And then I stepped in it.
I'll start this off with a short rant. I should mention that this is directed towards the more fervent Otaku and not people with half a brain in their damn heads.

ATTENTION PEEVISH ANIME NERDS:

While I appreciate the fact that you are all salivating over the upcoming release of Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, please avoid coming in contact with me regarding any questions about it's release date. It did not come out this month, despite whatever you saw on the Intarweb. I know it's a hard thing to come to grips with, but the World Wide Wub isn't always correct about the things you read on it. No it's not coming out in October, either. It might come out in November, but there's maybe a 50% chance of that. Come to grips with the fact that you'll have to wait a little bit longer and fill that gaping void in your life with Sephiroth/Starfox slash.

If you continue to come in and, in some cases, become indignant with me, I will make it my priority in life to hunt down every copy in the tri-state area upon it's release. I will cover them in a thick pool of turkey gravy and consume every last disc while you all watch on in horror. Your tears will only push me on, despite the excruciating pain I will experience as the splintered plastic begin to gnaw at my belly. Right before I die from massive internal bleeding, I will vomit up the semi-digested remnants and laugh as you all begin crawling in my gastric juices, desperate to find one intact copy that you can still salvage.

And you irritable little fucks who come in and argue with me, claiming that YOU know it is already out despite the fact that it is nowhere to be found outside of Japan or that the release date IS "such and such" when you have no proof besides an excerpt from Otaku4Life's post on the TentaclesInVaginas hentai forum... well I hope you all suffer some witty and highly ironic Anime fate like getting raped by a rainbow octopus or suffocating between the breasts of a wide-eyed hellion who can mystically switch genders on a whim.

In conclusion - all you snobby, rude Otaku who think you know everything because you watch cartoons from Japan can suck it. I will happily disappoint you over the coming months and watch you froth at the mouth as you stomp out to cry in your Clamp collection.

/dickhead

I recently picked up a copy of Fierce Pajamas, an anthology of humor from the New Yorker. It contains the likes of Groucho Marx, James Thurber, Woody Allen, E.B. White, Dorothy Parker and many who I freely admit to being ignorant about. Nevertheless, it is consistently hilarious, and since the selections are generally no more than 3 pages, easily digestible.

Finally - I rarely dress up for Halloween but I'm seriously considering it now. OMG HOLY SHIT THAT'S AWESOME.