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Daniel

[ website | danielseliger.com ]
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Wrestling or man-love? Where do you draw the line? [10 Apr 2004|06:34pm]
I've always found wrestling more than just a little bit disturbing. I was doing a Google search for "Dapper Dan's" pomade from O' Brother Where Art Thou? and I ran across Dapper Dan's Wrestling School and of course the following photo.


Dapper Dan's Wrestling School



Yikes.
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NBA or NLA? [21 Mar 2004|11:29pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | The Reason Why-Ladytron-Light & Magic ]

NLA LogoAfter watching the Laker's/Buck's game tonight I couldn't help but think the NBA's logo was long overdue for a revamp. It was either this or several grown men and their fans getting bent over in a scene of mass crowd ass raping. I think this is more family friendly. I'm sure the advertising execs will agree.

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Losers. [02 Feb 2004|10:41am]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | Emerge (Adult mix) - Fischerspooner ]

I took the day off today. I haven't taken a day off in a few months (that wasn't a scheduled holiday) so today was as good as any. I had a hard time getting out of the rack for work this morning so I just decided I'd call it right then and there. So, I was just doing some work on my computer and got side-tracked on some news sites and well, I couldn't help myself. Hope you enjoy this Daniel Seliger original:

Loser

Money to hire two-bit "pop star"...


Found change (couch or on the street).

Jubblie Hanger

Designer bustier with break away "cups"...


$1500.

Tool

CBS executive who will deny any involvement...


$3.5 million per year.

Rotating Losers

Realizing your career is so far gone that you have to expose your right tit for attention...


Priceless.

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Holy Crap! [10 Dec 2003|08:25pm]
[ mood | anxious ]
[ music | Kiko - Italiomatic ]

Holy crap!

It's Hunter Dan!

I don't even know what to say other than today is truly a proud day for me to have the name "Dan". Brings tears to my eyes.

By the way, right now Heidi is fixing us some home made enchiladas and I can hardly stand the wait. Damn, I love those things.

3 comments|post comment

F-ing hell. [08 Dec 2003|09:05pm]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Flunk - Blue Monday ]

I must get 2-3 of these types of messages each week. Some I ignore, some I respond to and then when they come back with their flurry I just ignore them, and some I screw with. This guy just caught me when I could care less. I didn't open fire on him and treat him like I should have (not sure why). I'm frankly sick of this crap. I appreciate the fact that people are trying to learn wed design/development on their own, but I taught myself and a rational person would realize "Geez it was hard enough to make this simple page, it must be really hard to create forums and chat rooms." But no, some people's reality valves obviously need to readjusted...

If you're not a web designer or developer putting together a forum from scratch would be a pretty big challenge. Putting one together from one of the many prewritten scripts out there is easier, but still not novice work if you don't know the basics very very well and have some dev experience. As for a chatroom, if you want it be anything modern and robust it would be a serious challenge. I'm sure there are some written scripts out there, but again you're looking at a lot of tweaking and manipulation to get things working and looking as you'd like.

Monkeys.

By the way this guy has a moustache and a Geocities site (I looked at his Yahoo profile). Enough said.

twisted_creations2003 (8:31:29 PM): hey
twisted_creations2003 (8:31:53 PM): i was looking for aweb dev to ask somethign
a_swankboy (8:45:13 PM): what's that?
twisted_creations2003 (8:45:14 PM): hello
twisted_creations2003 (8:45:19 PM): i need help
twisted_creations2003 (8:45:25 PM): web design
twisted_creations2003 (8:45:30 PM): jsut some questions
twisted_creations2003 (8:45:34 PM): thats all lol
a_swankboy (8:45:51 PM): like?
twisted_creations2003 (8:46:12 PM): is it possible to intigrate a forum and 10 chat rooms into the web site its self
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:05 PM): i have 100 megs of online stoage and 25 gig data trans
a_swankboy (8:47:16 PM): sure, but if you don't know what you're doing it's not going to be fun. the forum is easiest since there are a lot of prewritten php forums out there that you can tweak yourself. the chat stuff is the problem.
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:18 PM): and my url willbe up in two weeks
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:33 PM): im hosting a gaem online
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:39 PM): and i need a web site for it
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:40 PM): but
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:48 PM): this we b site will also have mya rt and stuff on it
twisted_creations2003 (8:47:53 PM): ima graphic designer
twisted_creations2003 (8:48:03 PM): but dont know html
twisted_creations2003 (8:48:38 PM): if i could find some one who would trade me me make them graphics and them make mea web site i would be set
twisted_creations2003 (8:49:13 PM): but not likely to happen so i gots to do the work mmy self
a_swankboy (8:49:32 PM): yeah, not likely.
a_swankboy (8:49:46 PM): if you don't even know html you're not going to be able to do this yourself.
twisted_creations2003 (8:50:05 PM): i have 250 players waiting on me to get the shard up
twisted_creations2003 (8:50:11 PM): the shard (game i can do )_
twisted_creations2003 (8:50:13 PM): but
twisted_creations2003 (8:50:16 PM): they need a site
twisted_creations2003 (8:50:27 PM): ill find a way
twisted_creations2003 (8:50:36 PM): i jsut needed to knwo if it was possible
twisted_creations2003 (8:51:06 PM): i dont care if i hafe to learn html ina week i learned basic and dos in a week i should be albe to learn html
a_swankboy (8:52:14 PM): well, it's not just html. html, php (or similar), likely JAVA if you're doing a semi-robust chat and likely javascript/css as well. good luck to you.
twisted_creations2003 (8:52:36 PM): lol thanks
twisted_creations2003 (8:52:37 PM): but
twisted_creations2003 (8:52:39 PM): what has to be done
twisted_creations2003 (8:52:41 PM): has to be done
a_swankboy (8:52:45 PM): yep.
a_swankboy (8:52:46 PM): later
twisted_creations2003 (8:52:50 PM): later

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Fat chicks in banana yellow SUVs [01 Dec 2003|09:48am]
[ mood | indifferent ]
[ music | Belle & Sebastian - A Century of Fakers ]

I realized this morning when I saw a bright yellow Ford Escape that I've never seen an attractive woman, or any man, driving any of the many banana yellow SUVs that I've seen. I've seen yellow Nissan Xterras, Escapes, Pontiac Aztecs (which are ugly enough to start with), and others. Each and every time the driver was a fat plain unattractive late 20's early 30's white woman. Usually the vehicle is also adorned with some sort of Tweety, Sylvester, Pooh, or other cartoon character. What the hell is up with this? Can someone explain it to me?

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A snippet from a Personal Appearance forum I post to occasionally [18 Nov 2003|12:45pm]
[ mood | gloomy ]
[ music | Ladytron - Paco ]

Since I don't put the time aside to post to my journal any more with my witty poignant negative (if not realistic) interpretations of modern life, I thought I'd at least start putting something here...

"A bit corporate tool too. We have a term here, it's called "corporate trash". I agree with Xenos, more professional/traditional jobs probably require a white shirt or a very conservative variation. I used to work in outside sales and you got tons of shit if you didn't wear light blue or white dress shirts. It wasn't like you got in trouble, but you basically got made fun of. What an f-ing horrible spot to be. Anyway, I also agree if you're doing something more interesting with your life I'd say a nice color shirt is fine as long as it's not too over the top or overly patterned. These days I'd probably go darker myself, but that's just me.

I just got back from lunch and I was sitting next to two guys dressed in navy and gray suit pants and white dress shirts with lame ties. There also were the requisite shitty chunky cheap laptops, overly loud laughter about their witty selves, a vat of hair gel between them and the smell of Drakkar or Polo or some other unimaginative cologne wafting through the air. It was then I thanked god for my shitty job and the fact that I wasn't them. It also gave me comfort that I probably make more than them wearing my jeans to work almost every day. Suckers."

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Two Things That Piss Me Off Today [ outside the usual stuff ] [25 Mar 2003|01:16pm]
[ music | Ladytron - Seventeen (Droyd Mix) ]


  1. People that walk really slow, usually more than two abreast, and when you roll up behind them they turn around and either look irritated, scared or profoundly confused. F you! Move your ass!

  2. People who talk to other people about work during lunch against their will.

    Example: Joe Worker is sitting at a table by himself enjoying his lunch (as much as he can over the cackle of other workers) and reading a newspaper/magazine. Jill B. Mouth strolls her lard ass over and starts opening and closing her cake crusher. Noise comes out (which I assume to be 'speech') and Joe Worker nods his head and says very little (he's eating remember) and Jill Mouth continues to yap. Finally he responds with a sentence or two and Jolly o' Jill is away.


    Poor SOB.

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Oh, to be old. [09 Mar 2003|03:09am]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Animotion-Obsession ]

I finally understand why old people get up at 4am -- after a life of dealing with stupid people they finally realized how to avoid them. Get up at the crack of your ass... er, dawn. There are no people and it's a blissful thing. Personally I can't wait. Unfortunately right now it's not going to be a reality since I work a regular job now and I still do freelance. I'm up at all hours. Plus, I can't imagine going to bed early enough to get up at 4am. I can live a happy existence now however realizing what's at the end of the road - peaceful solitude before the sun rises.

Saturday morning I had to take Heidi to the airport for her flight to Denver to see her friend Sara. This was at about 6am in the morning. I can't tell you the experience of blissful joy driving there and back and then going to the grocery - there were no people (or few enough not to matter). I dropped her off and returned back downtown. I decided to stop at the grocery store (Kohl's on Van Buren) and pick up some extra soda and whatnot for the weekend so I wouldn't have to venture out again. It was awesome. There were about three people in the whole entire store. I got the freshest donuts I've had in some time although there wasn't much to pick from since they had just opened at 6am, but who cares, I didn't have to fight anyone else to get to them!

Ameritech, or SBC Ameritech, or SBC or whatever the hell they call themselves this week can go straight to hell. Our (Heidi's) phone-line was down for the second time in two months. This time there was just no dial tone at all. It was fixed within 24 hours of us realizing the problem, however they f-ed up my DSL in the process of breaking/fixing. Lucky me right? So basically it took all day Saturday (literally) for my DSL to be fixed, which was surprising since they told me it wouldn't be until Monday. Wow, lucky me. 2:30am Sunday and my DSL is back. Now I can get back to work designing websites at work and in my spare time. Again, lucky me. Anyway, it's good to be back. Just for the record dial-up sucks if you didn't know already. There has to be a way to get TDS Metrocom without my DSL being down for a month...

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Who the hell asked you? [05 Mar 2003|08:40pm]
[ mood | cranky ]
[ music | Dream Academy - Life In A Northern Town ]

Since when does anyone give a shit what actors think about anything? They're f-ing actors after all. I don't want to offend anyone, but often actors are actors for a reason - they can't do shit else and they don't want to have to work hard for a living. Most of them are uneducated and before they were famous were doing shit jobs for a reason. Sure, I've had my fair share of shit jobs too, but I also don't expect everyone to stop and listen to me on the radio or watch me on television while I mouth off about what this person or that person should be doing, or what our country should be doing, who should feel guilty about what and who's receiving what injustice. Hi, I'm Dan, and you're an f-ing actor. Shut up.

Now pop musicians... These jackasses are even worse and even more illiterate. Have you ever listened to an athlete try to express themself or talk about just anything? They sound like idiots. Often actors or musicians only sound like they know what they are talking about because they had voice lessons and end up mixing with the wine and cheese crowd at their industry awards ceremonies. In fact, they are just better looking athletes that are easier to stand because we can comprehend audibly what they are saying. It doesn't mean it makes sense or we should care at all. It's the attitude that drives an actor or musician to make an announcement on their stand on this or that which kills me. Um wow, Ego, you think you're issuing a statement is a really big deal don't you? You do realize you're a musician right? No, you don't. You think you are "changing the world" and really making a difference. Yeah, you're making a difference, you're making me hate you even more, making me change the station even more and making me want to see and hear much less of you.

I used to like Halle Berry, Janeane Garofalo, Martin Sheen, etc. Now I can't stand them. It's not only that they have idiotic viewpoints, but that they think I should care about what they have to say. Do you care what I think? I highly doubt it. And why not? Please list the skills that you have that I don't have that allow you to be the spokesperson for human rights, public policy, equality and everything else you think you control? Let's see, you have more money than me (unless you're Corey Feldman) and you have traveled more than I have... oh, and you've probably done a lot more drugs than I have. That's your advantage. Keep blowing your hot air and I'll keep watching less of your stupid movies and listening to less of your ignorant point of view. As much as I have a lot of disgust for public offices and politicians in general, they actually have information, intelligence, and usually have been participating in their craft for many many years to get where they are. They screw up, but when they screw up it matters. You're an actor, when you screw up you get a "do over" (also known as a "retake", but we all know it's just a "do over"). The bottom line is they do in real life what you pretend to do on screen.

The funniest thing I have seen in recent times is when the cast of The West Wing released a statement on what they would do if they were the real government. Unbelievable. The line between reality and pretend has gotten so blurry for these morons they think they should be doing something like this. Phenominal really, but mostly it scares me.

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Supermodels love me... oh, and I have some land to sell you in Florida [04 Jan 2003|04:01am]
[ mood | busy ]
[ music | Spooks - Karma Hotel ]

Hello, My Name is Dan, and I read two popular men's general interest magazines.

I've been a subscriber for some time now and every time my subscriptions come up for renewal I end up renewing. Sometimes they have worthwhile articles, but for the most part they are filled with fluff, clothes I could never and won't ever afford (out of choice), toys for boys, and other miscellaneous crap. They are also littered with interviews with girls/women I have usually heard little about, kind of the "it" girl of the month -- the new actress in some tv show or some 5 minute temptress in the latest action movie.

Anyway, they are always exactly the same:


  1. "I was a tom boy growing up. I was taller than all the boys in my class. I was thin and lanky and no one wanted to be seen with me, kiss me, or take me to the school dance."

  2. "I was walking along in the mall in Bumblefuck, Arkansas and a model agent saw me." *Tee hee hee*

  3. "I really just want an average guy. I don't have a boyfriend right now. No one is confident enough to approach me in a bar. Yeah, I'd date one of your average readers -- that would be great!" *giggle*

  4. "I just love sex. I love it all the time especially with people like your readers, with their big fat beer guts and their hairy backs and asses."

  5. "I love to walk/lay around naked as much as possible or in the most tempting slutty lingerie or other clothing that I can. I love people to catch me in the buff or wearing this alluring clothing. It makes me hot, oh yeah." *Tee hee hee*

  6. Final Thoughts: "I'm really just hoping to find someone who's really into me. I like to go out, but I'd really like to snuggle with a big teddy bear every night at home. If you see me out in a club/bar don't hesitate to approach me if you think you have the right stuff."


So, basically I end up just skipping over these stupid interviews. I can't stand them really. They are mostly insulting at best. Hell, half the time the women aren't worth looking at. "Oh look, another 5'10" 125lb long haired blonde on the rise Photoshopped(tm) to the max. How exciting. Oh and she wants to fuck someone like me. (Writer's note: I don't have a big gut and my butt isn't that hairy)

I won't be holding my breath anyway.
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So, I'm a popstar now... [14 Dec 2002|11:29am]
[ mood | amused ]
[ music | Dirty Vegas - I'm So Crazy (12" Mix) ]

In light of the success of Justin Timberlake's new album, with the tacky name punn "Justified", I am planning the release of my own new album Daniel Seliger - "Dangerous". Should be on store shelves before Christmas exclusively at Wal-mart.

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Oh the humanity. [11 Dec 2002|06:06pm]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | Gus Gus - Superhuman ]

Today I drove to wash my car, and then I went to Target. Um, it took me a couple hours. You'd wonder why? I don't have an answer. I did have to drive a fair distance, but not that far. Anyway, this person is all too common now...


[ original artwork of course ]


Um, go, go, go! You're lane doesn't end you moron and no one is going to be in your lane. It's not a MERGE lane you dolt! Aaaaaaaaarrrrgggghhh! I want to get out and just punch them in the face really really really really hard. You know, I understand how a lot of driving is a judgment call -- this is not.

So I got to the car wash place and it was packed -- at 2:30pm on a Wednesday. Anyway, there was this guy washing his car in front of me in the bay while I was waiting inline. He had on a "Phat Farm" shirt. Now, I know what it is -- a clothing label, but if it's "Phat Farm", why isn't it "Phat Pharm"?
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What the hell is this? [11 Dec 2002|03:16am]
[ mood | lethargic ]
[ music | Ladytron - Playgirl ]

Well, I decided I needed a place to blog/post -- mostly to vent. If you know me, you know I like a good bitch session. As my personal site has gone more professional and matter-of-fact I haven't really been able to fully get my bitch on. I will probably link my Live Journal from my personal site, but if I do so it will be pretty unnoticeable. I don't want to scare employers and potential clients away with my rantings, thus why I've elected not to post to my main site in this manner.

I have considered turning swankboy.com into my personal general bitching site, but I haven't done that yet as it continues to see a decent amount of traffic that gets filtered down to my personal site. Me and Darrell have considered a site just for this purpose, but I just can't imagine running another site and paying for hosting and domain registration and then designing the whole fargin' thing and keeping it up to date. Plus, I don't have a digital camera yet. Until then I can't fully illustrate what it is I have to bitch about. Sometimes visuals say more than I could ever put into words. So, with that behind us, let me begin...

Today parked across the street was something like a "Wisconsin K-9 Center, Mobile Pet Spa" or some such shit. Basically a puppy pampering mobile. Who the fuck does this shit? You must be kidding me. Okay, maybe f-ing Beverly Hills, but this is downtown Milwaukee. It was a damn nice truck and I could see someone working in it because it had oddly placed windows so that people could see what they were doing inside easily. Presumably so they can look down from their home or office building and see their pets being pampered. FREAKS. I just can't believe there is a market for this and apparently someone got a small business loan to start this. Aargh! If I went into a bank with a good idea I'd still be laughed right out the f-ing door and some 40 year old bitch is driving around downtown Milwaukee in a dog grooming truck making a living. Boggles the mind.

Perhaps I'm going about it all wrong and I need to be doing the most idiotic thing I can think of and I'll be successful. It's almost a guarantee -- "money in the bank" as they say... wait, gotta think like an idiot -- "money in the garbage disposal" as they say! That's it, garbage disposal banks! "Get one for your kid today to store their hard earned allowance." Shit, I hope I can get this rolled out before the holiday season is over.

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