Talyesin's Tales

“Pleased to meet you, your Highness. People call me Squirrelman. This is Ragdoll, Ace-“

“We know who you are, of course. This is my consort, Jenny Greenteeth.”

The woman beside him smiles, and yep, she’s got green teeth. Also green hair, green eyes, and pale green skin. She’s dressed in an elegant evening gown. These two have money, or else they’ve been stealing clothes from very high-scale stores.

“Charmed.”

“So what brings you to our little corner of the world?”

I look at Ace.

“There’s been an upsurge in the number of Pixie Dust-related incidents, topside,” he says.

“Indeed?” he says, waving over a servant carrying a tray of drinks. The servant offers them to us.

“We know better than to accept refreshments in an UnSeelie Court, your Highness,” Darklight says calmly. The Prince just smiles.

“Of course,” he replies, waving the servant away. “So why come to me?”

“We know that as undisputed ruler of the UnSeelie Court here in Action City, you would of course be aware of the activities of the members of your court,” Darklight answers.

“You’re claiming that the UnSeelie are somehow responsible for the topsiders’ abuse of this ... illegal substance?”

“Pixie Dust is the cremated remains of a living being, your Highness.” Ace says. “It’s more than an illegal substance. It’s disgusting and immoral.”

“Some would argue that Pixies are hardly a living being,” Jenny Greenteeth says. “They are wisps of imagination, given the semblance of life by the magic inherent in any Seelie or UnSeelie court. Do you know how they come into being? One day, a flower is a normal flower. The next day, when it blossoms with the dawn, a pixie is found within the flower. Fully formed. Does that sound like natural gestation and birth to you?”

“It doesn’t matter where they come from,” Ace counters. “Scientific investigation has proved that pixies are a biological, organic entity, not some figment of imagination.”

“Science,” the Prince almost spits the word. “Your science is so very easily fooled by magic. There are more things in Heaven and Earth than are dreamt of in your science.”

“Yeah, I read that somewhere,” I say. “Look, you Highness, we’re not here to debate whether or not Pixies are entitled to human rights or what all. Pixie Dust is an illegal substance, and someone is running it out of Downtown. The only place in Downtown that could be making Pixie Dust is here, the UnSeelie Court.”

“Are you accusing me of something, Squirrelman?” his voice goes low and deadly, and the music stops.

I’m very, very aware of the fact that there’s dozens of UnSeelie trolls and bogguns and redcaps behind us. My muscles start to clench up, ready to spring away at the first sign of an attack.

“Not at all, your Highness,” Darklight says. “We’re merely bringing it to your attention.”

“What makes you think I can do anything about it? My people are free to do as they will. That is what separates us from the sycophantic Seelie. They impose rules and regulations and subtle social niceties of etiquette that dictate their every waking moment.” He looks out fondly over the assembled creeps and goons. “Whereas my people enjoy absolute liberty.”

“As long as they pay tribute to you,” Ragdoll says.

“Of course,” the Prince answers.

“Some people would call that anarchy coupled with dictatorship,” she says.

“We’re also not here to dispute political science,” I say. This guy is great at changing the subject.

“So what are you here for, then?”

“The Pixie Dust stops, here, tonight.”

“And if it does not?”

“If it does not,” Darklight steps in, “then we will be back. And we will stop it.”

“Don’t make me laugh, witch. I know your limitation - Harm Ye None, isn’t it? You have no power here.”

“Is that what you think?” Darklight smiles a little smile. “So long as none are harmed, my abilities have limits. But given that Pixies are being harmed... I am free to do whatever I can to stop the person or persons responsible.”

The Prince of Thorns thinks about that for a second.

“Is that so?”

Darklight just smiles that calm little smile of hers.

“And besides,” I say, “All these people watching... You don’t want them to think you can’t take care of a little thing like some Pixie Dusters.”

He thinks about that for a bit.

“And if I help you, what do I get in return?” he asks quietly.

“Highness,” Jenny starts to say, but he shuts her up with an angry look.

“The knowledge that four topsider crimefighters are aware of the help you gave them,” I say. “The fuzzy warm feeling that comes with doing the right thing.”

That actually makes him smile, and my muscles relax just a tiny bit.

“How about this...” I say. “You stop the Pixie Dust production, and we don’t come back here with Team Title and the Sterling Squad and the Warpers and TeenSupreme and Pentacle and Praxis and-“

“Alright, alright,” he says, “I get the picture.” He gets a look. “Of course, that assumes I’m just going to let you walk out of here.”

“Of course you will,” Ace says. “Because our teammates topside are waiting for us to check in. If we don’t, then they go get reinforcements and clear this cave out.”

“Fine.” He doesn’t look happy, but he accepts it. “The Pixie Dusters will be stopped. No more Pixie Dust will be produced in Downtown. Happy?”

“That’s all we ask,” I say. I offer him my hand.

He looks down at it and takes it.

There are thorns sticking out of his palm. They go into my hand. Hurts like hell.

I grit my teeth and shake his hand. I figure, blood pact and all that. Probably has more weight in magical circles sort of thing.

The trip out of the UnSeelie Court, back topside, was completely uneventful. Once we’re back in Weirdsville, I look over at Ace.

“We’ve got to stop using that bluff,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I know, but once we’re a team it won’t have to be a bluff,” he smiles.

“The three of you are officially teaming up?” Anna asks.

“I thought you were psychic or something.”

“It’s not a complete foreknowledge of events,” she explains. “And I don’t always know when things will happen, just that they will.”

“Well, that’s good to know, I guess.” I look at Ace. “Okay buddy, you’re buying, where to?”

“Julius’?” Ragdoll suggests.

“They’ve closed for repairs,” Darklight answers. “And I have some things that require my attention. Perhaps tomorrow we can meet for dinner? I’ve always wanted to try out the Cosmos Lounge.”

“The Cosmos Lounge? There’s a waiting list six months long,” Ragdoll says.

“Good thing I made reservations for four six months ago,” Anna smiles.

The three of us look at her for a bit.

“That’s gonna get creepy, y’know,” I say.

“Would it help if I told you I know you’ll get used to it?”

“Not really.”

She just smiles at me. We part company, agreeing to meet tomorrow at the Cosmos Lounge.

Normally speaking, after a collar, Ragdoll and I work off our excess adrenaline with some incredibly intense sex. We have a good, healthy sex life, but post-collar sex is always the best. I could go on at length about the fetishistic attraction of costumed crimefighters. Hell, there’s hundreds of datasites that cater to that. All I know is after a case, Kimmy and I rock the rafters.

That day we had two cases closed. A lot of questions were raised, but all in all, she and I managed to risk our lives a little to do a lot of good. And kicked some major ass in the morning, while outwitting our enemies in the afternoon.

We rock the rafters a lot that evening. I fall asleep thinking I might have to call in sick the next day, just to recover.