sugar_addict03

 Friends Only
Since I seem to be posting more and more personal information with each post, I have decided to ease the paranoid state that I find myself in and make this journal "Friends Only". Leave me a comment if you would like to be added to my friends list.

 My computer is so messed up! I cannot afford a new laptop. Maybe in August. I'll have to live with it until then, hopefully it makes it. I am getting so pissed off with it, I'm violent towards it! 

I am Legend is a good movie. Scary to watch while high -  enhanced with surround sound and complete darkness.

It's my birthday soon. Less then 4 days! I want presents. Lol. Sad thing is I'm not going to get any. My parents don't get paid until after my birthday so I imagine they'll get me something then. My brothers have no money. Chris' gift is coming later in the month - a very nice gift indeed - a pair of glasses. His Mom is going to Vogue Optical and I get the second pair that is free. Chris is covering the other expenses. I can't wait. Contacts suck ass and sunglasses can't be worn at night or inside. Hillary might get me something but I wouldn't blame her if she didn't get me one, I would understand. I know how it is to try to support yourself in this town when you're young.
.
What I ate:
1 bowl of stew topped with BBQ sauce (5:45)
3 Rocky Road granola bars (6:00 & 10:30)
4 chocolate chip cookies (6:30)
1 large glass of skim milk (6:30)
1 piece of Monterrey Jack cheese (8:15)
8 pieces light salami and pepperoni (8:15)
2 muffins with light Becel (10:15) (muffins made by Mom - no idea what kind)

Marijuana Intake:
2 bowls shared @ 5:00 - 5:30
2 bowls shared @ 7:30 - 8:00
2 bowls shared @ 9:45 - 10:00
Amazing quality weed!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow!!!!

I didn't exercise. I really need to start adding that to my daily routine. It's bothering the hell out of me.

I am currently trying to put together a "Suicidal Thoughts Support" package to give to my close friends and family. Any ideas of what I should include would be helpful.

I have:
a list of "My Crisis Support Team"
20 things not to say to a person in crisis
How to recognize a person in crisis
Things to say or do to help a person in crisis

I know I need a "How You Can Best Help Me" sheet.
A list of Cognitive Distortions would probably help as well

Maybe information on BPD, OCD and anxiety would be useful for the people on my team.

I made a therapy binder for myself that I can go to when I am having suicidal thoughts. It has DBT material, list of my strengths and a college of pictures. Any suggestions for what else I could include?

Thanks.

~Jen~
 

Since I am losing my memory because of my daily pot use, I have decided that I need to try harder to journal my day so that I can keep track of my moods and what I'm doing and eating BUT the thing is I have to remember to do this. Lol. Shit!

I had a therapy session today. We talked about the letter that I wrote pertaining to DBT and about decreasing negative behaviours or at least practicing postitive ones.

I took Fievel for a walk to the blockhouse before supper.

So... today I ate:
a plate of french fries and a ton of ketchup (ate at the table with my Mom)
a bowl of fried spagetti (ate at the table with my Mom and Dad)
7 fresh Raisin cookies made by Mommy after meeting with Chris on his lunch
6 crackers with ham and cheese melted in the microwave before sleeping

I smoked 1 bowl with Chris at 7pm and 1 joint at 9 with Chris. The weed is awesome quality though and gets me stoned faster then the other stuff I've been smoking.

I worked on creating a DBT binder with help from dbtselfhelp.com

It's 10:30, I took my sleeping pills. I'm watching The Devil Wears Prada. My legs are asleep. I feel fat. I need to drink more water and start doing crunches daily. My belly is so pudgy, it disgusts me. It wasn't like this a month ago, dammit!

Goodnight.

~Jen~

 Why is it that only when I'm stoned am I content?

I'm stoned. 1 joint split with a friend. Thing is I'm going back out for more.

You are comparing your insides with someone's outsides. 
You need to maintain a grateful heart and celebrate the path you are on, not the path your minds' fantasy tells you, you should be on.
We must learn to be happy with the things we have and can obtain rather than longing for what we do not have.
 

1) What are you wanting to change and why now? What makes you think you are ready to commit to DBT?

2) Define or describe the issues you want to work on (that is things that are currently interfering with the quality of your life)

3) What obstacles might get in the way of committing to DBT? What would commitment look like?

4) Convince me that if we start working on DBT together, you will work as hard as I do.


Number 4 pisses me off everytime I read it. I feel that she should answer this question herself.

~Jen~

Check out EndExclusion.ca and read the declaration, you'll want to sign it.

 

dance

 

as though no one is watching you,

 

love

 

as though you have never been hurt before,

 

sing

 

as though no one can hear you,

 

live

 
as though heaven is on earth. - Souza

 lip chap

This is a copy and paste post...

 "I tried that diet and lost 8 pounds in the first week!"

"I've gained three pounds in one day! It must have been the cookie I ate or maybe the mashed potatoes!"

Stepping on the scale can become an anxiety filled event that leaves people wondering where they went wrong when the numbers don't go in the right direction. This leads to panic and usually ends with blaming a particular food item that really wasn't the culprit. Everyone who has been on a journey to lose weight has been there before. Even though you are following your plan and exercising regularly the number may go up 1-2 pounds or even up 3-4 pounds creating unnecessary guilt that you have somehow failed. If it's not always food that makes the weight creep up on the scale then what is it that causes these fluctuations?

When trying to lose weight the scale often becomes the only measurement of success and this makes it difficult to remember that every time you step on a scale it is measuring every part of your physical being at that moment in time, which means it measures your fat, muscles, organs, tissue and water weight.
Body fat is not the only thing being measured. While organs and tissue don't change much; fat, muscle, and water do change which can result in fluctuating numbers on the scale.

Water weight can affect your total weight anywhere from 1-5 pounds and sometimes even more. It is important to understand what kinds of dietary factors can make these fluid shifts happen. To start, many of the high protein, low carbohydrate diets can cause a dramatic shift in your water weight. This is because as you cut back carbohydrate intake, your body starts breaking down the stored carbohydrates (glycogen) to use as energy and this breakdown causes the body to excrete large amounts of water. Once the body begins to use stored fat for energy, weight loss slows. This is the reason why most people lose a significant amount of weight right away on a low carb, high protein diet.

When a person following a low carb plan eats a carbohydrate-rich food they can easily gain 1-3 pounds overnight. However, this weight gain can be misleading because it is usually your body replenishing the fluid it lost and not gained fat. This 3 pound fluctuation becomes frustrating for many people and they end up yo-yoing back and forth with fluid weight thinking that it must be the half cup of rice they had the night before that caused them to gain that 3 pounds when in fact eating the rice just allowed them to regain some of the fluid they had lost from following a strict low carb plan. The fact is; carbohydrates do not affect your weight quite that simply. Excess carbohydrates can strongly stimulate insulin production, which promotes fat storage and increases appetite. This kind of weight gain will happen gradually, not dramatically overnight.

Sodium is another dietary component that can lead to fluid gain. Sodium can cause the body to retain fluid, leading to these frustrating daily weight fluctuations. Some people are more sensitive to sodium than others. Watch your diet and see if your weight gain corresponds with a high sodium meal the day before. For example, eating out in restaurants can often increase your sodium intake significantly since they tend to be a little over-zealous on salting and sodium-rich sauces and marinades.

The best way to tell if you are retaining fluid is to pay attention to your body. If you get indentations on your ankles and lower legs from your socks then you are retaining fluid. If you wear rings and they become tight and leave an imprint in your fingers when you take them off then you also retaining fluid. Any kind of puffiness in your skin is a good indication of water weight.

The bottom line is that it takes 3500 calories to gain or lose 1 pound of body fat. This equates to an extra 500 calories a day over 7 days to gain a pound. So if you gained 3 pounds in one day you can chalk it up to fluid weight otherwise you would have had to consume 10,500 extra calories that day which is not likely! True weight gain happens gradually and likewise we lose it gradually. Check your weight weekly instead of daily and look for overall trends. If you are seeing dramatic daily changes in your weight, it is likely the ever-changing shifts of our body's water weight.

This video is part one of a two part series in which a therapist discusses what he has learned about treating the borderline client. Those who are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder are often misunderstood and discriminated against, sometimes even by those in the mental health community.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=6t6biA9kaMM


In this second part of our discussion with Ivan Spielberg, LCSW, Mr. Spielberg talks about strategies and tools that have been successful in helping his borderline clients move toward a healthier life.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Mf0K_e-NKE8

ScienceDaily (Jan. 10, 2008) — Adolescent girls who frequently eat meals with their families appear less likely to use diet pills, laxatives or other extreme measures to control their weight five years later, according to a new report.

As youth progress from adolescence into adulthood, disordered eating behaviors--including binge eating and self-induced vomiting--become more common, according to background information in the article. "Disordered eating behaviors are associated with a number of harmful behavioral, physical and psychological consequences, including poorer dietary quality, weight gain and obesity onset, depressive symptoms and the onset of eating disorders," the authors write. "Thus, it is important to identify strategies for the prevention of disordered eating behaviors."

Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, Ph.D., M.P.H., R.D., and colleagues at the University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, studied 2,516 adolescents at 31 Minnesota schools. Participants completed two surveys--an in-class survey in 1999 and a mailed survey in 2004--regarding how often they ate with their families as well as their body mass index, feelings of family connectedness and eating behaviors.

Among teen girls, those who ate five or more meals with their families each week in 1999 were significantly less likely to report using extreme measures (such as self-induced vomiting and diuretics) to control their weight in 2004, regardless of their sociodemographic characteristics, body mass index or family connectedness. However, among adolescent boys, regular family meals did not predict lower levels of disordered eating behaviors five years later.

The reasons for the sex difference are unclear, the authors note. "Perhaps boys who engage in regular family meals are different in some way that increases their risk for disordered eating behaviors," they write. "There is also the possibility that adolescent boys and girls have different experiences at family meals. For example, girls may have more involvement in food preparation and other food-related tasks, which may play a protective role in the development of disordered eating behaviors. Finally, family meals may offer more benefits to adolescent girls, who may be more sensitive to and likely to be influenced by interpersonal and familial relationships than are adolescent boys."

Given the findings of this and other studies and the prevalence of disordered eating among teen girls, it is important to find ways to help families eat meals together, the authors note. "Health care professionals have an important role to play in reinforcing the benefits of family meals, helping families set realistic goals for increasing family meal frequency given schedules of adolescents and their parents, exploring ways to enhance the atmosphere at family meals with adolescents and discussing strategies for creating healthful and easy-to-prepare family meals," they conclude. "Schools and community organizations should also be encouraged to make it easier for families to have shared mealtimes on a regular basis."

Journal reference: Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2008;162(1):17-22.

This study was supported by a grant from the Maternal and Child Health Bureau, Health Resources and Service Administration, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, and from the General Mills Bell Institute of Health and Nutrition.

ScienceDaily (Jan. 8, 2008) — Teen girls who perceive themselves as being lower on the social ladder appear more likely to gain weight over the subsequent two years, according to a new report.

Between 1999 and 2004, the percentage of American teen girls classified as overweight increased from 14 percent to 16 percent, according to background information in the article. "Children who are overweight experience many health complications but perceive the most immediate consequence of overweight to be social discrimination," the authors write. "To lessen this health and economic burden, it is important to identify factors that contribute to excess weight gain and the development of obesity."

Adina R. Lemeshow, S.M., of the Harvard School of Public Health, Boston, and the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, Bureau of Tobacco Control, and colleagues assessed questionnaires completed by 4,446 girls age 12 to 18 years in 1999. In addition to reporting their height and weight, television viewing habits, diet and other factors, the girls answered the following question: "'At the top of the ladder are the people in your school with the most respect and the highest standing. At the bottom are the people who no one respects and no one wants to hang around with. Where would you place yourself on the ladder"'" Girls who placed themselves at five or above on the 10-rung ladder were compared with those who ranked themselves at or below four.

The average body mass index (BMI) among participants was 20.8 in 1999 and 22.1 in 2001. In that two-year period, 520 of the girls (11.7 percent) had at least a two-unit increase in BMI. "After adjusting for age, race/ethnicity, baseline BMI, diet, television viewing, depression, global and social self-esteem, menarche, height growth, mother's BMI and pretax household income, adolescent girls who placed themselves on the low end of the school subjective social status scale had a 69 percent increased odds of having a two-unit increase in BMI during the next two years compared with other girls," the authors write.

"It is important that researchers consider physical, behavioral, environmental and socioemotional factors that might contribute to the rising prevalence of overweight in adolescents," they conclude. "Previous research suggests that emotional factors such as depression and low self-esteem and self-perception contribute to the burden of overweight in adolescents. Our study contributes to this body of literature in that, to our knowledge, it is the first to prospectively evaluate the relationship between subjective social status in the school community and change in BMI, and our findings suggest that low school subjective social status may be an important contributor to increases in BMI in girls over time."

Journal reference: Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2008;162(1):23-28.

This study was supported by a grant from the National Institutes of Health.

I sometimes fear that I won't make it through the downs, that I'll damage myself beyond point of recovery. I seem to have a pattern however it doesn't predict events that'll unravel on that day. I often feel set back during my "low" times. I feel that I'm slacking off or something, not wanting happiness, as if somehow I create the madness myself. It's not mental illness to blame, it's me sort of thing.

*Jen*

How to make a sugar_addict03

Ingredients: 1 part competetiveness 1 part humour 3 parts leadership

Method: Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Top it off with a sprinkle of wisdom and enjoy!

Ah, I've been feeling really emotionally low lately and have been dealing with it all the wrong ways. Purging and taking pills only hurt my body. I need to try to use positive coping skills when feeling like this but it is just so easy to use the negative ones as they work so fast. I feel disappointed in myself but also hopeless.

*Jen*