Yes! Armed with my crappy digital camera, I've been out shooting Raynes Park's fabulous landmarks, so you can see how great my suburb is.


First of all we have Cottenham Park Allotments, a glorious oasis of sheds and vegetables in the midst of the suburban bustle. Lovely.


Moving on, we come to the thriving hub of Raynes Park, and below you see Matheou's Fish Bar and The Cavern pub, boasting the "best rock 'n' roll jukebox in London", no less. I've heard it, and it's OK, I guess...


Our local coin-op Washeteria, complete with Dot Cotton lookalike staff.


Next, we have Blockbuster for all your entertainment needs, and the Co-Op, perfect for when you need a half-price slightly damaged Christmas cake at the end of January. Not so good for bread, milk or potatoes, though.


The Post Office, dispatch central for my eBay empire.


Raynes Park railway station boasts frequent trains to London, and attractive female customers (I met Abby here). Also trains to New Malden, should you ever tire of downtown Raynes Park.


Next to the station is the office supplies heaven of BDS, an Internet Cafe and cheap imitation KFC Favorite Chicken and Ribs.


Assist the terminally ill and pick up bargains in Raynes Park's fabulous charity shops.


Onto Prince George's Playing Fields, where many a game of football is played. I love the lonely group of trees in the middle.


Next...the David Lloyd Club, for gym, tennis and swimming. Possibly the most sophisticated and upmarket place in the whole of Raynes Park, I am known to frequent this place. Lemon Lucozade provided, which is good...a tad overpriced, which is bad.


The Raynes Park Tavern. One of the oldest buildings in town. Often shows football matches on the big screen.


Pop into the Raynes Kebab House - no visit to the town is complete without a kebab or burger from this fine establishment. Undo all the good you did at David Lloyd in seconds.


My local shops. There's nothing for you here.


Should you wish to make an enquiry about your income tax, you can do it in Raynes Park. Swivel on that, New Malden.


Moving closer to my home now, here's my local bus stop.


The children's playground. Varied programme of activities throughout the day. Mornings - usually deserted. Afternoons - bored schoolkids. Evenings - pikeys drinking White Lightning.


And finally, very close to my home, a thrilling contemporary art installation that continually challenges and provokes reactions in the good residents of the West Barnes Lane Estate. Sometimes the fridge door is open. Sometimes the freezer door is open. Sometimes they are both open. Sometimes they are both closed. You just never know what you're going to get, and it makes going on or off the estate very exciting.




I'm sure after that, you'll all want to move here.