|
|
Thursday, November 8th, 2007
| |
11:47 am - "My rags of heart may like, wish, and adore/ but after one such love can love no more."
|
I am updating. Why? Because I can. Also, people have been unfriending me since I was last around. I am officially compleeeetely out of the internet loop, homg. >>;; I barely remember the emoticons! The slang! The slang escapes me!
We moved this August! Now we live in a real house and everything. We don't actually have a net connection here--I'm currently stealing off one of our neighbors on Suu's computer, since mine is currently kind of dead. On the plus side, I should have a new one soon. Not because I saved up for it like a normal adult, of course, but because my parents found a bunch of old savings bonds that my grandparents bought for me and are sending me the money, and my mom got cranky when I said I could use it for rent and told me to buy a computer (oh, the PAIN). Thus, I must find a Mac store because I don't want to pay shipping. Shipping is the devil.
Oh! I had a manic episode the other day and crashed like the goddamn Hindenburg yesterday. Not cool! :D I need a therapist. And I really want a Nintendo DS. And possibly also a PSP, but mostly the DS. << This is what comes of working for Gamestop. Well, not the therapy thing, but you know what I mean. I play video games now! Currently I'm getting my ass kicked by Oblivion. Seriously, I've lost count of how many times I've died.
Maybe I should be writing. A story, I mean, or a book, although I also own Cousin Anie a letter from ages ago.
current mood:  silly
current music: Blink 182
|
|
|
| Saturday, March 31st, 2007
| |
4:04 am - "For life's not a paragraph, and death I think is no parenthesis."
|
I need icon space again. And to write. I really, really fucking need to write, but the shit I want isn't coming out and it's sort of driving me up the motherfucking wall at this point, and I'm cranky with myself because every time I have to put actual effort into doing something I just end up feeling useless and vaguely incompetent.
Also, I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like me.
current mood:  frustrated
current music: "On The Radio"; Regina Spektor
|
|
|
| Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
| |
3:33 pm - "Penny is poison and I don't mind."
|
my sister had a nursery rhyme
set of figurines
she'd often let me play with them,
I'd set 'em up in different scenes
fifty plastic army men, led by Superman
destroyed the ranks of Mother Goose
Mary and her little
lamb slips away and catches sister getting real
and I can too, as long as I don't make a sound
when we were real we were in love
with everyone and everything,
I guess it was the beauty of
bluebird clears his throat of phlegm and static singing operatic
evening comes, and the butterflies are
bats eat the spider that had saddled up beside her
and the dish, his lovin' spoon were never found
and I'm taking flight seeking relief, the lure of handkerchief so white
I chase it straight into the ground
lamb slips away and catches sister getting real
and I can too, as long as I don't make a sound
and I'm taking flight seeking relief, the lure of handkerchief so white
I chase it straight into the ground
current music: "Real"; The Verve Pipe
|
|
|
| Saturday, January 13th, 2007
| |
5:34 am - "I want to believe."
|
I am so scrape-y feeling. Aghhhh.
Watching X-Files (Mulder is my fucking hero). Musing on character sketchies (the results? not my hero). I am trying to do comics, lately. It is somewhat successful and somewhat not. I am someone's artist. >> Well, co-creator. Or someone's my writer/co-creator.
. . . technically, this is not a new thing what with all the super-involved RP I've written, but shhh, it's still novel.
Two comic-related projects on table! Superheroes and Tokyopop! They desire you desperately! Answer the call, young soldiers! Ganbatte!
current mood: working
current music: "It Ends Tonight,"; The All-American Rejects
|
|
|
| Friday, November 17th, 2006
| |
3:02 pm - "I lie to Batman."
|
God, Generation X, I will simply NEVER get sick of you. *mourns dead comic for the kajillionth time* Oh, you were so, so good and so, so mistreated and had such wonderful characters and art and ahhhh, Penance and Chamber and the love affair that I only WISH had been written . . .
*coughs* Obsessive what? Me? Noooo.
Sometimes I think the Marvel universe is kind of like a giant role-playing game with a very inattentive gamemaster.
current mood: silly
current music: "When You Were Young"; The Killers
|
|
|
| Tuesday, November 14th, 2006
| |
7:48 am - "I'm fourteen. I'm a wind from nowhere. I can break your heart."
|
Oh my God, with the barely posting EVER. *eyes self* Well, okay, so I have been posting, but just on a different and friends-locked journal. And then I realized I wasn't saying anything that even needed to be friends-locked, so here I am again!
Yes, I know. Me = dork.
Also, I want to write a decent fanfic for Naruto again. Sadly, I am low on ideas and sucking at finishing those loooong overdue memes I owe.
(This is Rin's subtle hint that if anyone out there has any suggestions to make for things they might like to see her write, now would be the time.)
current mood: sheepish
current music: "Chicago Is So Two Years Ago"; Fall Out Boy
|
|
|
| Friday, July 21st, 2006
| |
12:24 am - "You're so beautiful / I guess this is what I get."
|
. . . so, technically, I have a porn meme to finish over on ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) white_knuckle, but for some reason, I cannot find the drive to do the next one down the list. *grumps at self*
THE PORN GODS HAVE NO LOVE FOR RIN. ;____;
current mood: thoughtful
current music: "Lovers & Liars"; Matchbook Romance
|
|
|
| Sunday, May 28th, 2006
| |
12:19 am - "All I needed was the truth."
|
omgTIRED. Stupid. Eight. Hour. Shift. And faaar too little sleep and food to run on during it, to boot. --
*takes the most. determined. nap. EVER.*
If you lot love me, you'll leave me pretty and/or fun things to wake up to. <<
current mood:  exhausted
current music: "She Is"; The Fray
|
|
|
| Thursday, May 25th, 2006
| |
10:14 am - Naruto 308, raw
|
. . . *SHRIEKS*
WHY IS THIS NOT TRANSLATED YET. O___O
current mood:  enthralled
current music: "How To Save a Life"; The Fray
|
|
|
| Saturday, May 20th, 2006
| |
4:05 am - "A toast to your enemies' enemies!"
|
I stopped by Circuit City with Mom on the way home from work today and picked up a few CDs. Rin + RENT movie soundtrack + The Fray's "How To Save a Life" + Fall Out Boy's "Take This To Your Grave" = utopia. There are no word for how nice it is to finally have some new CDs again.
And no, I can't afford to be spending any money but shhhh. I haven't gotten to spoil myself with presents for much too long, dammit. Besides, it's payday anyway (Rin plus $266.00 = BLISS), and I did repress the desire to buy myself the thirty-five dollar tape recorder. Definitely need to get one of those, though--God, it's be so useful for when I just can't get a story to make sense on paper.
Randomly, work does not suck lately. I am suspicious on principle, of course, and waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I'm actually good at it now, and really, the only problem I've got is how incredibly lazy some of the others are. Teenagers are the worst co-workers ever, seriously. >_o
current mood:  happy
current music: "I Should Tell You"; RENT
|
|
|
| Friday, May 12th, 2006
| |
3:13 am - Rin's response to Naruto 306, transcribed
|
*chokes* Geh--ah--geh--with the--and his face--GEH.
SASUKE.
*devolves into incoherency*
current mood: enthralled
current music: "The Devil in the Wishing Well"; Five For Fighting
|
|
|
| Monday, May 8th, 2006
| |
11:29 am - "Sometimes I feel like you thought you were too good for me." ". . . well, of course."
|
First and foremost, thank God Dr. Jones is finding me a therapist.
Secondly, we have two cats at my daddy's house. One is Maylynn, who we got from a shelter with her sister and gave to my mom's sister as a gift, but ended up getting returned to us and whose name I can never goddamn spell. The other is Harley, short for Harlequin, who Marie-my-now-ex-roommate and I got at a much nicer shelter this October and cooed over and loved to death until we got busted for having her in the dorm and had to ship her off. Maylynn I have never liked as much--her sister was a sweetie, though, and kind of died in my arms on our kitchen floor, so I've always felt like I owe her something. Mostly, though, she's a big, butch outdoor kitty who is built like a very small and skinny Mack truck (this being why I do not worry about her being an outdoor kitty).
Harley, however, is not. She is still technically a kitten according to her kibble, and Maylynn can kick her ass six ways from Sunday despite being declawed even though Harley isn't. But my family is full of moron who cannot outwit a kitten and keep accidentally letting her out through sheer apathy and disregard for how much it makes me worry about her when she's out of the house, seeing as she spent the first few weeks of her life in a small, well-cared-for shelter, then a dorm room, and then my mother's tiny rental house. She was never a stray, always quiet and sweet and unassuming, and never had to protect her ass from anything scarier than a cold.
End backstory.
This morning, Harley got out by scampering past my dad's legs, as he chose to open the door to the garage and the garage door at the same time, thus saving himself a goddamn half-second of waiting in the car and giving her a perfect escape route. So I chased her out, because I've heard enough outdoor kitten horror stories to last me a lifetime and a half, and lose track of her halfway through a loop across my neighbor's yard.
Then, in my moment of crowning glory, I burst into tears in my dad's backyard and have to hide behind a tree to make sure that if either of my brothers comes outside, they won't catch me sobbing for my cat to stop upsetting Mommy when she's already emotionally fragile. And yes, I did actually tell the poor thing that while I was still trying to call her out. Then I finally forced myself to stop crying and snuck back into the house, got up to my room, found Maylynn curled up in one of my half-packed boxes from moving back home, and burst into tears again.
Yes, that does mean that I spent my early morning trying to guilt trip cats.
This is why I will never, ever be a good mother.
current mood:  tired
current music: "When I Was a Boy"; Dar Williams
|
|
|
| Friday, April 21st, 2006
| |
2:45 am - "Who do you think you are/ barging in on me and my guitar?"
|
*quiet whine*
So, I made the mistake of coming home after giving up on college for the time being--I am really, really in no shape to be there right now and have failed very badly at it--and tonight my father sat me down and read off his little list of rules.
Yes, he actually wrote out a list, and actually read off it as he talked. And, you know, most of it was nothing I hadn't already expected. Minor shit, like how he wanted me to help keep the house up and all, actually leave my room once in a while and not sleep all day, things like that.
And then he told me he was going to be turning off the internet connection every night before he went to bed to make sure I went to sleep at a reasonable hour.
This is my father, who goes to be at ten at the latest most nights. The latest. And just as often, he'll end up hitting bed by nine or even earlier because of being over-tired or having made himself sick in some way or another.
So then I ask him "well, what if you forget to turn it back on in the morning?" and he says "whoops" and that he'll just have to hope he'll remember.
*twitch*
My father, mind, is a high school teacher and gets up at six in the goddamn morning to leave for school. I'm only up at that hour if I'm suffering from insomnia, and he knows damn well I won't be able to remind him. Obviously, this is shitty, since I literally cannot sleep before one A.M. most nights and so will instead be staring at the ceiling for hours on end, trying desperately to be unconscious and failing very, very miserably.
So I attempted to be practical and nice and adult and said I knew he wanted to make sure I'd sleep on a regular schedule, but couldn't he give me a week to prove that I could do that by myself, without needing to be treated like a kid. But, no, apparently this is an impossible and ridiculous idea, so I am being denied the 'net and AIM and, you know, all those things I amuse myself with, despite the fact that I've told him I use it to talk to people. So now I just feel sick and stupid and tired and am limited by our plan's pathetic amount of cell phone minutes and really, really don't want to be here, oh, ever again.
This, of course, is what Rin gets for being stupid enough to believe that her parents actually were going to be decent about this, since she was so obviously upset. Instead, my mother started guilting me the second she saw me in person, and my father came up with a list of jailhouse rules that are going to end up with me tired, listless, and having no time to talk to anyone on the nights I work, since most of those I will likely not get back until, say, an hour or so before he goes to bed.
Home sweet fucking home.
And yes, I'm being juvenille and emo and all damn whiny and shouldn't be so upset over not getting to play with the internet as much as I want to. I DON'T GODDAMN CARE.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: "La Vie Boheme"; RENT
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 11th, 2006
| |
3:13 am - "Bohemia, Bohemia's a fallacy in your head/ this is Calcutta: Bohemia is dead."
|
. . . for some bizarre reason, I want to draw conjugalvisit!Hinasasu. *already attempting, bemused with self* Really no idea where that little bunny came from, no.
( the so far of said attempt )
Also, La Vie Boheme is so, so stuck in my head and never coming out. Like, ever.
to days of inspiration
playing hooky, making something out of nothing
the need to express
to communicate,
to going against the grain,
going insane
going mad
to loving tension, no pension
to more than one dimension,
to starving for attention,
hating convention, hating pretention
not to mention of course,
hating dear old Mom and Dad
to riding your bike,
midday past the three-piece suits
to fruits, to no absolutes
to Absolute--to choice
to the Village Voice
to any passing fad
to being an us for once, instead of a them--
la vie Boheme
la vie Boheme
current mood: energetic
current music: "La Vie Boheme"; RENT
|
|
|
| Sunday, April 9th, 2006
| |
6:53 am - "Who do you think you are/ barging in on me and my guitar?"
|
Marie went to talk to John.
Can't save people from themselves, really.
I'm definitely having one of those days where I need a significant other. You know . . . so I finally get to fit into that "most important person in someone's life" spot.
I would really be much better off if I knew what that was like, I think.
current mood: tired
current music: RENT
|
|
|
| |
2:39 am - "Wow. You guys are like on a completely different level of swearing over here."
|
Happy note! Marie is here and we have rented movies. <3 Eurotrip, Redeye, Howl's Moving Castle, Must Love Dogs, Robots, and RENT. God knows if we'll actually get through them all, but damned if we're not going to try. John, as ever, is being a dumb, dumb man and is bowling while the girl having his baby visits.
Dumb. Dumb. Man.
Happily, we got to eat at that fabulous little Asian bistro that we both like. Mmmm, unagi and spicy tuna. *purr.* They re-arranged the menu, too, so our bill was actually cheaper than usual even though we ordered more food than usual.
Note to self: the Friendly's in Geneva will always suck ass. Stop. Giving. It. The. Benefit. Of. The. Doubt.
Also, I want to fic and really should.
Double also, I should finish that fic I owe Ally. >>;; *goes to do so*
current mood: bouncy
current music: "Scotty Doesn't Know"
|
|
|
| Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
| |
4:27 am - "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying. It's only life."
|
La la la, so bitter. Bellowed at John yesterday in the middle of the cafeteria for being an idiot, but that should surprise no one since I've been doing that kind of thing a lot lately. Still, I was good and repressed the desire to punch Carrie in her ferrety little face. There's something completely unfair about her being matchstick-sized, dammit, it takes all the pleasure out of the idea of bashing her head against a wall again and again and again and again and again and . . .
. . . okay, not all the pleasure, but unfortunately, if I acted on the impulse I'd probably kill her. The bitch is the size of a fucking Ethopian twelve year-old. -- Damn her for not being at least semi-close to my size, it makes this kind of thing way too difficult. I'd be quite a lot happier if I could deck her.
Cranky day.
I want cuddled. Why isn't there ever anyone around who can do that when I want it?
. . . probably because I'm uncomfortable with that much physical contact and tend to avoid wanting that kind of thing when there is. --
current mood:  distant
current music: "A Lifetime"; Better Than Ezra
|
|
|
| Tuesday, April 4th, 2006
| |
12:11 am - "Without the psalm you can't go on, you can't go on."
|
La. Bored, sooo . . .
Ask me a question about each of the following:
1. friends
2. sex
3. music
4. drugs
5. love
6. livejournal
Then post this in your journal and see what questions you get asked.
current mood:  blah
current music: "Sunbathing"; Torben Floor
|
|
|
| Saturday, April 1st, 2006
| |
11:58 pm - "You're really down to earth. Just not down enough."
|
Oooo, Castle in the Sky is on Cartoon Network tonight. *happy purr* Nice. <3
Mostly bored, trying to be creative. *toys with stories* Been drawing superheroes today, which is always fun. Mmmmpyrosandsuperstrength. *fans self* Guh, nummy. Currently, using my favorite dress-up buddies for it, which is always fun too and keeps me quite content with the universe because it means I have gay superheroes wandering around my headspace. Better still, cheesy nineties-era ones.
I've been posting a lot on deviantART lately, especially for me. I've sort of hit this sad point of really, really needing compliment-love and am attempting to get it via pictures, since I'm not having much luck with writing. *wrestles viciously with MS Word*
People are being really, really drama-y this year and I'm not sure why. :/ But yes, after Marie being boy-dumb over John the Bastard and Carrie being a complete psycho-bitch about it and faking a pregnancy and miscarriage and then Yaya passing away and Bruno being a bipolar fuckwit and school being so unfun . . . yeahhh, no more. Anyone who attempts to pull an unjustified drama queen mode for at least the next two months will be INSTANTLY EATEN ALIVE. After that, though, I'll be done with school for at least the next year or so, and that will be nice and I will be able to deal with it without wanting to bash anyone's head into a wall again and again and again and again . . .
Why yes, I have been having vivid fantasies about killing lying whores and their lying boyfriends! :D So nice of you to notice. <3
. . . you know, rereading that last paragraph or so, I suddenly know why strangers don't strike up conversations with me all that often. >>;;
For anyone I've forgotten to tell or who hasn't read it anywhere I may have mentioned it, this summer I will be in Seattle and busy working and visiting. Then I will be home for a couple of months getting all my shit sorted out, doing my last check-ups on the East Coast friends who need it (this means YOU, Anie and Marie), and finishing up official-type things I need to do, and then, with any luck, I will be actually moving to Seattle for at least the next year while I take the time off school, resume working, and actually give a shot to serious writing. That being, like, shit I will actually send in to places in the hopes of being published. Because yes, I am twenty, and I have gotten in a lot of practice and now need to try to get practical.
Likely, if I have any success with that or at least make enough progress to satisfy myself, I won't be going back to college. Which, yes, I know, is dumb and bad for my earning potential and all and blah blah blah, but I'm not interested in school right now and it's really just a waste of money for my mom, who's been super-wonderful and paying for my education for the past two years despite being crazy in debt and really needing the money herself.
When I'm older and actually want to be there, then we'll see about going back on my own dime. Right now, though, just not interested, not wanting to deal with it, and needing some actual Life Experience, so thus, my college career is officially on hold.
. . . randomly, my Harley-girl ran out earlier and still isn't back.
Dumb cat. -- DON'T MAKE EMO-MOMMY WORRY.
current mood:  restless
current music: The White Stripes
|
|
|
| Friday, March 31st, 2006
| |
12:55 pm - "'Cause you had a bad day, you're takin' one down/ you sing a sad song just to turn it around."
|
I'm sort of proud of myself for learning how to, you know, actually color on the computer. Not well, mind, but much better than I ever used to, so I'm very happy with it. *verra pleased*
example of my no longer sucking: http://www.deviantart.com/view/31133828/
. . . hm, I should really use that art LJ I've got once in a while, huh. >>;; "But Rin, devART is so much easier omg!" Why, you're right, kids, it is! :D
LOOK AT THE PRETTY. *commands!*
*yes, IS showing off like the little dork she is*
current mood:  sore
current music: "Bad Day"; Daniel Powter
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
suzukiblu's journal