get on with it already!

BOO! bitches.

RON PAUL FOR PRESIDENT....... LOOK IT UP!

I stood....
legs buckling under unseen pressure
barely capable of taking step after step
into the maelstrom of political sensibilities that seem to surround me with a cacophony of crumbling society

but we shouldn't speak of two things in polite company
we should close our mouths and our ears to an idealistic society where people actually feel the freedom to voice their opinion and speak loudly about the things that piss us off

I know I am perfectly capable of having a discussion about the modern taboo of religion and politics without resorting to fisticuffs

and though my words may be heated white hot with a fury that could shame the sun

and though I may resort to insulting your stance

and though I may try and tell you why you, the people who are terrified of truth, the people who would just as soon sit idley by and allow our representatives to make the american dream a white elephant, yes I may say you are the inevitable destruction of this democratic constitutional system.

I will also listen whole heartedly to why you believe what you believe.

I will attempt to patiently explain that our country was not intended to be what it is today....

and I will tell you that a lifetime is not enough time for me to tell you that this world needs to change, and we need to change it.

And Hell did swell beyond the horizon of forgotten dreams.
it climbed past the gates and descended on me.
tore my soul from each individual stitch
and left me with far more than my heart on my sleeve.
but it did not kill me.
I shivered and stood
weak on my feet, arms stretched before me
palms down, awaiting the inevitable fall.

My skin began to knit it self back together
my flesh stronger than before
my thicker skin more capable of protecting me
from that glorious denizen of hell.
satan's favorite weapon
and god's greatest creation
cause the soul's of men are not owned by god's
they already belong to eve.

gently strumming fingers running through rhytmns across polished table tops
rat ta tat tat
one two three four
pinky to index
and back again
coercing moments from mist as if i'm conjuring dreams
running so fast the click of my fingertips becomes a blur of sound
and my fingers dance like I never have
I'm playing natures percussion in my own staccato fashion
tempting heads to bob
and sway
waiting for that moment when it all ends
riding the vicious circle of pinky to index
thumbing my rhythm as my heart plays melodies
that only I can hear
gently strumming
fingers running
to there and back again

I got the call today

one of the owners of my place of work wanted to be the first to tell me that I have officially been promoted. this is the first time the word has come from so high up so maybe it will be true.

supposedly in the next two weeks I will be on the schedule.

a spiderwebbed bar top gently reflecting fractured myths through the bottom of an almost empty glass/ the red tinted brew casting a darkened impression of drunken surroundings and a sound throbbing like the same bass line that runs through every mind at about this time of night/ half scribbled notes and drawings scattered like a galaxy of possibilities/ shimmering in the gentle wind of softly exhaled cigarette smoke/ passing fingertips through clouded smoke drifts watching swirls reject my prescence and gain a skewed view/ dreams float like these/ they travel indistinctly and never allow themselves to be grasped/ and bar tops hold a strange fascination/ a myriad mosaic of stories blossoming just beneath my glass/ and my vision is too blurred to read them/ so I'm forced to write my own myopic dreams.

ladies and gentlemen, clear your calenders. April 26th is nigh. if you don't know what that means, well then I'll tell ya... it's my birthday the day will probably begin at RTO Sullivan's I'm thinking about drinkin all damn day. come one come all contact me for more details as the date gets closer. anyway this is my early warning system, expect a drunken me to call any of you whose number I possess constantly during the course of that day. if you live else where plan on being here for this event cause I am gonna do my best to break my birthday curse.

the only hitch will be if someone else plans some kind of surprise.

I had a moment, so i left it behind my ear. I wasted time, stared in mirrors and saw my end was near. I gave in to fear, cried my last tear. and left myself resting dutifully behind some girls ear.

yes I am still alive

Oh my fuckin god, he posted.

yeah well it'll be real short cause its late and I am using a friends computer.

also I am fucked up.

so there.

short update.

still at RTO's, still drinkin, still smokin, kinda seeing a new girl.

don't wanna talk to much about the girl for fear of jinxing it.

planning on going to culinary school as soon as I get a vehicle(motorcycle)

hopefully wanna open my own beer and wine bar, get the degree, get the loan, hopefully.

still writing, in fact prollay writing more since I stopped performing.

ummm, more to come. probably later today.

gonna bring my laptop to work and steal wireless.

love you guys who have read this.

write to you soon.

I will hopefully be quitting RTO's sometime in the next week or so.

I am trying to get a job at whole foods market.

I have two or three friends who work there who say they will get me the job, full benefits after thirty days.

it will be a minor pay cut, but I am sick of being dicked around about promotions and stuff, I am also tired of relying on the generosity of others to pay my bills. I am at the point where I would like to know exactly how much money I am gonna make each month. also I can transfer to the albuqurque store when I am ready to go. I also get a discount on groceries and some other pretty awesome perks.

so I am just gonna cross my fingers and hope for the best.

I am drunk, stupid and lost in the gaze of eyes I have never seen.
I wait patiently for the perception that I am seen as I see.
instead
I spend eternal moments searching for the moment when I am truly percieved
at least percieved as I wish I was
or think I could be
given the proper inspiration to be the man I percieve is possible inside me
I decieve myself into believeing that I could be what you would expect to be the perfect mate
except
I have no definitve concept of you yet
so I expect that I will continue to be completely incomplete
until the day when you meet me and explain the you you see is the perception that I percieve
see.

its fuckin confusin to be me
my mind runs in rhymes and repetitions
expected definitions rising between lines
written in a drunken assembly
perception percieved through a bent perspective
burned into cerebral cortexes

shit my computer lost the rest and I can't remember whats left
so this will end as an incomplete message.

this bar top reflects distorted versions of reality.
the swaying flicker of fan blades and badly laid poly-resin provide a funhouse reflection
disfigured pints and steins standing as monoliths before the hideous monsters that have always hidden just beneath our vision
trapped behind an inch of chemical reaction
given an inch
well you know the rest
most of us are on a one name basis with our favorite chance to escape
our favorite way to place our problems at the bottom of a glass
we spend our evenings with jack
our mornings with mary
and our afternoons with sam
with the occasional liason praising john, the porcelain god.
friends that only exist within the boundries of this sacred place
this chance to escape
the bar that provides all the prozac anyone could ever need
from an evening of unbridled passion and happiness
to mornings full of regret
drink when your upset
drink when your depressed
drink to enhance that happy buzz
and drink when there seems to be nothing better to do
the dim lights
swaying fans
and perpetual distortions
we stagger past the steps our predeccesor's laid
dance the dance thats been danced before
and groan the same way when we hear
time ta leave
ya can't stay here.
we fight the good fight
but in the end
we gotta go
cause eventually
they bluntly say
get out ya damn drunk.

oh great silicone beast, you are not for me
all your pieces are fabricated
your quirky remarks and the lyrics you sing
are all downloaded
our relationship will never be more than material
you are a necessary part of my life
but not like that
so please do not mock me with little buzzers and chimes, vibrations and flashing lights
I think you have been harbouring some kind of animosity toward me.
I am just now catching the vibe that you choose what calls I am allowed to answer
and taunt me with the calls that I would generally ignore
cause I never seem to miss that random call
that I don't really want to answer
suffering through the dread of what will happen if I do
I stare intently at the name that flashes on your little screen
and decide whether I really care to talk to someone from the local municipal court cause I know its them, they are the only people who call me with a blocked number.
or
do I have the time to endure a guilt ridden lecture from my mother
explaining in detail all the reasons why I am a terrible son
or even better
is it that friend who only calls
when something depressing, tragic or painful has occured.
I think you know that these calls will put me closer to you for longer, since these are the ones that always seem to stretch beyond the time I generally allow myself with you.

the absolute best is when you show me that number that you know you should recognize, but for some reason was never programmed into you.
chances are the reason is good but you can never remember since you were never programmed to remind me why I do not or do answer this particular phone call.

the thing that truly makes me think you are the kingpin of some evil conspiracy to keep me from getting laid.

is when, two hours after the call, I notice that this girl or that girl called, and left a message that appropriately makes me want to slam my head against the nearest solid object.
something along the lines of " I made dinner and was wondering if you would like to come over and help me drink the wine I bought to go with it..." or " if you can get to my house in thirty minutes or less, I might still be in the shower..."
even more devious are the times when you, in your infinite wisdom, decide that it is time to take a nap. The next morning I check the object of my current hatred to find it is off, once the lengthy process of cajoling you back from your technological land of nod, I find missed messages that lead me to believe my you either hate me or are jealous of my philandering ways...

oh you silicone beast I do not have the proper jack to fit your plug, please leave me to my own model of satisfaction, our love can never be anything more than my breath on your piece. and your vibration on my... well we can keep that to ourselves can't we.

so this being sick thing, might end up being good for me. (weird that every time I start to lose track of myself I get sick, last time it was mono.) since I couldn't go out tonight I stayed home sober (silly antibiotics and there not workin properly with alcohol) since I was sober I actually had a few cogent thoughts. I proceeded to write these thoughts down. low and behold in my scatterbrain sort of way three new poems begin to surface. also I worked out a monthly budget, listened to music, excersized, and cleaned.

also I went to the doctor, went to the pharmacy, went grocery shopping(penutbutter and jelly, chips, bananas, celery, water and milk. all healthy stuff!!!) went to the court house to drop of a payment, went to the bank and stopped by my work to pick up my tips.

fuckin a, this might very well be one of my most productive days since I moved here.

on a more depressing note, upon completing my budget for next month I figured out exactly how much money I am wasting on alcohol and fancy meals(close to 800 dollars a month!) I know what your thinking, you must eat sushi like every day, nope I just have a tendency to have a 40-50 dollar bar tab at least 3 times a week and I eat out way to much. I figure if I can force myself to budget I can eat more sushi. be more sober more often, have more days like today and maybe get my shit in order for me to move back to ABQ.

the most amazing thing, I accomplished all of this while sick and with out my own car.

tonsilitis, a fairly mild case.

prognosis, 10 days of keflex(a.k.a. penicilin)

which means no drinky for mikey for 10 days, that is of course if I actually want to get better.

(by the by, I do.)

strange how things can put things into perspective.

oh and I still hate this state, I have actually been studying laws and stuff, yeah I don't belong here.

plus any place that elects and re-elects and re-elects hitler(arpaio) has to have a few screws loose.
any law enforcement agency that has to create criminals should be summarily dismissed.

docotr's appointment tommorrow. I hate doctor's offices and doctors... its an irrational fear I know, but I get all tense and panicky whenever I go to a doctor's office. but at least he will be able to make me feel better.

can't wait to move, two more payments on my DUI and only a few more classes.

I think I might be dying.


my throat has been swollen on one side for almost a week. I am only able to make it through the day by eating handfulls of ibuprofen and keeping a constant supply of cough drops on hand. I have tried almost every cure I can think of, if you have any Ideas I would love to hear them because I am not going to the doctor.

internet access touchy, posts will be random at best.

not un\like before, but less likely