EdiT tHe SaD PaRts

10:31PM

my heart has been circled and my hands have been held. my eyes have been kissed and my lips have seen. Worlds move and feet change.

do you want to be with me. no
do you want me. yes.

honesty. honestly. there is no hope

10:27PM - i try sometimes to open my eyes to the world.

once i fell in love.
once i saw a man who wasn't mine look into my eyes.
once i saw a heart not meant for me.
once a star fell from the ground and blinded my view.
once a boy kissed a girl and inverted her soul.
once a kiss never happened, a dream died and the sky fell.

7:01PM - frustration

today i decided a sun burn isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Its a little way to capture the sun and keep it with you. My tan and burn make me feel that much better now that Im back up here in the gloom of pre-spring weather in Baltimore. I have a lot of work that is just looming and i want nothing to do with it. I want to minor in english but the english courses here at goucher cater to the literary analytical types.... aka not me. i like the classics... when i don't have to dissect them and do ridiculous sums of work. I just want to learn and making me read so much in a short period of time is not teaching me anything. Its SO frustrating.

fucking work. no fun.

1:37PM

I miss the florida skies. The storm is flying low and looming. It doesnt drizzle or simply rain. It pours. the sky empties out day after day on the colorful streets of south florida.


I have been so lazy. I dont want to do school work. I want to get my act together


i love him and he loves me. scary thoughts have been passing through my head. i am not the type i thought i was. Im just not interested anymore.

12:45AM - angry rants of a caffeine riddled songstress

i should be writing a cover letter for my professional communications class.

but i'd rather be dancing.... dancing around my room to mash ups of kanye west and fall out boy.


i like being ironic

and i dont like being found out. I have secrets and write secret thoughts. in code. In Lana code


I miss mixes. I miss mix tapes. and movies.
I miss the sunshine and easy going
I miss the glamor and the rush.
We were divas in our micro chasm
I want to be a diva
A diva with my posse and a rockstar mentality and style.
Freedom beyond chains.
maybe its found in the movie. maybe ill read about it one day. either way this is not my life. this is not the life i wanted and not the life im willing to accept. I will break free if it kills me

I will become thin, even if people decide im anorexic. im not fuck off.
I will become literary even if people decide im pretentious.
I will become sucessful dammit. sucessful and beautiful!

try and prove me wrong.

9:16PM - life worth love?

So school has begun and overwhelmed me promptly.

I've been looking into transferring to LMU.

Im working on losing weight. I can't seem to get past where I am. ten pounds is all I need to lose. Im so tired all the time. I really dont know how to handle myself these days. I have no enthusiam to do anything. School work, classes, leaving my room. (depression commerical on ...... symtoms sound familiar. fuck.) Everything seems up the the air and not solid.

I've been knitting alot lately. finished making marissa's pillow, started a scarf for josh, and a scarf for myself.

maybe i need help.


law and order is to addicting.

my weekends suck.

1:43PM

I want to write. In fact I ...


Tallahassee Collection. The book, the movie, the music.



I collage. everything i own. my walls need to be cleared. for once

i need clear walls, i need a fresh start. i have beautiful photographs and a few posters that i want to frame.

im trying to be friends with my ex boyfriend. he told me i was the one once. it was terrifying.
i talk to him more now than i talk to my current boyfriend. scary.

i want to move to new york with josh. i love him.

i used to look so much sweeter. so much more effortlessly beautiful.

3:14AM

johnny depp is every womans fantasy goth prince. hes the hero that rides up on a midnight black stallion and sweeps us all off our feet. no question. Now good ol' johnny covered in blood is .... striking for sure.

its been an interesting time home. my bff from school was down and i think i shocked her a bit. I never really realized how crazy my life was back in high school. I was a party girl, going from boyfriend to boyfriend, drinking and partying with my friends....and im not exagerating one bit.


new favorite songs.....
1. secret- the pierces
2. misery business- paramore
3. anyone else but you - the moldy peaches
4. the city is at war- cobra starship
5. apologize- one republic


You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

*

Whoa... I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa... it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God does it feels so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God it just feels so...
It just feels so good

*

Got a secret
Can you keep it?
Swear this one you'll save
Better lock it, in your pocket
Taking this one to the grave
If I show you then I know you
Won't tell what I said
Cause two can keep a secret
If one of them is dead…

*

This little girl was alone in the world
Until she found a way to get a fix for free
Oh pretty please
It breaks my heart to see another tragedy
She finally got her picture on TV

3:51PM - life so far...

life is getting better as much as it can.


im scared about getting breast cancer



mom doesnt know when her surgery is yet.


im knitting alot these days.


i have an interview with Mac on wednesday

YES!

i love josh.

1:27PM - help!

Im going for my interview with Mac wednesday and I cant think of what would be good color to wear! im fairskinned... green eyes brown/red hair. help?


( 2 pictures of me )

12:04AM

im slowly destroying my life.

way to fucking go.

my mom broke down at me.

im picking fights with my boyfriend, the man i love till the end of the world

and im pretty sure hes not taking it all well..

im gaining weight

and i feel so physically sick i dont know what to do with myself

i make lists compulsively to try to organize something because my life is the totaly opposite

i love him and i dont want to lose him.

why is everything crashing down around me??

4:36PM

Album Request
Artist: Peaches
Album Name: Impeach my bush
Full or Part: FULL
Format: MP3 or itunes compatible
My Comments: i heard this album this summer and cant find it!

Album Rec
Artist:Amy Winehouse
Album Name: Back to Black
Link: http://www.sendspace.com/file/sjbtk9
Number of Tracks: 11
Favourite Tracks: you know im no good, rehab
Format: MP3
Recommended To Fans of : Lily Allen, ella fitzgerald, any funky jazz
My Comments: Any winehouse has the most soulful voice ive ever heard!

4:26PM - life, as it goes..

school started and i already feel swamped.

i love my new job

i love my new hair

i am in 2 pieces ... i finally get to perform

heading out to LA thursday

back to the city of angels.

i want to be a rock star

im trying to get into alt modeling.

go english majors

5:58PM

i am so tired of work.
josh is coming in 4 days. im beyond excited.

im doing weight watchers... its working slowly.... im going to do a detox diet thing when i get my wisdom teeth removed in 2 weeks.

exited for josh <3

8:46PM

OMG STEVEN COLBERT ON LAW AND ORDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:00PM

boring day.... slept over kati's last night.
helped around the house.... .drove my car

its so awesome!
<3jetta<3

i miss josh. i love him so much.
less than a month till he comes <3

almost done with the movie..

then dance camp.

then josh

then paris

then josh/ new york

then schooL!

peace

1:58PM - new car wha?

today we are car shopping HELLLLLLLLLZ YEAH!!!!!!!

more to come

10:19AM

im impressed with my will power... i havent posted in this in months and months and months....

update:
im going to be a sophmore in college
i have the best boyfriend ever, seeing that he is my best friend and all- Josh
i am getting a new car
i am working on a movie
got this rad hair cut
cute little sister
i have my teaching job at dance camp


( some pictures i found... )

12:45PM - Senior Breakfast

"Senior Breakfast" on Google Video
For all of us who want to relive the hilarity that Kristen Gillis, Ryan Gillis, Matt Foster and Cristina Del Toro brought us at senior breakfast, I have uploaded the video for you viewing pleasure!

12:38AM - do you have to let it linger

i love eric.


thats the short and tall of it



oh that and im a blonde now

hellz fuckin yeah!


hahah
hahahaahahahaa
ahah :)

peace home frys