[	Current Mood	|	calm	]
[	Current Music	|	mirame	]

I can't take English AP...da...It's too boring plus I feel like the outsider. I'm the only little person who's not in scholars...so fuck it. Maybe I'm making a big mistake by getting out of it but what can I do. I rathre have a C or B in English honors than a D or a F in AP.

1. French II: my teacher is crazy...I don't know anybody except el gordo chismoso!!

2. Chemistry: we don't have a teacher yet. But I have Willito, Juan, Julio...FUN ASS FUCK!!

3.Algebra: my teacher rocks!!! he's the coolest guy in the world.

4.History:it is hard, but I have Laura T with me and even though I feel weird I like it.

5. Intensive reading (FCAT): it's good but boring people. Ew...I have it with my two ex and my one of my brother's ex...so...what could you think!

6. ENGLISH AP SUCKS!!!: I hate it so much...

I would probably have a little change in monday. I'll have English (only honors) for 1st pd and French for 6th with Fosforito, Ashely...MA PLP!! LOL. I need to get out of my 56th pd now!!!

Luvz ya guys!!!!

NaTa...I love you..

Carol: I miss you

Lissette:...I hope everything it's goos over there!!

oh yeah...and today Chikys came to my house then my parents took us to aventura we saw a movie with cousin and Chiky's b.f. and had a lot of fun!!

[	Current Mood	|	thoughtful	]
[	Current Music	|	Mirame	]

I'm so bored...I gave up..I even had to watch Titanic again. This is like the 10000000000000000000 time I've seen it. This work is not fun anymore. For the ones who don't know I "take care" of a little old lady. But she's always in her big room...in which she has everything you want. Even a microwave!!! LoL..It's cool, and she's sweet! So all I have to do is sit in any room of the house watch TV or movies (they have all the movies in the world) and use the computer....but fuck...I've been here for like 3 hours and no1 gets online! I'm really bored...I don't wanna watch more TV...

I hope I can sleep tonight...we got a big day tomorrow! How sad....Beach High sucks....I don't wanna go! I hate it so bad. I have like this feeling in my stomach, like when u get scared. I guess I am scared...I'm not ready to go back. All I think about is that stupid FCAT shit...ah...I have to pass it now. And that English AP class which I can't take cuz I'm not smart enough to take...I feel dumb....How in the world am I gonna take English AP if I couldn't pass the stupid FCAT!! I hate it so bad! I hate FCAT. It's just another stressing shit....now we have the science one...guess what? I dunno shit from science. I haven't learned anything in the past 5 years. All I do is make this litlle projects and easy A's. That's it.  This world is going to end soon. Grown-ups want to kill us!!! LoL..I feel like a litlle girl. With a big imagination....no1 should take any kind os test aight?

I'm so hungry....I'm gonna look for something to eat!! But before some special comments..lol

Carol: I miss you a lot! I'm so proud of u!!!! lol

Nata.....wow..I'm gonna give you the biggest hug tomorrow! You're gonna look so sexy with ur read hair!

Lisa: dummy....too bad I can't see you =/

and something else

I LUV YOU PLP!!!=)

[	Current Mood	|	confused	]
[	Current Music	|	lo prohibido	]

pain, jealousy, confusion....friendship? this can't be!..

I miss him.....

I can't be with no1 else!!

I'm blocked out!

peace

[	Current Mood	|	triste	]
[	Current Music	|	nada	]

I’m going crazy right now. I think I need some psychological help. I wanted to see him so bad. He’s leaving tomorrow. There’s no more hope for me. There’s nothing I can do. I know everything happens for a reason. Maybe we’re not meant to be. But there’s this feeling inside of me. It makes me cry, it makes me really sad. I can’t even flirt with other cute guys. I can’t like another guy. He’s always on my mind. And I know he thinks about me too. He likes me too. We share the same feeling. But we can’t be together. Too much B.S, I gotta move on. I have to keep on with my life. I have to follow my own advice. No one dies from love. I’ll be alright. Even though it doesn’t seem like it.

Whatever…someone really special called me today. Mateo! Ah…he’s so sweet. I laughed a lot! And of course I talked to Rai Rai…aproposito! I wanted to say thankz! What you do everyday means a lot for me. You help me a lot. If it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be so strong.  We can talk for hours on the phone with you. It’s like I’m talking to myself. I feel comfortable telling you my crap. Today…was funny when my sister got crazy and started dancing! Lol…I really appreciate it Rai Rai…thankz for listening to me and make me happy! Don’t forget to call me tomorrow when you wake up! I need it so bad!

I wonder where is Carol? I miss her too. =/

I don’t write comments for Lisa cuz she doesn’t read my shit! But she’s nice too.

I wanna go to space!!

Peace out!

[	Current Mood	|	discontent	]
[	Current Music	|	No-Shakira	]

I’m so frustrated. One of my friends is feeling like crap and I can’t do anything to help her. There’s nothing I can do to make her feel better, to make her laugh and al least forget about it for a while. I kind of know how she feels inside. I wanna make her understand that it only depends on her to keep on like that. But she won’t. Maybe she’s right and I’m the one who can’t get all this because I’ve never loved someone the way she loves the other person. But still, every time she’s sad my heart gets broken and I get sad too.  I wanna give her back a little of what she has given me when I’ve been sad. Every time I’m sad she would listen to me no matter what, even if I sound boring with the same thing over and over again. She would yell at me, and I hate it. But then again I think, and it has actually made me stronger. I don’t wanna yell at her. She would get so mad and be even more upset than what she is now. I just don’t want her to be sad and move on. I want her to understand that she can’t live by that hope. She’s not living by it. She lives because she has life, and her life it’s not the other person even though she feels like it. I’m starting to sound pathetic. Well, I feel stupid. I want her to be happy. She doesn’t need anyone to be happy. She just needs to understand that love it’s not everything. Half of the world would be buried by now if love would happen to be the only thing we live for. Sorry Rai Rai…I’m really sorry that I can’t do anything to make you smile. You’re a great person. Don’t let yourself down. Everything is gonna be over soon and you’re gonna be happy. Trust me! Think about a good future! But start by making your present happy.

I LOVE YOU!!!

“¿Como evitar la tristeza? Hay momentos en que no sabemos qué decir, en que no encontramos la forma de ayudar, en que nuestro corazón se siente también tan triste... Pero a pesar de todo, estamos. Y si hemos reído juntos, igualmente juntos vamos a ver la esperanza porque hay una lección escondida en cada despedida y al descubrirla la vida nos sonreirá de nuevo.”

For first time in my life my dad is not talking to me! I feel free. Lol… it’s like a miracle. I should fight with him more often to see if he doesn’t talk to me ever again. I wish! Some people tell me I’m gonna regret this a lot. Am I? Well, I still don’t know. I’m gonna find out when he dies. But for now I don’t care cuz I really don’t feel like talking to him. He still treats me like crap so I don’t have anything to talk to him about.

Let’s move on. I’m scared. Something happened to Rai Rai…I couldn’t talk to her. It’s really bothering me. A lot! I can’t stop thinking what happened? =/

I read Carol’s lj. It made me think a lot. Sometimes I think I’m going crazy cuz I start thinking too much and things make no sense. Seriously life is sooooo confusing. i wanna give up sometimes. I’m not ready for all these!

I’m scared. I don’t wanna go back to school. I don’t like that ‘environment’ anymore. I changed so much over this summer. It’s really gonna be hard for me to get used to it. I’m so weak. I try to pretend and be all rough but deep inside anyone can break me up easily.

I miss him. I wanna see him. I like him a lot.

Love is blind. People around us might see all the mistakes of our love situation. But we can’t because we only see him/her. And what he/she makes us feels. Hope…that’s all we have sometimes. But that’s all we need to be happy.

I love you Rai Rai! Everything is gonna be OK

[	Current Mood	|	ecstatic	]
[	Current Music	|	Dia Especial -Shakira	]

Four days to go. He’s coming back on Tuesday. I hope I can see him on Wednesday because he’s leaving on Thursday.We’re going back to school in like two weeks. It sucks. I really wanna go back to Colombia. All I want is there. It’s a weird feeling. I never thought of going back. But now it’s like a necessity. I want it so bad. I wanna see my grandma. I miss her so much. I want to see all my friends, all the people I grew up with. For now I’m just gonna wait. Try to be patient. That’s all I can do anyway.

So yeah…the other day I got into a big fight with one of my friends cuz she’s in love with someone else and that someone else is an asshole with her. She was so sad. She even thinks of killing herself and stuff like that, which it’s pretty stupid because she doesn’t deserve it. Maybe I’ve never actually LOVED someone. But I don’t think I would die for someone either. Well maybe if that person feels the same way; I would of course, but not if the person treats me like shit. I think that for some people the whole love thing it’s just in their minds. They’re just insecure and they need a reason ‘to live’ so they get attached to someone else. However, love does exist and there are some lucky ass people who have met ‘the one’ and they can prove it. Anyways, there’s someone for everybody in this world. I’m sure of it. So…just let time show you the whole way around. And the reason why we first get hurt and suffer with stinky relationships is because we need to learn how to value what real love is. So when we have it we don’t loose it for stupid mistakes!!

Well...g2g

Peace out!

[	Current Mood	|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	|	No me digas que te espere	]

He’s leaving today to Los Angelesand not coming back until Tuesday. Then he stays two more days and goes back to Colombia. Hopefully I see him before that. If not, it might be better in a way but it’s obviously gonna suck because we are not gonna be able to kiss. Last night I couldn’t sleep at all. This is embarrassing but I cried a lot. I hate crying for guys. But this time I didn’t cry because he played me, or hurt me or did some shit like that. I cried because we like each other a lot and we want to be together and we simply CAN’T. I’m not gonna start a relationship with him, because even though I trust him I know it won’t work. Guys are weak, and he already had a life there. So I rather leave it like that and be just friends. Maybe that’s the best thing. I only hope we can actually keep on as friends. It would hurt me a lot if we don’t.

So yeah…enough about my love issues. Yesterday I had fun. I went to the movies with my dad, my mom, and my sister. We saw Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. At least I didn’t have nightmares. I had it with the old version. I think it was really cute and funny. We got home like at 10:30pm. And then I went online talked to him and went to sleep. I couldn’t really talk to him cuz my mom was like right in back of me with my dad and my sister. But at least he told me he loves me and he stole a picture of me from my cousin’s room and he’s gonna take it with him and sleep with it too. LoL…he’s so sweet.

 Rai Rai….only one more day to go!! =)

Carol….I’m so happy that I met you!! You’re even nicer than Rai Rai told me!!

Peace out!

“El valor de las cosas no esta en el tiempo que duransino en la intensidad con que suceden.”

Today I threw away all my memories. I threw away everyone’s letters (with some exceptions).

I did something I thought I couldn’t. I threw away the letters from the person I used to love and so many other people that meant a lot for me. I kind of feel better because it made me melancholy every time I read them. I used to remember so many details of our little love story. But now I don’t want that. I can’t keep on living of my past. I got to move on. I don’t wan to do that again. I need to leave everything where is supposed to be; N THE PAST. 

Now, I only have someone in my mind. I know we shouldn’t love each other. But we already do. Maybe Rai Rai is right. He’ll leave and I’ll forget about him. I might start liking someone else. But what if I don’t? What if I can’t ever have these feelings for someone again? I feel like I’m not. Maybe I’m wrong. I kinda felt like this before. But he got into me so fast. I like him a lot. All I can do it’s think about him. 

I’m dying inside. Again I’m falling down in this deep whole. I can see the light of the day. Nothing it’s worth it anymore because we can’t be together.

Ash…I sound pathetic.

Peace out*

[	Current Mood	|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	|	enseñame-RBD	]

Nobody reads this so I guess I'm just gonna write this for myself...how pathetic....

TaVo ...I LoVe YoU...

when we less expect it..it comes..it takes us somewhere.  Somewhere warm..where we forget and ...............

I'm trying to express myself..I wanna let him know how i feel...but I can't!!!

=(

[	Current Mood	|	frustrated	]
[	Current Music	|	No-Shakira	]

I hate love. Seriously, I don’t even know why I felt again.  I feel so stupid. I wasn’t supposed to like anyone. I was supposed to be myself. Me and only me! Not some stupid little kid whom I’m not gonna be able to see in about a year!!! I really hate it; the way he talks to me, the way he makes me laugh. Everything it’s just not fair. Whatever, I know that I’ll get through it and stop being so stupid. Rai Rai is right. I’m so weak. But it was his eyes that made me weak. It was his touch that made me fall. I ILKE HIM A LOT. But I hate this feeling so badI don’t want to go back to school now. So much work to do. Too much stress. Plus I don’t want to see certain people who are completely assholes. I can’t believe people could change so fast. DID I? DO YOU PEOPLE THINK I CHANGED? I did I guess. I see life completely different. And now I don’t believe in sex after marriage…guess why!

“No me jusgues no soy una de esas solo porque tengo una mente traviesa”

“No intentes disculparte,

no juegues a insistir

Las excusas ya existian antes de ti.

Voy a podirte que no vuelvas mas,

Siento que me duelas todavia aqui

Adentro!

Y que a tu edad sepas bien lo que es,

Romperle el corazon a alguien asi”

Siento tu mirar que quema mi alma</st1:place></st1:city>.

Siento nacer cuando rozamos la piel.

Siento morir cuando me alejo de ti.

Siento que estas aqui,

pero todavia solo me escucho a mi.

Siento que estas aqui pero todavia solo me escucho a mi.

Siento que nuestras miradas tienen algo en comun.

Siento que nuestro corazon busca la luz.

Siento haberte encontrado,

Pero creo que este amor no llega a ningun lado.

Tenia dueño,

y no hay mas remedio

que sentir el vacio que deja tu partida.

That’s something I wrote for the guy I like…I’m so pathetic.

Peace out!

[	Current Mood	|	crushed	]
[	Current Music	|	en tus pupilas	]

trankila yo no le digo a nadie mas pero porfa ensename yoc k estamos pensando en lo mismo y yo prefiero tambien k solo me ensenes a mi y a nadie mas pork eso es lo k kiero k me ensenes pero seguro ensename y ps tu sabes k kiero k me ensenes lo mismo k kreo k tu kieres k yo te ensene pero dime tu k kieres ensenarme plis

es mejos k solo me ensenes a

mi

tavo...

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[	Current Mood	|	crappy	]
[	Current Music	|	Desde que llegaste tu	]

You are scared to let other people get to know you better. You are scared I’m gonna hurt you like other people did. I won’t. Not a lot of people know me deep enough. But I’m not like that. I’m not good at making people suffer. The ones who I’ve actually shared my thoughts with might think I’m lying. Well…listen to me. I can’t hurt you. I wanna share my life with you. I want you to be in my memory. But I don’t wanna see you cry, I don’t want you to be jealous, I don’t want you to go crazy. I hate when you act so sarcastic, I hate when you don’t tell me the truth, I hate when you go and talk crap about me in my bag, I HATE WHEN YOU LIE. I hate when you try to make me think you love me. Knowing that you love someone else and you just wanna have fun. Stop playing with people’s feelings. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. Stop this game!

(A letter I wrote for someone who can’t see the reality. Too bad I don’t have the balls to give it to him=/ )

[	Current Mood	|	blank	]
[	Current Music	|	tus pupilas -Shakira	]

I’m so happy. I got Shakira’s last CD. “Fijacion oral”. It’s so good. The lyrics are awesome. I’ve been listening to it for the past 4 hours.

Today I ate this “pastel de pollo” that my aunt made which was really good. However, every time I eat I wanna throw up. It’s nasty. I can’t eat anything cuz I get al sick! But w/e I’m still eating. And no! I’m not having eating disorders. I just get like that sometimes!!

“NO TODO LO RICO ENGORDA Y NO TODO LO BUENO ES PECADO” Wow…that’s true. Can you imagine how many good things you can do and it’s not bad!

It’s raining again! I hope the power doesn’t go out again!! It was a nightmare last night and this morning!

“Quand tu me prends dans te bras

Quand je regarde dans tes yeux

Je vois qu’un Dieu existe

Ce n’est pas dur d’y croire”

So… I saw someone really special to me but my dad was there so too bad for me! My special person is really cute! I really like him!!! Not really…maybe it’s just a litlle crush!! However, I would love to kiss him! We’ll see what happens tomorrow aight?

Plp…I love you and I hope Rai Rai is feeling better…

Don’t hate!

Carol…I miss you too!

Yesterday was ok…I talked to my grandma and I got so happy when I heard her voice. Ah…she’s the best grandma in the whole world. I talk to my other aunt too. She’s pretty cool. They called to ask about my dad. Today he was gonna take this course about macrobiotic food. All he’s gonna eat now!! EW…Maybe I end up eating like that too…I should cuz I’m fat… = (

So anyways…today I woke up early to go to work. I wouldn’t really call this work because I’m only playing with a baby. But I got only $30!! That sucks!! I want more money!! That reminds me of that song that I love...la la la la la la la la la la money money money!!...lol…

I’m sooo happy! WoW! Rai Rai rocks!! Lol…I’m so proud of you paisita!!!

It’s kinda weird how I can get even happier when something good happens to some one else and not myself! w/e…I just hope the best for her…

So anyways…I’m mad cuz my friends went out to today and they didn’t bother to call me!  Fuck…people just never change. I feel stupid. I thought everything was ok between us. And then they are fucking hypocrites. Ah…that really gets me mad! I hate when plp lie!! Da……………….

w/e…enough madness!

I’m gonna have to buy headphones. Mines broke! =( well...one of them doesn’t work. Doesn’t that suck? I’m like addicted to my CD player since I broke my ipod.   My dad is gonna kill me when he finds out it end up on the pool. Lol…

I feel ok….I took a nap and it was so good. Unfortunely, I woke up thinking about something sad…are there limits to miss someone? Something? I don’t even know that I’m missing sometimes!! I just hope it comes back.

Da….i let u go now!!

Peace out!

[	Current Mood	|	depressed	]
[	Current Music	|	myself crying	]

I was so bored so I decided to write some of the stuff I wrote a couple of days ago! Actually like a month ago but w/e. I can’t rhyme the words well but at least I try…hope u don’t fall asleep!

“Life moves on” someone told me. But without you it doesn’t seem to work out. It seems like everything has stopped and there is nothing worth it now. Your presence was my meaning of living. Without you, I CAN’T MOVE ON Gothic'">ON</st1:state></st1:place>!

Mis ojos no han parado de llorar,

mi corazon no ha parado de sangrar,

mi alma no ha parado de esperarte.

Aun sin saber si volveras.

Cada noche miro las estrellas pensando en ti,

esperando que vuelas,

recordando los lindos momentos,

las promesas y por supuesto cada abrazo.

Ojala ALGO, mas no alguien,

haga que mi llanto ceda y mi corazon no muera.

Ojala ALGO, mas no alguien,

 me ayude a sobrevivir, a no perder la cabeza.

Porque creo que no hay manera de recuperar mi corazon.

Aquel que te llevaste junto a tu equipaje sin darte cuenta.

Ya pronto pasara.

Todo esta tristeza se ira.

Me acostumbrare a estar sin ti.

Tu estaras feliz.

Hasta depronto te olvidaras de mi.

Yo seguire con mi vida

y aprendere a vivir con el dolor de tu partida.

Aunque siempre se que va a estar el hilito de nuestra amistad.

Una amistad tan fuerte que la distancia no la destruira.

Nadie borrara los recuerdos.

Solo seguiremos adelante sabiendo que todo va a estar mejor,

mañana cuando la tristeza se vaya y me acostumbre a vivir con tu partida.

Que dias tan tristes,

Tan vacios y lluviosos.

Estos dias tan nublados me acuerdan del dolor,

de las lagrimas que he derramado,

de todo ese negro pasado que lleno mi alma.

Pero como dicen los sabios: “despues de la tormente siempre viene la calma”

El sol comienza a salir,

mi corazon empieza a reviver.

Yo estoy feliz.

FELIZ, gracias a ti.

Ojala pudieras entenderme

Ojala pudiera entenderte

Ojala pudieramos entendernos

Para asi resolver este misterio de no tenernos.

Tus palabras duelen,

Tu mirada quema

tu silencio mata

lo eres todo para mi

aunque no te pueda tener aqui.

Te vas con ella dejando en mi pecho tu huella.

Mi alma empieza a calmarze.

Pero despues mi corazon empieza a llamarte.

Al escucharlo lo estas lastimando.

Dejarte ir es lo unico que puedo hacer por mi.

Da…finally I’m finished.

I’m really sad cuz I’ve been fighting with my mom a lot! She said that she can’t stand me. That I’ve changed. Just b-cuz I fight with my sister but it’s not fair cuz she’s so annoying. I feel so sad..i’m so depressed. I don’t see a meaning of living anymore. Sometimes I don’t wanna live….I don’t wanna be here anymore!

[	Current Mood	|	indescribable	]
[	Current Music	|	no vuelvas a mi	]

Si llego hoy y no te encuentro, no sabre que hacer.

Si llego hoy y no te encuentro, loca me volvere.

Si llego hoy y no te encuentro, sola me quedare.

Si llego hoy y tu no estas aqui, pues que sera de mi?

[	Current Mood	|	weird	]
[	Current Music	|	Noche de travesuras	]

Creaste en mi una nueva ilusion

Me recordaste que existe el amor

Y aunque perdida estuvo mi alma

No volveras junto a mi

Tu Mirada no me engañara mas

Tus besos ya no saben igual

Otra mujer te roba el sueño ya

No eres mio, pero te quiero igual

No vuelvas a mi aunque te quiero

No vuelvas a mi aunque te extraño

Te necesito aqui

Pero tu amor ya no es para mi

Todavia me acuerdo de ti

Todavia siento que estas juanto a mi

Ni el tiempo ni el espacio podran borrar lo que me hiciste sonar

This days have been sad…and there’s even more sadness to come. But sometimes I want it to happen now.  I mean I don’t know what is worst…to know he’s gonna die or him dying with out knowing! I think is even worst to know is gonna happen. To know that this is gonna be the last days that I’m gonna be able to see him, to spend time with him, to BE WITH MY DAD. I can have so many friends. People who I’ve helped when they needed it! And now that I need it…they’re not there. There’s nothing people can say, I know..but they don’t care. I’m tired of caring too much about plp…

w/e. I don’t know why I wrote that song…it’s not happening to me. I really don’t like anyone now. I don’t think I have time for someone write now.

Ddddddddaaaaaaaaaa…school is gonna be hard as fuck…I’m definitely not taking Engilsh AP. Maybe I have a chance to have it with my other friends!! LolL…I wonder what teachers I’ll have! And I wonder who am I gonna have for my French class.

W/e..G2g now! My friend just called me to go the pool!

Luvz ya plp…(Carol, Rai Rai…..evrybody)

Muahz!

[	Current Mood	|	depressed	]
[	Current Music	|	incomplete	]

Me dan muchas ganas de llorar.

Siento un vacio inmenso.

Me pregunto si le pasa a alguien mas.

Alguien siente lo que siento?

Habran limites para extrañar?

Que es lo que en verdad extraño?

Muchas veces siento que no soy yo.

Depronto me perdi en un laberitno y mi corazon no ha podido encontrar la salida.

Se que la encontrara,

Desgraciadamente muchas veces me hundo demasiado

y toda la pesadilla se vuelve realidad

LE TENGO MIEDO A LA REALIDAD!

My dad is sick…the doctors told him he doesn’t have much time left! And I’m still fighting with him 24/7. I can’t stand him! I know this sounds crazy but if he’s gonna die I want it o be now…Not because he bothers me but because I can’t leave with this thing on my head. I can’t live with that big question killing me! What would happen to me? How is it gonna happen? My mom and my sister? How would they take it? How is it gonna be for me? I don’t know what to think about life anymore. It’s just so unfair and so hard…I wish I could be the one who “leaves” but not the one who stays with the whole responsibility! Cuz I guess that’s why I’m so afraid…cuz I’m gonna have the whole responsibility! Uhm..I can’t even cook!! =/ Would I still be able to go to college? Would I still be able to make my dreams come true? I guess I don’t have dreams anymore. I’m cold hearted! I can’t trust plp… (except a few and they know who they are cuz they’re gonna be reading this)

I don’t even know who I am anymore. I’m so sad…I don’t wanna do shit..i don’t want anything anymore!

Carol…sorry I didn’t write the whole thing. I just can’t think about it anymore! Even though it’s still on my mind it just kills me every time I talk about it… But anyways thanks for reading this! Luvz ya!!! Ps= I know there’s nothing you can say now…just talk to me and that would help me feel better! Thank you!!