Behind · these · eyes · lies · a · fountain · of · pain...

This journal is old. I've had it since 2004. Since then A LOT has happened, more than I care to remember in some respects. I just want something fresh, something untainted. To all my friends, go here and add me if you want. This journal is now defunct.

xxyamatexx

Weezer - Burndt Jamb


Gothic flavor,
How I miss you.
If I only
Once could kiss you.

I'd be happpy
For one moment
Of my lifetime
I'd be there.

And the water
Running over
Me is growing
Ever colder.

Make me happy
For one moment
Of my lifetime
I'd be there.

(Solox2)

Make me happy
For one moment
Of my lifetime
I'd be there.

--------------------------------------

I'm peacing out for the weekend to a far off land known to only native Nor-Cals as "The City". See you in a few days, this is my free time!

Just letting everyone know out there that I am no longer responding to personal emails for the time being. I will only check my mail for spam and billing statements, everything else will be trashed so please feel free to contact me in person, over the phone...if you know my number aaaannnndddd you think I would want to talk to you. You know who y'all are.

Nila

Okay, I'm getting specific here but it's really for the organization of my thoughts, I hate having little odds and ends running loose in my mind:

Music:
Fake Plastic Machines
Jeff Buckley - Grace
Regina Spektor - Begin To Hope and Soviet Kitsch
Air - Late Night Tales (THEY HAVE A NEW ALBUM)
Shiina Ringo's new solo album (to be released in February)
Fiona Apple, anything aside from When The Pawn...
Cornelius (Keigo Oyamada)

Books:
Middlesex - Jeffrey Eugenides
Anything by Junichiro Tanizaki except for Naomi
Romeo & Juliet OST
Great Expectations OST
Cruel Intentions OST
The Swimming Pool (La Piscine on Amazon.fr) OST

DVDs:
Fruits Basket Boxed Set
Invader Zim Boxed Set
The Devil Wears Prada
Any movie I like but don't yet own...(nice and open-ended, no?)

Computer Games:
The Sims: Open For Business, Pets, Glamour Life, Family Stuff

Misc:
Robot Fleece Blanket at Old Navy (Blue and Green)
Sephora Gift Card
Money for shopping at H&M, Anthropologie, and Urban Outfitters
TriDelta clothing
My cat, Zero, groomed.

Looking out the door I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners
Parading in a wake of sad relations as their shoes fill up with water
And maybe Im too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight youre on my mind so you never know

When Im broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage hes done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So Ill wait for you... and Ill burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

Its never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
Its never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
Its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
Its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And Im much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage Ive done
Sweet lover, you shouldve come over
Oh, love well Im waiting for you

Lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Sara's friend she lost her mind
She left him and made it look sexy now
I fear you won't be far behind
Thinking I'll be the next to leave
I know I might be anxious
But I'm still not crazy

And I don't need another kind of green to know I'm on the right side with you

I used to be the one you saw
When crying alone to sad songs
But then we go and we hit the wall
When nothing has changed and nothing's wrong
You're not the perfect hand
But I don’t hit on nineteen

And I don't need another kind of green to know
I'm on the right side
I'm on the right side with you
With you

So go and drift away from me
Adopt some new philosophy
That doesn't hold the two of us in mind
Move into someone else's place
Stare into some other's eyes
But slowly only come to realize

That you didn't need another kind of green to know
I'm on the right side
You’re on the right side
I’m on the right side with you
Oh, I was on the right side
You don’t need to lose to know that you had it good
You don’t need to lose it to know that you had it good
You don’t need to lose it to know that you had it
Know that you had it
Know that you had it
Don’t need to lose it to know that you had it good

Ok, who wants to buy me an 80GB iPod for x-mas? I know it's horridly excessive but a steal at only $349! Now don't you all go rush and buy me one all at once. Sheesh.

PS. The black one, please with Japanese engraving saying: やまて！　or しょうがない！

Hmmm....

"Hey boys, here's a tip, when you get a girl, don't lose your goddamn personality to her and utterly rewrite yourself. You have identity outside of your love life. No seriously. Ideally, the major reason she's with you is because she likes you for who you are, and therefore you shouldn't have to change yourself at all. Yes, some changes will happen, that's life. But not TONS of changes.

So keep your identity, even if it means staying single."

In my fit of paranoia I have a strange feeling this post by a girl (that shall remain anonymous) is somehow directed at me/my boyfriend. I think it's a stupid statement personally if in fact it does pertain to the subject I think it does. I don't know Earthbound, wow. It's a fucking computer game. Can't we all agree there is a little more to love than similarities in hobbies? For me it's always been a mental connection. I personally enjoy a person that opposes me in a lot of aspects, it keeps me on my toes, I LEARN something new. If I wanted to date someone exactly like me then I would be genetically cloned and have my gender switched to male. If that is what love is than I suppose that would be the epitome of happiness. That is so shallow and I can't help but feel this person above is a bit threatened or in the least just plain doesn't like me because I am not a huge gamer nerd. Well damn. How about you let people love who they want to love and don't make it your lame business to oversee match-making via the internet. That's just my two-cents.