So, its been quite a while since I last posted to LiveJournal. Hard to believe that its been about 5 years since I created this account. Quite a lot has happened, and quite a lot has changed. Then again, its scary to think about how some things haven't changed, though I wish they would. Some people have goals that they set for themselves, and deadlines they give themselves to complete each goal. Sometimes, I wonder if I should do something like that. First thing I'd think to give myself a deadline, sadly, would be to lose weight. :) What can I say, I'm a woman with curves. The curves will have to go to make a home for the abs I need to be boasting in light of a recent (or not so recent) back injury. Somewhere in the last 10 years, I managed to ever-so-slightly fracture the last vertebrae in my back, resulting in an ever-present dull pain. Sometimes its sharp, and other times I completely get lost in a moment and forget that I'm aging.
Its scary thing, aging. When you realize you're getting to a state in your life when things can't always be changing, and you can't always be on the move. Most of my life has been a whirlwind of change, so to think about friends "settling down", finding jobs they plan on sticking with for 25 years, or even the idea that I've been living in the same city for 6 years is almost a ridiculous thought. Thankfully, I will always have the refuge of being able to escape wherever it is I am, in order to visit my family, and my friends sprawled all over.
As I type this, I'm sitting in my parents' new apartment in Singapore. I can be honest and say I never imagined them living in a place with more computers than there are people, and more rooms than there are people, and it has 18" ceilings. Why? I think just because they wanted it that way. I'm not sure what I want from the future, but I'm sure that living in hot and humid Singapore is definitely not one thing. While its a city, I need the hustle and bustle of a city, with an after-work nightlife and alternative lifestyle existing. Singapore is purely a shopping district, boasting clothing for size 00 girls and selling shoes only up to size 9. Its a very tiny tiny country, yes pun intended, and I'm wondering how soon it will be before I go crazy. :) I did manage to hook an awesome summer job here and so I'll be here for about 2 months. Hopefully it will be 2 months of relaxation, renewal, and self-indulgence and introspection. And, I guess, this entry is just the beginning of it. :)
After a 24+ hr trip back from Singapore (with a 2hr layover in Frankfurt), I'm back to my lovely abode! The roommate hunt is on again, and I'm really going to pursue this one! Singapore was hot and humid like no other, and I felt like I was sweating profusely all the time. We went to Malaysia for a few days as well, and took pictures with that famous tower that is featured in the movie Entrapment (and pretty much any movie that shows a clip of Kuala Lumpur). Oh yeah, random thing, I used a dictionary to figure out what KL stands for: Mud of the Mouth of the River, or something to that effect. Weird.
NYU starts in about 2 weeks, and orientation starts in about one. Its going to be weird going back to NYU. Do I really like NYU that much? I must, since I'm going back, right?
Anyway, I'm just trying to get over jetlag and catch up with friends this week. Erinne and I went out hard last night, and it was pretty good. Cosmos with Kettle one are the best way to go! I plan on getting out more this year, because I don't have to get up at 6am anymore!!! It makes me happy. Very happy. Night classes will be interesting, but maybe I'll have a permanent (more than my already permanent) tan this year! lol.
Is there such a thing as being too hot to teach? A couple of days ago they were talking about it on the radio -- saying that teachers should be old and ugly, as to not distract students. I don't know what I think of that. Somewhere in there, there is some logic that hold true -- if I were a parent, I wouldn't want my teenagers or pre-teens with someone who doesn't know how to dress for the job. But, I don't know if hotness would be an issue. I think its ridiculous.
However, as a teacher, and a younger one at that, I think it is completely out of line for anyone to hit on me anywhere in the vicinity of the school. Today it happened again, but it was worse than usual. I was dropping a student off with his mother, when a man who apparently was waiting for his child to arrive, spoke to me. My student, hearing the catcall, looked at me, looked at the man, and then did it again. He didn't understand, and I couldn't/didn't want to explain to him why this stranger was speaking to me, and in such a manner. I sent him off, and hurried back through the school gates, ignoring the guy who was still trying to talk to me out of his car window.
But really, how inappropriate is that? This is where boys learn that its okay to catcall and that men do it, and they can too. Its ridiculous. I'm a TEACHER, for cryin' out loud... my boring button-down shirts, buttoned all the way up, and black slacks should be not appealing in any way. Grr.
I love spring for the cherry blossoms! It is a great way to remind myself of the place I've come from. I was able to catch a brief glimpse of more blossoms down at Duke's campus and all over DC. It is a nice reminder of Japan, and I really do miss all the hanami we used to do as a family around this time. I like how we would go out to the Indian Embassy, and look out onto the park's garden across the street, and see all the people sitting on picnic blankets, drinking sake and beer under the cherry blossom trees.
I really do love blossom trees. I'm not used to the white ones as much, but there is on right outside our window, and I look at it all the time. White as snow. :) Btw, can someone tell me why its snowing in April? I thought it was April Shower, not April Snowshowers. This is a bit ridiculous. Its like that movie about the crazy weather, with Dennis Quaid.
Aight, back to work, lunch is over.
I'm almost 23, its a little unreal. I'm getting old.
It's been so long since I've written a journal entry. Half the time I worry if some child is going to google me and find out all this stuff about me. Not that I don't normally tell them about my life anyway...
Catch up on me...
I've reapplied to NYU for Graduate school. I've been asked though at work if I will stay. Both headmaster and principal have agreed that they will do anything to have me stay. I wonder if that included a significant salary increase on top of what I've already been offered. That would be rather nice.
I'm teaching a digital photography course for kids, and I'm really really liking it. I might consider being a media specialist now, but I really don't think I want to be out of a real classroom. I'm enjoying it far too much. A break though will definitely prevent me from burning myself out. I am definitely a workaholic this year, and I'm not sure a lot of the other new hires always appreciate it. I really like going out to happy hour with the faculty on Fridays. This past Friday we took the party to someone's place afterwards in the South Slope/Windor Place area, and had a blast. Its really invigorating to see how other people live, and what they keep themselves busy with. This particular person paints on the side of being a math teacher and school dean, and it was pretty great work that I saw. And he had this great 360 view of all of the boroughs, where you could see bridges, subway trains, ferries, planes, parks, the Statue of L, all the things that make New York great. It was a good time.
My apartment is finally really beginning to look like a home. I got my new bed (Thank you GOTHIC CABINET CRAFT!!!!) and it is amazing. I've been sleeping so well in terms of quantity and quality... and so i'm even more refreshed now. (What was i saying about the other new hires, again?)
Spring Break is in a couple of weeks, and we get two weeks off. I really want to get out of the country! I'd really like to visit South America, and then I can check off one more continent off my list. I'm still craving Africa, but now that I'm out of college, it will all have to be on my funds.
I'm going snowboarding for the first time in a couple of weeks. I won ski lift tickets on Z100, and they're each worth about $100 a pop, so me, jennie, and the boys are gonna go on 311 day. It'll be a good day... more memories in the making. :D Ask me about our bat story if you're curious. I've never been caller 100 - this is the first time I've won on the radio in the States. It was a little exciting, and kind of reverted me to high school times for a little bit.
Wedding photography has died down for the time being, but apparently we've got our ENTIRE May booked solid, with even a couple double-header weekends with a Saturday-Sunday shoot back to back. It'll be pretty wild, but I'm sure Phil and I will live it up. ;)
February has been a pretty good month. I really can't complain. God has treated me well. It was nice to have a four day weekend the other week, and it was nice to just sit back and relax. I'm also done with coaching basketball, and its a very nice stipend that I am going to get paid. With all these extra jobs that I have, my salary is far better than I ever thought it could be. Now the key is to try to live a little, but still save the dough. :D Maybe I'll finally get those barstools I saw on Target. hmmm...
Hope all is well in whatever part of the planet you are... email me and catch me up, or leave a love note here.
Its ridiculous to think that only half a year has gone by since our college graduation.
I'm a very different person now in terms of lifestyle, yet the same person down to my core. I'm really enjoying my life right now, and that's all I can say about that.
Teaching is the most invigorating experience. I can't imagine what else I could be doing with my life. Every day I walk into school, so happy to see my kids, and every day I leave exhausted, only waiting impatiently to come back the next day, do it all over again, and see what curveballs my kids can throw me. And I love it. With every day it seems like I'm trying to add something else onto my plate, just to see how well I can balance it, and how well I can do. I'm really a bit of a perfectionist, and that's what it comes down to. I really like to do things, and do them right. Then I decide that things are actually easier than I thought they were, so I ask for more. Right now in addition to my teaching position, I'm coaching middle school girls basketball. Starting in about 2 weeks, I'll be teaching a digital photography course for 3rd and 4th graders. It actually should be really awesome. (The wedding photography business has slowed down for the time being...) Still in the process of unpacking stuff, but my apartment is so very very nice. I'd invite you to come over, but... I want to keep it pretty for me.
I love kids right in that 8-10 age range. They're the perfect age where they haven't been jaded by awful teachers and bad experiences. They come to school inquisitive about every single thing about life. I wish I were still like that. I wish we didn't close ourselves into boxes, but we do. We think experiences help us learn and better ourselves, but what happens when one incident makes you clam up and never want to do it again? Life is a learning process, and I wish I could just unlearn a whole lot of things -- sometimes, I wish I could just go back, start things over, and do everything my own way. Of course, that's with the belief that i would KNOW to make different choices.
Anyway, I just needed to take a break from my regular after-school work --- back to grading the papers. lol, looking at my old user image, i think... damn, aren't i the hottest elementary school teacher you know. ;) Makes me think of Adam Sandler.
Maybe not partying like I did in the good ol' days of sophomore and junior year, but I am living the life. I'm living on paychecks, living on my photography, and living on these juices that drive me to keep going. Its amazing to think that I'm actually DOING what I've wanted to do all my life.
I want to have a great big reunion though. I want to see all my friends, and I want to get together, but everyone has gone their own ways. In that way, I wish that I had gone to a small closed campus in a little town and only now could be exploring the city with my tight-knit circle of friends, but alas, its not the way fate would have it, and I'm perfectly content with that.
Anyway... leave a comment, tell me how you're doing, where you're doing whatever it is you're doing, and... yeah, whatever else you want to say. :) Peace and love all.
For the first time in my "relaxing summer" I'm doing nothing. Well, minus the math conference I went to in order to brush up on my "Everyday Math" and the slew of birthday celebrations... I'm so relaxed. Its beautiful, and its the first time ever, in my entire life. Sadly this has taken a toll on my active lifestyle (aka my body). I should get to a gym, or find a workout buddy, but there is no motivation. I don't want attention from men on the street, and while I'd love to feel healthy, cat calls are the thing that drives me from any wish to get (back?) in shape.
Its absolutely wild to think that undergrad is over and now its time to move on and get on with real life. We're escaping our little coccoon of superficial relationships, drama, and "joining clubs". I'm kinda scared, but its drowned in my excitement of what the future may hold.
My current agenda is to teach for a year or so, and then go to graduate school for photography or educational communications, and then work for an educational magazine, preferably National Geographic Kids. :P I'd love to be a photographer and layout editor for them, and I think I'd be really good at it if I put my spirit and heart into it.
I went to another NYC SIA Slam last night. Again I was the event photographer. Again I jealously admired Carlos Andres Gomez. Again I saw Brent Shuttleworth. Again I saw the SIA pins. Again I saw the freshmen who look at me funny, but... Again it was good.
Its funny, cause, not that many pieces were new to me. It means I actually belong, cause I've heard many of those pieces slammed three or four times. It actually feels good to be back, and I'm actually doing something I enjoy. (aka, not the the club Secretary). I never was very good at taking notes: I'm too much of a talker.
The pictures turned out pretty good I think. I couldn't stop clicking. Maybe I'll actually do what my heart tells me, And go to BU.
I've spent so much of my life being different from what is normal, that I feel like in order to get through college life, I have to be like the rest of everyone else. Though uniqueness is a cherished aspect of everyone's lives, there is something in me that yearns to squelch this difference in myself. Everyone wants to be normal and accepted by those around them, but when you think about it, its not actually one's "normalness" that gets them accepted into a certain circle of friends. Its their unique attributes that make them special and essential part of a group that would be missed in one's absence.
My problem is that I want to be perfectly normal. I don't want to be different and as a result I take criticism very personally and seriously. It means someone has noticed a difference, something out of the ordinary. In the critical world, you are made aware of your differences through a cruel form of being told so. And you are the nail that sticks up, either to be hammered down by your own self-humiliation or low self-esteem. That's what criticism is... its a milder, modern version of communism. I'm not sure if I'm actually making total sense... but the hell with it. The only person who truly matters should be myself, right? I feel like I spend far too much of my day and life as a whole trying to be better for the people around me, trying to be a perfect somebody that they don't even necessarily want me to be.
Everyone says they love Rachel. Ever wonder why people don't like Monica as much? Monica is a little overattentive and anal so to speak. Similarily, I can be likened to Monica... but everyone loves Rachel. Why? Because Rachel is a free spirit. She isn't constricted by where things are placed in the kitchen, but she gossips, she has on occasion dressed a little weird yet is still trendy and ... loved. Can you believe it? Based on how I live my life, trying to be loved, I don't. And that sucks.
But at the same time, its great to think that I too could be a free spirit: Nonchalantly clash my clothes, wear my Filipino pants to my heart's content, and not let people make fun of the fact that occassionally I like to write in my journal, whether online or hardback. Its nice to think I have that freedom, but then... its sad to think that I find myself surrounded by critical, and therefore superficial and unappreciative, asses. There is nothing weird about me, weird shouldn't even be in the dictionary. Everyone is unique and beautiful, and wtf, why does it matter that I have no problem with online dating?
Its a sad realization, but I feel like the people who should really know me are the first to knock me down. It makes you wonder if they're truly friends, or just along to satiate their need for some semblance of companionship. Everyone needs someone to go out with, someone to talk to, someone to grab coffee with... or do they? Well the people I know all feel that way, but I'm beginning to question some of that. I have the most random conversations on the street. A coworker from the SRC stopped me and we started talking. She asked me what I'd been up to and what I was doing. I was just hanging by myself, waiting for a friend to call so we could meet up. She said, "why bother? Why don't you go watch a movie by yourself, Sarah?" And the thing is, that's when I realized that I'm one of those people that knock on others. I've never been to a movie by myself, I can't say that I've ever really sat in Starbucks by myself without having something to do (study, talk on the phone). I spent far too much of myself worrying about what others are thinking to actually live. And I've definitely never been to a bar all by myself. I'm far to worried that someone will start a conversation (a perverse cover up of an attempt to take someone home). See, that's my problem, I have no faith, no trust, and don't believe that people can go through life without criticism. And so I surround myself with the people who satisfy the "criticism criteria". Its like negative reinforcement. The fact that I don't meet people that don't criticize means they don't exist.
So perfect for a nice closing to a great Abnormal Psychology class. :) I really really really liked that course, and would take it again if I had to. thank god i don't, lol. Here's everything that is wrong about me... or rather, RIGHT about me. :) What greater is I know exactly what meds to take for each of these. Ah, dependency, I could have told you that one.
I got bored so I took pictures of Harry Potter poster in Shibuya. :) I think they're cool, plus... now a lot more people know what Tokyo looks like, as well as the infamous Shibuya crossing. :)
I HATE that I just missed HP being released in the States... and then I'm going to miss it being released in Tokyo, cause I'm going to be flying BACK to the States. ARRRRRRGH!!! I can't believe it! I've been to every premiere release of HP (movies) and have had EVERY book delivered to my doorstop on release day. GAH!
But I LOVE these posters... they are so detailed, that I had to take pictures, and take them home with me to see. :) I didn't get a great shot of Hermione's but the other two are AWESOME!
(click here to see Hermione's or here to see Ron's!!) That's just... SICK. ;) You can see Scabbers, Crookshanks, a Dementor's hand, the Time-turner, candy from Hogsmeade, the Marauder's Map... and other great stuff in the posters. :)
So... its official! My US Visa is going to processed in a week, and mailed to me soon after! That means, I'm going to be coming home as planned! Its awesome how everything is totally falling into place: I can now take a psychology course over the summer [better yet with E-Dogg!!!], and that means I will be taking no more than 14 credits/semester till graduation. :)
In addition to that, of course I was worried about not coming home as planned. Would I be able to last with the family? :) Actually, I've been in really good spirits lately, and nothing has really bothered me... beyond Anish saying 'god bless you' in response to everytime I sneeze. You'd think that since the ridiculous gene of incessant sneezing has been something with me since Day 1... he'd have stopped saying it EVERY time I sneezed. Oy vei. :) But its all good... No fights on this side of the planet.
And coming back to NYC means... THE SOONER I GET TO PARTY!!!! :) Definitely gonna get it on straight away before Cinders heads off to Taiwan for her Love-Boat thing. [That's a story in itself...] And... it means I get to hit the July 4th and Victoria's Secret Semi-Annual Sale!!! I'm SO the happy camper right now!!! [So happy, it almost is beginning to sound fake... happiness like this ain't supposed to be allowed. :D]
But yeah, really happy I'm getting along with the family... rereading Mikey's LJ, I'm glad my family isn't like his, though I'm sure they get along in some other level... i.e. sharing personal/intimate details or something... lol. ;) Here's an excerpt: "I dunno about other people, but i tend to base my relationships on qualities which other people have which I like. For example, I like Sarah because she's funny, smart, and fun to hang out with while not being ditzy like so many other women I know. I don't base relationships on random biological events which are outside of my control. You wouldn't make friends with a stranger on the subway who gave you a cold, so why should you have to pretend to like some woman simply because you had the misfortune to come out of her vagina? In short, no one in my family has any qualities which I would look for in a friend, so it frustrates me that I am expected to be friendly with them. My brother and sister and I barely get along and when we do it is usually because we are fervently avoiding one another." Oy... I miss my Mikey too - I definitely need to get some partying (and gay partying) into my system. I need New York, I need Broadway, I need Sixth and Seventh Avenues oh so badly. I'm bored. I reread Harry Potter: Prisoner of Azkaban to commemorate the movie release in the States. I'm so sad that I'm stuck here... :( Boo.
I'm in Tokyo and it is booooooring. How your perspective changes when you realize that life is only good with surrounded by good friends. *sigh* and... i'm hooked on facebook - i think i'll stop after i get 100 friends at nyu. (i have 132 total so far, 85 nyu?...ah!} :D
I'm jetlagged, and I can't get over it. AH.
I desperately need to party. :D I'm going to figure out a way to get out of the house. (with my mom's permission hopefully...} Mmmm, how i crave my dosage of malibu. Or.. Maribu, since I'm in Tokyo. ;)
>>> SO I FINALLY WATCHED Lost in Translation. It felt weird seeing the Rainbow Bridge, Tokyo Tower, Fuji and all the stuff right out my window... on TV. I felt like I was supposed to be missing it, but its all right here. I realized that I've taken some pretty nice shots of Japan over the years, including the above sunrise from Saturday morning before riceball delivery.
Here's an older sunset shot of Mt. Fuji.
It was really weeeird seeing it all in the movie! Good depiction of Japan though - I've definitely seen the brontosaurus on the huge screen above Shibuya crossing. ;)
And we're going out for yet another night of great fun! Except tonight, I shall be supporting a school of Ed girl with the School of Ed GIRLS!!! :D AWESOME!!!! [Lisa B. is a new bartender @ Chetty Red's - come if you're bored! We'll ALL me there, and so will some of my online luvas ;)]
current mood: chipper current music: Something hip hop... can't focus
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