Oh Vh1 reality programming, how I hate you.

You had me initially with The Surreal Life. I despised reality programming, but this was intentionally campy, which I kind of grew to like. Then, you spat out Strange Love. I didn't buy into that one. Flava Flav and Bridgette Nielsen are not a pair I wanted to see. So, you lured me in, rather, with Flavor of Love. How could anyone love this guy? You did, verily, show me how. I thought it was over, but then, you begat Flavor of Love 2. Right after that, you hit me in the face with Rock of Love. How was I to fight off this onslaught of celebrity dating? I couldn't. More "of Love's" followed. I felt my needs declining. Charm School: Flavor of Love Girls was, I thought, the end of it all. However, you pulled a fast one on me. As I felt that the reality joy was finally over, you hit me with I Love Money, which was a neat concept, but not enough to really grasp me.

Then, tonight, you threw in a three hit combo. Charm School: Rock of Love Girls, The Pickup Artist, and Real Chance at Love all so close together? I've fallen and I can't get up.

Shame on you, Vh1. Shame on you for forcing me to watch this brain-melting drivel. Keep it coming. I'm like Dubya playing Command and Conquer, now.

=(

Facebook has changed my last name. I have won. I'm now Gay again.

..wait

I have the weirdest dreams about people I haven't seen or talked to in ages.

Taco Bell? Really?

Really, who the hell has to lie about their age on Facebook?

There's this guy that I went to school with in 4th and 5th grade. Currently, he's listing his birthdate as being in 1988. If that were true, that'd put him at being 20 right now. So, explain to me how this guy, who fucked up A LOT when in my class, graduates so young? He's listed as a MGCCC alum of 2006, and that's awesome. If you spend four years in college, then that makes sense if you're in my graduating class. 2002.

So, let's do some math. You take 2002 and subtract 1988 from it. That gives you 14. So, this guy wants you to believe he was 14 when he graduated from high school. Some kids do. Some home schooled kids do. But this guy was a little bit of a discipline problem. It's very doubtful that this guy graduated that young. I started school a year early. I was 17 at the time of the Class of 2002 graduation.

What I'm getting at is that I think it's pretty sad that this guy has to lie about his age. I mean, I just don't understand why. I get why girls lie about their age sometimes, but guys? ...c'mon, man, that's just ridiculous.

Almost as ridiculous as someone actually taking time to think this thing out. Ugh..

Ahhh ha ha ha.

White Elite, a sleeper. 60 is the new 120.

Just repaying the favor, MS.

Found on Craigslist.com


My women
Date: 2008-08-13, 6:40AM EDT


Laura. You were hot. I was not. You let me fuck you because I was funny. Thank you.

Kim. We smoked a lot of weed and drank all the time. I don't remember much.

Sarah. You were hot. But a total bitch. I could have done better. You treated me like shit. I put up with it because you had a great vagina. Beautiful.

Another Kim. You thought you were smart. You weren't. I was bored.

Charlee. I liked your name and the way it was spelled.

Rachel. You were really sweet and nice. Stop emailing me. It's been fifteen years. It's creeping me out and pissing off my wife. Fucking classmates.com.

Megan. I wanted you since highschool. I was kinda dissapointed when it happened.

Jennifer. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell were you thinking? You smelled kinda funny too. Your dad was a dick.

Jill. You had HUGE nipples. Couldn't feel a thing though. Shame all that nippleage going to waste.

Michelle. You were a drug addict. You have to be pretty fucked up for me of all people to say that.

Another Megan. I lost your number.

Laura. I did it for the novelty of going out with a girl that I went out with ten years before. You were still hot. I got kinda hot. We were better matched. Thanks again. Sorry I dumped you. You were a shitty tipper. I had no choice. Some handsome and cool shitty tipping guy probably grabbed you. Or some funny wanker.

Another another Megan. I've dated a lot of Megans. This one was no prize.

Debby. You were really smart except you had no self esteem. Be careful or some asshole is going to own you and that would be sad. You're smart and pretty and have great tits. Smaller tits can be awesome too.

Sophia. Liked your name. Liked that you worked out a lot. You seemed nice but you fucked up my credit. User.

Andrea. You had that adorable petit look that I can only call the "Penelope Cruz" look. Too bad you didn't have her personality.

Emily. NOBODY FUCKING CARES YOUR FAMILY IS RICH. You'd be okay if you were not preoccupied with wealth you did not personally aquire.

Dr. Sanderson. You worked to much. You were kinda cold. I thought you were cool though but you are so career motivated you probably did not give a shit about anything else. I got drunk once and thought about asking you to marry me though. I still wonder if you would have.

Elizabeth. You are my wife. My wife is perfect. My life is perfect.

Violet. You are my daughter. When I looked in on you tonight I had that rush of feeling so strong that a shiver went through my whole body and I had to move my hands really quickly to dissipate it's physical effect. Before I met you I was a "kids are no big deal, everyone's got kids and they're not that fucking special" kinda guy. You fucking ruined me. I'm gay for kids now. I love you so much baby.

My unborn 6 month old fetal daughter. If you come out retarded or ugly as shit I'll still love and protect you.
-----------------------------------------


In five years, I will make this exact same list.

Industrial. That's me.

I need to get ahold of a T6 Torx wrench. If you have one I can borrow for a grand total of ten minutes, let me know.

Really, I hope someone might have one, *cough*Jason*cough*. I've solved my hard drive problem!!!

CableOne busted me tonight for downloading a movie.

Jaws.

180 movies, and they get me for fucking Jaws. Are you serious?

The Xbox is gone. It was starting to shit out on me, so I took it to gameStop before it had a chance to. Traded it in and paid the difference on the new 60GB model. I wound up spending about an extra $200, but really, it kind of balances out when you think about how much I saved by not going and buying a whole new system after mine shat out on me.

That's really all. Nothing exciting today.

I'm highly considering getting my eyebrow re-pierced. I really miss it, and getting my ear done was more of an encouragement than a deterrent. All I really would need to do is order a bioplast stopper to put in instantaneously, and let it heal with that in, so work doesn't get pissy. Once it's properly healed, I could put the actual ring in. I don't know why I do this. Really, I know that in ten years this won't matter, and neither will be in my head anymore. Eh. It's fun anyhow.

I'm currently in the process of dodging Lisa. She's in the process of being removed from her place, and she keeps asking me for rides and so forth. This is going to lead to her asking to stay at my house for awhile. I guess the right thing to do would be to say Okay, but I just can't bring myself to do it. Something about being 24 and having a 46 year old living with you...I dunno. I think it's just overall it'd bother me. I've written about her a million times, so I don't need to go into detail. Needless to say, she's pressuring me. "I need a ride, I know you're at work but hopefully tomorrow you can do it. If not then I guess I'll just try to find someone else to help me find somewhere to live." Ugh. Seriously, I know you're supposed to take care of family, but I just don't think that I should be trying to find housing and so forth for her. She's a grown woman. Anyhow...

Capcom's developing a CGI Resident Evil movie that actually follows the RE storyline. Bitchin'! Resident Evil Degeneration's going to be sick.

I guess I need to go to bed now. Smoothies are an awesome breakfast, and I wanna go get one before work tomorrow. I'm most likely going to be bored, since it's a Monday, so if you get a random text, don't be surprised.

So, I'm almost through getting this cd called Karmacode by Lacuna Coil. Man, that's one good thing about Rock Band and Guitar Hero...they're good at introducing people to music you may otherwise not have heard. Our Truth is on RB2 and I'm pretty sure I'm going to wear that song out like I did Monsoon with RB1.

Dude, honestly...how hard is it to get ahold of a batman license plate?

Holy crap, Charles is awesome. Charles is my direct manager, affectionately known as Papa Bear.

( Papa Bear after the cut )
That's Charles on the right. Seriously, he's friggin' awesome. I went in to work today to see when I work tomorrow, as I'm returning from vacation. Turns out, Charles gave me tomorrow AND Saturday off, as well. So, it's like Christmas. An extra day off.

It's something small, but was a huge bright-spot for my day.

Okay, so the Zune 3.0 update is out. It's free, and unlike some OTHER mp3 player vendors who remain nameless, it's provided to the 1st and 2nd gen players as well.

Buy from FM
Tune into your favorite stations while on the go. Hear a song you like? Tag it for later purchase.

Browse Zune Marketplace wirelessly
Near a wireless hotspot? Shop for music and more right from your player.

Social in the software
Mark favorite tracks, update your profile, change your status, search for other members... all from within the software.

Mixview, Just for You, and Now Playing
Dynamic representations of your collection, as well as artist and song recommendations based on what you and other members of the Social are listening to.

Rich search functionality
Zune software will offer you suggestions as you type, helping you find the name of an artist or band even if you don't know the correct spelling.

Social in the software
Set your favorite tracks, update your profile, change your status, and search for other Social members — all from within the software.

Browse Zune Marketplace wirelessly
Download music directly to your Zune: at home, at a café… wherever there's a wireless hotspot.

New Zune Originals
Even more designs for you to personalize your Zune.

Zune Channels
Combining the best features of podcasts and playlists, subscribe to channels by Billboard, The FADER, and radio stations like KROQ and KEXP.

Games
I think that this is how they're testing to see if they should even try to develop a hand-held gaming system. The new devices come preloaded with Texas hold 'em and Hexic. If you download the update, it comes with them as well. Not the HD graphics that Xbox Live's version uses, but it's still pretty neat.

Audiobooks
Self explanatory...audiobooks on your Zune, from Audible.com and OverDrive.

Clock
You'll never again wonder what time it is.

Paul Newman passed away yesterday. One of the actors from the "Golden Generation" of Hollywood. I've only seen two movies (offhand) of his, one of them being Cars and the other being Road to Perdition.

I wonder why when someone famous passes away, everyone feels the need to let everybody else know, but if its someone that's not famous at all, it's like it never happened...

WifeSwap is friggin' awesome!

It's always fun putting people whose lifestyles are different together and seeing how they clash.

Dance puppets...dance.

Yesterday was Florida, today is Slidell (fucking Louisiana...) and tomorrow's a day at home of just relaxation.

Lego Batman's pretty good. I rented that one yesterday. I bought Resistance: Fall of Man the other day because I hear it's good, and you can't beat $20. I haven't played my PS3 a whole lot and need to start working on Ninja Gaiden some, too. I got Forza Motorsport 2 last week and haven't played that much, and got Rock Band 2 this past weekend, not to mention I'm trying to get a copy of Need for Speed: Most Wanted to play, though I may just try to borrow that one from Nic today. I've bought a bunch of games and don't ever have time to play them because I'm too busy either at work or trying to get out and do something. So, the question is, why buy them? I think it's because I used to never be able to afford games and stuff when I was a kid, so this is kind of me catching up. At least when I'm diagnosed with brain cancer, or lose both of my legs and am rendered disabled, I'll have something to do...

Today starts my vacation, which is well deserved. In seven days, I've worked 72 and a half hours.

So, tonight's going to be a night of just hanging out and hopefully going to see Righteous Kill. We'll see where it goes.

So, Louisiana....man, I really don't like that state. Everyone there is really rude, and the roadways are confusing as hell. I mean, seriously, how are you going to have two and three bridges overlapping each other?

Prime example of Louisiana's suckiness: I'm leaving for home. It's about 3am. I stop by a gas station to fill up. So, first thing I do is get some breakfast. Vitamin water and a sausage, egg and cheese bagel. I go up the to register and set it on the counter, asking the guy how he's doing. He doesn't say a word, so I say, "I'm doing good too." I pay for it and ask the guy (who looks like he should be wearing a helmet and kneepads anyways) if they have a microwave. He looks at me for a second, then looks down and points behind him. I go heat up the bagel and walk outside to start pumping gas. The Rhodes Scholar working the register didn't program the pump yet, though. I walk back in and he says, "Try it now!" ...kay. So, I go out there, and it's finally working. The whole experience had me a little miffed, but I figured "Screw it." I was leaving that sinking hell anyhow.

So, I get home and get a few hours of sleep. I wake up and decide that today's the day I'm getting my ear pierced. I had an eyebrow ring that work made me take out, so I asked if a cartilage piercing would be on the "No-No" list. They said it was okay, so I went ahead and did it. The piercing itself really doesn't hurt that much. I mean, if you pinch your ear with your fingernail, that's about what it feels like. It's the after-stuff that hurts. The piercing builds up some crust (bodily fluids trying to repair the damaged tissues) that you have to scrape off while cleaning it. The problem is, you have to pull some of it out of the ear by rotating the ring. So, that hurts kinda bad. And not being able to sleep on it's kind of a drag, too. But, the overall end result, I'm happy with. I think it looks kinda neat. I probably should shave and get a haircut next time I try to take a picture, but eh..
( bling bling )

I'm HOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy shit, Louisiana sucks freakin' ass. Explain later.

its worth noting that I haven't had the net at all this week because the assbag employees at this hotel won't fix the whiffee (wifi)

Its of more note that tonight is, in fact, my last night in Poo-isiana