| Acceptance |
[04 Mar 2005|10:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Pearl Jam - Alive |
] |
Cole and Morrigan were here a few nights ago. We basically talked about everything. We got to the bottom of this whole Avatar mess. Leo explained how the Avatars tricked us and got us to go along with their plan. We would never go along with a plan created by those who killed my sister. Cole understood what happened to Leo. After all, he was once an Avatar.
We're still awaiting Leo's punishment, but I have this feeling everything will be okay. He's got my sisters, Cole, Morrigan and me on his side, afterall.
Cole and Morrigan are getting married. My sisters and I will be her bridesmaids. I'm happy for them. They deserve it.
I want Wyatt, Chris, Balor and Brenna to have a happy future. I don't want Chris to suffer through a terrible future again. Who knows, maybe Prue and Paige will have children of their own. I wish Phoebe had that chance, but I know, wherever she is, she's smiling down on us.
I love my family, no matter how strange we are. I've accepted that I will never be normal. The magic, the vanquishes, the weirdness? It's normal to me. And I'm fine with that.
( Final Thoughts )
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|
| Too busy worrying... |
[28 Feb 2005|09:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 worried |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Oasis - Champagne Supernova |
] |
I know I haven't been updating this thing lately. Mostly, I've been nervous about Leo's future. The Elders want to punish him. After all the good he has done, they want to punish him for one mistake. A big mistake, but does that really out weigh all the good? The Elders have always been involved in our lives. I just wish they'd leave us alone for once.
Prue and Paige have been so supportive. I may not show it often, but I really am very thankful they are in my life. They've been keeping me sane.
I'm also bothered that Cole and Morrigan have barely spoken to us since this whole Avatar business occurred. I can understand it, but... do they really think we'd agree to that willingly? I mean, they killed our sister. There has to be some sort of explanation. Mind control? Spells? I don't know. Something?
At least Cole will be here soon to talk about things. Maybe we can get to the bottom of this...
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| Been Awhile |
[09 Feb 2005|09:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 reflective |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
U2 - Pride (In the Name of Love) |
] |
I know I haven't updated this thing in what seems like an eternity. I've just been incredibly busy. Holidays, P3, Utopia. It's just been crazy around here.
And now there's a new demon out there who is a definite threat and kinda hot.
Why am I posting now? I started this journal two years ago. Two years? Has it really been that long?
A lot has happened in those two years. I had two children, had a bunch of issues with Leo, made a new best friend, lost a sister and had another sister returned to me. It's been a roller coaster ride, basically.
Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm still alive (I'm a Charmed One after all. We always seem to cheat death a lot).
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| Christmas Memory |
[14 Dec 2004|10:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Corrs - Humdrum |
] |
I haven't updated in awhile. I've kind of been busy with the holidays: decorating the tree, making cookies every night, and the dreaded Christmas shopping. Once again, I'm proud to say that I managed not to vanquish anyone. Shopping for children can be so competitive. And the toy stores are insane this time of year.
I remember when Prue, Phoebe, and I were younger. We helped Grams decorate the tree. I'll never forget the time Prue accidentally knocked the tree over on me. Ahh, those were the days.
Now, I'm thinking about visiting Morrigan. She called earlier and sounded upset. Maybe some brownies will cheer her up. Or Christmas cookies. Or both.
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| Thanksgiving |
[26 Nov 2004|04:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
thankful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Peter Gabriel - Sky Blue |
] |
There's nothing like cooking for your loved ones. Getting praise for it is nice too. ;)
I'm very thankful for my family and friends. I'm thankful Leo and I seem to be working things out. And I'm thankful Prue is talking to me again.
She's been distant since she found out the truth about Gary. I think she was just embarrassed. But last night, she apologized. I told her there was nothing to apologize for. She wanted us to be wrong about him because she wanted to be happy. There's nothing wrong with that. I do wish things turned out better for her. But at least she has many people in her life who care about her.
I'm also thankful there were no demonic attacks last night. The grandfather clock is probably grateful for that as well.
I do wish Phoebe was there last night. Somehow, I have a feeling she was.
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| Meh |
[15 Nov 2004|10:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fleetwood Mac - Landslide |
] |
/Firewalled against Cole
Apparently, the Avatars are back in our lives. They're the new power demons are afraid of. They're the ones who were making Leo crazy. Oh, and let's not forget: they killed my sister.
Right now, I don't think Cole should know about this. I'm afraid of what he might do. If he tries to go after them again, it could be disastrous.
We need more information first. We need to know what they're planning next.
/End firewall
/Firewalled against Leo
Leo and I had a nice talk last night after Paige was rescued from a 30s gangster book. Don't ask.
I told Leo I wasn't quite ready for a relationship just yet. I mean, I do want him back, it's just. I'm so confused right now. He left me not once, but three times. The last time I asked him to go home with me, he left me at the magic school. I'm just afraid he'll leave again. I have trust issues right now.
I'm really trying to get over that.
/End firewall
I'm worried about Prue. Morrigan told me some things about Gary and none of it was very good. And now, Prue isn't talking to her. I want to talk to Prue about it, but I really don't want her giving me the silent treatment either.
I just want Prue to be happy. This guy? I don't think he's good enough for her.
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|
[11 Nov 2004|11:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 silly |
] |
Some of the brownies I made last night are missing. I know how many I made, and I also know how many Prue and I had. And Paige was out last night. That leaves only one possible culprit. Next time, I'm putting a magical alarm on them.
In other news, it seems my big sister has a new boyfriend. Looks like I'm going to have to ask her annoying questions about him. Now that I'm no longer the oldest, I am entitled to be annoying. ;)
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| Birthdays |
[02 Nov 2004|09:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Duran Duran - (Reach Up For The) Sunrise |
] |
Now that everything is calm, I've had time to sufficiently think about something important. My sister's birthday was last Thursday. Unfortunately, all hell decided to break loose and I wasn't able to celebrate it. I decided to do a little shopping while Prue was at Morrigan's. I honestly could not think of anything to get her. Nothing I can give her now will top last year's gift. Instead of sentimental, I decided to go for something fun. In a way, it's sort of sentimental. We both love this band so much. We even saw them in concert back in the 80s. I think they might be going on tour. If they stop in the Bay Area, I owe her concert tickets as well.
Speaking of birthdays, today would have been Phoebe's 29th. Not a day goes by that I don't think about her. It was the same way with Prue. Not only did I lose a sister, I lost one of my best friends. I'll never stop missing her.
Happy birthday, Pheebs.
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|
[29 Oct 2004|09:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 determined |
] |
This has to end. I will not sit by and let Wyatt wreak anymore havoc. I'm his mother. He's supposed to listen to me. He doesn't kick me out of the house.
I'm ready to fix this. I'm ready to send Wyatt back to where he belongs. This isn't what I wanted for him. I'm going to do everything in my power to make things right.
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| Don't know what to do... |
[27 Oct 2004|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
I know now that the kids are okay. I mean, they're at least alive, right? They have to be. If they weren't, their adult selves wouldn't be here. That's the good news.
The bad news, Wyatt still turns out to be evil. Somehow, Wyatt's and Chris's future selves ended up here. Chris is still trying to save Wyatt.
They don't even know why they're here. It just doesn't make sense. What could still be left that makes Wyatt turn out this way? Gideon is no longer a threat. Something is.
Or... what if it's because of me? What if I'm not a good mother? It was clear that he was not happy with me for some reason. What did I do to make Wyatt so angry?
I shouldn't think about that right now. We need to find a way to stop Wyatt and send him and Chris back to the future. Still not sure what to do.
I really wish Leo was here.
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| Still Missing |
[25 Oct 2004|09:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lost |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
too quiet |
] |
The kids are still missing. Leo is nowhere to be found. Haven't heard from Cole and Morrigan. Haven't slept much.
My sisters have been very supportive, but I still don't know what to do. This is a total disaster.
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| Frantic |
[24 Oct 2004|08:12pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
worried |
] |
This cannot be happening. My children are missing. My worst fear.
Shouldn't have blamed Prue. This isn't her fault. She had the baby monitor on and there was no sign of anything strange going on.
We looked all over for them. It's been hours. What if... I can't think like that. They're alive. I can feel it. I would know if anything happened, right?
I've been trying to call for Leo, but there's been no response. How can he ignore me at a time like this?
I don't know what to do.
|
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| Won't Give Up |
[18 Oct 2004|09:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 frustrated |
] |
I woke up today wishing last night was a dream, that Leo didn't really leave. But then I remembered.
I'm just really confused. Leo left to protect us, but it doesn't make sense. I mean, I'm a Charmed One, always in danger. I'm used to it. Leo staying here wouldn't make much of a difference.
Am I obsessing over this? I just... I love him so much. I want him to come back to me. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe if I figure out what's after him, the sooner he can return. I've been looking through the Book of Shadows, but I can't find an entry about weird floating heads. This is just so frustrating. I'm about ready to give up.
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| You can call it another lonely day... |
[17 Oct 2004|10:34pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way |
] |
He left me. Again. He says he doesn't want to hurt me and the kids. But isn't that what he did anyway by leaving?
I don't even know what to say. I mean, I thought we were working things out. Was it something I did wrong? I did everything I could to help him find his way again. I protected him. And this is how he repays me? No... I shouldn't be mad at him. This isn't his fault.
But why do I always end up alone?
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| Missing |
[13 Oct 2004|10:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
worried |
] |
Morrigan is missing. I don't know what's going on, but I don't like this. I can't believe she would take Balor and her unborn child away from Cole. She couldn't have gone willingly.
Cole, if there's anything I can do, please let me know.
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| Death Becomes Me |
[10 Oct 2004|10:48pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 relieved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Chantal Kreviazuk - In My Life |
] |
Becoming the Angel of Death for a little while? Not my idea of a good time, especially when my body was awaiting an autopsy at the morgue. *shudder*
This was one of the most difficult days of my life. I had to collect souls and see them off to the afterlife. One of the names that appeared on the list was Prue's. How the hell could the Angel of Death ask me to take my own sister's soul? I did not want to lose Prue again when we just got her back. Circumstances changed, though. I was to take Paige's soul instead. Let me tell you, watching my sister cry because she was scared to go through the vortex of death was one of the worst things I've ever seen. I didn't want her to go. Paige has only been in my life for three years. That's not enough time. Almost losing her like that made me realize just how much she means to me.
Death was backed up because Paige cast a weird protection spell. I told her she owed me, but, I think I'll let this one go. I'm just glad she's still here. Thankfully, Prue was able to talk the Angel of Death into trading Paige's soul for the demon-turned-human (it's a long story).
Luckily, Death gave me my soul back before an autopsy took place. It was so weird, though. That fed who helped us out last week was there when I woke up in the morgue. He said he'd make it look like I was doing undercover work. I have no idea how he's going to explain my "death." Is he going to tell them I took some weird potion that made it seem like my heart stopped? How Shakespearean. Whatever, I'm just glad to be alive.
I know Leo is glad I'm alive, too. He was really worried. I don't think he was ready to lose me. This is a good sign. It felt like old times when he put his arm around me. It felt right.
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|
[10 Oct 2004|08:24pm] |
|
Oh crap...
|
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| Lazy Day |
[09 Oct 2004|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lazy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sheryl Crow - There Goes the Neighborhood |
] |
Today was a nice quiet day. No family members yelling at each other, no demons, and best of all, no broken furniture. Because it was so nice, I decided to be lazy. I did something I hardly ever do: I ordered out. It was a difficult decision, but I was fine. It wasn't so bad. ;)
I got a call from Cole today. I thought he found out some news about the impending trouble we're all supposedly going to face. Instead, he asked for some advice. I can't say what the advice was for. Let's just say it's almost as scary as demons.
Also, it looks like it's going to be Yankees vs. Red Sox again this year. Would it be personal gain if I tried to remove the curse from the Red Sox? Seriously, removing the curse would only help defeat the evil empire known as the Yankees.
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| Chaos! Sort of... |
[07 Oct 2004|11:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
quiet, finally |
] |
Well that was fun. Only it really wasn't. I had just finished putting the boys to bed when I heard yelling. Apparently, Cole, Morrigan, and Prue were angry with each other over a misunderstanding. While playing the mediator did remind me of old times, I really don't like that I had to in this case. I know everyone is still hurting. But yelling at each other is really not going to solve anything.
Now that the fight seems to be over, I need to talk to Cole. I asked him to stop by so I can talk to him about this "gathering storm."
I know Morrigan wanted to talk to me too.
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| Good Days |
[06 Oct 2004|10:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Stevie Nicks - Candlebright |
] |
I haven't had many good days lately. Sunday wasn't much better. Prue and I had to break into a museum to steal a chalice. But it was for a good cause. We saved our sister with it. Believe me, none of us are ready to lose another sister, especially not one month exactly after we lost another. If it meant grand theft, so be it. I only wish we were able to save the innocent. That's what we're supposed to do and we failed this time. It's always hard to lose an innocent who didn't deserve to die.
/Firewalled against everyone but Leo
Leo admitted to me that he's been seeing and hearing things. I told him it's probably just his doubts. I also told him that he really needs to move on so he can heal and be there for us. I was so worried that I'd get caught stealing the chalice. I told Leo he had to take care of the boys if anything happened to me. When I got home, I found him asleep, Wyatt and Chris beside him. It was a nice thing to see, so I took a picture.
I think he's starting to find his way again.
/Firewalled against everyone
I saw an Elder on Sunday when I got home. He told me I really need to be there for Leo, to help him get better. He said something about a "gathering storm." The Pirates of the Caribbean ripoff pirates we dealt with on Sunday mentioned the same thing. That was a little creepy. I thought the pirates were just trying to scare us, but what if something huge is going to occur? I really hope the Source isn't trying to make another move. I should probably give Cole a call just to make sure everything is okay regarding the Source.
I told the Elder I'd help Leo as best I can. I won't let him go through this alone.
/End firewall
Today was a much better day. Paige and I bonded a little. We both, for some reason, had very unsettling dreams about Morrigan and Cole. It was very strange. Maybe Paige is right when she said we should never have meals no one can pronounce.
I also decided it would be fun to tease Prue. That's what older sisters do, right? And technically, I am the oldest now. ;)
I really am grateful for good days.
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