Edith (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} stained_star) wrote,@ 2007-08-15 00:46:00 |
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at long last, another update
Dear Everyone,
I’m so sorry I haven’t updated in so long. It is really difficult to find the time. Let’s see… since my return to Kathmandu I have had a really great time. I have taken part in a common friendship ritual here called a ‘meet’. It is a religious and cultural ceremony binding two friends together for life. Many many Nepali people have a ‘meet saathi’, or a meet friend. Biju’s sister-in-law performed the ceremony, as she is from the Brahmin (or priest) caste. It was so beautiful and so much fun, lots of dancing, gift exchanging, and eating. In order to be official Meet friends we had to stand with a cloth between us. Biju’s sister-in-law, Bauju, blessed us each three times on the forehead. Then we blessed each other over the cloth three times. Then we passed gifts, especially clothes, three times under the cloth between us. And lastly, someone on either side took our heads and put our foreheads together three times. I must say, by the third time it felt more like a bang than a touch and my head hurt.
Finally the cloth was removed and we were allowed to see each other, and of course give each other a big hug. Photos were taken, and then we were seated side by side in chairs and the guests (about 20) lined up to give us blessing on the forehead, and a gift (usually money). Then more pictures were taken. After the ceremonial gift giving, we were allowed to eat. My Meetini (or meet friend) and I were given food first. We each ate a bite from our own plate, and then from each other’s. This is called sharing ‘jutho’ food, or polluted food, which is only allowed between the closest of family members, for example, mother and child or husband and wife. Then we fed each other sweets from our fingers. There was a lot of dancing then, and finally we were allowed to see the gifts we had given to each other.
So what does making a meet really mean? Traditionally it was a Hindu custom linking to people from different castes for life. Whichever Meet friend died first, he or she would lead the other to the afterlife. Originally this was a very formal relationship, meet friends could not share a room when sleeping at night and could not joke casually with one another. Two meet friends are considered by their respective families to be the same person, that is my meetini’s mother now considers me her daughter, my sister now considers my meetini her own sister, etc. A meet friend must do anything in their power to grant the request of their meet. And finally, meet friends must never say the name of their meet, especially in front of one another. For example, my meetini’s name is Saba, but from now on I can only call her Meetini.
My meetini and I have kept most of these rules but changed some as well. We are an unorthodox meet pair as it is, neither of us being Hindu by birth. We joke with one another and share a bed, but for the most part we keep to the other rules. We added our own as well. We promised always to tell one another if the other has done something to upset us, and never to break the bond of our friendship.
I was truly happy that night. I stayed four days with my ‘meet’ family. I now call her family by family terms, such as ‘meet aamaa’ (meet-mother), and ‘meet-didi’ (meet-sister). I now have 3 older meet sisters and one older meet-brother, as well as a slew of meet-nephews. After the ceremony the children were all sat down and told ‘this is your aunty now. You must call her Samjhana-aunty from now on.’ My meetini’s mother is also very kind. She is always saying to me: don’t be shy, this is your house too now.’ I feel very shy about it all but also very pleased.
One of my meet-sisters, Toshi, is also our good friend. The three of us go around everywhere together. She has a scooter and I like riding with her. We went swimming in a pool and I gave them a swimming lesson. My meet-sisters and my meetini run a school together. I visited the school and watched my meetini teach. I was very proud, she is a very good teacher, stern but kind. The organizer of my program three years ago is my meetini’s sister-in-law, now my meet sister-in-law. Her Nepali is about as good as mine, and we enjoy chatting in English. They are a Muslim family, and moderately strict. At times it was difficult to adjust to new rules. I am comfortable with Hinduism, so comfortable in fact that I often consider it very close to my own beliefs in some ways. Islam is foreign to me, but I tried my best to follow the rules and respect all differences. My meetini calls me ‘gyani’, meaning I’m a very good person.
Yesterday I came back to Biju-didi’s and it was a relief to be home, even though I enjoyed my time with my Meet family very much. Biju was very happy to see me. We plan to go by cable car to a temple high in the mountains, to do ‘pujaa’ (worship). I want to thank the universe and the god within myself for all of the blessings I have been given. When I’m here I am always surrounded by family, always given so much love. With my meetini I laugh and giggle and share my heart. I’ve made many new friends. I have finished my shopping for everyone at home too, for the most part.
Also, I dyed my hair black. This one thing has made a huge difference because everyone now thinks I’m Nepali at first glance. In one of my meetini’s classes, the professor asked if I was a new student. She said ‘yes, this is my meetini from America’. He said ‘what?? I thought she was Bahuni!’ (Bahun, or Brahmin, is the highest Nepali caste, and the lightest-skinned.) I have been mistaken in stores and on the street for Nepali. Biju tells me that when people walk by me she can hear them discussing me among themselves; “We can’t tell if that girl is Nepali or foreigner!” My Nepali language is also improving, although my frustration is growing as I want to understand everything being said around me. But it takes time. My meetini’s family’s Nepali is particularly hard for me to follow. They speak in slang, much more casually than Biju or Laxmi. They continuously compliment me on my ‘proper’ Nepali and my meetini always says she wants to speak like us.
The weather here is either hot (in the mid to upper 80s) and sunny or overcast and in the 70s. Every day it usually rains for a short time. I usually eat rice, lentils, and vegetable curry twice a day every day. Sometimes roti, a round flat bread, or when we go out I eat momo (dumpling). I’ve had no problems with stomach upset or illness (knock on wood). I am often tired and take naps, probably just the strain from being immersed in a different culture. But I am happy.
Sarah has reached home safely and is trying to recover from jetlag. Her luggage was lost for a time but it has arrived now. We miss her here but it was a good time and she was able to get started on her research project about a certain ethnic group living in Nepal.
Things I miss: white toilets, hot showers, dry bathroom floors, knowing there will be toilet paper in the bathroom, washers and dryers, brushing my teeth in a sink, doing karate, mochas and red bulls, movies and TV in English, and driving.
Today is Biju-didi’s 32nd birthday. Tonight we will have a small party with Janak’s family and tomorrow we will celebrate with Biju’s family. I particularly love Biju’s family, they are a lot of fun. Only 6 days until I leave Nepal, and in some ways I’m dreading it. But to see all of your faces again will make it better. So much love to all of you, especially: Mom, Grandma, Missy, Brie, Laxmi-didi, Mike, Devi, and Cleo. I think about all of you all the time and hope you are as well as I am.
