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Mira

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it doesn't get any easier than this! [Jan. 19th, 2008|09:31 am]
For those who would like to get some assistance with helping them choose the candidate they are most in agreement with.. this is truly helpful. It breaks down each issue, and then gives you feedback about who you agree most with, over all, as well as the least. You can also view each candidates opinions on each issue. This should be helpful for the primaries, as well as after the primaries, when some whittling down has taken place!
 
 
Get out and vote, people!
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weeks after a nudge, I finally update [Jan. 13th, 2008|08:13 am]
[mood | awake]

Chris went on a convoy over Christmas, which had me a nervous wreck, but, yes the convoy got back safe. His call Christmas morning was the best present I got! He sounded so down, which would be understandable, but he told my brother he was just tired. He said the kids loved their gifts I picked out for them- apparently Cat was so in love with the animatronic pony Daddy got for her, she was barely coherent on the phone, and couldn't really talk to him. They must have been so cute. My heart breaks for him that he missed that. But hopefully we'll have them for a Christmas or 2 over the next couple years- I thoroughly enjoy shopping for toys, and Christmas morning is more fun with kids around.

I can be a little high strung (Chris would laugh if he saw that- understatement of the year- he always says "you worry too much!", but , hey, this is coming from Mr. What, Me Worry? :), so I was really really worried after I talked to him on the 23rd. But I've realized over the last few years that the only thing that REALLY helps with my anxiety is exercise. For the next year, I'll be a praying, exercising fool! - at least that's what I was thinking when I wrote this to someone weeks ago. So far, and I think its because I been on vacation, my exercising has been sketchy at best. No more than 3 times a week. I really need to get back into a regular shedule.
Anyways, I am hoping that if there's anything good that comes out of this deployment its that I'll be fit and strong as a draft horse by the time he gets home. Well, that, and the knowledge that if we can get through this, we can get through anything :)

Overall, I am starting to be in pretty good shape. Every day really does get a little better, and it really does help to keep busy. I have a few more days off before I start my new job, and I am using the time to do some upgrades on my house- I started stripping the 1986 wallpaper in my bathroom so I can paint it and do some updating. I did some organzing/decorating/upgrading in every room, but there's lots more to go, There.. that should keep me busy! ;) As I always say- I got this. Ok, so when Chris comes home, I'll be fit, organized, the house will be like something out of home and gardens, and I'll be neurotic!! LOL!! just kidding.

Chris said he thinks he'll probably be home for R&R sometime in Feb. But that he won't know until a week before its gonna happen. And, he said he's not gonna tell me when. I'm just gonna come home from work one day, and he'll be home. I guess I need to keep the house pretty much spotless for the month of February- I'd say I have pretty good incentive.

Chris' wife sent me the documents to send to him for the divorce, which would be like, halleluiah! the chick is actually DOING something, BUT, I had to send him hard copies, so I went through them to make sure they are all there... and she is totally trying to set him up to have to keep paying more and more money for those kids. Basically, the way she has it worded, he pays child support ( that can be renogotiated at a later time) and he is responsible for ALL of the health insurance and ALL medical related costs until they are both 18. Um, no. They are supposed to have SHARED financial responsibility for those children. I need to figure out a way to talk to him about it without starting a fight, or getting him upset. But I KNOW he doesn't want to deal with it, he just wants a divorce so bad he's not gonna realize how this can totally screw him financially in the future.
I want to suggest to him that he suggests that they have shared finanical responsibilit, so while he is in the Armed forces, he will be responsible for keeping them covered, and HALF of any additional medical costs as deemed NECESSARY. And if he should get out of the Army, he should be responsible for HALF of their insurance premiums and medical costs- NOT ALL. Thoughts, suggestions?

Anyways, I start my new job on Wed. I'm excited, but nervous. My old supervisor said I should wait at least until next week Monday before I tell everyone "that's stupid, this is how you should do it" lol. she loves me.
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[Dec. 8th, 2007|05:52 am]
[mood | dorky]

Is there even such a thing as just a cartoon movie anymore? Remember what Alvin and the chipmunks used to look like?
In other boringness, I have an unhealthy fascination with degrassi. What the hell? Am I 31? Or 13?
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[Dec. 7th, 2007|03:59 am]
[mood | exhausted]

I am loving this BlackBerry. Seriously fun toy. I got it to stay in touch with chris through messenger while he's deployed, but its been 24 hours and I am already hooked. Crackberry, indeed.
In other news, I finally got a new job, (yay!!)I start in January after 3 weeks off. More yay!
And I miss chris. Bad. Fable tried to kill herself today by eating fudge. We almost had a literal death by chocolate.
Oh... And what's with these screening dealys?
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Its been a while.... and this is what's up with me [Nov. 4th, 2007|08:04 am]
[mood | lonely]

I don’t have a life because its sucks and I’m BORED. I am alone all morning before work (minus my time with my squishes(cats) and Sparkletree ( Fable- the dog), which is always awesome :D )

Its nice that I have time to work out and stuff before work, but I always have to do it ALONE.

I have Wed off, and no one is around, again- alone. I go home to an empty house, I rarely go out, because by the time I can go, on weeknights most of my friends are already home.

I have Saturdays off, but I can’t go away for a weekend, and I can’t go out too much because 1) kinda broke and 2) I always have to work the next day and I REALLY don’t function well if I’m hangin.

So, I have no time to do the stuff other people do (plays, charity walks, cocktail hours, bellydancing troupe and classes, intramural leagues, girls nights, etc). I should be having fun! I am young and have no kids and no one to have to spend time with for the next year- NOT that that makes me happy :x - so, yeah, my life sucks. Can anyone honestly say they would disagree?

I still wonder if I should just get a room mate. At least there might be someone around occasionally. I wish I knew someone who wasn’t freak and liked living in a zoo.

So.. how are you all?
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a good picture of my soldier [Sep. 14th, 2007|11:24 am]
( chris )
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A moment of impoverished zen [Aug. 3rd, 2007|08:24 am]
[mood | grateful]

When you're too broke to have any food in your fridge, it makes is REALLY easy to clean it really well.

 

It also makes you really creative when it comes to making dishes from all the crap that you have in your cupboard.

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When Robbie left... [Jul. 8th, 2007|10:16 am]
[mood | frustrated]

He took the Bose. I think that's what I miss the most at this point.
I need to put my stereo back together. I need to dance.
I also need some classes. Its like I never belly danced before in my life. My hands are so "stupid" that they're really pretty much retarded at this point.
I hope there's a dance community in Kentucky... but I'm not all THAT hopeful.
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swimmin pools... movie stars [Jul. 7th, 2007|09:34 am]
[mood | lazy]

I really really need to mow my lawn. Right now.
Before it rains.
Because I'm sure when the neighbors see my lawn they hear

...Well the first thing you know ol' Jed's a millionaire,
Kinfolk said Jed move away from there....


... I know I do
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I should be having a birthday party, but instead I'm having a pity party [Jun. 28th, 2007|09:17 am]
[mood | morose]

Everything is fine. I am healthy, I have a job, I own my own home, my car runs great, and I have great hair and skin ( just had to throw that one in). And it's my 31st birthday. I should be jammin.

But instead, I am heart sick. I woke up this morning and missed my Christophee so badly, that missing someone should be considered some sort of non communicable disease. Is there a diagnosis for heart break?

I know I shouldn't be heart broken. I should be thrilled that I have gotten a second chance with the love of my life, and there are plenty of people who would give up many things in their life to feel like they could have that chance as well.

BUT. He is in MD, and I am in SC. And he is going to be stationed at Ft Campbell, Kentucky, and if that was all, I would be a house renting out Uhaul driving motherfucker on my way to see some blue grass. But. He got orders to go to Iraq. He'll probably go before the year is out. And in addition to the standard freak out about his health and safety when going over there,( there's been a lot of prayer) is the added horror that he'll probably be gone for at least 15 months.
And excuse me while I have a fucking temper tantrum here, but I JUST GOT HIM BACK AFTER 6 INCREDIBLY LONG FUCKING YEARS, and I don't WANT to go another year and a half without him (physically) in my life. I know this is what he has chosen, and I support it in as much as I can, but the fucking separation already feels like its killing me. I wake up numerous times in the middle of the night to reach for him ( this, after only 2 long weekends back in each other's physical presence). I long to talk to him for hours through out the day. I want to make each other dinner, and work out together, and sleep together, and NOT get any sleep together. I want his eyes to be the first I see every morning. I want to start off back where we left off. And I fucking CAN'T. And it feels like its killing me.

I can't imagine deployment would be much easier were we back together in each other's physical presence, but maybe I would at least feel a little more settled, a little less panicky.

I've gone back and forth about going to Kentucky to be there before he goes to spend as much time with him before he goes, and I was thinking I wouldn't- what's the point? He'll be there shortly, and then he'll leave, and I'll be a crazy, pierced belly dancing yankee stuck in Kentucky by myself with no friends, no family, and no Chris.

But now I am starting to feel again like I just want to go there. That I don't care if I'm alone. I'm fucking alone in Charleston. I just want to spend whatever time I can with him before he leaves, and know that I'll be right there when he comes back. And there will be some people there who know what I'm going through, and we can support each other through the worst of it- but maybe not?

I know I have to choose to make it through this deployment, that it will all be ok. But I really need to figure out some coping skills here, because I really feel like this is a little out of my league.
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excerpt from an email- easier than writing a whole new entry, no? [Jun. 26th, 2007|09:22 am]
[mood | loved]

Yeah, actually, as far as the situation with Chris is concerned, things are VERY interesting at this point, because we have decided to get married. I know, the initial shock response is WHOA, slow down there sista! But in all truth, I don't see this situation as a rebound. I see myself as getting to be with the person I had always wanted to be, but couldn't due to various circumstances ( like, he was married? yeah, that's one BIG circumstance lol) Its not that I never loved Robbie, I tried to have a life with him, of course I loved him. But what Robbie and I had never really compared to the ( to be lame and use a cliche over dramatic word) passion that Chris and I had for each other. And I don't just mean sexual- it was emotional, and spiritual as well.

Which I know causes everyone to ask- well, why did y'all break up? Stupid, immature, not sure how to handle the issues we had, crappy communication- just young and dumb, I guess. And when we had tried to talk about working it out again months later, he was already dating someone else, and OOPS! she got pregnant ( I RARELY say women do that shit on purpose to have a guy stay, cause its not usually true and its disrespectful to women in general, but I SWEAR this chick did just that) and she used his honor against him, and he did the honorable but stupid thing, and married her. I was CRUSHED. Fucking annihilated, really. I think I literally cried rivers over that shit for months, and then intermittently, over years.

So, I always loved him, but I needed to have some honor of my own, and try to let him live his life, because I would not be the cause of someone's marriage problems. But I was anyways, because according to him, he was in love with me the whole time, he didn't want to be with his wife, he didn't want to have children with her- everything he has done in the past 6 years, he wanted to all be done with me. I kinda feel a little sorry for her actually, but these are all reasons to me not to get pregnant with the intention of keeping a man. They may stay, but there's a good chance no one will be really happy.
And I tried to live my life as best I could. I tried to move forward, not ever hope we would be back together, tried to deny in my own mind I still had these feelings, tried not to compare any one else I had in my life to this person, or compare my relationships to my relationship with him. Tried to get fucking amnesia.

But we stayed friends the whole time, and he was always ALWAYS a great friend. A better friend, truthfully, and more supportive to me than I was to him, in my anger, sadness, and really, bitterness that I tried to deny I was even feeling. His voice was this amazing comfort to me in some of the worst times. I felt such sadness that he was so unhappy in his life and marriage, but at the same time, I felt, "that's what you get"- shitty and vindictive, huh? I guess mostly jealousy and hurt and issues of rejection were the factors here. Do we get any credit for true honesty about our character defects, I wonder? And if so, when do we get graded? ;)

So fast forward, and here we are. He is in the middle of getting a divorce, I ended a relationship that was on the long road to nowhere, and we have a second chance. And we're taking it. I think we're both in different and better places now, emotionally and mentally, to deal with issues that will arise, and to focus on what's really important. He has done some significant growing and maturing, and I have been learning how not to sweat the small stuff ( I can thank Robbie for that, at least). We have learned different methods for real communication- which I really DO think is key- and we have learned that as far as he and I are concerned, neither time nor distance nor circumstance will ever come between the love we have for each other.

I am working on letting go of my fears of what lay ahead, and learning to enjoy the ride. I am trying to learn to trust that there is a person who loves me enough not just to allow me to be his safety net, but to see that as strong as everyone sees me, I have days of being fragile, I lose my balance and fall sometimes, and I could use a fucking net once and a while too.

I used to say, love is not enough. And there is some validity to that, but it hasn't been working for me so far, has it? So, now, I am choosing to say, Love conquers all
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Airline miles are fucking stupid [Jun. 8th, 2007|08:52 am]
[mood | irritated]

So, for AMEX, to get roundtrip domestic ticket, you have to spend $25k (get 25 thousand points at a dollar a point)
Fuck that. For an annual fee, I'll just buy the tickets, thanks
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So, an update [Jun. 3rd, 2007|11:04 am]
[mood | excited]

Long story short, I had never stopped loving my ex Chris, and he is still in love with me, but he did the stupid but honorable things and married someone else 6 years ago because she got pregnant about 8 months after we had broken up, always having felt he had married the wrong person, and then he joined the Navy. He is in the midst of a divorce after being separated a year and a half. It took me about T minus 10 seconds to be truly madly deeply again, and I have decided ( for the millionth time) I was a fool to ever let him go before, and he is not getting away again, and I shall marry him. And yes, he knows that, ha ha ha. He wants to marry me too.
He is reenlisted in the Army, he is in training in MD right now, we're still not sure where he'll be stationed, but I have decided that I want to be where ever he is, so when his divorce is final, we will get married asap, I would really like to be married before he deploys. So, I hope this divorce goes through as quickly as possible.
I know, this sounds freaking crazy, believe me, I know, but this is the condensed version.
I feel like a freaking nut, and everyone else's reaction is "go for it!", and so I think they're nuts too! Apparently I am surrounded by hopeless romantics who say that if they were in my shoes, they would jump on it in a minute, and were they me, I'd say they were crazy pants! But its me, I think it IS crazy, but I want to do it anyways. Basically, I can't believe I'm being encouraged in this madness. I expected so much more freaking out.
I'm always miss "play it safe", that's how I work, it keeps me secure. I am 30 years old, and have recently bought my second home by myself. I put myself through college. I work hard, I never depend on anyone but me, and I watch where I put my feet. I feel so weird because I'm like- "I'm gonna do this. Watch me. So what if we hadn't seen each other in 6 years? So what if I'm going to have to move, possibly to another country? I WANT to move around and experience life. I WANT to be where this person is. I WANT to believe in the power of true love across time. I WANT to believe this can work. What do I have to lose.?" And the "normal" me is saying "You're fucking nuts girl, and by the way, you could lose your husband because of his choice of profession" and I just can't believe no one else seems to be relating to the "normal" me. So the crazy me is winning! But I do like it.
I am clueless about all of this military stuff. I'm excited, I'm terrified. I know there will be some struggles, I'm scared about how well I will or won't adjust to his deploying, and having my moves be out of my control. I know intellectually and emotionally he'll be different when he comes back from deplyment, but knowing it and experiencing it are 2 different things.
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Going to Virginia Beach [May. 25th, 2007|07:16 am]
[mood | excited]

Gonna get my 4 day Freak On! Yeah baby. Military guys are hot. Some people say it's the uniforms.
Others say it's their bodies. All this is true.
But I say, it might just be the guns.
Gotta love a man who knows how to handle his weapon.


I'm just sayin...
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Ok, have you had enough yet? [Apr. 28th, 2007|09:20 am]
[mood | exhausted]

I have. I want to be done being mad now.



Oh, and for those interested- Robbie and I have broken up. After 4.5 years. And I'm sad.

I guess it hurts less to stay busy.
And I don't thinking crying pathetically counts as busy.

At least I have the Fabley Foo.
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One of my most favorite faces. ever [Mar. 6th, 2007|05:23 pm]
[mood | tired]

This is Rockefeller,my mom's dog, aka "my brother", better known as Rocky. He is one of my most favorite puppers, EVER. He was THE Favorite, until I got all of this
Fable-y goodness.







this is rocky with a moustache at christmas, wearing his bling I bought him, it says "Rockstar". Because he is one.


Compared to this, right now my dog looks like a hobo. Because she is really shabby chic right now.
this is what she looked like as a puppy, groomed to be in a show

she looks NOTHING like this to me now. except the eyes, she has big beautiful, sweet, gentle eyes. I'm growing her top knot out like that again though. Like Chaka Khan, baby!

Being that my mom is a pro groomer, I'd say she has an unfair advantage, nes't ce pas?

I need to take a pic of her when she has been groomed. which means I need to get a new USB cord because Fable chewed it. No Fable, that's a baaaad Fable.


oh, and my cats think she can go pound sand.
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Looking for Team members for the 3 day walk in Atlanta to support Susan G Komen Foundation [Mar. 2nd, 2007|08:18 am]
[mood | sad]

Well, I have registered to have info sent to me and I would really like to join this walk. But I know that I am not the only one who finds this cause a very worthy one, and I was thinking that there is power in numbers, so I would like to see if I could put together a team.
There is a registration price of $90, and you need to raise at least $2200 in funds, but I think if we all started working towards that goal, it could be easily accomplished. Do we know ANYONE whose life has NOT been touched by breast cancer in some form or fashion? Maybe it has affected someone's mother, sister, or wife. Maybe the have watched their coworker, or friend struggle with it. Maybe it has affected them indirectly, but they know someone else who has lost someone they love, and that person will never be the same.

In my own life, breast cancer took the life of my Grandmother, my mother's mother, 1 month before I was born. I can't even ponder one second of my life without my mother, much less the remainder of my life without her, at 22, 8 months pregnant.

So, me. I want to do this for my mom. And my grandmother. And everyone else's mom and grandmother. Because enough is enough. And in this case, every step counts.
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[Feb. 28th, 2007|10:49 pm]
[mood | confused]

So, when did this thing start saving drafts??? I couldn't even TELL you how many long ass entries I've lost in the past, my poor deprived friends ;)
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[Feb. 28th, 2007|10:40 pm]
I spent FIVE HOURS today shopping, looking for something to wear at an interview I have tomorrow AM for an internal position. I hope it was worth it...

I hate shopping, it's always depressing. And though I am 40 lbs lighter than last year, I'm not really that much smaller. But I don't think I cried today, so that's an accomplishment, I guess.

I'm ready to get "much" smaller any time now, please and thank you.

I really hope the WW Core plan gets me off this plateau!

I'm thinking of buying a brand new elliptical for $400. I KNOW I'd use it. I still work out every day, in some form or fashion. And I LOVE ellipticals with the intensity of 8 or 9 suns... something to think about.
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[Feb. 28th, 2007|11:35 am]
Sitting at the computer for 3 hours.
ass not used to this chair ( obviously)
Time to take Windswept A Fable For Our Times, AKA Fable, Better known as Sparkletree Wind in her Hair Von Strattenburg, even BKA Fifi out for a walk before she explodes out of her own skin and we have poodle jerry curl all over the place. She's so bored, I think she put herself in a self induced coma.
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