JP

Hey Boys & Girls Its That Time Again! Time For A New Journal Address! I Know That After Awhile I Gain A Lot Of Strangers Readin My Journal! Not That I mind To Much! But I Kind Of Like To Know Who Reads My Shit! Plus With The Addition Of New Peoples In My Life, I Want Them To See Who I Am Now Not Who I Was And Question Who I Am Now! So If You Want The New Address You Can Click On It In My AIM SN Or Call Me And I Will Give You The New AIM SN!

PS~ New Entry Already On The New Address

You preferred Kerry's statements 78% of the time You preferred Bush's statements 22% of the time Voting purely on the issues you should vote Kerry Who would you vote for if you voted on the issues? Find out now! </div>

ForgottenLifeOSU (6:51:23 PM): ;-)
Qter than you 12 (6:51:54 PM): hey
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:52:01 PM): I GOT STORIES
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:52:06 PM): for tomorrow
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:55:45 PM): I wanna tell ya now so I will
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:55:50 PM): Matt is done
Qter than you 12 (6:55:58 PM): omg!!!
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:56:03 PM): he was like Adam number 1
Qter than you 12 (6:56:05 PM): what!?!
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:56:11 PM): and got mad cause I wouldn't have sex with him
Qter than you 12 (6:56:15 PM): wait there were two adams
Qter than you 12 (6:56:24 PM): what a bitch
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:56:35 PM): remember how I had a date with matt and Adam number 2 on last saturday
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:56:40 PM): but I chose matt
Qter than you 12 (6:56:41 PM): ooooh yeah
Qter than you 12 (6:56:45 PM): i remember
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:56:50 PM): well he was also very selfish and greedy
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:57:12 PM): and I got mad cause he kept bringin up the fact that he is movin to cali when he graduates in sprin
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:57:37 PM): and I was like whatever
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:57:50 PM): and he has never been to cali but he thinks cali is all for him
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:57:55 PM): I'm like whatever dude
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:58:06 PM): and then the boi is obsessed with money and crap and is selfish
Qter than you 12 (6:58:17 PM): psh
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:58:20 PM): he was like I have been hard in school I deserve to be wealthy and blah blah blah
Qter than you 12 (6:58:23 PM): not worth your time
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:58:26 PM): I KNOW
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:58:40 PM): and then the bitch was like I just don't think there is a spark between us
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:58:57 PM): I was like maybe thats cause you keep trying to fuck me and thats all your worried about
ForgottenLifeOSU (6:59:01 PM): and yada yada
Qter than you 12 (6:59:10 PM): haha wow
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:00:47 PM): and so I was like so do you wanna continue to try something or do you not
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:00:59 PM): and he was like I dunno I just Dunno
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:01:04 PM): i was like whatever fool
Qter than you 12 (7:01:18 PM): seriously
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:01:22 PM): this part was actuallly before all the yelling and talk about his selfishness
Qter than you 12 (7:01:33 PM): haha
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:01:39 PM): but after that I was like whatever since you can't make a decision I am makin it
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:01:44 PM): YOU'RE DONE
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:01:52 PM): :-D
Qter than you 12 (7:02:04 PM): haha wootwoot you go girl
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:02:36 PM): and so me and Adam 2 went out on another pseudo date
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:02:41 PM): not really a date
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:02:53 PM): but we went to burger king then we went to my friends party
Qter than you 12 (7:03:03 PM): kool
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:11 PM): and then after the party we went to perkins and after that we went back to his place
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:15 PM): took a shower together
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:21 PM): and cuddled and went to sleep
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:23 PM): NO SEX
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:25 PM): YAY
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:30 PM): and then woke up ate lunch
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:36 PM): watched some movies
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:45 PM): went shopping
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:03:52 PM): then went to an indian restraunt
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:04:07 PM): and then I came back home
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:04:11 PM): a 22 hour date
Qter than you 12 (7:04:28 PM): wow
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:04:52 PM): I know I was like that blew Matt outta the water
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:05:01 PM): and Adam has good morals and ideals
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:05:26 PM): and Adam wants money but he REALLY does deserve it and he doesn't want it cause he thinks its his right and for greedy reasons
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:05:35 PM): and he believes in a minimum wage increase
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:05:39 PM): and he is just great
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:06:01 PM): and then adam has his undergrad and his grad and he is applying to med school
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:06:08 PM): the boi is just all around
Qter than you 12 (7:06:42 PM): yay
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:07:02 PM): I know
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:07:18 PM): so maybe this is truly the guy I should of picked on saturday
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:07:28 PM): so I am happy
Qter than you 12 (7:07:42 PM): yaya thats soooo exciting
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:08:12 PM): I know
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:08:29 PM): it went from good with matt to BAD to really good with adam
ForgottenLifeOSU (7:08:42 PM): so yay

So with the 90% likely hood of the end of Matt I am kind of bummed and just blah. But you know its ok cause he ended in almost the same way as Adam. I guess I am movin up in the world though cause he lasted a day longer than Adam, lol. Anyways so I am just gonna take some me time now and do what I wanted to do which is be single and just relax. Just whenever I get lonely or somethin to take a nap, read a book or the bible, and to just be like you don't need anyone cause everyone just messes up how cool you are right now. Anyways so after the odd break up with Matt tonight I went to the movies with Tommy who is gay and *not that I have a problem with that its just that*, that what i just wrote on accident in asteriks has been happening more and more frequently, me talking and acting like I am straight. And it actually weirded me out and kinda made me like whoa thats not right thats kinda abnormal and wrong when I thought about homosexuality. And its like um ok, I didn't really understand, is it my true feelings am I slowly becoming straight again, or is it that I have been hurt by so many guys that I no longer eomtionally care to be with them and the sight of one no longer brings joy and excitement just memories of pain and shallow morals and ideals. We will see what my quest shall uncover.


Later
Jon Paul

I am gonna wrap up the weekend and then get to what I really want to talk about. Both dates went well Adam took me to dinner and we chit chatted it was good and quality I enjoyed it. Then after the OSU vs. Michigan volleyball game, which we won of course, me and Matt went over to his place and watched some DVDs of mine and we cuddled and went to sleep and when we woke up we went to applebee's for lunch. And since I don't like to date more than one person at one time I was like its time to find out waho is gonna continue on. So I told Matt my friendship policy which is that I dont make friends with people online I only attempt a relationship with them. I do this because I feel that people online don't really represent themselves accurately so I don't like to waste my time with that and I don't feel that gay friends are a necessity. So after I told him that he had the saddest face on him it was kind of pitiful but it was cause he thought that counted him out but I was like no I want to try to have a relationship with you so if you want to try to then we can continue but if not then I am sorry and he said he wanted to so that was the choice right there it was Matt that was my choice so hopefully thats a good thing. Well later yesterday was the drag show that I have been waiting for for like three weeks. It was kick ass it was a bunch of classic rock songs and a couple modern ones. But the back theme was an intergalactic battle with the evil doers being vaginas lol yes vaginas are evil, pussy is evil.

Anyways to talk about what has been bugging me and stuff. I have just been thinking about girls especially Adrien and everything and how I like her a lot and yet I dunno, whats this gay crap, its crap it really is I just wannabe like fuck it no more gayness, off with Adrien I go. And also this relationship crap I know thats what I want but why do I want it, I used to think its cause its the btter choice its the non-slutty choice, its the healthy choice, but its been a long time since I have felt a true urge to be in a relationship with a specific person. And from seeing past people I have been with or reading their journals or other things, like Adam at the drag show, Mike from talking to him on AIM, Erich and reading his journal, and others. Its like hmmm I want a relationship or I am jealous or mad at them but at the same time I don't think they are who I should or am supposed to be with at this time so why I care I don't know. And for someone who doesn't really like sex all that much or find it that important, I get quite a bit and I seemingly give it high importance. And I need to stop getting in these dates. Like I really want to be single right now and yet I am seeing someone but its not like I don't wanna see him its just I would rather this be going on later. I dunno, all I know is no sex for awhile.

Its kinda odd to see myself now, its like wow you're ok you had the worst week of your life and another week has passed and you're fine again. I seriously was hatin life at that point, well not really life but gay life, so much so I almost wanted to go columbine in a gay bar or something. So you guys know pretty much all the bad stuff that happened from reading like the past 5 entries so here is the news for the upturn and why I am doin good. Well Monday I had a date and it was nice to reject someone, lol, but no he was a good boi just a republican and a little dorky. Tuesday was somethin I can't remember I don't think much of anything happened it was kinda a relax day just chattin it up. Tuesday was nothin exciting. Wednesday I had class all day and decided to take a nap before the debates instead of go to spanish class, and I was tryin to get karl to come over to make out but he was flyin out in the mornin early so that didn't happen. But he is a good cute boi. Anyways thursday brought about hangin out with adrien and going to the curling meeting, and then attempting to go to the ACLU meeting with Jess but by the time we found it it was almost over and we just decided to go study, So we went to the geography comp lab with special access for just us GIS students and so it was nice and private and they new comps and moveable flat screens so it was great. Well I went to bed at midnight or so and got up yesterday early to go to the mall with Anar and buy some hoodies and a hat, and I also tried to get a haircut there too but it was all booked so I went to studio posh here by campus which was expenisve $25 after tip and so I was mad at that but oh well. Anyways Tommy reminded me of the volleyball game I agreed to go to so I went and it was good we were undefeated and so we went in their with a good we are gonna slaughter you ego and we did. The interesting part of the night was seeing Justin, but not just seeing him but seeing him perform, HE IS A CHEERLEADER! But I had to make sure so I missed like half a period cause I was staring him down. But it was him so i talked to him online after the game and we caught up since last thursday where he tried to sex me up he apologized and stuff, and said I shouldn't think it was any of my fault at all so that made me relaxed. Anyways so I have two dates today I was gonna explain how that happened but I am tired of typing, lol bye ya'll

So the last entry may not of been clear but what happened was Adam decided just two days after wanting to be official that he just wanted to be friends. So after that happened I came home he got online again we yelled (because I was like no i don't wanna be friends because I would have to make an effort and its not worth it for someone who did that to me) and so he was like fine have a nice life when I asked to know why he changed his mind and the last part is what we were fighting about. Anyways so I was crying and upset about that and all the mess before it and adrien being my fave girl in the world cheered me up enough and I went with her to the curling meeting although I just watched the debate on TV the whole time. Well afterwords we went to the goth club on 1034 Perry St. which we didn't find at first and 411 said not only did the club not exist but the address didn't exist well they were wrong on both accounts and it was alright, like me and adrien both said it would of been fun if it had more people there but its closed down now that was the last weekend of open operation. It was also hillarious to see adriens sister trying to paddle this guy that wanted her, lol, and almost every time she hit him she was like SORRY, it was good times, anyways we came back here, hung out played twister and moved on more gay drama with drunk ryan, i cried again, adrien saved me again, watched TV, I went back to my room, brian hit me up on AIM I was like fuck it I have been a good boi for awhile and everyone is pissin me, you and me brian lets go, so that happened, which I laughed about it later cause I was like the one thing that Adam let me know he wanted from me he never got and I just gave brian it with no asking what so ever, FUNNY. Anyways I felt so crappy from drinkin and stuff that I just slept all day and then adrien and sara woke me up to go to Shadowbox Cabaret so we went and guess who we got right behind in line, ADAM, never seen him before in public and yeah figures once we break things off I see him in public unplanned, anyways he was with this guy and he was not as hot as me and my personality kicks ass, true it could of been a friend but you don't usually just go with ONE friend somewhere and have reservations that are needed in advance for that hanging out, anyways so I was like I think they are on a date, and because of various convos about it later I was like I think he might of been dating more than just me and because he prolly got sex from this other guy that must be why he broke it off with me because he didn't wanna seem like a slut by cheating on me and at the same time couldn't handle waiting for the sex. So the boi really was all about the sex go figure and so I haven't given him that letter I wrote last entry and now that I have made that observation I don't think I will.

So I have been hangin with my normal friends the non-gay ones except steven and mark and I realize how great they really are and why I need to not waste any more time trying to hang out with gay people even though those are the ones I can only be romantically invovled in why not hang out with the ones better for me soul wise than sex wise, so if eventually I find a good gay person than so be it if not then alas singleness never killed anyone.

At a time of so much stress and hardship none of which did I fully explain to you I was already in such a crappy mood more depressed than ever before in my life. Not that I expected you to fully understand this or be able to console me much at all but the thought of you being the good guy that you are wanting to become something with me and me feeling the same was the only pleasant thought in my head. And going from wednesday where you asked if I wanted to be bfs to on friday not wanting that at all totally just shattered what little hope I had of possible near happiness, and then with no explanation you were just like thats how it is. So you may not of seen it as anything but I saw it as the ultimate rejection, nothin like that have I felt. Under different circumstances I would of been like sure lets be friends but with those same words you hurt me so bad. And made an already bad time into the worst time of my life, worse than the feeling of when my mom was sent to the hospital. I was and still slightly am so mad that you treated me like rubbish with no explanation and then said you cared nothing for me, who says that to a friend. I didn't want it to seem like friendship with you isn't valuable I was just so upset that you basically in my view were like I am not gonna be there for you, when two days previous you said you would. I hope to work this out but thats up to you.

I bare the burden of an incessant urge
One of which I often purge
My happiness is second place
But any and all are ahead of the race

I cannot stop my need to please
Often putting me on my knees
Abuse of my soul is in effect
Always so blunt and direct

Too perfect some have said
Just come on and hop in bed
Why not want anything more
Than to show me to the door

If I hold back what is wanted
I am stalked and hunted
Not for the love and heart I care to share
But ultimate rejection they cannot bare

Cuts scars and bruises you cannot see
They are still there just hidden deep in me
Why should I have to be recreated
When I am not the one who should be hated

As I look for the one who really cares
I will inevitably find many flares
In the end one will shine above
And show me all about true love

Ok so I was so upset today and cryin and other stuff and yeah don't forget to read the last entry to know why but also today other things upset me and I was really really lookin forward to Adam callin and he didn't and then I got up and talked to him online and he just kind of blew me off cause his friend was over despite me tellin him I was sad and depressed and wanted to talk to him. So that just topped it I was done right then just ballin and took a shower to calm myself down. Well in such a sad mood and just like fuck you all I just didn't care, and so when karl a cute guy I have made out with a couple times wanted to have sex with me I really didn't mind, but I ended up holdin strong and not doin so and told him I was gonna go to bed but in reality I went to go talk to Adrien, my strong hold in life, And we talked and she made me feel better, and what I saw next although very small gave me a HUGE boost in happiness, I saw my roommate whom I don't like talk to alot or anything but we are cool, but I saw him and he had his belt hangin down like I always have mine it made me so proud and like just happy cause he like copied me so it was a good moment. Anyways after going back down to BRIEFLY study with Adrien in the basement I came back upstairs and got online and started talkin to some peoples and had some relax time, which I am gonna have a lot the next week or so to get me back up to par. But Justin IMed me seriously the cutest boi I have ever been friends with. Well he wanted me to come over cause he was drunk and wanted company and so I could help him eat the pizza he ordered well his friend D and riley were there too but they went to bed. But before Riley went to bed us three were talkin about stuff and I had talked about my problems with ryan and joseph after they talked about theirs and it was all sad. Justin said a blurp about his BF which I had no idea he had, never heard about him or seen him, complete mystery to me but I was like ok, and I mentioned Adam and we were set we all acknowleged our BF's and then riley went to bed after eatin two pieces of pizza. Well earlier in the night Justin tried to make out with me and I stopped him this time more subtly, he moved in and I kept my face turned away from him, and slightly moved away and he was like you don't wanna kiss me and I was like not while you are drunk he was like come on anyways back to after riley went to bed we started watchin TV and we laid on the couch together and then he started like rubbin up on me and then flipped me on my back and started makin out with me which was slow and passionate kissing the kind I only like with a BF cause its like romantic kissing not really Horny kissing anyways we made out more and more and it always seems to go past that so he started rubbin my chest and stuff which I didn't really mind and we kissed each others necks and stuff and then he did the thing I hate the most which is suckin gon your ear lobe, I hate that. anyways so things got more and more intense with him dry humpin me and suck and eventually he tried to unbuckle my pants at which point I pushed his arm away and then he went back to the buckle again and it was at that point I was like he's got a BF and I got someone I am seeing, and he is drunk I guess I have to be the one to say no and take responsibility so I was like I should go, so he got really sad lookin and laid into the couch so I couldn't look at him and I left. I think I have finally overcome my problem if I can turn down not only two guys in one night but one of them being the cutest guy I have ever known who I could of flat out had no matter what tonight then I am capable of anything. I am glad I did the right thing and I am glad that I respected Adam even though I am mad at him.

It is so hard bein the bigger person. Ok so I don't remember if I told you how me and republican ryan got together but its all good, I am sure I have. Anyways the night we got together I told him that the reason why I hadn't acknowledged or tried to get with him previously was because of Joseph, cause he really like Ryan, and I couldn't like go against Joseph and go with Ryan and break his heart. But Ryan influenced me to anyways. WELL just like 10 minutes ago after fighting with republican ryan for another time we always seem to fight because he is a blind republican and I have the ability of thought and respect. Anyways I find out that the reason that we OFFICIALLY were seperated on Monday wasn't because of him not wanting to single cause he had no time for a bf, it was really cause he had gotten interested in Joseph, so all my worries about trying to protect Joseph and all that ended up just makin them to get together, HOW FUCKED UP IS THAT. But its all good Ryan was very needy and so is Joseph, and they are both republicans, although Ryan may not like Joseph so much when he finds out about some Josephs democratic sides although as messed up and worried about impressin people as Joseph is he prolly will never tell him. But on a brighter note, lol, yesterday I officially got with ADAM. So hopefully that goes well, and I just deleted my online gay accounts except one which I really should delete also but its the last one its like the end, I am done no more gay people online just normal friendships just normal stuff i am done with online gay people, gotta learn how to do things the right way. It's done I am officially deleted from all gay websites I am on I am done completely, now its gonna be a stressful time for me cause now I have no reason to use my puter but for AIM, and HW which is good. GO ME! Movin on from this damn shady gay world!!!

Ok so lets run through most of the boring week ok so most of the week was talkin to ryan about you know what was up and eventually it was just like old and we have been like goin through talks of gettin back together but he talks to me less and less and he doesn't really talk to me. So I guess instead of flat out being like no we don't like each other and lets just end it we are going through this whole settle down not likin each other without havin to say it. So of course another guy in line steps up ADAM. So Adam and I have been talkin he is a sweetie well he has been movin into his new place so before tonight I hadn't talked to him since wednesday. Well around that same time I had two revelations only one of which is important for this entry. So The revelation was that since the rape I have never said no to any guy when in a serious sexual situation whether I have wanted to have or not, either way. And I dunno sub-conciously I feel that that might be because if I don't say no and always give in I can never be raped again. Well I was supposed to in to see the therapist again on Friday. Well I missed that appt. because of my pills, anyways I was like well I have been to the therapist before and they basically just help you find out what the real problem is and I have found that out so I might as well just do what they do look at the problem tell you motivational things to do to correct it and help myself. So I was like step one try not to put myself in that situation of a sexual nature. so many of time I prevented myself from getting into it. Well obviously you can't put that off forever. So here is where practice of Step 2 comes in. Well Adam was at The Coffee Table, the local gay cafe. So he was all excited when I came back home from church he was like hey buddy whats up, you didn't call me, and I was like um you were supposed to call me. I was like remember how you said you just might call me and I replied I just might pick up, OH YEAH! So he was like well I will call you in ten when I get outta here and I was like good I can finish eatin. So he called and I was tryin to talk to my roommate, to him and to people online. Well when you try to multitask somethin more than you should and ignore someone they get mad as it is well he was like askin the same question a couple times and I finally realised he was talkin to me and kinda spazed and I was like what do you want, and he was like you bitch I guess we just don't click if your gonna act like that your very rude. I was like no I am sorry he was like I am gonna go, I was like no don't go partially explained why I was a punk and said thats not really act and he was like well I am gonna go so he hung up. I felt SO BAD! So I was like ok everyone online and roommate I gotta go, so I left and went for a walk and could devote all my time to him. So I called him and explained into full detail and he was happy and grateful for me callin him back and stuff and he was like where are you walkin to and I was like I am just randomly walkin why and he was like well you can walk to my place on neil and I was like um ok, and we continued talkin more and he was like so where are you now and I was like on neil um just wast 15th and on my way to your place and he was like are you seriously coming to my place its really far and its cold as crap outside I was like I am ok, and he said I'm not havin it I am comin to get you and so he did, at which point he asked if I wanted to go see his new place or have him drive me back and I was like well I am not sleepy because you know I woke up at almost 6 PM today. He was like ok my place it is. So we got there and his roommate I ended up knowing he took me out to dinner one time and it didn't really end in excitement it was ok there was no bad feelings or anything. Anyways I was like hah I least we know we both aren't psycho killers now cause I know your roommate lol. Anyways we picked out some stuff to watch on DVD, comedy of course SNL. So we watched that and slowly did the flirty thing, then popped in a new DVD of Anna Nicole Show, hillarious, but able to be ignored so we firt more and more and I was like ok no nothin you like him gotta take it slow no nothin, and eventually super flirt action happened when we found out we are both super ticklish EVERYWHERE! so he goes in to tickle me and I so had must of put it in my brain so good that like a reflex when he went to kiss me I put my hand over his mouth to stop him. And according to Adrien that is a VERY VERY BAD thing, I didn't even mean to cause I had no prob makin out with him! But she said thats like the ultimate rejection to not even be subtle about rejecting someone for even a kiss. Which explains why he had the most sad upset expression on him, I was like don't be sad I just want it to be slow and I think you very sexy its not you, and so because I really did wanna kiss him I worked back up to that and did. So we started makin out and eventually after rubbin his chest I found out that playin with his nipples really gets him going which is perfect past all our other compatabilities cause I love playin and lickin nipples. He takes off his shirt for easier access and I go at his nipples and then he pulls my shirt up but not off and starts going on mine and eventually awhile later he wants me to take off my shirt and I was like no thats going to far, this is as far as I will go. He had the saddest face on him. I was like don't be sad he was like I'm not. Anyways so we get in the car to head back to my dorm and I was trying to find out what was wrong and he was like its not you its just I have never had anyone say no to me and its not like you don't find me attractive cause I know you do but I am just really really really horny and I feel unattractive now. And I was like aww buddy don't worry, it will be ok perk up, he was like I will be ok so he dropped me off and I told him goodnight. Well I went over to Adrien to tell her how proud I was and she was like yeah I am so proud of you too and it was such a big thing for me, my first time sayin no, even though I told Adam that I just flat out was a good boi and never hooked up or anything, which isn't true currently but from now on I am gonna make it true, behold the power of saying no. So anyways he called while I was tellin the story to Adrien the girl I would prolly marry if I ever became str8, I love her so much, so he was like I am so sorry for bein an asshole and I am sorry that I wasn't more respectful and courteous about the whole situation, I handled it poorly, thats not the normal me, and I hope you don't hate me and I wanna see you again and I hope you call me tomorrow, and I was just like its ok buddy I like you too just take it easy and sleep well, he was like thanx and we said bye. I was so giddy at that point I was like OMG I LOVE HIM, he is so sexy. I thought he was gonna be so bitchy and mad that I didn't get with him and the only person who hasn't when in that situation, but no he got past his slutty period awhile back, and so he really wanted the relationship thing and it made me so happy. This is how I wanted it to go, this is what I wanted and Ryan wasn't able to offer, mutual understanding mutual resposibility. Ryan was always makin me the bearer of all burden and him the beneficiary of the majority of the production, which is not fair to me. But Adam on the other hand is respectful, more in tune with me morally and ideally, and actually shares in the relationship. So I think this might work out in a good LTR sort of way. I AM SO HAPPY :-)

Thursday is one bug blur no idea what happened on that day. So Friday rolls around, and i go to Sara's little sleep over party, even though I don't think anyone slept over not sure. Oh shit I remembered what happened on thursday thursday was the day that greg came from OU and we hung out and it seemed like he really liked me and we had a good time he at first decided to stay over then didn't. And I haven't heard from him since so I guess I was rejected there oh well. Anyways so back to friday, we got drunk did some wild and crazy stuff and and luke and his two friends came over of which I was highly disappointed, cause they were not cute, almost to the point of ugly. Anyways so i came home and at which point Republican Ryan came over the one everyone seems to like, I dunno why the boi is a prick a lot of the time. so he came over drunk later that night and he was like saying stuff and it was just like ramblin and I was like ok buddy I gotta take you home so I did, well further into the night he sobered up quite a bit so he was able to talk online very coherently, so i was like we gotta talk about what you were saying tonight later and he was like why what did I say and I told him about how he liked me but didn't think I liked him so he would leave me be. But I did like him its just that joseph liked him too and I couldn't be a punk to joseph and go with ryan. So I had him come back over to my room and we talked about things and I guess we sorta of decided to start stuff. Well we went to bed and eventually I kicked him out 4 hours later cause our beds are not meant for two people. Anyways I was being bummy on saturday and i saw this guy online that I hadn't talked to in awhile since summer time, and I was in VA during the time and i was like oh hey he told me to IM him when I got back to columbus cause he liked me, so i did... and he said come over and I was like why the hell not I am bored and my friends are being bummy most aren't here either. So I went over to his house his name beiung Justin Martin. ok the boi looked cute in his pic I got to his place and the boi was like drop dead fuckin cute. Like what the fuck did he want me to come over for. Anyways we were havin a good time and I remembered of the revelation I came to the day before after argueing with estevan, ever since the rape I have never said no to the situation... in any sexual situation I have never said no again whether i have wanted it or not. I just let it go, I dunno why I gues maybe and this is the only logic I can come up with is that if I don't say no and I don't fight it I can never be raped again can't rape the willing as the saying goes. So i thought about this and I was like ok don't let yourself make out with him cause then it will go out of control from there. So we start drinkin and playing games getting pretty damn tipsy when ryan called and I was like fuck what does he want he had his own party thing so I find out he is only a block away so i was like hey I will brb back I have to take care of something. So I go out to meet him and he is complaining he has to pee so I take him to justins he is throwing a fit cause he wanted to pee in his room not justins and I was like just pee here and so i took him in and he was so fuckin rude he yelled out I can't pee here in a public bathroom I am leaving, I was like you fuckin asshole so I got him the fuck out of there I was like I can't believe he just fuckin embarassed me like that. So I walk him home, and we get to his place he pees and starts playing video games and I was like ok I am going back to justins and he whigged out and was like I am coming with you I was like no your drunk you shouldn't he was like well do you want me to I was like if you weren't drunk but the real reason was that he fuckin embarassed me and I was not gonna take him back I even asked them if they minded if he came back cause I couldn't come back with out him and they said yeah but then I was like no fuck that he has already done enough damage. so I lied to him and left him their and went back. So we drank more and had a good time well eventually all us gang were in justins bedroom and the lights went out for like a couple seconds enough time for justin to grope me and then walk out, he was like ooops my hand slipped what a wild one or some crap like that. Anyways I was like uh oh thats it he made contact must go now so while he was outside smokin I got my shit together shoes on hoodie on and set out to go home hugged everyone said goodbye to pretty justin who wished I wouldn't go and was on my way. So I went over to justins as promised. ended up going to sleep for a bit at his place then wakin up tons of times in the middle of the night said fuck it and got my shit together and dressed and told him to let me out to him saying no stay oddly just like justin and I was like no I gotta go and left to my bed. Well I slept woke up talked online for couple secs and then got my voicemails, and remembered I had to go to church so i got dressed for church and left. Well the church service was about rushing into relationships what real relationships are and what typically we try to make them. It was basically saying that your perfect person shouldn't complete you and no one ever will, we aren't here to fix each other we are here to help each other your relationships should be based on friendship and whoever you marry should be your best friend the person willing to help you in your walk with jesus and help you help your self but not be the missing bits of yourself. Anyways after taking this in and others, I realized (cause my situation was just like the example) that I rush into relationships trying to have them complete me and suck as much as i can or they end up sucking as much from me as they can and it ends quickly. So I was like ok I wanna start me and ryan off right so I am gonna do like the pastor said and slow way down, slow it down. well me and jess ate at burritos noches and I get back talk on AIM and mark said something and I was really mad and I dunno why maybe cause I had just taken my pills and they make you moody but I was mad so I left and went for a walk well when i got back mikie the abusive one IMed me and was like hey are you alright cause my away message said I was pissed and i was like yeah I am workin it off and eventually I got to the part where craig had told me that he had IMed him. and he was like oh craig is your boi I am so sorry dawg I will leave it be we are done. and I was like ok um alrighty. a lot of stuff and info got switched and I found out that eventually they were supposed to meet according to mikie but craig said um not soon and I guess mikie thought they were "interested" in each other, which I don't know how craig doesn't get involved with anyone relationship wise, just not there in his life yet which is cool. Anyways so I was so glad that I broke that shit up cause criag was just workin him up to meet so he could fuck with him and maybe kick his ass and I was like no the bitch has a gun if you two ever fought mikie would try to be a bad ass and shoot you. So i was really happy that I broke that situation up but yet highly stressed and I still hadn't told ryan how I felt yet. So stressed out me finally gets a hold of ryan after talking to a bunch of random people online trying to calm myself down till I could talk to ryan. well I go over to ryans mind you at like 3 AM in the morning, so i get there and i tell him hey I think we should like be friends then work our way up, and he was just like ok and started babbling about the book he was babbling about before I said what I just said, adn i was so mad at that he didn't even acknowledge it other than ok and it had eaten away at me for hours and he simply said ok like he didn't care. So I was so mad I was like all the shit has gone on tonight i come to talk about this and you just say ok. So I left and get back here and we argue he says he doesn't care about me anymore for being a punk nad breaking it off whatever and we yell and he acts like an ass says everythings my fault yada yada, he is the most self pronounced faultless person ever. anyways I was like fuck it more yelling and bitching and who knows where we are now, why I am so nice, grrr. So I dunno bring on the challenges I seem to be able to handle them all, maybe not very well but they all get handled. So I think a single me for awhile will be good, hopefully I can keep it sexless too.

Ok So I guess this entry will go over tuesday and wednesday and if you haven't read the last entry make sure you do cause that was a biggie and covered a whole week of events. So yesterday not much really happened other than the recovery from craig and sleepin in until 4:30. But I kinda just took things at a relaxed pace and didnt do much of anything. Well no for the happenings of today prolly the most non-stop day in a while. Class from 10:30-9 at night, and during my lunch break I talked to my 2nd mom and we talked some more about my problems and we setup a time to meet weekly which will be thursdays for lunch. Anyways after lunch I had remembered I needed to pay my fees and I flipped out cause I couldn't find my checkbook to get my routing number and checking account number, so I freaked and I tore up everything to find it, and so eventually after a long time of not finding and freaking out about the possibility of having to miss like three classes to go to the bank get money and take it to fees and deposits and wait in line forever I decided to just call the bank to see if I could get the numbers well I could get the routing number from the bank but I had to go online to get the account number which was ok cause I had to go online to pay the bill anyways, so I got all the info I needed and I was set to go. well anyways more classes went past and then back to my room for break number two at which point I was talkin to greg and havin a good old time and then went to spanish class I have no idea what was goin on but I must of been slipped some happy pills because I was crackin up and just havin a good old time and just could not stop laughin I felt bad at only one time during the class when I got yelled at for laughin too much. The best part was when she was looking for people to answer the questions and she was like ok clase voluntarios o victimas and I don't know why but I just had the starongest urge to say VICTIMAS so I did, in a funky voice and everyone cracked up and I could not stop laughin I just kept wanting to yell VICTIMAS lol I was damn Beavis or Butthead. But I had a good time and I met this girl who is on the synchronized swimming team it was kick butt. She was my partner in crime during class. Well anyways after finishing that late at night I went and ate dinner then went over to see Republican Ryan finally been here for a week and finally got to hang out with him but we also went over to get Joseph since ryan wanted to hang out with him cause ryan is obsessed with hangin out with other republicans especially gay republicans, anyways so we were hangin out and at some point joseph called me dirty mexican his little joke like most people in high schools and Ryan was like WHAT and joseph was like yeah cause he is 1/8 mayan which is a native american from mexico, and Ryan was like OH MAN, OH MAN! at that point I knew it was all down hill Ryan is a little fucker about those things I honestly thing the boi is racist, I really do. Trust me its not just him makin fun of people who aren't white ever since he said that slavery was a good thing and just and right and good for the economy I have never viewed him the same again. Anyways so he so took the whole mexican thing way to far and way too many jokes, it really pissed me off I really didn't say anything I just started ignoring him for the most part he was having a hard night because of other things and I just let him have at it and so I need to tell him how I felt but oh well I am sure he will calm it down hopefully. Anyways the kicker was finding out tonight that joseph likes republican ryan, which totally blew me away because the way joseph was talkin after we hung out I was scared that joseph liked me and I was like please god no, please no, please no because I got greg as a possibiity and I don't have room for joseph that and I don't think he is cute or like him that way anyways, so I don't wanna hurt his fragile feelings by turnin him down, but when I found that out I was like OMG, because no it was just like no, many reasons why no i won't go into cause this journal is about me not other people so yeah. and thats that, greg is comin up this weekend so I will get to hang with him some so we will see if we become anything this weekend or not. oh and also the gay hiatus thing started today and its been really hard I dunno how long I can hold out on not talkin to any new gay people, we will see, but its been a pain, but I think the longer I do it the easier it will be and the more benefits i will recieve, so good luck to me. Have a good night!

OK so where to start.... my last entry ends thursday night, and I really can't remember any events that require any particular mentioning from the weekend so we will skip to last tuesday. I arrived in Columbus tuesday afternoon and I talked to everyone as soon as I got there and my night minutes kicked in. So Mike #2 which will be called Mikie from now on, called me and wanted to come pick me up from my hotel and hang out that night, but I wasn't at the hotel i was at my aunts when he called so we decided to just stick with the plan and meet up on wednesday. Well wednesday arrived and mikie literally came over just a couple minutes after I got there, so I looked ok nothin special, I had the just woke up and threw shit on look. Well we just hung out in my room for awhile then he took me to the bank to turn in my checks from the summer and then over to Easton we went, we went to Johnny Rockets for lunch and the boi was trying way to much to be a bad ass. I mean it was a little cute and yet a little disgusting. So anyways we went over to the sprint store, cause I wanted to buy a new phone but alas there was none that I wanted. Well we went back to my dorm at which point we were bored out of our minds and he signed on to his name and was talking to chris about comin over later that night and I knew they were friends yada yada, didn't worry me because of other stuff that happened. Anyways so he got bored and we started playin around and wrestling, well his strong ass self was takin it a little too far and was basically not wrestling but just tearin me up and I was gettin pissed cause he was like being an asshole at that point so I grabbed his legs and flipped him on his back, I almost accidentally made his head hit this pole, so glad I didn't. Well on our way to his truck to head back over to Easton to meet up with my friends we were just talkin and shit and he put me in a headlock and I was like fucker and hit him on the ass. HE GOT SO PISSED, he was mad cause he thought that was too gay to do in public, I'm like alrighty he was like I am serious I would kill you for something like that and he whipped out a switch blade and I was like oooo ahhhh, he was like shut up wait till you see what else I got, and when we got back in his truck he showed me his small machetti and then his gun, I was like hmm this mo fo gots a gun thats totally unnecessary but oh well. So we meet up with my friends which only one was my friend the others I didn't know and I was kinda disappointed I was like where are my friends they were supposed to be here so at that point mikie was quiet and just kinda stand offish, so i told him he could go since he didn't seem to be having a good time and I didn't want him to not be having a good time. So he left, and I spent the rest of the later day with my friend and the new people. Well upon my return to my dorm mikie IMs me and says he doesn't think we should see each other any more, at which point I asked why and he was like its too shallow and low of a reason for me to tell you, and I was like ok, thats not good enough and kept trying to get him to tell me why, and he eventually was like I will tell you in this chat room, and in the chat room was me mikie and chris, at that point I knew exactly what was up, he got back with chris, and he was like yeah yada yada yada. Which I was kinda relieved at that point because he at first made me feel like there might of been something wrong with me but there wasn't. Anywho later after I was pissed and enraged I wrote an away message saying I was in the shower washing off the skank of hangin with a bastard. so while I was in the shower he IMed me back saying that he didn't get back with chris he just wanted to see what I would say, and that because I called him a bastard it was now over. I was like that is the most fucked up thing someone has ever done, and I was so just over him at that point, I was like fine bye. (more happened with other people but this entry is gettin long enough as it is). SO the next day I wake up in pain in my arms I had bruises and cuts and sores all up and down my arms, I was like mother fucker. so I went and hung out with my friends all day and we had dinner and watched TV it was a really good time, well after words I was alone again in my room and I started talking to **** and he had to work at 4 AM so I went over to his work at 4 which is just in a dorm and i was talkin to him about what had happened and how I didn't wanna be in the dorm all alone cause most everyone hadn't got there yet cause move in day wasn't until sunday. So he was like well just bring some stuff over and you can sleep in my room cause my roommate hasn't come yet either. So I did and we started watchin Tv and stuff and it was nice and we cuddled which was nice, but when we went to bed he started getting a little more frisky at which point I had taken my pill and was totally like out of it, so I really was just like blanked out not wanting to fool around but too unmotivated to say no, so luckily it was just foolin around at which point afterwards I didn't feel comfortable staying at his place so I went back. I don't feel upset about what happened I mean it was nothin bad I just wish i hadn't let it happen. Now Friday, as for that day nothin much happened I just lounged around and eventually went out with gregg and got drunk because my friends weren't doing anything, we were supposed to go to the movies but they canceled so I went with gregg, I got drunk he took advantage and yet I still managed to control myself enough not to have sex with him go me. Oh also on this very fine friday before that point mikie called me wanting to go to dinner, I knew he would eventually call me, he has told me so many times he is never talking to me again and yet he always calls me one or two days later. So I was like sure why not so a little bit before he was gonna come he let me know that he had to cancel cause he had to take chris somewhere and so I was a little mad yet like whatever. So he called me back whinnin cause chris canceled on him and that he had his whole house to himself and yet no one to come over I was like that sux for you. on to saturday, I slept most of the day away and eventually I hung out with sara, sean, steven, stephen, and luke... we were supposed to go a str8 club old school but we were highly mad that it was 4 gay guys and two str8 people why were we going to a str8 club so I eventually got the ball groovin and we got to go to the gay club AXIS. I had the most kick ass time and it made me so good to enjoy myself for once in so long, the interesting part of the night was all the people I knew that I saw. I saw tommy and dan, my tennis buddy and his man...which I had never talked to his man and really didn't talk to him that night cause he was drunk and I didn't wanna talk to him drunk so I just let him have fun with tommy. and I saw ex-bf Josh... lemme tell ya what that freaked me out so bad I WAS LIKE OH HELLS NO. but he looked very stylish and I was prayin I was like please god don't let him see me....wel he didn't until later but I saw ADAM cute little spunky adam who was highly tipsy so I was dancin with him and we started makin out and we just hung out the rest of the night and makin out and at one point this is where josh comes back in adam like rubbin all over me and we were walkin by josh and he like stook his leg out a little to hit me so I knew he was there and he smiled sexy like like I would ever get back with him the bastard. And I saw robbie the rich and sexy older guy... not a sugar daddy just a nice guy that owns AXIS and the other gay places he is such an awesome and respectable guy. So anyways that was the end of that night which on our way out of the club and into our car to go home a guy was giving another guy a bj in their car, take that shit home ya sluts. Anyways sunday arrives and I hung out with adrien who moved in that day and then later Jeremy from Indiana, which I had such a good time with him we weant to Easton and we met up with his friends which I don't like his friends cause they have asked me before to be in a threesome with them and I was like ewww no, and I told Jeremy that cause he didn't know and he didn't seem to bothered by it. Well I was I didn't want to be seen with them associated with them in anyway. Eventually we left them and we were flirting and stuff and went to star bux and he paid which was sweet and we went to the short north and just looked at it and he took me back to my dorm and he wanted to give me a hug and i was like how bout a kiss, and he gave me a 3 second kiss which was really good but I wanted more, but he said now it gave me a reason to see him again which was cute. Well afterwards for that night I was bored most of the time then went over to Jess and Crystals but they were bein bums so I went with Kerry over to John and Mikes house (didn't know these guys), but OMG John was so fuckin cute it was rediculous and he kept lookin at me all night which made me wonder if he was a closeted homo and then he was listening to techno and club music which is classic gayness, so who knows maybe one day I will get him drunk and find out. So on to Monday was lame for the day part didn't wake up till 2:30 and didn't get around for awhile, but I went to dinner with joseph who has severe social anxiety disorder and hadn't eaten in three days and was scared to go to the commons by himself so I took him and he did ok and he said thanx now he can finally start eating cause he has been to the commons now I was like good your skinny enough. well the day progressed and I just kinda lounged around taken it easy before the party, well Craig IMed me if your an avid reader you will remember Craig, Craig is the nice sexy man that treats me like his little buddy and randomly makes his presence known so i don't forget he is there and by man I don't mean old man he is 24. Anyways he was like do you want me to come over and I was like um nah you can't come over my roommates here and I don't think I should have gay people over quite yet and he was like aww thats too bad, and I was like yeah and I would hang out with you but you got work in the morning and so I will just go to the party, he was like well I will be here if you change your mind, and I was like well thats not the problem the problem is is I know your a lazy mo fo and won't pick me up and take me to your place and then take me back in the morning cause you hate doing that. He was like awww ok I will come get you, so we hung out again and watched TV and relaxed in his new place that he got way better than the other one, well eventually we started cuddling and flirting and shit and it lead up to the sex, good good sex. I mean its not like a random hookup since I have had it with him before and I have known him for a long time but maybe I shouldn't have but he always treats me like gold and it was really nice, a nice booster, and now its tuesday again. Lets see what the world brings me now.

PS~ Jeremy I really like you but I have tried and been hurt many a time by people who didn't live here I know your a kick ass guy and I do like you but until you decide if your movin here and move here I can't be consumed in feelings for you cause I will just end up bein hurt a lot or workin myself up too much. Love You Buddy.

Lets see the events start with last night and staying up all night watchin movies and havin me time. well i didn't go to bed until 8 AM and had to wake up at 10 AM to get ready to hang out with some of my friends to say good bye to the ones I hadn't said bye to yet before I left back for college. So I was tired as mess, moody from getting no sleep, and I forgot I had to check the trucks oil and water before I left to make sure it was ok cause my mom said there was a problem with it, so that made me late meetin up with them. Anyways I was sorta sad like the whole time to leave them I just wanted it to last forever I didn't tell them that but I did. so it wasn't a very good goodbye more like a yeah whatever it ain't nothin I always come back, but the thing is is I never wanna come back this summer has been so emotional, so horrible, and so draining and just terrible. So after that I took a nap because I was really tired and felt shitty as mess, so i wake up and i hear people outside talkinng and I am like whats going on i just see my mom and my brothers and some weird lady just out there, and I find out she is a deputy or sherrif or whatever, so after they finish and come in i find out that my little brothers who go to taekwondo have been getting abused, i was like in awwwe, because they are always so happy and peppy and excited about taekwondo, and I don't know about you but if I was getting abused I wouldn't be too excited to go there. anyways after i took my second dose of my pills for the day i start to feel weird and kinda off I was already feelin off I think it just allowed the fact that I am mildly sick to just bust out in full effect. and I was talkin to mike online and he started fuckin with me and started fuckin with him back, he was being a bitch and he has been wanting to tell his friend lindsay for awhile now that he has a foot fetish and likes to be tied up but he wants to ease her into it and wants to know if she will flip or not so the bitch tell her the entire fetish thing and says I am the one that has it not him, I WAS SO MAD AT THAT, and i was like you son of a bitch I was like I fuckin hate you i am gonna get you back, and he was like no your not, or else I will never see you again (that part joking of course), and I said in a joking manner, I don't care if I ever see you. He got so pissed and emotional and sad, he way overreacted, even after I told him I was joking he was still upset, and trust me, he was yelling and screaming and makin me feel like shit, and just kept sayin it was over and to go away and I was just so upset I started to cry and he blocked me and shit so I needed time to think and get out, so I left to VA Beach to see my marine, well upon my return I get a fuckin speedin ticket a no fuckin fair speedin ticket, I was cryin like a bitch after he gave me the ticket I was already upset already shitty and that just topped it, so I get back and start argueing with mike so more he said some bad stuff and its over and we were threw and all this mess, i was begging and pleading for him not to leave i like him so much he is such a sexy, unique and caring guy, a little bit of a fuck up and a little emotional, but he even admits to that. So I spent all night just begging and plaeding and he refused and refused and refused to accept me back and then finally he did, something additional happened in the convo and it made everything alright (honesty is the best policy just say everything you have to say all honesty and eventually it will make everything right), unless your honesty is how much of an asshole you are. So now i gotta pay prolly between 100-125 for this damn speeding ticket continue to make mike super happy till wednesday, stop crying, onfess this speeding ticket to my rental units, and just move on with life, i need to slow my life down.

David (Rapist Guy), Josh (Music Grad Student), Craig (Hot Sexy Buddy, Back UP Man), Jack (Moved to Orlando), Erich (Sailor Boi), Matt (Porn Star), Tony (ODU Professor), Mike (Marine), Dan (Political Guy, Big Dick, Quit Smoking), Brian (Chef, Small but Really Good), Brian (Pace University, FaceBook), Bobby (Grad Student in Jones, Red Head), Joe (Nashville, Army), Tom (Tommy's Ex, Animal Guy), Dustin (Hella Fast, Me All Over, Neighbors Heard)........ Dave (Water Skier, Rims), Scott (Comp Illiterate Freaky Guy), Dan (ASSHOLE guy to me and Steven), Yohe (Closeted Boi, OSU Radio Show), Gregg (2G's Political Analyst, Wine), Eric (Navy Guy on Princess Anne, Fake Maryland ID), Adam (Target, Went w/ Me to a Party at Jess'), Pete (Punk Ass Virgin), Mike (Opera Boi), Brett (Air Force, Sick, Puppy), John (Cute Boi From Back In High School), Robert (Gloucester Boy, Greatest Gay Guy EVER), Thomas (Purdue, Taylor Tower, SMU), Chris (Tall, really wet, on his lip), Ryan (Not Good, Bet, Shower, Annoying)

Marine...

So I dunno I realised that I am a very optimistic person, i tend to look and find the good in everyone, unfortunately I do it so much that I ignor the bad in people. Because I know everyone has good in them and everyone is a good person in some context but I forget that there are bad sides to everyone and people treat different people differently. So in my search of finding the good in people I over look the bad and the mistreatment some of those people lay upon me and I end up being used and abused because I don't handle it and stop it from the beginning. Many a time I wish I was cold hearted like other people so I wouldn't keep getting hurt so much but I think I just need to change my tactics and change how I handle people. Oh and I am not liking these pills I am on from the dermatologist because they make you have strong mood swings and very emotionally sensitive the simplest thing can make you happy, sad, angry, or bewildered. So it basically amplifies everything, so any and everything someone does for me or too me is either greatly appreciated more than usual, or greatly despised more than usual, so too many a great gift will be given for the happiness that is given too me, but watch out for the temper outbursts and anger management failure when you do me wrong. And 13 days till I leave VA, possibly for good!!!


PS~ totally forgot to write the reason why I wrote this I wrote this because of Mike F AKA Mike #2, anyways so mike was trying to get me to fight over him to win him from this other guy he likes chris, who to me is a fuckin loser, a druggie, treats mike bad, lives in a different city than mike, and doesn't even wanna help mike out when he needs him. So of course I help out mike and treat him good and am there for him. So the bitch actually wants me to fight over him and thats the only way I can have him is if I win him over, I'm like fuck that if you can't realize I am the better person thats your fault, in fact I know you know I am the better person you just still want me to fight over you cause you think its sexy and hot, well I wasn't about to let mike continue to treat me like shit because chris treats him like shit and is too much of a panzy to stick up for himself, well I am not too much of a panzy to stick up for myself. SO FUCK YOU MIKE! NEXT GUY IN LINE!

ok I was gonna go into detail about last night but decided not to, there is no pointits between me and God, but three letters P.S.M. thats all I gots to say as long as I got that I will remember it always.

So I guess people are either two extremes either slutty and and way too carefree, or relationship oriented but to thick headed and blind to budge on anything. I mean I am relationship oriented but make mistakes, i value everyone, dispite some flaws and time constraints, I mean I don't sit here and not have a summer relationship with someone I know isn't here for the rest of the time because you know what if you like someone you like them for them not what they can do for you or how much or how long the can satisfy you or your whims, I mean as long as its an emotional and heart felt bond and not a damn hookup and physical based interaction i think its of value. I mean I had a conversation tonight with a guy saying he loved someone because he was the most caring and hott person he has ever been with but because of one flaw, neither illegal, nor all that bad just a little weird, he wouldn't be with him, I mean if I loved someone I would be able to look past one flaw, especially since its not a character flaw or a physical flaw, its just a personal choice in how he likes to spend his time with someone, I mean, give him that little time each day to please him and you will be pleased with his care, love and good looks. So moral of the story is, is sometimes you just gotta give in, no one is perfect, no one maintains perfection or a level of perfection, sometimes we get better sometimes we get worse, as long as the backbone of the person is in good standing and what you seek, then that should be good enough.