| Our Lives are Swiss |
[Jul. 12th, 2006|08:27 am] |
I talked to Bill last night.
He lives in Switzerland.
How weird is THAT?
So I'm, like, free. I spent so much of last Monday at the Folk Festival making sure I didn't run into him, thinking he lived just blocks away. Little did I know it's physically not possible.
I called him because I was going to be down there last night, having drinks with Keith and thought he might want to meet me later. The phone kept beeping and wanting me to enter a number to leave a voicemail but I kept forgetting his number so I called six or seven times. And he finally answered, sleepy. I apologized profusely and asked, "Do you have the kids this summer?"
"It's more complicated than that," he laughed, "I live in Switzerland."
Switzerland
So, yeah, I'm free, but very sad. Case closed. Just like I wanted but still not on my terms so it hurts 'cause I'm a dumb girl and he was - so far - the biggest love of my life.
And I never saw him. Not once since I moved back to Dayton.
Hmph.
Our lives are Swiss,—
So still, so cool,
Till, some odd afternoon,
The Alps neglect their curtains,
And we look farther on.
-Emily Dickinson |
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| Stocks N Stuff |
[Apr. 11th, 2006|10:15 am] |
This may not be the smartest thing I've ever done but I just sold some of my stock to pay back my parents.
They're going to be livid but I thought it through and even discussed it with Dustin last night (because, suddenly, his opinion regarding my financial actions seems to matter a bit more). I mean, it's exactly what I would have (eventually) figured out to do if I didn't have my parents to front the cash. Dustin says I shouldn't tell them where the money came from - "Tell them I gave it to you." Yeah, that's gonna fly - "How the hell are you going to pay him back?" they'll ask.
So I'll tell them the shares are a cushion that I've ignored (and had really pretty much forgotten about) because I wanted them to be there for emergencies and this is an emergency. I didn't sell them all and I've now got a nice little nest egg in my savings account (thanks to the realization that tax returns don't have to be spent in their entirety as soon as they hit my account) so things are financially looking up. Hopefully they won't be too upset. I'll still owe them $500 but I figure I can pay that back in about three months without hurting myself too much. They'll get it back faster this way anyway and it might even knock off some of the interest so I won't owe them as much. And the good news is it will be direct deposited within ten days so I might even be able to hand it over before they go on vacay on the 21st.
See, I just can't see myself working a second job for a year to pay them back. I want to go camping and have my nights to craft and read (because I'd forgotten how wonderful reading is and how much I love going to the library - I go almost twice a week now) and such and I want my weekend nights to be with Dustin and my friends. He was even happy to know that he would have me full time and thought it was a good decision which surprised me because I really expected him to convince me not to sell.
And we even discussed this weekend a little more. He said that he was glad all of the mess happened because he even realized how much he cared (the little demon in my head started fucking that all up with doubts but I'm not even going to go into that because it's STUPID). And he's actually reading a book I recommended (A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby - I highly recommend it. Quick read...and the movie rights were purchased by Johnny Depp before the book was even released) and asked if I would recommend other books as well.
So things are pretty good. We even have a nice Saturday lined up of plant shopping, a trip to the music store to by guitar picks for my dad and then we're hopefully having Julie and Jason over for chili and a few board games (not Sorry or Monopoly of course so I trip to the toy store is in order for Saturday as well). Maybe - I still don't know if I can convince them that board games are indeed fun on a Saturday night. I mean, we can still drink and stuff.... |
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| Synopsis |
[Apr. 10th, 2006|10:51 am] |
Dustin and I came pretty damn close to breaking up this weekend and I think the shock of it really helped our relationship. It made us talk about things that needed to be addressed and I no longer feel like I can't say or do something. Speaking of doing - the affection has skyrocketed and I kind of feel stupid for not addressing that topic sooner. He's not comfortable with PDA or even PDA in your own living room but he'a trying and even admitted that putting his hand on my thigh at the Oasis Saturday night was "kind of nice." It was awkward at first but we even talked about that (because we're Super Couple now - No Topic Too Taboo!). He said that when he's affectionate, I don't respond. I think I'm not sure how to respond just yet but I'm working on it.
He thought for sure that I had cheated on him Thursday night. I didn't even hear back from him until Saturday morning, as I was driving to Columbus, and even then he didn't want to talk about it but...I made him. I realized that I didn't want to break up and I wasn't going to wait until Saturday night to find out if I was single. I do love him (drunk shit aside) and we can work on the issues that aren't working so well right now. The initial conversation was short but it kept coming up throughout the weekend and it wasn't always in a good way. We were the first to get to the Oasis and he, point blank, asked me over our first beers, "What do you want out of this relationship?"
I'm not one to really jump on that question. I don't want to freak anyone out. I refused to answer so he he wouldn't answer...I finally said I didn't want to waste my time and he, basically, told me I wasn't but that he's stuck (mom and all) which I understand. It was a very weird realization moment. Oh here's this guy who's never said I love you, who is affectionate some times...I'm not really sure where I am on his list...and suddenly it's kind of clear.
Then it got all fucked up. We went home and he asked why there weren't sheets on the bed and I replied that they were in the wash and...yeah, that didn't help the situation at all. I'd even thought when I put them in the dryer, I need to get these back on the bed before I leave to pick him up because he's going to immediately think I had someone over. But we sort of worked through that. I mean, I may have smooched a guy but I was able to look Dustin in the eye and tell him I didn't cheat on him and that I spent the night alone. But it really fucked things up. We tried to have sex and the foreplay was like the beginning of our relationship but he couldn't finish because...he thought I'd cheated.
So I cried and he thought about sleeping on the couch but I asked him not to. The next morning he was napping but woke up suddenly and said, "Am I wasting my time?" which totally made me cry and we talked some more and I think now things are pretty good. I now know that if we start to be "mean" - even jokingly - it's time to talk about things. Oh, and I'm not allowed to drunk dial. I did talk him into mushy drunk dials but nothing else. "My heart can't take it," he said.
So we're on this whole other plane now. It's nice but it's weird.
And you know the worst part?
I got a text from Bill Saturday night (which I didn't get until Sunday afternoon). He wanted to know what I was up to and I found out, through several messages on Sunday, that his girlfriend had dumped him and he wanted a drinking partner of sorts. So we have plans to have "friendly" drinks later this week. I know that fucks up everything I've just written, everything I've worked for this weekend but a.) it's Bill and b.) I kind of feel like there's a chance I'll be okay with being Just Friends. Especially after this weekend. We'll see. Oh and c.) he just wants to be friends and that kind of fucks up any chance of us getting back together.
So that's my weekend in a nutshell.
And Vicki and Adele - you guys rock and I know I owe you awesome e-mail love but I keep getting interrupted so, until I can send the damn things I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated them! You're awesome, both of you!
Oh. And I'm thinking about changing journals. I did the layout and picked a new name and made one entry but I'm not sure how public I want it to be (not that I really have any damn secrets). If I decide to switch and you'd like to know about it, leave me a comment and I'll let you know when I do. I'm not going to post it because I think there are still a few people who stop by that I'd rather not have reading my journal.
I hope everyone has a great week! |
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| Run On Sentence Girl |
[Apr. 7th, 2006|11:19 am] |
Last night I met Keith for a few drinks and all intentions of going home after and talking to Dustin and maybe even Ending It but that's just not the way it worked out. After Keith left, I stayed and got mixed up with the half dozen Brits who sat at the end of the bar.
These nights where I just go out on my own are so much fun. I forget almost daily that being single isn't all that bad. I laughed more than I have in a long time, had some great conversation, felt admired and pretty again (my contact lenses came in yesterday). I even slowed danced (and found myself outrageously aroused after a dance with Kenny who's not even cute and a little too old but damn he can slow dance - plus he told me I was drop dead gorgeous and that never hurts). It's a shame they're leaving today but I exchanged numbers with the token American, their chaperon, the boy I smooched on the dance floor, who lives here. He actually called last night to make sure I made it home okay. Granted, by that time I had already passed out so I missed the call. Anyway, he's cute in my geeky kind of way and I'm interested - we'll see.
Unfortunately, as I walked to my car, I listened to my voice mail and there was a message from Dustin who'd called hours earlier. It was kind of a sad message, really. It's ten o'clock and - as if he was shocked that I didn't answer - he told me he'd be up for awhile and went into detail about what he dad to do...it was just kind of desperate and it broke my heart a little bit when I listend to it this morning but I couldn't just leave well enough alone. I called him and said something about the fact that I was drunk and going home alone and I wasn't happy about it and I'm not happy about a lot of things and we really need to talk...by the end of the message I actually said, "I wish I could take this message back." It was just a stupid call to make. So I called this morning (still drunk, amazingly enough - I wasn't even this bad off on St. Patrick's Day I don't think) and apologized ("I think I'm owed a Drunk Card or two," I said) but said that I am a bit unhappy and there are things we need to talk about.
I had a really great time, though. It was just what I needed. And now I'm going to try to have a cigarette. |
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| Sausage, Girls? |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|11:06 am] |
I got a mailer today for a stock photo company with this photo on it and the headline, "Imagine the difference." They actually cut it so you can only see half of the sausage and it's kind of floating in midair in front of her mouth.
Kind of funny. |
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| Geeky Girl |
[Apr. 4th, 2006|02:03 pm] |
I've been wearing my glasses for the past few days. After months of squinting to read street signs and dry eyes, I finally made it to the eye doctor last Thursday and found that my contact lenses were warped. I don't know exactly how that happened unless it was the intense eye rubbing I've been doing as if rubbing my eyes would suddenly make it easier for me to see.
My new contact lenses should be in by Wednesday but I've had it with my current lenses. I tried to put them in on Monday before I took Dustin home but I had to come back and take them out because they actually itched and burned (better to have your eyes itch and burn than some other body part, I guess). Anyway, my glasses are about twelve years old. Really. Every year that I don't have to replace my contacts, I swear that I'm going to pick out a new pair (insurance only covers one or the other annually) but I'm always overcome with the fear that I'm going to lose a lens and they cost a small fortune to replace so I end up wearing my old frames and only when I absolutely have to.
But I've been wearing them and am amazed by the fact that they make me feel different. I walk with my head down. I don't smile as often. I find myself acting the same way even in the office with people that I know. My skin has suddenly become oilier and the acne problem I'm dealing with right now? Outrageous. I know the skin problems have nothing to do with the fact that I'm wearing my glasses but it just adds to the way wearing them makes me feel. Like I'm back in junior high (I didn't get contacts until my senior year), all awkward and chubby, a bookish girl with no boyfriend.
I'd like to go out for a happy hour tonight or tomorrow but there's no way I'm going to a bar looking and feeling like this. It's just weird.
The fact that I don't feel at all like the prodigal daughter returning to Dayton doesn't help either. My friends seem to have moved on in some way or another. I have that "go and eat worms" feeling as there was supposed to be a party for Susan (Debbie's sister in law) last Saturnday in Cincy but, while I was invited, I never heard anything about it and therefore didn't go. So, needless to say, I wouldn't have anyone to go to happy hour with anyway because I'm not sure what happened and I don't want to ask Debbie. Plus, she got a promotion, might be thinking about cheating on her husband and, if not, will probably try to get pregnant soon (?!). It's like everyone has changed and I'm the same which can only be my fault.
I'm just feeling like a high schooler who has no one to sit with at lunch. Like everyone else is going to the pep rally and I'm going to the library. Or something. I just don't feel right.
I can't wait to get my new contact lenses. |
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[Mar. 31st, 2006|10:05 am] |
I was going to say that this is a stupid reason to be upset but it's not. So my cousin is pregnant, right? Having the first granchild which is something I've always wanted?
Yeah. Now she's decided to change the baby's middle name to Jewel after my granny. Okay, ever since I was with Nate back in 1996 I've said my names were Jacob Meridian (which changed to Jacob Hurley when I was with Bill) and Madeline Jewel after my granny.
So not only does she get the first grandchild but she's taking my name as well. And she's the little ho. The one who, before she got pregnant, could have cared less about my grandmother. Now she's taking my fucking name.
It's somewhat petty but I'm pissed. I e-mailed her back, "You wench - *my* first girl was going to have the middle name Jewel!" with a winking face because I don't want to be a total bitch and she replied, "damn."
I'm so pissed. |
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[Mar. 29th, 2006|08:19 am] |
I've lost my mojo.
As I walked out of the grocery store last night, I heard a voice behind me ask, "What time is dinner?"
You know, there was a time when I would have said something snappy and cute.
But now?
I turned around and smiled - he was so good looking - and said, "I've already had dinner - this is for tomorrow."
He just smiled and laughed and continued to his car.
What is wrong with me?
Geez. It must have been the glasses and the ball cap. No mojo when you're wearing glasses and a ball cap. Or something. |
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[Mar. 28th, 2006|03:40 pm] |
Help!
I can't stop thinking about sex. All day long (I dream of sex) - really, it's been about a week now of sex sneaking into every thought. No wet dreams though, surprisingly enough - but dreams of exes. Lots.
At least I'm only trapped behind this desk for another hour and twenty minutes but I want real flesh. Fuck that plastic shit - after all, toys are for kids. I want hours and sweat and "Can we do it again?" (a question to which Dustin replied on Sunday, "I could when I was younger but not now." What the?! He's twenty-eight!).
I wish Dustin were more likely to say yes if I asked him to come over on a school night. And I wish Doug weren't so likely to say yes if I asked him the same question.
But what I really want to do is to call up a now attached flame, get drunk at the Pub and fuck like the old days.
Damn.
Ouch. |
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| Fucking Superman |
[Mar. 27th, 2006|02:20 pm] |
Dustin and I had our first real fight Friday night. You know, one of those fights where you find yourself spitting out, "Fuck you!" while you threaten to take him home?
Ah yes, good times.
The shift was amazing. We went to a downtown bar to see an Irish band play and everything was great. He brought me fruity drinks for fun, always surprising me and he was unbelieveably affectionate. I ran into a friend I haven't seen since Halloween of "04 (she move to Michigan) and she and her friend Clark Kent* were talking about in-laws when he came up to the table. "Oh, in-laws" he said, with an eye roll. "You don't even </i>have</i> any in-laws," I said and he put his arm around me and replied, "I guess I will soon enough." and then he got embarrassed and walked away. That was a milestone of sorts, I guess.
And when we got back to Jason and Julie's everything was still warm and fuzzy but something happened when he left. As were we walking down the front steps of their apartment building, his arm around me, he stated that I had called him "stupid."
And so began the fight.
I didn't remember this at all at that point. I said that I couldn't imagine ever calling anyone "stupid" and if I did, I obviously meant it in a joking way. I did remember it later and and I was joking. We were hanging up curtains and I had said, "That's not how you do it, stupid" in a little girl voice. I should have said "silly" and that's nornally what I would have said. I don't know where the stupid came from. I remember now that it felt funny at the time but I let it go thinking he had, too.
He said he was giving me one more chance even though it thoroughly pissed him off. I replied with something like, "If you had broken up with me over that after all the shit I've put up with...." He didn't like that. And then it shifted again and he said that my problem was that I don't want him to buy his mother's house. Where the fuck did that come from? I had asked him some questions, trying to get some info, several weeks ago about his morhter and the house and moving her into a smaller house and it's not that I don't want him to buy her house, it's that I don't want to live in Xenia for the rest of my life. Then we argues about school systems. It was all just stupid.
And that's what he brought up again, as we pulled into the parking lot, Taco Bell'd and thoroughly buzzed. I slammed the door and walked inside. I'd already explained that I waas embarrassed by the fact that I might have called him that, that I apologize if I did but I couldn't belive that I would ever do that.
When he came inside we argued some more and I basically told him to eat his fucking Taco Bell and shut up and I'd take him home when he was finished.
You know, I don't even feel like writing about it. It was so stupid and he was sheepishly sorry in the morning (apologizing after I did). Everything's "fine." But unfinished. Like this entry.
"Clark Kent. A very attractive older gentleman who, when I said I liked his Superman tie, said that it matched his shirt. And when he opened a couple of buttons on his dress shirt, sure enough, he was wearing a Superman logo'ed shirt underneath. Hysterical. The old me would have taken him home with me just so that I could say I'd fucked Superman. |
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| For Danica |
[Mar. 23rd, 2006|11:59 am] |
Yesterday ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) danica pointed out that all of the people on her friends list were too busy bitching about other people and I thought about it for a minute and found that I am a member of the guilty party.
So in Danica's honor, yesterday...
...I was able to pay my parents $500 toward the $3,300 I owe them for work on my car. And I took them to dinner - yee!
...Dinner was at Moe's and I LOVE Moe's!
...I had a nice conversation with Dustin and, rather than deciding to have the whole This is Why I Don't Like You Right Now convo, we made a date to make dinner and watch Walk the Line on Friday night and I'm going make a conscious effort to show him what I need rather than just blurting it at him.
But I am rather ticked, though, that he said he'd never play Monopoly or Sorry with me (two games I bought yesterday because I want to stock my craft room closet with fun). Who doesn't like Sorry, for Pete's sake?
...I picked up Jewish Cooking for Dummies at the library because I want to try something new and I'm excited about maybe making challah this weekend. I told my mom and about it last night and remarked that I wish we had some heritage other than Country because Country is so Simple...and she pointed out that not everyone may think that. Perhaps someone might think making challah is easy but they couldn't make a pot of greens to save their life. Point taken. But I still want to learn to make a mean challah.
...I also found Stephen King's Cell and am ripping through it as it's the best King book I've read in years. I just hope he doesn't cop out on the ending as usual.
...I spent an entire hour at the library just reading. It was divine.
...I bought Prince's new album, 3121, (yes Prince has a new album) and it's the best Sex CD I've heard since the City of Angels soundtrack.*
Alas, I was not one of seven people to win a free concert in Prince's home. No golden ticket in my CD case.
Pretty good for one day.
*Oddly enough, a Prince song just came on the radio! |
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| I Am Evil |
[Mar. 21st, 2006|04:12 pm] |
I just read my entry from last year's St. Patrick's Day - just to compare.
I'm evil.
In it I wrote that Doug had told Debbie he'd traveled to Columbus to see if he wanted to live there but wished I'd just move back to Dayton. I'd forgotten about that.
Doug is the ex I spent the night with Friday night. There's something he said, something I can't exactly remember that breaks my heart about spending these years trying to figure out what were doing...or something. And it was merely in response to my comment of something like, "I'm drunk and I don't know what I want."
But at least he hasn't called.
Goodgodthisdayisnevergoingtoend,Iswear. |
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| PoStSecreT |
[Mar. 20th, 2006|08:16 am] |
I was at Barnes & Noble yesterday and spotted the new Post Secret book. Curiosity and all that, I picked it up and sure enough...my postcard made it in! I pointed it out to Dustin and and now wish that I hadn't considering, you know, it's a secret.
So I'm secretly famous.
But I, unfortunately, have lots of other secrets. I've been texting one ex recently and it got a wee bit drunken and heated Friday night and what do I find out in a fresh message Saturday morning? He has a girlfriend now and it's been on my mind all weekend. Because he's The Ex. The Ex...ah nevermind. But he has a girlfriend - fuck. Anyway, I read something on Friday, in a book by Natalie Golberg, that I've been trying to wrap my mind around and accept as truth. One of her characters wrote to another, I think about you, sometimes so much that I want to burn you from my brain. Then I realize: You live in me. I have to let you be.
So I'm trying. I woke up this morning at 4:30 and, as usual, it was the first thought that entered my brain. He has a girlfriend. Why? Why didn't I get a chance? And I tried to let him be. I felt it. I'm not kidding. A physical pop from the center of my chest to my groin and for a split second I felt okay, a little calm, and I went back to sleep but now...not so much.
I could cry right now, it's that painful. In fact, I popped in Grace and cried the entire way to pick up Dustin Saturday night. And when he got in the car I merely said, "Jeff Buckley makes me weep" and wished he weren't in the car so I could continue to cry.
It's making me wish I could sleep my free time away. It makes me wish I was happier in my relationship. So happy that I wouldn't cheat. So happy that I wouldn't feel like, "I'm thirty-one. I'm never going to get married and I'm never going to have children and those are the two things I've wanted since I was seventeen years old."
So what do I do? Sleep with yet another ex. But at least he offered me cuddles and foreplay, two things I can't get from Dustin. But I don't love him and it just confused matters but, fuck, I'm confused enough as it is.
Yeah, confused enough. |
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[Feb. 16th, 2006|08:23 am] |
I know, eventually, I'll be here in Dayton for good and everything will be somewhat normal but...the stress is unreal.
To top off the whole moving/the office in Columbus sucks thing, I've had serious car trouble. $4,500 worth of trouble, stuck on the side of the road with a dead car trouble.
So we're (by "we're," I mean my more than gracious parents who should have kicked their loser daughter to the curb some time ago) fixing the car and then selling it. A new car is a great idea but my dad no longer wants to cosign and, thanks so the also more than gracious credit card companies who bestowed upon me so many credit cards with limits beyond comprehension on me during my college days...my credit bites and I have been denied, so far, by one bank. Even though I've paid regularly and on time my current (crappy ass) car payment and paid off one gigantic debt.
And moving alone is hard. Last weekend I found myself in the bed of my dad's truck in tears. I couldn't roll up the cab cover alone, the boxes were heavy...I'm just so sick of being alone in Columbus. I have a moving truck rented for Saturday the 28th and my Dayton friends to help me but, since I have to travel back and forth at least once or twice a week anyway, I've been carrying as much as I can in the truck by myself. And the packing...I'm really relying on this three day weekend to kick the shit out of it. I hate it when you go to help someone move and they're not finished packing but...I can kind of understand.
My new apartment is cute, though. A two bedroom so I can finally have a craft room. A place to leave my sewing machine and my mess and just close the door. I can't wait until the place is finished. And I have a washer and dryer in my apartment again - and a dishwasher, finally! The parking situation sucks and turning into the parking lot in the dark is a challenge (they really need a light) but...I'm going to be home, just fifteen minutes from work, fifteen highwayless minutes (I'm so sick of being forced to take the highway everywhere) from, fifteen minutes from Debbie, twenty from my two favorite bars in the world, and twenty from my favorite man in the world.
Oh, and there's even a bar two or three blocks away from my apartment. We're going to check it out Saturday night for a couple of beers (because we've been getting drunk much too often and I'm in need of some much missed physical attention) and I can only hope it's as decent as it was three or four years ago.
I think I'll flip on the radio as I don't expect to see a co-worker at all today, and get something done. |
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| Hooray! |
[Jan. 31st, 2006|03:25 pm] |
I'm moving back to Dayton!
Finally, no more driving back and forth. Debbie and I can reconnect and Dustin and I can have a normal realtionship - no more of this long-distance crap!
Woo-hoo! |
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| we all come back eventually |
[Jan. 25th, 2006|12:56 pm] |
this morning I found out that Paul is finally getting a divorce and is trying to contact me all the way from England.
but it's not like, after - what? three or four years - the man is going to fly across the ocean to swoop up the girl he fell in love with. I mean, we only spent four days together.
and it really was years ago. and I haven't heard from him in months because he was Trying to Make It Work.
but he has a house in France and a good job and a wonderful body and he drinks wine and he's a dream in bed.
and I have a boyfriend and I think I love him very much.
hmmm. |
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| Happy Skinny Sushi Chick |
[Dec. 13th, 2005|02:05 pm] |
According to my scale, I weigh 135 pounds. I've not been that skinny since I was in a verbally abusive relationship.
So here I am, fifteen pounds under what my driver's license says and I'm completely happy. That's good.
I know my scale is wrong - I don't actually weigh 135 pounds but I'll bet I'm under 140. I go to the gyno for my yearly check up and can't wait to see how much I really weigh and how much I've lost since the last time I was there.
Eating healthy and being content can do wonders for a girl's figure.
Speaking of figures, for the first time in my life, last night as I tried on dresses for the Christmas party, in the privacy of my own bedroom, I spent some time admiring my naked flesh.
And I mean, admiring. I'm really happy with myself inside (for the most part) and out. |
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| The End |
[Dec. 6th, 2005|12:38 pm] |
Every time I think I want to update I find myself speechless and a little leary of letting my fingers touch the keys.
Am I finally to the point where I don't want the entire world to be able to read my deepest, darkest thoughts?
I called Bill last night and the night before. The first time I called him on my way home from dropping off Dustin, after a long conversation about cheating and jealousy.
I think I really only want to be friends with him. There are very few men that I've seriously dated who are not current friends of mine.
And last night I called because I was at the bar by his house and thought he might want to come over. Keith was leaving and I would be alone.
Keith is an ex.
Anyway, he didn't call back and I'm dealing with that....
We're not going to be friends.
But I love Dustin. Things are going so well.
And I should just be happy with that. We can't always have it all. |
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[Nov. 11th, 2005|01:15 pm] |
Sigh.
I should just break down and tell him I love him in some cute, flirty way. Or at least drop the l-word into conversation more often.
Like, when I give him the hat I've almost finished knitting I could say, "Every stitch stitched with love."
Gag.
But I know he loves me even though he won't say it.
'Cause I'm the first person he wants to talk to when he gets out of his AA meetings. |
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[Oct. 21st, 2005|01:18 pm] |
I'm alive.
Still computer-less.
But okay.
My parents are bringing Dustin up tonight,
A whole weekend alone.
I think it'll be awkward at first (we took last weekend off so we haven't seen one another in two weeks) but I'm sure we'll get into the groove.
In other news, I had a smoke and a nice convo with Shane yesterday. He still pursues. I still flirt 'cause I'm not dead. |
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