through, I have known there was something much deeper to yoga than simply exercises. At the time, I did not have the perspective or vocabulary to articulate what that is, in fact I still don't but now I feel the first inklings of understanding. Not understanding of the practice itself so much as a greater ability to perceive the depth of what is possible. It is quite amazing.

Also, this week I have been mildly depressed. Finding that book on depression and yoga is like a lifeline, or rather a key to understanding how yoga can operate in my life. I plan to post thoughts on each chapter as I finish them. I just love yoga.

School update...

Well after agonizing weeks of waiting, I finally received another letter from the college of arts and sciences and they still haven't officially accepted me, BUT they told me the credits I would need to take and are asking for a letter of intent as well as an academic plan of how I would complete the requirements for a second degree. So I think that means once i get that paperwork in I will (hopefully) be in. Wish me luck!

7:47pm: Poor Poor Neglected Blog
Well I haven't had much to say the last few days. Still waiting to hear from school, still mildy depressed (ha! she lies like a persian rug!) and bored bored bored! In fact I am so bored, I will probably start posting social and political commentary soon.

In other news, I made http://www.route79.com/journal/archives/000216.html tonight for dinner. I had a few difficulties as I have very litte experience deep frying food, but otherwise it turned out very well. I think I might actually start having people over when I cook.

9:47am: Adventures in Indian Food
As anyone who actually reads my blog might have noticed, one of my on going blog crushes is

http://www.route79.com/journal/

The author periodically posts recipes complete with neat pictures and instructions. Well yesterday i attempted one of them -- a North Indian dish called channa masala. I was very pleased with the results even though I lacked one of the ingredients. I also trolled around the web until I found a recipe for a type of bread traditionally served with it called bhatura. This experience helped me remember that I actually like to cook!. The only disheartening thing is that hubby would not go near Indian food and our daughter also turned up her nose -- though she told me she would try it tomorrow. She did at least like the bhatura after I put grape jam on it.

Without further ado here's a link to the photos hubby took

http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/the_earth_guide/album?.dir=/91bd&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/the_earth_guide/my_photos

8:16pm: School Non-update...
Nothing much to say for today. I called the school once again today. They told me that my application is sitting over at the college of liberal arts and sciences. Sooooooo -- I am left waiting. I think the waiting is starting to drive me crazy.

On a more positive note, I managed to practice yoga today! That made me very happy. Afterwards I took a short dip in the ocean. It was a lovely day today. The sun was out and the ocean was a deep aqua marine. Fabulous! Just like those pictures you see of the tropics with palm trees etc. Well, except that it was a black sand beach...

10:02pm: Forgot to Add...
here is a link of various pictures of me at different stages of my hair journey.

http://f2.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/the_earth_guide/album?.dir=/7f9b

10:00pm: Hair
I have been thinking of changing my hair. On the surface this sounds like a simple and maybe even whimsical statement -- unless you know about African-American women and hair. My hair, as with many women of primarily african descent in the US, has been a very very big issue all my life. I am old enough to have been reared in the days of "good" hair. When a mother would wait the six to twelve months, usually with some degree of anxiety, to see what her baby daughter's hair would mature into. it was a mark of status and favor if the soft loose curls of baby hair actually stayed that way. But for most of us, that baby hair gives way to varying degrees of nappiness.

I had naturally kinky and thick hair that caused my mother no end of trouble. From the time I was three she used a straitening comb to temporarily eliminate the kinks in my hair. In fact, one of my earliest memories is of having the hot comb burn away a patch of skin when it accidently fell on my arm. The typifies my hair experience. Later at age eleven I lost a large percentage of hair to chemical damage as a result of a perm. A few months later someone gave my mother the idea that I should have a curl/s curl/Jheri Curl/think-Michael-Jackson-circa 80's. It didn't make my hair fall out so that was a plus. Though eventually, a beautician overprocessed my hair and about 1/3 was bone straight while the rest was in curls. It wasn't pretty...especially since I wore my hair that way for thirteen years.

So when I started going through my first midlife crisis, I began to question everything I knew about myself and my identity. Part of that process for me was a deep inquiry about race and racial identity. My hair became symbolic of my experience as a woman of African descent in US, white dominated culture. The years spent absorbing images of women tossing lengthy tresses over their narrow shoulders; knowing that the burning hot straightening comb and harsh chemical relaxers could only deliver an inadequate imitation for me.

It was at that point that I decided to completely leave chemicals behind. It was a very radical action for me. I had dreaded my natural hair for as long as I could remember. But, I felt so a strong need to reclaim myself that I needed to do it. So with the disapproval of my stylist I had all but two inches of new growth chopped off. It was quite and experience. People who had never spoken to me before made a point of letting me know that I had made the wrong decision. Later, after I started growing locs (aka dread locks) my family was quite decisive and unanimous in their condemnation of my choice. I had many comments on how nappy my hair was and many disapproving looks. But I was accustom to being the oddball so it didn't change my behavior even if it did hurt my feelings. To my (dis)credit, I had an armor of militancy that matched everyone's negativity attitude quite nicely.

Now, seven years later, I am debating what to do with my hair now. Once again, the question of hair is really symbolic of a deeper internal debate. Where am I now? Who am I now? At this point in my life, I feel much like a butterfly beginning to emerge from a cocoon. What will I look like? Who will I be? I am a traveler, walking down the road that is my life. In the distance I see a tall mirror. Inside that mirror is me -- the true me that has been hidden behind the layers of hurt and labels that hang like ill fitting clothes. I know she is there, I am near enough that her/my image is visible, though still unclear. As I walk the road, I grow closer and she/me becomes clearer. One day, the reflected image of who I am, the inner being and the outer person will be one, open to the eyes that create her.

3:08pm: Oh No...
A friend (thanks Melly!) pointed me to the BlogSkins website. I don't know if I will ever get my new blog rolling. There are so many interesting "skins" on that site it will take me quite a bit of time decide how my blog will look now!