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Wednesday, November 23rd, 2005
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9:42 pm - mix cd
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Once upon a time I made a mix CD for someone I love. I like to think of him driving ( , ) and listening to it, thinking of me.
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(1 opinion | talk to me)
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| Thursday, October 27th, 2005
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7:39 pm - Dance Hall Days
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June 2001.
Schaumburg, Ilinois
Driving from one place to another place, that song came on the radio, and I turned it up loud. "We were cool on craze…" I was cool on craze, that night.
That was one of the last few times I kissed someone, one of the last few times I was surprised by someone, one of the last few times I stayed up all night making out with someone. I knew it was doomed at the time, but I wouldn't have made a different decision because it was too delicious to turn away.
The feeling of standing on that sidewalk, in Schaumburg, Illinois in the middle of the night…slight beer buzz in the back of my brain but most of my mind totally clear. Dazzlingly clear. Afraid that I was and had been and would always be misreading the signals. And then he stepped close to me and kissed me, and I knew I was wrong.
What a good night that was, how perfect each moment. They still stay with me, those moments, and I take them out and savor them, especially when I hear that song.
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(talk to me)
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| Saturday, October 1st, 2005
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1:32 pm - Bummer of an entry. Probably best not to read it, really.
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One year ago tomorrow, my aunt died. One year ago tonight I got the call on my cell phone saying to get on a plane, it wasn't going to be long. One year ago we stood in the airport, trying to get there, trying not to breakdown in front of all the people heading out on tropical vacations, trying not to think about it.
I think about her every day. I think about death every day. My husband nearly died, a month ago. Watching him in ICU, with a ventilator breathing for him was hard -- but not as hard as walking into my aunt's house one year ago and saying goodbye.
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(talk to me)
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| Saturday, April 30th, 2005
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6:44 am - have you seen this?
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www.postsecret.com
I'm going to do it. I have secrets, doesn't everyone? The only hard part will be finding time alone to put together the postcard without family around. What does it mean that I'll share my secrets with strangers but not with family? Probably that I'm no different from the rest of the world.
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(6 opinions | talk to me)
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| Saturday, September 18th, 2004
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7:58 pm - Progression
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My aunt, last week of June -- still getting around, able to take a walk of half a mile or more, eating out with friends in restaurants, driving, baking, making jam, seeing plays. Paracentsis on an emergency basis only, Advil her only needed painkiller.
My aunt, mid-September -- scheduled paracentesis every week, new morphine patch every three days for pain, can't walk more than 10 steps or so without her oxygen because the cancer on her diaphragm is making breathing so difficult. Leaves the house only to go to church. Hospice comes every day.
I was there the end of June, and I'm going again for a week in mid-October. If I can scrounge up the money, I'll go again in November. Goddamn fucking cancer, I hate it, it's so unfair, so horrible, words just fail me.
Good thing I have a door on my office at work because I break down crying at least once a day. I'm having trouble sleeping, and concentrating. Grief hurts. Knowing there's nothing I can really do to help, hurts. I feel sad for my mother, who is going out in a couple of weeks to stay to the end. It's just so far away from here, so far. If only, if only, if only... And there's no good outcome to this. The best thing we can all hope for is that it happens quickly and as painlessly as Hospice's medical science can make it. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck.
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(2 opinions | talk to me)
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| Saturday, August 28th, 2004
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8:20 am - Alias
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Stolen from the archives of
LA-the-Sage
So, what do they call you, Baby?
FOREIGNER ALIAS = Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot:
Cinnamon Victoria
SOCIALITE ALIAS = Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied:
Sweetie San Marcos (we're not big on nicknames in my family)
"FLY GIRL" ALIAS = First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of Your Last Name:
L JA
ROCK STAR ALIAS: = Any Liquid on the Bar + Last Name of Bad-Ass Celeb:
Chardonnay Depp
DIVA ALIAS: = Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen:
Candy Dawn
GIRL DETECTIVE ALIAS: = Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Last Went To School:
Kitten Sonoma
BARFLY ALIAS = Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Drink:
Lays Champagne
SOAP OPERA ALIAS = Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived:
Puanani Palm
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(talk to me)
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| Wednesday, August 25th, 2004
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7:34 pm - "Yes, master?"
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Way back in 1999, I signed up for MyYahoo! and had quite a good time setting my preferences so it would look the way I wanted. I haven't changed it in all that time -- it's very comforting, somehow, that yellow and purple scheme I came up with all those years ago.
And at the time, I also set it so it greeted me at the top with "Yes, master?" Every time I looked at it, I heard Obi-
Wan's voice from Phantom Menace, yes-mastering Qui-Gon. I liked it. It was comforting, even though I've moved on from that fandom (mostly...I still have a Qui-Gon action figure standing guard over my PC at work).
I know it said "Yes, master?" yesterday. Today? It says "Hello [myname]". What the fuck? Turns out, you can't set your own greeting in MyYahoo! anymore, you get Hello, and that's it.
Bummer baby! I miss my "Yes, master?"
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(1 opinion | talk to me)
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| Sunday, August 22nd, 2004
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7:45 pm - Shallow?
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Just watching the 8-man rowing finals -- yeah yeah yeah, gold metal, 40-year drought, volunteer fireman.... but all I can think is "Nice shoulders! Nice ARMS!"
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(3 opinions | talk to me)
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| Wednesday, August 11th, 2004
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8:52 pm - truly madly depply vol. 2
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Includes all your favorites, including:
( Read more... )
Hee! This was fun! Almost as much fun as Volume 1 was, last year....or maybe, more fun.
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(4 opinions | talk to me)
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| Tuesday, August 10th, 2004
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7:34 pm - books, books, books!
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One thing I like almost as much as reading books is thinking about the books I've read, and talking about them, and turning folks onto them. Damn, I love books!
Here's how it goes:
* bold those books you've read
* italicize started-but-never-finished
* add three of your own
* post to your livejournal/greatestjournal
( Read more... )
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(talk to me)
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splintergirl's journal