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cry baby

trans health conference 2008

Posted on 2008.06.02 at 00:09
i just returned to toronto from the 2008 trans health conference in philly. after 2 nights of parties, 3 days of conferences, 1 presentation on providers day, and one workshop on the community days, after countless brilliant conversations, after meeting many amazing people, after being and after 6 hours of sleep in two days i can do nothing but a list of things that i feel now that i didn't feel 4 days ago...

i feel much less alone
i feel stronger and more confident in this world
i feel so excited to have met some amazing people
i know that i need to travel a lot more as it makes me feel so alive
i know that i need to leave toronto, for good; it's toxic for me
i know how destructive routines are for me
i know i am much more independent than i really realized
i know that i have the potential to be a really good educator

i know there's so much more. i am left exhausted and processing though it's mostly going in circles right now.

as a final note... one particularly moving highlight was eli clare's keynote resisting shame which is available for download off of his website. i highly recommend reading it though hearing eli speak, being able to articulate how certainly he moves everyone in the room, is something that can't be described adequately.

xox

~becca

cry baby

she's a boy i knew

Posted on 2008.05.25 at 12:29
she's a boy i knew is an autiobiographical documentary by B.C. filmmaker gwen haworth, who interviews her family, partner, and friends about their perspective on her transition. her incisive yet inviting narration pilots the film, engaging in both conversations with those in her life but also everyone watching the film. she offers up a measured and meditative first-hand reflection on the profound cocaphony of emotions and fears that accompany transition and bravely splices a wealth of pre (and early) transition archival footage into her film. animated sequences are used effectively to disarm the audience and bring them into haworth's world which she has invited us to witness.

while haworth is a film prof at a community college and not a newcomer to making docs she is first and foremost an activist. by eliciting empathy and not sypathy, by bringing the humanity and the realness into an experience and an identity that is so fundamentally alien or unintelligible to most, this film is not just captivating and watchable, but is accessible and relevant and meaningful to everyone - cis or trans. particularly because haworth recognizes the need for realistic and humanizing portrayals of trans women (and especially trans dykes such as her and i), what is *most* remarkable about she's a boy i knew is that it holds together in a sweet, coherent, satisfying and accessible way. gwen was able to distill years of footage, insert a very clear agenda, toss in the personal motivation to tell such a story - all of these could have easily caused the film to drag on or dissolve into self-referential incoherence.

yet, one leaves the theatre feeling that this was all so simple to make. and such a story - one that's never been told before - is not a simple story to tell. not when it's your life, not when it's your agenda, not when you're writing and creating - in a cultural sense - your own existential niche.


for me, seeing this film was a life-changing experience. i many respects i feel more real now that something that speaks to my experience so closely has been created - it's there, it's permanant, it... exists.

after its screening this weekend at inside/out in toronto, she's a boy i knew (with director haworth in tow) will be screening at the other 2 large north american queer & trans film fests:

Wednesday, June 11, 5:30 PM, New York (newfest)

AND

Tuesday, June 24, 9:30 PM, San Francisco (frameline)

cry baby

it's going to be funded.

Posted on 2008.05.15 at 12:46
watch the news.

now. next comes all the mucky next steps as people are starting to talk about in my previous post....

cry baby

the ontario government may relist srs

Posted on 2008.05.15 at 00:20
the ontario health minister spoke today and dropped hints at the ctv, a pretty major new broadcaster (like... the biggest).

now, what's extra promising is there is a special news conference tomorrow - the international day against homophobia - and many key people have been invited.

of course, what the honourable minister *didn't* say is key. these are inferences and hints at best. no concrete promises, no plan or even aspirations.

that said.... wow. just wow.

cry baby

7 things to see (and do) at this year's inside/out festival

Posted on 2008.05.04 at 22:31
another year, yet another flurry of gayness. it's always amusing how the films are typically so clearly divided between boys and girls, each bucket having its own bog of cliche's and formulas that one can see night in night out. this year, there's a helluva lot more lady content, especially with the shorts, where there are count them 6! short screenings devoted just to dyke stuff in all its flat-ironed complexity.

overall though, the actual roster of films looks quite decent this year, no joke. there are several films that I've eagerly anticipated and other surprises that look enticing. now, and i've filtered by bias when making these picks, but it just may be that the *3 best* films at this year's inside/out have trans or intersex subjects (ironic for a 'lesbian and gay' film festival) but in keeping with the other trans films that have brought audiences to their feet in the last two years: namely 20 centimetres and red without blue.

there's also some interesting stuff happening on the sidelines, and, of course, the hottest stuff happens after the credits roll, when you cruise the crowd outside the cinema - really, that's what we're all here for, right? and, if you're like me and you need a good 3 hours to strike up a conversation well, you can always volunteer. the volunteer info session is on tuesday night at x-space at 58 ossington.

so, i present you with 7 things to see (and do) at this year's inside/out... )

cry baby
Posted on 2008.05.04 at 19:37
maybe i'm entering my after having a bunch of bad panic attacks during the week i decided to seriously take it easy this weekend. rented the entire series (but so utterly tragic - as angela chase would say - it was cancelled after the first season) of my-so called life and holed myself up in my house with tammy. refrained from going out, which is really difficult to do for me. but i feel better for it.

my room is coming together. i have my bike hanging over my bead - which just seems so cool, i don't know why. i'm hoping the hooks, screwed into the ceiling hold otherwise... i'm going to go pick up some seeds and soil next weekend and get a container garden going on my deck. considering tomatoes and zucchini in larger corner planters, with some basil, rosemary, and cilantro growing in the ledge planters. that'll make some yum pasta sauces/salsa/pesto come september. :)

nesting is lovely. i have lived here for 20 months here. from 16 till 26 i moved 14 times. i am maybe, just maybe starting to feel secure in this messy world.

~becca

cry baby

working class queers love...

Posted on 2008.04.27 at 12:39
public libraries.

we are of course, notoriously cheap. and, having found refuge in books as a way to make it through high school with our sanity intact, the concept of 'free books' is about as synonymous with working class queer as you can possible get. in toronto, since the toronto public library also will deliver almost *any* book in its collection to your local library, it gives us the perfect excuse to longingly stalk the mysterious hottie who works the weekend shift at the local branch. those little scotch-taped barcodes, as well, are also beacons of cool. they infinitely *adds* to the sexyness quotient when you see a cutie in a cafe engrossed in its pages.

of course, while libraries are a great public institution, they seem to get the short shrift when you have to stack them up against hospitals, schools, or even police stations and the supposedly *more* essential services they provide. it's infathomable to think of a life without libraries. what, we wonder, will we read as we're being tazered at a rally for queer reproductive rights? or going in for an MRI because of the air pollution i've breathed in cause of the poor industrial neighbourhood i've been ghettoized to? (although that we secretly love that industrial chic)

now, contrary to what we talk about health care and education, libraries are much more true to being a true socialist institution - no tuition barriers to keep the poor out, no queue jumping for the wealthy here either. libraries are, in fact, the vacation getaway for us, the working class queers.

cry baby

sex and bikes

Posted on 2008.04.27 at 11:06
BIKES!

there's a transit strike in toronto and i'm not even bothered by it at all. on my paddy wagon i'm able to dive in and out of traffic and outpace cars on most streets. i'm also loving outracing anyone who tries to jump me at an intersection - see, my bike has a steep gear to start with so it looks like i'm slow but that's just for a few seconds till i get up to speed, then she's ridiculously fast! who knew i was so competititve! i also love observing how the boys at the bike shop get so dumb and flirty when a girl comes in with any knowledge about and interest in bikes. [info]jennlegs, i totally understand your secrets now!


SEX!

this summer is shaping up be one hott sexy parade of sex talk and sex fun.

more please )

cry baby

stalker?

Posted on 2008.04.20 at 21:12
feeling optimistic, i will chalk it up to random chance that the big 6'6" over-friendly guy smiling creepily at me on the subway last week was standing in front of my neighbour's house (smiling again) and talking to no one in particular when i came home from the grocery store.

meow.

cry baby

the moral panic of BPA and the feminized 'boy'

Posted on 2008.04.20 at 10:27
I can see it now. 2008 will go down as the year that polycarbonate, the durable tough clear plastics we were all nursed on, the little plastic #7, takes the fall as the culprit responsible for emasculating our males for the past half century.

more specifically, it seems that everywhere - from blogs to the eco-media to the earnest conversations that happen on play dates around swingsets - talk is fixated on the horrors of BPA (biphesnol-a). BPA is found in polycarbonates as well as in the lining of canned foods (as well as in other non-food goods).

i've had this unease about the growing clamour around BPA. now, there are many stories within this story to catalyse unease: the discrepency between publicly and privately funded studies into the health effects of low-dose exposure to BPA; the nonaction by global and national bodies to stem the 7 billion pounds of BPA that's created on an annual basis; the growing body of research highlighting potentially harmful effects on human health at exposure levels far below what's considered 'acceptable'.

yes, these are all troubling. i, however, am as much troubled by the panicked response to this chemical as i am by the chemical itself.

now, there is steadily mounting, and increasingly irrefutable, evidence linking BPA to breast, and possibly prostate cancer in adults. but a chemical linked to cancer, particularly one that is only marginally linked at the present time, has never been ganged up on like this. then *what*, i've wondered, is driving this unprecedented reaction? what has shifted in the eyes of moms across the continent to suddenly see the innocuous sippy cup as an object that incites panic about the health of their children?

i've come to conclude that such a sudden, complete reaction without a definitive health outcome means that concern is going beyond health concerns alone. sippy cups have become an object of moral panic, tweaking deep seated fears that our 'boys' are becoming weaker, more sensitive, and ultimately more feminine.

what is important to understand is that BPA is a chemical that mimics the effects of estrogen in the body. this estrogen masquerade it plays is why, in particular, concerns have been raised about long-term BPA exposure (as well as exposure at a young age) and the development of breast cancer - many forms of which are triggered by, and dependent upon, estrogen exposure.

BPA and cancer: here the link is inconclusive but strong enough to warrant serious attention. what has happened though is that BPAs estrogenic properties have triggered a fear that goes far beyond this. buoyed by studies in rats, such as this, many in both mainstream media, as well as in progressive ecological publications, are selling magazines and papers by stoking fears that BPA may be closing the gap between the genders by altering the gender-normative behaviour of 'boys' and 'girls'.

now, before i go further, i want to say that I certainly would not dispute that limiting exposure to is a positive effort. we certainly should not wait for final and conclusive evidence linking BPA to breast cancer and other health outcomes, we should act now. what i worry about though is what fears are we reenforcing by playing up on enduring cultural fears of feminized boys (and, to a lesser degree masculanized girls)?

selling science stories is hard. and it appears that scientists have, perhaps unwittingly, found an effective route to catalyse change around BPA. media outlets are keenly are of this: mothers worry less about their own health and more about the health of their children; in particular, they worry about the social health and status their child will have. thus, even raising suspicions that they could be unwittingly poisoning their 'boys' by exposing them to estrogens has proven, in the case of BPA, to be the 'story that sells'.

what is somewhat ironic is that mothers of appear to be *more* distraught about their 'sons' BPA exposure than their 'daughters'. this is despite the much stronger evidence showing that BPA is going to affect the health and cancer risk of females more than males. this inversion of concern appears to be (yet another) irrational fear of the feminized male.

articles are promoting that BPA may not just alter behaviour but the bodies of 'boys'. two days ago, the widely-read journal Discover chose to focus <a href=" http://discovermagazine.com/2008/may/18-the-dirty-truth-about-plastic">an article</a> less on the links of BPA to cancer than on the effect that BPA and similar chemicals have on the size of baby 'boys' penises, on the distance between their anus and genitals (a sexually dimorphic trait, i.e. it's longer in males than in females), and on suppression of testosterone within these 'boys'. in its conclusions, the article *does* strongly highlight the mounting research linking BPA to cancer. but, by this point the reader has been whipped into a panic having images of micro-penises and fey little boys burned into their minds, the cancer data is icing on the cake.

scientists and media are thus seemingly eschewing evidence in favour of tapping into deep fears of femininity, specifically as its expressed in males, as a way to means to an end: to ban BPA. with sensationalist images like those in the Discover article, it's not surprising mothers are tossing their lattes and reaching for protest signs in support of a ban on BPA.

and the results from this recent change of tactic are dramatic. the canadian government has recently (and the first country in the world) declared BPA as potentially harmful to human health. not waiting for government regulation, stores that sell themselves on being ecologically aware have pulled products with BPA off their shelves in many other Western countries. it seems that the fear of possibly emasculating the males of our nations overrides the drive for corporate profit. who knew?

the question that remains is ubiquitous: does the end (that being a partial or complete ban on BPA) justify the means we've used to get there?

the fear, perhaps even abject horror, affixed to feminization is a prevailing and shameful cultural cornerstone. it stands at the root of phobic outlashes against many queer men and trans women. trans men (and many cis men as well) who may not match up to external markers of masculinity can also experience bashing because of a perceived insufficiency of masculinity . 'gender-variant' 'boys' are referred at a rate of 20:1 to the Centre for Addiction & Mental Health's Gender Identity Clinic - highlighting a broader cultural belief that being a feminine boy is *such* a problem that we have to treat it, nip it in the bud. and, of course, we all know the fate of a 'boy' choosing to wear a dress to school.

taken more broadly, our prioritization of masculine traits over feminine ones has helped to create a society where power, aggression, and authority are the currencies of power. women are perenially kept out of power and, like men who don't match up to masculine norms, are subjected to violence and socio-economic penalties. being feminine is a handicap in the Western world, there is no disputing this.

the public reaction to BPA is a story about panic. and, while awakening to the health consequences of BPA are without-a-doubt important, it is also important to challenge our cultural prioritization of the masculine over the feminine and to address the panic that is instilled in us when our boys express femininity. the backlash against BPA has given strength and legitimacy to that panic. it may even catalyse a new wave of trying to (re)masculanize 'boys' that may have supposedly been 'exposed'. this whole ordeal may *even* trigger the medicalization of femininity.

perhaps this is why i feel great unease.

*N.B. I have used quotes around 'boys' and 'girls' to call attention to the cisnormative way that male and female children are raised in our society. given that approximately 1 in 1000 of these boys will go on to be girls, and women, one day (and vice versa) i wish to stress that these labels are applied without first allowing the child to form and name their gender identity, and thus, these labels of 'boy' and 'girl' are both assumptive and transient.

cry baby

poopy cubed

Posted on 2008.04.18 at 20:32
1. feeling poopy
have been fevering and coughy for over 48 hours now - my cough sounds really intense. i like doing it to scare people. i feel like i could record it and sell it as a sound effect for some apocolyptic medical made-for-TV feature. what's worrysome and frustrating is that i never get sick but since my surgery i seem to be a lot more susceptible to getting sick. i decided to cut some stuff out and to find more time to relax!

2. cleaning poopy
in a flurry of energy, after lying in bed all day, i cleaned up the deck outside my room. i have grandiose plans to get some furniture, plant a container veggie garden, and construct a vertical extension with some bamboo curtains i found lying about. of course, the initial clean is always the worst - the girl who was in the room before left her kittylitter out there. over the winter it turned into a dense sludge that can only be described as molten poopy cement. it's heavier than all hell and i'm not sure how to get it off of the deck. i don't want to carry it through my house for fear of a new area rug made out of poopy becoming our house's newest edition.

3. the poopy that doesn't quit
other house things have been taken care of too. the malfunctional toilette has been repaired! apparently a roll of electrical tape shimmied its way down the drain, creating a semi-obstruction and making poop come back up. ahem, where on *earth* did that come from?
(i am so so guilty, though i played stupid - the fever helped)
it must've fallen into the toilet in a moment of gusto as i was cleaning the cabinet a few days ago - getting rid of anything that i wouldn't likely be used again. electrical tape, being my best friend pre-op was now a quaint throwback that was to be trashed (not flushed). i seems that the frustrations of pre-op life decided to let out one last valiant poop-blocking hurrah.

~becca

cry baby

crash...

Posted on 2008.04.14 at 22:53
i have two gears. 0 and 5. there's nothing in between.

i'm good at relaxing, and i'm good at cramming a lot into short periods of time and getting a lot done. i'm absolutely *awful* at taking things at a leisurely pace.. getting stuff done but just gradually. i just don't work like that. can i change? i think i totally need to otherwise i'm going to just be perrenially locked in a cycle of manic work and burnout.

this sort of dichotomy though goes beyond work. it typifies everything about how i approach life. i'm drawn to ashtanga yoga cause it's really intense (for those who haven't done this style of yoga you're probably perplexed by how yoga can be intense). when i bike, it's all about the fast lane, the rush of speeding with, if not by, the cars. when i become interested in something, it consumes me... there's no dabbling here.

this inability to shift things down a notch is especially problematic right now as i'm not 100%, i'm 7 weeks out of pretty major surgery and i totally don't know how to just rest. i rode about 15km today on my bike. it was my first day riding for real and i was really excited. i got across the city though and just hit a wall. i had an energy crash that i've never experienced before. i couldn't stand. my legs turned to rubber and i got so dizzy. i realized how out of shape i was and how not ready for this sort of intenseness.

i need to take it easy. i can get in shape. but slowly. gradually.

post this on your fucking wall rebecca.

cry baby

reset

Posted on 2008.04.02 at 09:25
lately, i've been feeling like i'm an introvert trapped in an extrovert's life.

i need to finish. the thesis i'm referring to. august i'm aiming for. this insanity has been going on for way too long. the issue that i have though is that i keep getting distracted though by jobs, work, money. i realize that i have a lot of anxiety tied up in money; it's like a security blanket. i worry about not being able to get a job in the future so i feel like i need to make as money as i possibly can *right now*. that fear is completely baseless - i've never had trouble getting work: i'm educated, attractive, i can claim my conditional cis privilege and get a job without much effort. but there it is - anxiety.

it's really intriguing to suck out all the different ways in which anxiety and insecurity pervade my life. i think i've got it managed or that's it limited in some way but then i realize that *so* much of what i do relates to my own insecurities in this world. (though i never come off as insecure, sigh).

i've been allowing myself to look into planning masters programs of late. my top 3 choices so far are pretty far-flung, in 3 different countries in fact: Portland State University, McGill University, and Dublin College University. they all have very strong programs that have a dedicated hands-on focus. they're also all situated in very awesome cities. i figure if i'm studying cities it makes sense to get some perspective beyond the city that i've (mostly) always lived in.

i'm also applying for a UK passport. apparently i can claim UK citizenship cause my father was born there and he was married when i was born (funny how that's a requirement). it means that i can potentially live, work, and go to school mostly anywhere in europe. for $250 it seems like a cheap way to open a lot of doors. :)

~becca

cry baby

i couldn't help myself

Posted on 2008.03.26 at 14:28
because the manufacturing sector is collapsing, well we here in Ontario need to put those hard hats to a different use.

BOY BANDS!


so, i wonder if this is what Premier Dalton McGuinty (the lead singer) had in mind when he laid out 1.5 billion for retraining and apprenticeships. if so, i fully support it!

cry baby

neighbourhoods and gentrification

Posted on 2008.03.25 at 12:53
i'm tired of living in the west end.

too many babies, too much pretention. i'm starting to wonder if i'm actually not more of an east ender. it just is... more real. and it's closer to where my work is.

and i love the jetfuel, it's my favourite spot in this city. i love how, in this blog sopmeone responds by saying that "the service sucks". must be some pretentious west-ender expecting someone to lick their ass whilst serving them coffee. sheesh!

here's is someone prognosticating that the east end is picking up, which is, like all aspects of gentrification, a uniquely double-edged sword. while it can offer up safety, cosmetic improvements to the neighbourhood, and - in the short-term - benefit everyone living in the community by building up its capacity, it eventually becomes a millionaires ghetto.

gentrification in toronto is just scaring me. while it seems like the real-estate market in the rest of the continent has collapsed, dilapidated alleyway granny flats sell for $300k and forget about buying a detached house anywhere downtown. while it was a novelty 3 years ago, i've recently lost count of the number of new condo projects, largely focussed around Yorkville, that *start* in the MILLIONS. apparently, toronto is the "condo king", with twice as many towers as *new york*. huh?

i can't even comprehend how someone even has or amasses such wealth. i feel rich working part-time making $20/hour. but i couldn't even buy that granny flat.

maybe i should forget the east end, maybe i need to get out of this city altogether.

~becca

cry baby

change

Posted on 2008.03.24 at 19:25
this is a topic that i've been drawn to exploring. people are often focused on the 'change' that happens when one has bottom surgery. there's this mystique that's affixed to the colloquial image of bottom surgery. it takes on affectations like the 'sex change' or 'sex reassignment surgery'.

i find it ironic that people ask me, quite predictably, how my vagina - and presumably my opinions and relationship to her - is doing. people are often dismayed by my blase response. i'm sure most other women would concur with me that having a vagina is - unto itself - quite a forgetable component of one's day-to-day life. my momentary thoughts are not occupied by phrasings such as "wow.... vagina" or "me and my vagina are enjoying this latte". the presence of a penis, on the other hand, well that was pretty much on my mind all the time (and rarely - but sometimes - in a good way). of course, no one thought to ask me how i felt about my penis. now *that* would would have made for more prolific conversation!

now, before i develop a reputation of being a vagina-erasor, i will acknowledge that in certain contexts my vagina does become *significantly* less mundane, and that i should hope goes without saying.

all this time freed up from thinking about my genitals has really given me a lot of time to grow and dream. that, i feel, is the big *change* that accompanies bottom surgery.

i've also been pondering the way in which "change" is valued in our culture. it's quite contradictory, i've found.

as a culture, we seem obsessed with "change". this takes the shape of self-improvement and its various beasts (dieting, cosmetic surgery, compulsive exercise, and various rituals of purity and cleansing), in new year's resolutions, and in commercialism and the "change" that's implicity or explicitly promised when we make the purchase, whether it be travel, clothing, make-up etc...

ironically though, 'change' often can be held against someone. changing one's mind, taking a step backwards, making an unpredictable alteration to one's life, or acknowledging when a mistake is made. these things are often understood as being signs of weakness, mental illness, or simple immaturity.

some questions to ponder: what is the relationship between this seemingly contradictory way our culture relates to the concept of change. what does this mean for someone who 'changes' genders? what about for someone who comes out as queer in their 20s or in their 30s? what about for someone who decides to change their career? or who just has had enough of capitalism? are there intrinsically 'good' changes and 'bad' changes? does it depend on who does the changing and when?


~becca

cry baby

new bike!

Posted on 2008.03.22 at 19:53
went out in search of a new bike with renee today.

i have a retro cruiser that i got last year. with a basket it's perfect for sojourns around the neighbourhood, but i am in need of a fast and sexy bike to get me across the city.

i decided to get a fuji track bike. ain't she gorgeous?!! i love the simplicity. no gears, no brakes.



i've never ridden a fixed wheel bike before but there's the option of flipping the rear wheel to allow it to free wheel. i'd need to add two brakes, instead of one (cause i'm just not cool enough), in that case. i'm also gonna buy hybrid bars; i can never get used to drop bars.

i'm gonna go back to bikes on wheels next weekend and make the purchase. not that i can really ride a bike for the next month, at least. but i'm excited for a time when i can!

~becca

cry baby

abortion rights in canada

Posted on 2008.03.17 at 15:35
ammunition for the anti-choice lobby.

few in canada, and i'm sure no one elsewhere, seems to have heard much about bill C-484. the bill proposes extending victim's rights to the unborn and with it comes a underhanded blow to women's rights and those who are pro-choice.

while the bill does have explicit language to qualify that harm must be done to *both* the mother and the fetus, it raises the spectre of a slippery slope in that, by constructing language around a fetus being living and entitled to rights, the abortion 'debate' shifts to the particular circumstances, instances, and 'exceptions' that can allow such 'fetal rights' to be overuled. abortion may be safe but, if this bill passes final reading in Parliament, a pro-choice person must contend with the legally empowered stance that a fetus has entrenched rights.

the need for these rights is constructed and their substance is fictitious. the harper government isn't obviously responding to the burgeoning lobby of the unborn and politicians rarely act unless there's electoral payoff. perhaps what is most nauseating, yet not surprising given the harper government's track record, is the way rights are being created, or - as in the case of raising age of consent laws - revoked, as thinly political ploys to appease the Conservative support base. while it is a (Conservative) private member's bill, it has received the silent approval of Harper and his inner circle.

the bill passed second reading on march 5th with little fanfare. there was opposition. ndp mp alexa mcdonough had expressed these cautions about that bill "...In my region of Atlantic, the government party has run 32 men for Parliament in the 32 seats in Atlantic Canada, so I am not sure about the authoritativeness of speaking on behalf of women's pressing needs. Let me say, however, that there are a lot of things women desperately need that have been ignored by the government. Not one of them that has ever come to my attention is a call for this kind of bill. Women certainly need a lot more protection against domestic violence and violence that is visited on them in far too many communities. I would say that at the heart of my concern about the bill is that it does indeed arouse considerable concern, real apprehension, about whether it is in fact a thinly veiled step in the direction of recriminalizing abortion in our country."

abort this bill. contact your MP and/or sign this online petition. while this is generally for the best, it's a lot harder to remove rights from a group, living or unborn, once they've been passed into law.

~becca

cry baby

ow.

Posted on 2008.03.15 at 20:17
kidney infection.

nuff said.

cry baby

mushy minds

Posted on 2008.03.11 at 23:11
i don't even feel like posting much cause life seems pretty darn... simple. waking up before the crack of dawn in throbbing pain to the shower, to dilate, to have breakfast and lounge in a narcotic stupor till it's time to do it all over again. through this, think that my brain feels like it's turning to mush. i need to start doing something constructive. if only the pain would let up so i could wean myself off of the painkillers so that i could just think clearly.

a good friend came by with lunch. she brought this yummy creation that i started a few years ago - she didn't know that i invented it, it's just circulated through our circle of friends. it's basically a quinoa, beet and goat cheese concoction married with ginger and sunflower seeds. served warm it is right in every way.

through these foggy three weeks, i have had clarity about what i want to do with my life.

i will become a city planner. i will teach yoga. i will make art, knit, and play my trumpet. i will connect with friends and stop being such a loner.

the past couple of days i've pushed myself too much, having to go to doctor's appointments, and i feel the consequences.

i'm making an oath to not leave the house the next few days. visitor's welcome.

~becca

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