The bridal salon called me late yesterday morning. THE DRESS has arrived.
...
In most women getting married, this would elict a squeal of girlish glee. I will admit, I went through my giddy moments. I talked to Allison over GChat. I emailed Amy. But underneath my "omg squee dress yay" thoughts, there's been one emotion underneath.
Fear.
Not fear of getting married. I know, like I knew back in 2006, that Doug was That Guy. I'm sure those special wacko "wedding jitters" will probably roll along in the next few months or so. No, I'm afraid of something much more simple, and much more ridiculous.
I'm afraid I'm going to look bad. I'm afraid that the dress will be too small. I'm afraid that I'm going to put on this dress and that I'm going to look like an ivory taffeta blob schlupping around. I'm afraid that I'm going to have to spend more money to buy another dress that might not look good. I hate not trying on clothes when I go shopping, and I'm spending a goodly amount of money on something that I have no idea what it looks like on me.
I know it's ridiculous. I've showed many people (other than Doug) the picture of the dress online, flowing in taffeta down the slim model. I saw the actual dress hanging on the hanger in a size 10. Everyone has said the same thing, that the dress is gorgeous, that it will look great on my body, that I have nothing to worry about. But the old self-esteem issues are looking back and reminding me of my previous formal wear disasters.
"Mock" homecoming, 9th grade -
This dance was our spring formal - not as formal as homecoming or prom but still dressy. I was meeting some friends there and had no date. I wore a white eyelet tea-length dress with pouf sleeves, and white heels.. My mom curled my bob haircut under. I painted my fingernails pink and wore matching lipstick.
My friends never showed up. I sat on the side of the floor the entire time. A boy danced with me, but after the dance I found out it was becuase his date felt bad for me sitting on the side and asked him to dance with me. She was a girl I knew from English class.
Homecoming, 10th grade -
My girlfriends and I agreed that we wanted to go to the dance as a group. No dates. I didn't have the money for a new dress, so my mom let me wear one that she'd picked up for 90% off at a sale a couple of months before. It was royal blue satin. It had a fitted torso with a drop waist, and a big bow on my left hip. The skirt went right down to my knees, and poufed out with a black crinoline undreneath. (Okay, so the skirt I liked.) The top also had the whole "one-shoulder" thing going on - and the strap on my right shoulder had a big bow on it. I wore black pantyhose and black heels. My stepmom curled my hair and tried to get it nice and big, just how the early 90s liked it. Instead, it fell flat into hairspray-lacquered curls. I wore foundation, powder, mascara, and red lipstick. I painted my fingernails cherry-red.
I found out when my friends picked me up that they brought dates. We went to a Chinese restaurant for dinner. That was fun. But at the dance they sat in the dark corner and made out while I sat on the side again. No one asked me to dance.
...
Can you tell I hated high school functions? Not to mention early 90s formal wear.
I know comparing my high school functions to my wedding is whacko. I'll be dancing at these, and I certainly have my date. I remember those awkward fitted dresses all too well, though. I just don't want to feel like that on the day of my wedding.
So come on, everyone. Tell me about your awkward high school dance moments.
Tags: girly, meh, nostalgia, wedding
Current Mood: nervous
Previous 
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
