When we first moved here, I was a first time mom with a 6 week old. So you can imagine why this picture disturbed me when I drove off post the first time.

No kidding, I gasped & went cold for a second, then realized that she was in the back sleeping peacefully.
This sign that follows it shows its intended purpose.

Dejected man.
I made Katie lean out the window last night & take these pictures for me. I've been meaning to get them on camera ever since we moved.
Other things on my Germany to do list? Buy a dirndl.
Done.

More dirndl cuteness behind the cut.
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Alright, faithful family of readers (all 5 of you). The foundation I've been working with is finally approved & off the ground running.
The War Eagle Foundation has a website detailing our goals and needs. We don't have a return date for our soldiers but we are working hard to have things ready EARLY for the just in case factor. (I'm a pessimist so my counters are set for the absolute latest.) The "how you can help" link details ways you can get involved if you're interested.
Please check out the website! thanks!
www.wareaglefoundation.org

"You must have been running," my mom says to me, when I finally answer the phone on the 2nd time she's called.
"Um, no?" I reply.
"Oh, cause you're out of breath."
"That's because my cat got out and there's a spider by the door and I had to find the phone." This is not the best description of why I was out of breath but it is the most concise.
The back story is that I didn't call my mother back because the phone call that I had been waiting for when she called at 8:15pm finally came through at 8:45pm & I had just gotten off. At 10:00pm. My home phone had been dying, in the middle of a stressful phone call, adding to my stress. (BEEP BEEP it insisted. HANG UP NOW it said. NOWNOW it said. All while I was trying to fix emotional issues and bring peace to my little corner of the world.) My cell phone, that I told my mom to call me on b/c my home phone was dying, was lost.
This was the spider by the door: (Please note his HUMONGOUS size, relative to my doorbell)

This was my cat hiding & staying where I couldn't reach her (she normally just eats grass & stays accessible):

(She's still out there. I gave up & came inside. She'll either meow when she's come out or she'll spend a cold night outside.)

All this at 10 pm & my day has been so CRAZY BUSY that I still haven't eaten dinner. And given the choice between writing this & eating dinner? I chose this. Because I need some stress relief and pointing out the ridiculous in my life helps my stress. I think. It at least puts a finger on why I'm stressed.
My day prior to my 10pm fall apart moment?
It started with my screwup. Thirty days ago, I miswrote the date I needed CDC care as the 15th from 9-5 not what I needed, the 14th from 9-5. I caught this 10 days ago & asked for the 14th from 9-5. No room. At all. Not even a little bit. (They could get her in from 8-9 am, would that help? Um, no, thanks.) I had 1 meeting this morning at 9. (She was a perfect, sticky angel, thanks to a lollipop bribe from "Mrs. Nic-ole" (that's how she says it)) I had another meeting from 10 - 11:30. (She was pretty good, watching tv & playing with Briana's toys. Yes, Briana was in school b/c her mommy has her life together. She got a little whiny near lunchtime.) I had a third meeting at 12. (She was only good while I kept supporting her ketchup addiction. Then she demanded to go home.) I had a fourth meeting while she was napping after lunch. (This was really a continuation of the 10 - 11:30 meeting.) I had a fifth meeting at 4:30, after she had her nap & got to play in the backyard with the boys & girls (Alexis & Madison have returned from the states). (She was good at this meeting for the first hour. The second hour she was clingy and the last half hour she was demanding to go home, but then, so was I.)
Yes, it's been a stressful day. Dragging Elena to meeting after meeting was not something I want to ever do again. So, I'll be making my CDC requests & checking them twice. (Plus it's part of my Flylady morning routine now.)
But this is my reward for keeping my dining room table clean.

Elena & I cut these Gladiolas (sp?) in a field nearby where you drop money in a bucket and cut your own. She picked each color. The vase is my 9 euro treat to myself from the Graf crystal shop. It's also my challenge to keep the table clean so I can have nice flowers from time to time. And yes, my sink is shiny. :)

Update: 10:50pm. I'm a little disturbed. I finally got the cat inside, but the spider has disappeared. Seriously hoping he didn't sneak inside.

I really wish there was an imdb poster for this movie. Instead, all there is, is this user review:
"Aside from some gratuitous topless scenes and a few double entendres, Gas Pump Girls is a surprisingly sweet little film about five teenage girls, their boyfriends, and a goofy motorcycle gang taking on the big bad Pyramid Petroleum Company in beautiful downtown Sacramento. The talents of old timers Huntz Hall, Joe E. Ross, and Mike Mazurki are sadly wasted, but the film manages to provide 90 minutes of relatively painless entertainment. Even the wretched original songs work in the post-Grease context of this low budget musical comedy. "Ooo wah ooh wah...ooh wah ooh wah...your mother is an ooo wah" indeed! "
This is what I had been missing, not having cable! This is the 9pm movie on the MGM channel.

I should feel accomplished. I've done some FRG work, I've mopped my kitchen, and most time consuming of all, sorted our important paperwork (a job that hadn't been done in 2 years - i'd just shoved them into a box). Instead I feel vaguely nervous & guilty but can't pinpoint why. I feel as though I've neglected to do something or done something wrong. And I'm really counting on getting bed early so I hope I'm able to sleep. E's been up before 6 two mornings in a row now.

Oh, look. I find now that they've released this on DVD.

Just for reference, here's a list of truely good movies that have not been released on DVD yet. http://www.tcm.com/top/notondvd/
And for comparison, Turner Classic Movies is showing SHAFT right now. Nice timing, TCM. (Believe it or not, it was already on schedule.)

One of my friends is crazy about the olympics. She is partly excited about the fact that equestrian events will be featured (a rarity on television) and partly fascinated by all the strange events.
Last night at the party she sucked me into it. (I was temporarily inside eating sweets and avoiding the bees.)
So this morning I turn it on, hoping to catch one of the bizarre things she described.
Instead it's synchronized diving, which is pretty incredible.
And Eurosport features British commentators.
"Don't want to spoil the competition by making contact"
- diving commentator, in reference to a chinese diver coming a little close to the board on a jump.
I love the British ability to master the understatement!

Watched burn notice on hulu during naptime. Then, amazingly, she's still asleep so there was time for clips like this one.

Work started back today in earnest and I already feel behind the curve. And it's a part time job, y'all! (I also already feel like my clean house will escape. part time job yes, but it comes in odd and interrupting chunks of time)
Yesterday & today I taught my 2 standard AFTB level 1 classes. There were only 5 students, but between those two classes, and one this evening, I'm wiped out. Every time I start back to teaching I'm reminded that I'm an introvert & it takes a lot of energy for me to "perform" cause that's sort of how I view teaching. But all that remembered and I still miss being in the classroom with high school kids. It'll probably be a long time before I do anything more than just substitute or volunteer in a classroom.
Today's AFTB was on education and on the drive home I started feeling panicky about the upcoming move. We don't know where we're going so I can't begin to research where Elena should go to preschool but she's eligible for some at age 3 (next june!). I'd like her to go because a) she learns things b) time apart makes me a better mother and c) it would give me time to either sub or work part time for P2P like I do now. Getting hourly childcare has frequently been a fight here, I can only imagine what it's like at a bigger post. And I hate leaving a community where I know her teachers & work with the CDC. They know me! I know them! Starting over! So anyway, yes I felt panicky. And can't get any answers until the army gives us some. So I read my new book about military couples & long distance relationships & reminded myself to focus on what I can do right now. Panicking about what I can't doesn't help anybody!
Yesterday's was about expectations & impact of the mission on family life. It is a REALLY important class to me. I feel very strongly about spouses starting off with the right attitude to survive and feel at home in this community & a lot of it comes down to expectations. You wouldn't believe what some people think the Army will do! (One girl at lewis said she thought that since the army provided housing that meant they were going to build a house for her to suit her. Um, yea, no.) But i also believe that it's equally important for people to know all the ways the army does work to support families, even though the mission always comes first. Anyway, AFTB is a pet rock of mine.
Ok, time to do a little work then have a little me time. How best to pamper myself tonight? Music, Hulu.com or the Premiere movie channel?

Dear Flylady,
I know why you said get dressed to lace up shoes. I got dressed this morning to my high heel shoes in preparation to teach a class. Class is done, now I'm home about to work on my to do list. High heel shoes ruin the motivation to vaccuum. I'd much rather sit prissy & be served! ;)
Flybaby

Ok, so I took the Saturn in to be re-registered, proud that I had the brakes fixed first. They do a car inspection before they allow you to register it. (Is this a common thing in the States? I know we had emmissions inspections some places.) I'm sitting in the line when I realize, 'oh no, Matt took the 1st aid kit out of this car & put in the new car.' In his mind, he bought me a new car, I shouldn't be driving the old. In my mind, I don't want to buy a new battery when he comes home and wants to drive to work on snowy days! Ok, I don't think they can give me a ticket for not having it (the MPs and polizei can & do). Then just as it's my turn I remember all the warnings about the right front tire the car care center gave me. (Only warnings mind you, not an appt to fix it. Their warnings made it sound like - oh, btw, you're going to need a new tire soon.) So, right, I failed inspection. The guy tells me "I can give you a stamp to go get it fixed, but ..." and here is where he read my mind, or at least my to do list, "don't go shopping." Ok, but I can still go shopping right? "Because it could blow out, you must drive very carefully, if it blows out, it comes back to us, we find out." Ohh... but I really need... But if it blows out... But when will I have child free, work free shopping time again? But I gotta follow the rules... Dang it! This wouldn't frustrate me so much if our post weren't divided into 2 posts. PX on one, car care center on the other. Me on one, everything I need today on the other. ARGH! I try bargaining.
"Does the stamp mean I can re-register the car then fix the tire?" "No." (I can see he thinks I'm silly.)
"Does the car care center here on post have a tire? I have childcare until 3, I'll get it & come back?" "I don't think so, no. I think they have more stock at the other car care center."

At this point, I really want to wave a magic wand & turn him into an American who will call the car care center for me to find out. But I'm not a permanent fairy (See the book Alice the Fairy by David Shannon), and I'm not going to ask him to call b/c I'm a wimp. Besides, when have you ever known them to take walk-ins here? Ahh, Jiffy Lube, I miss you!
So I take my "get out of jail free" stamp and get into my car & fume all the way home about how this ruins my day. I drove straight to the car care center & left it for them to fix (while kicking myself for not doing it when I got brakes fixed) and called Erin to give me a ride back to the house so I don't have to walk home in heels. (If I'd been gutsy enough to go shopping & get the new walking shoes I need, I could have walked home AND gotten my exercise for the day. Why'd he have to say "no shopping?!" Why do I have to be a rule follower instead of a rebel in new walking shoes?)

On the way home, I also fumed over a headline about Lebron James. Apparently, he is thinking about (threatening to?) coming to Europe to play ball and make 50 million tax free. Uh, Lebron? Europe ain't easy! Or maybe it is if you're a millionaire. (And really would it be tax free? He wouldn't have to pay European taxes??) And what about all those players who say "We love the game so much we'd play for free? Isn't it just great that they pay us to do this?" Somehow that doesn't seem right. And what's this brouha over Brett Favre?

Then I pondered the weirdness of this Twitter program idea. It's like status updates on myspace or facebook. You can let everyone know what you're doing all the time, even updating it from your cell phone. To me, it's sort of like people want to be celebrities and are inviting the paparrazzi to come along. And somehow my mind made the jump from how much celebrities hate to be followed & have no private life, when regular people want to just be a celebrity or famous for nothing. And how we hate when celebrities use their fame to advance their own political ideas or what have you, and we think, just stick to your own life, but really we just want everyone to give our opinions as much attention.

Now that I've aired my opinions for your attention, it's time to put on my house shoes and vaccuum. Flylady did advise doing housework in a tiara though... now where did I put mine?

It seems I keep waiting for something monumental to write about but there's nothing & I'm ok with that. I'm sorry if my last post seemed a little soapboxy.

I went online shopping last night to pick up a few pairs of my fav wedge flip flops on summer sale and ended up exploring a few other things. It's terrible how easy they make online shopping. I told my neighbor I was shopping for a homecoming dress, then we laughed at how high school that sounded. But it's nice to have an excuse to buy something new & fun. I also got it into my head that I needed a new purse. But I'm picky I guess and just keep looking and looking. So far I haven't settled on either.

I've been trying to get the house in order. Work starts back this week (yay, it's AUGUST!) and it feels like everything is going to be happening fast. Ever since my parents visit, I've kept my sink shiny. Now I'm at 1 month! I've also read the book Sink Reflections and been trying to put some of her advice into practice. Today I took one load to the thrift store & made another this afternoon while I was putting away clothes. I managed to cull out some clothes that I've had since college and before even. I put some more on probation. If I can't find the right tops or if I don't wear them in the next year, they're out the door.

I put E in panties one afternoon after nap. It didn't go so well but we tried again the next day. We were both stressed out by the end of the day. Today she went to school with all the panties we own in her size. It went a little better. Fortunately for both our stress levels, she's in school tomorrow & thursday. In my head, it feels like time is running out. If I don't do it now, work will have picked up, then Matt comes home, then we move. That's the timeline in my head, all scrunched together. Ever since we heard we're on the list to move in March ... So I want to establish some habits before he gets home.

Dear FlyLady - I got dressed down to my laceups this morning, forcing me to get moving & take a walk. I came home to a still shiny sink. These are my babysteps so far. I hope you're happy!
(Check out flylady.com - she's going to help me solve the CHAOS: Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome... so feel free to drop in on me!)

Went on a retreat this weekend for spouses of deployed soldiers. Soon I'm uploading pictures. The retreat was nice, fairly casual sessions and I was pleasantly suprised by how much people opened up and shared. These women (*and one man) shared some really personal stories and it was emotional to listen to their experiences and fears. While we are on the downhill for this deployment (under 4 months, y'all!), these last few months can be even more anxious, since we add in homecoming fears.
The chaplain reminded us in a session on PTSD that what our soldiers really need is grace, as they make their way through memories of what they've experienced. Grace is also needed for the spouses as they may share the burden of stories told by their soldiers; they may hear some hard things.
One spouse said she works 50 hours a week and is taking several online classes. She's busy but lonely. I was reminded that not everyone has had the time or blessing of forming their "deployment family." And it's easy to feel anger or bitterness towards returning spouses who chose to spend the deployment stateside. (They made the choice they needed to make for their family, but we often feel here that we've lost services in our community as our numbers dwindled.) We need grace to remember that it's hard no matter where you were, and it will be hard for them to come back here, not having made friends in the area during this time.
I was sad to hear one spouse say that her husband's family was not supportive and in fact vocally critical of her husband's choice to join the military. She said, not only that, but during his entire time traveling in his uniform home for R&R, no one stopped to tell him Thank You. I was especially sad and embarrassed that he had passed through the ATL airport. I know matt's always had a supportive experience, but it must be hard to feel like you and your husband are standing alone. Please don't forget to verbally express your support! Maybe one soldier has already heard it but there are still some who haven't. It takes dozens of "attaboys" to make up for one negative comment.
Grace is needed to for the chaplains and their families. The majority of their job is non-religious counseling, trying to help soldiers and their families. They often have a hard time convincing someone who "isn't religious" that they will help without trying to convert. When they do counsel someone, they too hear some hard stories. Chaplain's wives must be some of the most patient and giving people as they support their husband's work. Our friends from Ft Bragg have just finished seminary and are waiting to hear their posting.
I know I'm preaching to the choir, but my sphere of influence feels small. As military spouses, we often feel like the ambassadors for our community. I figure if I spread the word to you guys, you'll spread the word too. Everyone says they support the troops and we see lots of yellow ribbons and magnets. Please remember they need your support even after they come home.
Until I can advertise for our own foundation that supports our unit, check out the website
www.americasupportsyou.mil
On there are so many different ways to show tangible support.
Thanks for enduring my soapbox.

They say "once you go big, you don't go back." I picked up the Saturn yesterday & drove it for the first time since, oh May maybe? ACK! It was so little & cramped & I felt strangely unsafe (in a saturn?) that I realized they were absolutely right. Once you've driven a truck or SUV, you just feel more vulnerable. So I parked it on the street outside the house and will only drive it when E's in school. We've always said we'll hold on to it till it dies ... I guess we'll let the army ship it over since Volvo will ship the other. Then we'll have something to drive until Matt finds what he really wants.

It's rainy & cold here, like 50 degrees! Summer was apparently those 2 hot weeks we had in early June. My sister in law Joanna is down on the Mexican border working in a mission. Please pray for her, her coworkers and everyone down there about to get drenched by the hurricane.

My neighbor's back in the states for a week, so I've been picking up her paper & trying to read through it before it piles up. This in addition to the EW & Newsweek. I've got David Sedaris' new book on the bedside table & a book by a female humorist called "Big Lights, Big A*@" in the bathroom. What are you reading?

I just had an enlightening conversation with tech support. I got nervous when the internet went down, after 3 months of unreliable internet & tech support not believing me. I decided not to wait to call it in, after I got a 1 1/2 mo refund dating from the time I first called in a complaint (I had waited a month, not believing in German customer service). So I called, after trying to reset the modem (the first thing they always tell you).
The guy I talked to was very polite, despite my defensive tone. ("My computer says my wireless router is at full strength!") He had me reset the router power at the same time as the modem power. Bingo, back in business. He said he has the same Linksys router, only 2-3 versions earlier than mine. He says he has to reset his about 1/month, more if he is transferring large files. (hello, video streaming hulu habit) His is 3 years old (mine is 1 year) and his previous version 1 lasted 5 years with no resetting issue. Is Linksys cutting corners to save money? he wondered. Are we learning to expect short shelf life from our expensive electronics? I wonder. Are the days of quality workmanship over?

Maybe this won't be as exciting if you're able to snuggle with your honey and watch tivo on your big screen. But for those of us who are limited to AFN or German tv (where bad programs go to die! Sheena, anyone?), this is marvelous! Plus, with no honey to snuggle with, why not cozy up with the wireless laptop? Even the cat loves to snuggle its warmth.
Somehow, despite the site saying it's only for US, I get hulu.com streaming videos. Shh, don't tell them I'm living abroad, somehow they haven't figured it out. Before they do though, I'm going to OD on Burn Notice, New Amsterdam (Highlander meets Law & Order!), SNL & Kathy Griffin clips... just to name a few. If only they'd add Lifetime's Army Wives & Mad Men...
If you haven't heard of it, check it out. I think it's pretty revolutionary, but then I've never had tivo.

Life is good here, despite hardship. Any time tragedy strikes, we hear the hard stories first but it is not long before they are followed by stories of the blessings in the aftermath. Everyone slows down to count their blessings and encourage each other.
We've planned a "Double Digits of Deployment party" - we figure that by August 10 we'll be at just under 100 days, so we'll celebrate. Backyard party, theme of "d" - Daquiris, Dill pickles, Double dutch, Dizzy Izzy, Dogs on the grill, DonFue (get it?), feel free to contribute your ideas too!
And then I looked at the calendar and realized that will be exactly one year to the day that Matt left. I hadn't felt the "12 month wall" until that moment. It hits everyone at some point. You realize they'll start to miss 2 of things, b'days, etc. It just really hit at that moment that Matt's been gone for 1 year. a Year! I've focused so much on one day at time, one week at a time, one month at a time that I hadn't looked at the big picture for a little while. Easier not to! ;) But now, eyes on the prize. Work will pick up in August, Matt's Aunt Sarah visits in September, October is get the house ready time! See? It'll fly right? No time to be sad, only time to fret about the curtains I never replaced.
In other news, I finally renamed the baby journal. I'm not sure if you'll have to reset any bookmarks, but it should redirect you from the old username. I'll also add a link to it on the left side here, cause I know you're all just using me to get to my daughter!

"sad, sad, sad, sad, why must I be sad?" -tmbg

We all feel like we've jinxed ourselves. "I told you this day started badly and I wanted to rewind," my friend said when she dropped off her child. I was just glancing back through past posts and reflecting on the normal routine, sudden disruption, normal routine pattern. I went over to my neighbor's tonight after baby bedtime to eat my takeout Greek when she got a call. "Oh my God," she said, in that tone, the one that made me instantly freeze. I looked across the table at my other friend, frozen and listening also. We waited, and the longer the call went on the less we were able to deny the reality. My neighbor hung up, turned and said one name.
We had talked at lunch about the current news and an inevitable buildup of tension. We should've been prepared. We should always be prepared. But a recent conversation with Matt's newly widowed aunt confirmed my suspicion - even when the news was terminal cancer and a few months to live, she wasn't prepared.
So the community will pull together again in the next few days. Casseroles baked, kids babysat, random errands run and none of it will feel like enough. Tonight the neighborhood pulled together to distract a friend's child while she went to the house. We danced to high school musical the concert and tried to focus on silly things. Now, after bedtime, the quiet and sadness set in.
Please pray again for our community.

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Laughing is really important. You know, for all those reasons they keep coming up with every time they study laughter scientifically. I've found that there's enough drama in my life right now that I'm not really attracted to watching dramas on tv or reading about them. Thus, I focus on the humor.
disclaimer: I hope they don't offend you. Some contain strong language. Most contain sarcasm. It's ok if you don't find them funny too.

Apparently, photo collecting off public photo posting websites is a hot new trend in blogging.
"Sorry I missed your party"
http://www.sorryimissedyourparty.com/

"Photo Memes"
http://www.photocliches.com/

"The Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks"
http://quotation-marks.blogspot.com/

*Least offensive, best o' the bunch for LOLs*
"LOLcats 'n' Funny Pictures"
http://icanhascheezburger.com/

My new favorite t shirt (second only to my "loved & blessed" shirt) & my hibiscus.
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