Talyesin's Tales

Having defeated Aurora the Winterqueen's scheme to freeze Action City in a block of ice, the Crimefighters' League go their separate ways. But Squirrelman has a surprise in store for him when he begins to pack for his trip to Washington to register himself under the terms of the Claremont Metahuman Registration Act...



Starring!

Matt Mattheson ............ as Squirrelman
Kimmy Sinclair ................ as Ragdoll
Rick Duncan ....................... as Ace
Lisa Dumont .................. as Physique
Anna Kimble ................. as Darklight
Stephanie Cooke .............. as Blue Jay
Jay Allen .................... as Red Bolt
Mike Washington ................ as Dragon
Trevor Andrews ................. as Phenom
Jessica Wagner ............... as Rapunzel
Katie McCormick ............... as Superia

Guest Starring

Reed Sterling ..................... as Doc
Julia Sterling ................ as herself
Joe Sterling ............ as SuperTwin Red
Jerry Sterling ......... as SuperTwin Blue
Jeannie Sterling ............... as Zephyr
Molly O'Malley .............. as Glory Gal

Ulysses Kent ................. as Majestic
Athena Kent ............. as Lady Majestic
Cassandra Kent ............... as Princess




Of course, what I didn't know then was that when Kimmy had said I had an appointment next Monday she'd actually been talking in that strange female language that sounds like English but isn't. See, when she said "next Monday" I assumed she meant the next Monday on the calendar, only what she actually meant was the Monday after that. Apparently the next Monday on the calendar is "this Monday" and the Monday after that is "next Monday."

And women wonder why men don't understand them.

If I had thought the previous week, the one we had just finished, not the one before that or some obscure unit of time measurement only understandable by people with two X chromosomes, had been busy, the next one, by which I mean the current one I was living, and not some week in the near future, made it look calm by comparison.

I have clients to meet and reassure I'm still taking an active interest in Mr. Accounting, just not in the day-to-day affairs. I'm spending ten to twelve hours a day at the office, and my evenings and nights, when I'm not out fighting crime and all that, I'm spending setting up our headquarters. It's going a lot faster than I had anticipated, but there are eleven of us now, not just four of us, and Lisa and Rick get into less arguments about the tech and our defensive network and whateverthefuck when there are nine other opinions to balance them out.

As for fighting crime, whatever the opposite of a crime spree is, that's what we get going. Phenom, Physique, Ragdoll and Red Bolt shut down the two WOLFEN cells. Kestrel and Peregrin get caged Blue Jay, Dragon, and Superia. Master Planner's little scheme to start a prison riot in Bendis Correctional lands him a spot as a permanent resident instead, courtesy of Ragdoll, Ace, Rapunzel and me. Monster Master's train yard training grounds and lab get busted by Physique, Red Bolt, Blue Jay, Superia, Ace and Darklight. The Krieg and Technocracy's plans to join forces are put on hold, thanks to Red Bolt, Phenom, me and Ragdoll, Ace, Blue Jay, Physique, Dragon and Superia. Plazm winds up back in his tank, due to Superia, Red Bolt, Phenom and Darklight. The redcaps in Lower Uptown are put in their place by Rapunzel, Darklight, Ace and me. The turf war between the Kreechers and the Dock Street Do-badders gets narrowly averted due to some timely interference from Dragon, Phenom, Ace, Physique, Ragdoll and Blue Jay. We even manage to catch two more of Phantasm.

In every case, the collar goes to the person who brought the problem to our attention, but the assist goes to the Crimefighters' League. It was something we discussed after the Winterqueen incident, when the cops had shown up and asked us who got the collar. We told them the Crimefighters' League, naturally, but after the cops had hauled that huge spire of melting ice away, we talked about it. It was a little silly for us to be throwing away perfectly good collars. Until the League was officially registered, none of the collars we took credit for would go into the daily database, skewing the crimefighter stats for the day. Why not give the collar to the person who calls in the League, and the assist to the League? It would still have the benefit of good publicity for the League, get the sponsors' attentions, and the collar would be put to good use. And it was only fair, since if the person who brought it up hadn't, the League wouldn't be getting involved. It makes for bigger collars for each of the members of the League, and that sort of thing would attract new members.

We start attracting a little attention, particularly from the Action City Herald, Jay's paper. The costumed crimefighter beat is covered by Patricia Trew, and the Crimefighters' League gets more than a couple mentions during the week. I'm a little surprised to find out that Jay doesn't do the crimefighter beat, he's a human interest, entertainment news kind of guy, so when I ask him whether or not he's feeding our stories to Trish Trew, he sort of grins and shrugs it off with a "Maybe a little."

And the more time we spend together, the more we learn about each other. Jay is married and has a kid. Jessica isn't married but she has a kid too. Steph has a boyfriend she's totally head over heels for, but she hasn't unmasked to him yet. Mike smokes these huge cigars, and occasionally takes dock loader jobs, where they don't care what you look like if you can lift a ton by yourself. Lisa teaches self-defence at the YWCA. Trevor volunteers with the Boy Scouts. Katie wants to be a teacher one day, since she thinks a Classics degree isn't good for much more, and works in a bookstore. And Rick finds out why Lisa keeps backing away from flirting with him, despite the obvious attraction.

"Why?" I'd asked.

"It's kind of like this," he'd explained. "A female orgasm is a muscle spasm, right?"

"Okay."

"And she's super-strong."

"Okay...?"

"All her muscles are super-strong."

"So... okay, wait. She has super-orgasms?"

"No, dumbass. She can't have sex with normals. Like me."

"Ah. Because if she has an orgasm..."

"She could rip my dick off."

"Ouch."

"Yeah."

"Sorry, man."

He'd shrugged, but I could tell it annoyed him. He's the only one on the team with no real powers, just really good aim and a whole slew of card-shaped gadgets. But in our circles, we're a pretty confident crowd, and Ace is one of the most confident I know. Losing a chance at a great woman like Lisa because you're 'just' a squishy normal has got to suck.

On Wednesday Kimmy tells me we've been invited to a barbecue engagement party on Saturday. Once I've gotten her to spell out exactly which Saturday, including the date, I ask her, "Who invited us?"

"The Kents," she answers.

I actually have to think about that for a second.

"You mean the Majestics?" I ask.

"No hon, I mean the Kents. Low profile, civvies."

"The Majestics want us over to celebrate our engagement?"

"Aunt Athena is my godmother, Matt. I called her last night and told her our happy news."

"I know Lady Majestic is your godmother, Kimmy," I say. It's something I've never been able to figure out, how Kimmy's mother, the original Rag Doll, a no-powers crimefighter in a silly costume, had become best friends with Ms. Majestic, as she was called before she married the man himself, who'd been a big leaguer from her first appearance. But, whatever drapes your cape, I say. I mean, I count the World's Smartest Man as one of my closest friends, so who am I to say anything. "It's just... civvies? What's our cover story?"

"My firm does marketing for the Majestics, and Mr. Accounting has done work for them in the past. When the Majestics found out two of their business partners were engaged, they decided to have a little informal party."

Friday night, Rapunzel, Blue Jay, Ace, Ragdoll and I track down Poodle and her henchmen robbing a jewellery store. Poodle's this tall, elegant, willowy lady in a skintight white outfit, white afro, white furballs at her ankle and wrist, black diamond mask. She's got a fairly non-standard utility belt filled with odds and ends. Her henchmen look like hired goons. But appearances can be deceiving. First time I fought her, I underestimated her and her goons, and she very neatly handed my ass to me. In fact, there isn't one of us she hasn't beaten before.

Five of us is a different matter.

It's over pretty quick, actually, and I'm a little surprised. Ace handles the vertigo-inducer and the various other little gadgets while Ragdoll, Blue Jay and I take out the goons, leaving Rapunzel to wrap Poodle up in a neat little package. Rapunzel gets the collar, the League gets the assist, everybody's happy. Except maybe Poodle.

Saturday comes around and Kimmy and I get ready. She tells me transportation to the Citadel has been arranged, so we head out the front doors of the apartment building and wait. For some reason, I'm a little nervous, fidgeting. Kimmy smiles and takes my hand and says, "Calm down or I'll knock you on your ass."

"I'd like to see you try, in that skirt," I quip back, but it works, I'm a little calmer. She smirks, leans over, kisses me on the cheek, wipes the lipstick away. The transportation arrives.

It's the Sterling Squad.

More accurately, it's Reed and the family. Julia, the kids, even Molly. Kimmy and I make a big deal out of being surprised and astonished and amazed and all of the above. The Sterlings let us in and we take to the air.

"Thanks for the lift," I say to Reed.

"Not a problem, Matt," he smiles back.

"Not that we're not grateful, but why are you giving us a lift? Couldn't Majestic send one of Team Title's robocars?" Kimmy asks.

"That's my fault, actually," Joe answers. "Cassie asked her mom if she could invite me and Jeannie, and her dad said invite the whole Sterling family, so she did. Then they asked if we couldn't give you guys a lift, so..."

"Well, thanks," I say.

"Wasn't sure if I counted, but Reed insists I do," Molly grins.

"You count, dear," Julia smiles over her shoulder at us from the front seat. "You may be ten thousand generations descended from us, but you're family."

"Should I call you grandma, then?"

"If you do, you'll be doing dishes for a year, young lady."

"Can I see the ring?" Jeannie asks. Kimmy obliges her, everyone has a good long look, oohs and aahs and congrats all around. Molly's not sure what the whole big deal about a chunk of carbon is, but she understands the significance of the ring. She's only been in this century for five years, after all. Some of the little nuances about twenty-first century courting rituals still escape her. One of my predecessor's very vivid memories is of the time she asked him if he wanted to have sex. Exactly like that. "Would you like to have sex?" is apparently a perfectly normal conversation opener in her time period. And he'd said no. Idiot.

So we finally arrive at the Citadel. The Kents are there to greet us, dressed casually but still somehow projecting majesty, Ulysses all in white, Athena in purple, Cassie in gold. Ulysses has changed his hair, from the wavy blond mane he used to have for so long to a somehow even more regal trimmed short look, a thin line of beard along his jaw and mustache. His grip is calculated to be firm without crushing my hand to paste. Athena is elegant and gorgeous as ever. Cassie looks great too, but she only has eyes for Joe.

We all head out to one of the many gardens the Citadel has. I've been here maybe a dozen times and I never get over it. It's amazing, a giant flying technological castle in the clouds, the home of the Majestics and the headquarters of Team Title, the size of a small city. It's part super-tech from the future, part alien tech from here and there in the Milky Way, and all Majestic's genius. It takes a small army of robots to keep it running, clean, floating majestically through the air.

"A toast," Ulysses says when we all have a glass of champagne in our hands. "To Kimmy and Matt, many joys and fleeting sorrows."

Everyone toasts us and we all drink our champagne. It's a very surreal experience, being with the Sterlings and the Kents, seeing Ulysses tie an apron on to start up the barbecue, Cassie and Joe and Jeannie sitting on a swing-bench and laughing at something Jerry just said, Athena and Julia carrying out big bowls of potato and macaroni salad, Kimmy and Molly giggling about something over by the pool. Like we're just folks at an engagement party. For a second, not even, it makes me think about my old life.

"Matt, I wanted to talk to you, actually," Reed says. He's traded his champagne flute for a glass of something with a wedge of pineapple and a little umbrella in it.

"Sure, Doc, what's up?"

"Well, I couldn't help but notice what you and your team are doing the past few days," he says.

"Indeed," Ulysses says from the barbecue, where he's just put on the inch-thick steaks. "Good work, there."

"Thank you, sir," I say. I have a hard time not calling him sir. He sort of draws it out of you.

"And I was thinking, Sterling Enterprises would be honoured to be your first sponsor," Reed says. "Any tech you need, you let us know."

"Reed, that's..." I'm a little overwhelmed. "That's incredible! Thanks!" We shake hands and I say, "We were going to ask you if you had any leftovers you didn't mind selling us, actually. Now maybe Lisa and Ace will stop arguing about our defensive systems."

Reed claps me on the shoulder and says, "How is Lisa?"

"She's great, why?"

He looks like he's got something to say, but thinks better of it and says instead, "No reason."

"Reed, you wouldn't have brought it up if it was nothing."

"You're right. But it's not something I can discuss, Matt."

"If there's something about someone on my team that I should know, I think I'd prefer to discuss it."

He's looking like he regrets opening his mouth at all, but says, "You'll have to ask Lisa, I'm afraid, Matt. And I'll ask you to respect that."

"Alright, Reed. I didn't mean to push you into a corner." I finish my champagne - I've never really liked the stuff - and get myself a beer.

It's a really great afternoon. Ulysses barbecues a mean steak and the company is great. Everyone has about a hundred questions about what our plans for the wedding are, what we have in mind, that sort of thing. We don't even have a date, but Kimmy sort of hints at sometime in October, which is only two months away, so I'm thinking maybe not. I had planned on asking her in November, on her birthday, and we'd have the winter to prepare and get married in the Spring, but she'd pre-empted that plan, so maybe a Christmas-time wedding wouldn't be out of the question. Molly asks Cassie and Joe when they plan on getting married and that nearly sends them both into a panic, and they get into an argument about why not, but that's the only bad thing that happens the whole afternoon.

Until I go to the bathroom.

I'm coming back from making room for a couple more beers when I see Ulysses standing on the upper level, which leads to the garden. He turns and looks at me, backlit from the setting sun, which obscures his face. He leans on the balcony railing and looks down at me and says, "You know, I'm very glad you came."

I get an overwhelming sense of deja vu, and that's pretty much when I pass out.