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Uhm...This Was On The Radio The Other Night   
03:50am 25/10/2007
 
mood: geeky
music: Wake Up Older - Julie Roberts
Hehe...Ragweed put my shit in a song.

I believe in Karma
I believe in the soul
I believe in heaven
I believe in Rock N Roll
I believe in wrestlin
I believe in sleep
I know I oughta quite now
I believe I'm in too deep

I believe in gansta rap
Gays and geeks and ghosts
I believe that we die of all the things that we hate the most
I believe that we all learn to love before we get through
I believe in letting people do what people do

I believe in Everything
(I believe you)
Yes I do
I believe in Everything
(I believe you)
I believe in Everything, Everyone, Everybody
Hey Hey Hey
(I believe you)
Tell me what you want
I believe you

I believe that all my friends
Really are my friends
I believe that Jesus Christ
Died for all of my sins
I know that the Devil
Gets exactly what he's due
I believe in The Truckers
I believe in my girlfriend too

I believe in Everything
(I believe you)
Yes I do
I believe in Everything
(I believe you)
I believe in Everything, Everyone, Everybody
Hey Hey Hey
(I believe you)
Tell me what you want
I believe you

I believe in people
White and Black and Blue
I believe in people
That believe the same way I do
Because
I know that someday
Love is gonna shine us all the way through
I believe in letting people do what people do

I believe in Everything
(I believe you)
Yes I do
I believe in Everything
(I believe you)
I believe in Everything, Everyone, Everybody
Hey Hey Hey
(I believe you)
Tell me what you want
I believe it		  
     Post
 
Weird   
02:56am 04/09/2007
 
mood: enthralled
K...that was weird. I like where I live. I was just out smokin and here comes the the train. I like the trains. They're loud but they're cool. I remember when I was itty bitty. The Santa Fe line ran right on the other side of the street. When the train was coming they'd take me outside to watch the train go by and they'd tell me wave to the engineer when the caboose comes by. And I would and 9 times outta 10, he'd wave back at me. It was cool.

Last night I was out and the coyotes got goin. That's really very cool. A very unverving sound but very cool. Kinda like a little gift. Cool if the commotion they make is coming from the next pasture over.

So tonight when I heard the train whistle start up, I thought...if it ain't one type of racket it's another. Coyotes or trains. Sigh. I like where I live. THEN...between train whistles I heard the lead coyote start up. Guess the train drowned out the rest of the pack but, DAMN! Yup, I like where I live.		  
     Post
 
Everlast and I say, "Watch Saving Grace"   
09:50pm 03/09/2007
 
mood: thoughtful
WTF? This show is a bad influence. I realize everyone in OKC don't wear boots and jeans. I realize it more than most. I didn't realize a show could be a bad influence. Hehe. Monday night. I'm draggin ass. Barely finished my coffee. Felt like shit the last two days. 8 o'clock. Time to turn Grace on. It starts and suddenly, I need a beer. It's like my drinkin buddies have shown up. Can't help it. My drinkin buddies are on teevee. That's just wrong.

We always joked bout how Leah looked AND sounded like Holly Hunter in Raisin Arizona but now, here's Holly Hunter playin a chick who lives in Leah's town acting and soundin like Leah. Holly Hunter playin a chick who's sister has a story just like Leah's cept that Leah was off by a day where it worked out to where Leah DIDN'T die. Makes my head hurt. Makes me think either my life's extraordinary or I'm completely delusional. Who the living HELL is Nancy Miller and who the hell does she think she is puttin our shit on TeeVee? And...how do I thank her?

Hubby's seen it. He says I'm not delusional. About what happened and about the show anyway. Hehe. He remembers too. I keep asking him. Am I just THAT homesick or is this show really THAT good. He says its good and he ain't got the homesick thing.

I'm mean, c'mon, THIS is the theme song for the show!



One time around the block
Two times around the clock
Three times, Don't cross the little lady

So pretty and oh so bold
Gotta heart full of gold
On a lonely road
She say, I don't even think that God can save me.

Am I gainin ground
Am I losin face
Am I lost and found
My Savin Grace
Thankful for the gift my angels gave me

We're born alone
We die alone
And I'm just sittin here by the phone
Waitin for the Lord to send my callin

Streewise from the boulevard
Jesus only knows why she tries too hard
She's only tryin to keep the sky from fallin

And any man who says its Heaven and Hell
Prolly got something useless to sell
You ask me if I'm saved but what's it to ya?

Blow a quarter
Cop another eight
You're runnin outta high
You're loosin your faith
Just throw your hands up and scream hallelujah

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Amen

One time around the sun
Another year older and my work ain't done
Its time for me to write the final chapter
Deal the cards and roll the dice
Sex, Drugs and Rock N Roll are my only vice
Try to figure out just what's here after

Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Amen		  
     Post
 
GAWD with the Homesickness/Revenge Of The Cervids Part Deux/And Other Stuff   
01:45am 28/08/2007
 
mood: predatory
My Husband sent me this:

Three years ago, a report on the future of hunting was presented to Texas
Parks & Wildlife commissioners.

Usually, "future" reports are routine and important and deal with matters
such as the development of parks or the agency's budget.

While those matters are important, they don't draw much attention from the
general public.

The report on hunting was memorable, though, drawing lots of attention. It
was the first public discussion of Internet hunting, a concept that had
"hunters" clicking on a computer mouse to fire a gun aimed at an animal at a
remote location.

A San Antonio man dreamed up the concept, but it had a relatively short life
after being mortally wounded by a new state law. As of this morning, more
than 30 states have unloaded on the concept and outlawed Internet hunting.

So, it was understandable last week when a caller asked about a new
regulation that will help blind hunters hunt deer.

What's going on?

Sure enough, TPW commissioners will take action Thursday on the use of
laser-light sights that will allow blind hunters to accurately aim at game
animals.

Such a lighting device is attached to a firearm, typically slung under the
barrel or affixed to the trigger guard, and then the beam is adjusted until
a spot of light matches the point where the bullet will impact.

The commission's action will amend the TPW code to allow blind hunters to
use such sights in deer hunting. Significantly, the legal definition of
blindness is addressed in the change. Vision of 20/200 in the best eye is
the standard.

As it stands now, laser-sighting systems can be used in limited applications
and not at all for hunting game animals, according to TPW regulations.

"They are considered a light," said game warden David Sinclair, director of
hunting regulations in TPW's Law Enforcement Division. "It is illegal to use
a light to hunt game animals or game birds."

Hunters who target feral hogs and exotics, which are not game animals, have
used the sights legally for years, Sinclair said.

The lights are particularly effective in hunting wild pigs at night.

"What this (change) will do is allow someone to stand behind the (blind)
hunter and say, 'Move it up, move it down,'" he said. "People are already
doing it to help blind hunters aim, but without the light."

The light should improve hunting success.

The law was introduced in the last Legislature by Rep. Ed Kuempel of Seguin
and was passed with little opposition.

It is an interesting idea and follows one of the wildlife agency's goals to
increase hunting opportunities.

Time to speak: The August meeting of the Texas Parks & Wildlife Commission
is the public's annual chance to voice "open line" concerns and opinions on
matters related to the agency and its duties.

Normally, comments at commission meetings are restricted to items on the
current agenda, such as the laser-sighting regulations above.

Wednesday is the annual public-comment meeting, and comments will be taken
on any pertinent topic that the commission oversees. In other words, you can
say how much you like armadillos or dislike white-winged doves, but you
won't get time to gripe about the price of gasoline.

Sign up at the desk outside the commission meeting room anytime before the
Wednesday afternoon session ends, and you will be given three minutes to
talk. You may have to wait a few hours for your turn, but it will come.

The regular commission session starts at 8 a.m. and regular commission
business should be cleared before the lunch break.

The public hearing then starts at 2 p.m. at TPW headquarters on Smith School
Road in southeast Austin.

The agenda for the two-day meeting is listed on the TPW Web site.


http://www.tpwd.state.tx.us/

They aint' playin. And I have things to say.

Exotics need to get the fuck. If you want to hunt exotic then haul your ass to Africa. What's natural to Texas is exotic enough. Bringin that shit TO Texas, ain't natural and takes up land that could be used for natural Texas "exotics".

Hehe...spotlightin has ALWAYS been illegal, I don't care how them Cajuns do things. It's cheatin. Course folks from up North think puttin out corn is cheatin so...whacha gonna do?

Internet huntin makes no sense to me. I don't get it. So...I ain't got no opinion. If you don't wanna be out in the woods workin to get your supper then just go to the grocery store. I got no concept and thought it was idiotic the first time I heard about it.

At least people in Texas have the chance to have opinions. Up here things are so fuckin "mandated". Shut the fuck up if you don't like how we do it. It's for the good of Colorado. No one argues so...they must agree. We'll deal with the overpopulation of Elk in Rocky Mtn National Park by having park rangers shoot Elk at night with silencers so as to not upset the tourists. JESUS!

When some motherfucker from Jersey tells me it'd be easier to go gold pannin in Texas than Colorado, I know my perspective ain't off too much. Just sayin.

And WTF? BLIND PEOPLE HUNTING? BLIND PEOPLE SHOOTING GUNS? OMG!?! What has the world come to? Hehehehehehe		  
     Post
 
Snow Ice Cream   
12:34am 14/02/2007
 
mood: devious
Global Warming CAN be fun. Just all about how you look at it. So...if I die in the next few days....blame it on the snow ice cream. Just so you know. Don't wanna waste the Doug Co CSI team's time. It won't be the ice cream itself. Didn't use raw eggs. Blame it on the bird turds. Pretty sure they weren't acutal turds. Prolly just the shells of seeds but even that could be bad. Regardless, the ice cream was good. Almost as good as the raw egg stuff mom made for us when we were little. THAT was the best snow ice cream EVER!!! Can't believe it's taken me this long to make snow ice cream. Done. Nummy. Back to "The Singing Detective". Oh and if I die...Ken gets everything. Including the fucked up job.		  
     Post
 
That Girl From Down The Road   
07:28am 23/11/2006
 
mood: drunk
music: Miranda - Kerosene
So...this is what happens when I drink alone. It's been happening since high school. JD + alone = Country music + beer = much hilarity. How's THAT for mother fuckin algebra? The other day I was not alone and I was not drinkin. I was on the phone with Mom. The CMA's had just aired. Ken and I watched a bit of em. Enough, anyway...vigoruously avoiding Rascal Flatts. Mom was way bored and started yackin bout the CMA's. She said...how bout that cool little blonde chick? DOH! I was like, which one, please? She said, the one who won the Horizon award. I said, Carrie Underwood?...she's alright. Mom said, NO! Not HER! The one from Texas, you know! I said, Miranda Lambert? She said, Yeah, her. I said, Mom...she didn't win the Horizon, Carrie Underwood did. Then in Mom's most totally logical -to her- thought process she says: Yeah, Miranda Lambert...the one who SHOULD have won the Horizon award...whadja think of her? I just laughed cuz...I get that crazy bitch and sometimes...I wish I could live in her world. I told her: I totally LOVE Miranda Lambert. She's all that AND a bag of chips. Then...MY MOTHER tells ME...you know, she from right down the road. Statement, not question. I said...I KNOW! She's FROM freakin LINDALE. Mom: Oh, is THAT the town she came from? I knew it was one of them towns round there. SO...this placism thing I have is not something I created. It's something passed down. Maybe. My mother has really good taste in music. History proves this. Thing is...I don't understand how. She hates this and she hates that. Cuz it just ain't right and Jesus says that's wrong. But we still end up liking the same shit. Miranda Lambert is following in Gretchen's footsteps. Bustin doors down. Changing the world. Mom don't care. Mom just likes the music. She likes Miranda over Carrie and it don't matter the reason. You just can't argue with that. Have you fuckin heard her latest? Miranda's I mean. Hehe. She's too young to be able to put all THAT shit in a song! Hehe Despite what she's tried to present to me...I know who my momma is. She's a bitch. And Miranda's latest song, Crazy Ex Girlfriend. That would be my momma. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL Meet my momma. Oh and btw...my Gram -HER Momma- Quad fuckin druple it. Here's the lyrics. Bout Miranda, DICTION is fuckin EVERYTHANG! To us...it's whacha call street cred. LOL

It took me 5 bars some 30 license plates
I saw her Mustang
And my eyes filled up with rage
I brought my pistol but I ain't some kinda fool
So I walked right in bare handed
She was on his arm while he was playing pool
Just like I used to do
she kissed him while I got a beer
she didn't think I'd show up here
I'm a crazy ex girlfriend

I watched her for awhile but I didn't like her walk
came across kinda cheap to me
but hey how was that my fault
She looked at my man like he didn't have on a stitch
somebody tell that girl
step up to the plate
I wanna Pitch
Little Hussy

Well those pretty girls can play their game
but they're damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy ex-girlfriend

I started throwing things
And I scared folks half to death
I got up in his face smelled whiskey on his breath
Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jail
Well baby to a hammer everything looked like a nail
I was mad as hell

Well those pretty girls they're all the same
but they're damn well gonna know my name
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend

I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend
I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend

ROFLMAO! I hope to be as cool as my genetics someday. See, it's that one line: 'Well those pretty girls can play their game/they're all the same...but they're damn well gonna know my name' - THAT'S what they taught me. LOL Though neither the mother nor the grandmother would have EVER admitted to such. That's just only cuz they're/were Texas Ladies. You oughta hear it. The mandolin/banjo fuckin ROCKS! Crazy Ex Girlfriend. Go here:

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=27436197

LMAO I bet you anything, Miranda's momma and grandmomma are blushin all to hell. And then grinnin all to hell when nobody'd lookin.		  
     Post
 
Ugh   
08:44pm 11/09/2006
  Five years ago today, I learned the meaning of the word hero in a way I could finally understand it.

http://tinyurl.com/ewbjr

Then a few days later Alan Jackson did something with words and music that I'd forgotten could be done. He pretty much covered it all for pretty much everybody. Well, 'cept the hatred and vengence.

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Out in the yard with your wife and children
Or workin' on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue
And the hero's who died just doin' what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq
and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And, I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Teachin' a class full of innocent children
Or driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her
Did you dust off that Bible at home

Did you open your eyes hoped it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset for the first time in ages
Or speak to some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun

Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on I Love Lucy reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love

I'm just a singer of simple songs I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq
and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And, I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

I'm just a singer of simple songs I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you the difference in Iraq
and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And, I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning, that September day		  
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Talked To One Of My Ya Ya Sisters Today   
09:39pm 29/08/2006
 
mood: contemplative
music: Zeppelin in my head
She lives in a town north of Hammond, LA; south of McComb, MS; east of Baton Rouge, LA and west of Bogalusa, LA Here's how the conversation went:

AL [9:08 P.M.]: ten times worse since Katrina
DJ [9:08 P.M.]: Oh I can imagine
DJ [9:08 P.M.]: should say...i can ONLY imagine!
AL [9:08 P.M.]: today is the one year anniversary
DJ [9:08 P.M.]: I know...been watchin stuff off & on all day
AL [9:08 P.M.]: I was in the dark...way dark at this point then
DJ [9:10 P.M.]: God....you mean yall's power was out?
AL [9:10 P.M.]: for like two weeks
DJ [9:11 P.M.]: mom & leon lost power when Rita hit...they got really really lucky
AL [9:11 P.M.]: no power or water
AL [9:11 P.M.]: had to bathe in the creek
DJ [9:11 P.M.]: Damn...I knew it was bad around there.
AL [9:11 P.M.]: B (her son) got a big kick out of it
AL [9:11 P.M.]: and it potty trained him
AL [9:11 P.M.]: when the toilets wouldn't work...he then needed to use them
AL [9:11 P.M.]: lol
DJ [9:12 P.M.]: LOLOLOL....GO FIGURE!!!!
DJ [9:12 P.M.]: God...and to imagine...yall's town made out pretty good compared to so many other places.
DJ [9:13 P.M.]: Sigh...Girlfriend, you have been through THE SHIT the last few years!!!
AL [9:13 P.M.]: oh yeah, but we had all the gangs dropped off around here
AL [9:13 P.M.]: it was horribly terrifying
DJ [9:14 P.M.]: HOLY CRAP! I had no idea. I didn't get to talk to you much after that happened.
AL [9:14 P.M.]: yeah, we even had the national guard stationed here for a while
AL [9:14 P.M.]: had to sleep with gun
AL [9:14 P.M.]: s
AL [9:14 P.M.]: no gas
AL [9:14 P.M.]: no food, except mre's
AL [9:15 P.M.]: which are gross
AL [9:15 P.M.]: lol
DJ [9:15 P.M.]: I know...i've had em...ICK!!!!
AL [9:15 P.M.]: since I was on the FD we worked FEMA trucks almost every day


A girlfriend who moved to NOLA a few years back headed to Illinois. Another one who was born and raised there was in Florida. Illinois girlfriend got to go home. Florida girlfriend is and will be for good long while...still in Florida. Gettin ready for the rain from the nice side of Ernesto.

If it keeps on rainin’, levee’s going to break,
If it keeps on rainin’, levee’s going to break,
And when the levee breaks I’ll have no place to stay.

Mean old levee taught me to weep and moan,
Lord, mean old levee taught me to weep and moan,
It’s got what it takes to make a mountain man leave his home,
Oh, well, oh, well, oh, well. Ooh.

(Instrumental break)

Don’t it make you feel bad
When you’re tryin’ to find your way home,
You don’t know which way to go?
If you’re goin’ down south
They got no work to do,
If you don’t know about Chicago.
Ahh, ahh, ahh, hey-hey.

(Instrumental break)

Cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good,
Now, cryin’ won’t help you, prayin’ won’t do you no good.
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move.

A-woo-hoo.

All last night, sat on the levee and moaned,
All last night, sat on the levee and moaned,
Thinkin’ ’bout my baby and my happy home.

Oh-oh.

(Instrumental break)

Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh.
Oh-oh, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh-oh.

Going, goin’ to Chicago,
Goin’ to Chicago,
Sorry but I can’t take you.
Going down, going down now, going down, going down now…

Led Zeppelin via Kansas Joe McCoy and Memphis Minnie		  
     Post
 
Revenge Of The Cervids   
02:25am 23/08/2006
 
mood: drunk
music: I Got The Guns - Roger Creager
They're out to get me. Something must be done.

K...I grew up huntin. Huntin means deer huntin. My mom, my Grandmother, my Aunt Betty, Miss Fran, Aunt Edna, and Aunt Elaine all hunted so I gotta warped point of view of huntin where the sexes are concerned. I only mention it cuz since I've lived in Colorado, the issue has actually come up. LOL! My best friend who's reunited with her daddy in the past ten years spends time with him nowadays squirrel huntin. See? Warped point of view. For folks not from our parts, I reckon.

Our parts are Texas...Duh. In Texas, you just hunt where ever someone lets you. YOU GET YOUR TAGS, FOLLOW THE LAWS (mostly...'less your freezer's REALLY low) AND you work WITH THE GAME WARDEN to manage the herds. If you want some really good deer huntin you arrange something with someone who owns land in The Hill Country. They got mule deer out there. Bigger than white tails. More meat. That's where Daddy and Uncle Neal died. Hehe...on vacation doin what they loved, deer huntin.

Now here in Colorado...Can I just tell ya? The fuckin mule deer herds (and elk for that matter) ARE NOT MANAGED!!! Fuckers are EVERYWHERE! They TAUNT me! Driving to and from work (or best friend's house) you have to REALLY REALLY pay attention at night (when I'm usually driving). Driving becomes a lot like playing Frogger. You don't just have to pay attention to the road, you have to pay attention to way off the sides of the roads too. Otherwise, one em could be sauntering along the side of the road and you just know...they might get spooked as you drive by and bolt in front or or INTO the truck. Goin back and forth to work, I usually see an average of 2 or 3 ever other day. Tonight when my relief showed up and I was gettin ready to leave, instead of warning me about cops he said watch out for the deer. They're out and about big time. Thing is...if I were to hit one, it could be bad. I COULD possible get killed. Heh

Last night I had to stop for a young bull elk. He stared me down. I ain't used to elk. 'Cept the dead one that hung on Papaw's wall all my life (He spent his vacation every year huntin at Jackson's Hole 'fore it was a resort town...long before I was born). So I just stopped and waited on the road for him to do his thang. Them fuckers are BIG! Souled Spike woulda fed well that night.

Tonight, I saw 5 mule deer. One was right at the edge of the road while I was coming out the mountains. I came around the curve and there he was. Standing on the right side edge of the pavement. I slowed down and eventually stopped. He just stood there, staring at me. I put on my flashers in hopes that any morons that might come down behind me wouldn't slam into my back bumper. The deer just stared forever and I was glad I stopped cuz when he finally decided (which they usually always and wisely do) that I might be a threat, he ended up crossing to the left side of the road and climbing up the mountain out of site.

That little incident got me thinkin. Jeez. I LOVE deer meat. Deer steaks don't stay in my house long 'fore they're chicken fried. I grew up where PEOPLE kill deer but here in Colorado, I SWEAR...the DEER have a better chance of killin PEOPLE! The elk are even worse! There aren't any wolves. I reckon the mountain lions are well fed. Gettin a mule deer for supper is too much work for coyotes.

I love it here but this is really annoying. The "hunting industry" here is geared toward rich folks from outta state. From what folks I've talked to say, it's a bitch to get tags here in Colorado. You can't just go to the K-Mart sports department to buy your tags (how many times was I drug along to the K-Mart [IN THE CITY!] to get tags to get ready to go huntin?) Here you have to enter a lottery to get tags. WHAT THE FUCK? Now if ya "win" the lottery, THEN ya can go into the Bailey Barnstore and get your tags. What's it take to "win" the lottery? Do I even wanna know? Lemme tell ya...in Texas you do not have fucking deer shuttin down morning drive time in a city. And as far as I know, there ain't no thing as 'chronic wasting disease' in Texas. Wait! Look here:

http://tinyurl.com/pr2gd

"CWD HAS NOT BEEN FOUND IN TEXAS"

Yes, that's from three years ago but it still ain't become a problem there cuz they don't fuck around.

Something should be done here in Colorado. If I had access to some land, I might just break the law. Just saying. Man, NOW I really miss sittin up in the tree stand above Uncle Luke and Aunt Nora's oat patch in the fall at the crack of dawn on a weekend morning. Back then, I was juat a bored 8 year old with nothing better to do than to hang out with Dad trying to prove I could be quiet.

Go read all this horse shit:

http://wildlife.state.co.us/LeftoverLicense.htm

or this horse shit:

http://wildlife.state.co.us/Hunting/

What the fuck are "quality licenses"? Ain't no "quality" bout licenses. Only "quality" bout any of it is if you are lucky enough to see an 8 point buck or they give out extra doe tags that year. Then the "quality" of your shot comes into play.

AND...the godamned beautiful fuckers are trying to kill me! Sigh. I'm thinking...I may sign up for a hunters safety course (THEN try to figure out what other "certificates" I'll have to have) then see if I can find someone who's pissed off about their corn gettin chewed up (and aren't members of Peta) and see if I can fill my freezer w/o paying 20 dolllars a pound for T-bones.

*giggles. Can I tell ya how groovy it is that currently, THIS is the thing that's most on my nerves? Hehehehehe		  
     Post
 
Now I'm Gonna Bitch   
12:58am 20/07/2006
  The Rodney Atkins tune broke. It's on the radio now every time I get in the truck. It's some spiritual sign that's supposed to make me feel better and I appreciate it. But I don't feel better.

We've just had ANOTHER giant miracle but I don't feel the joy. Not down deep in my guts like I wanna (Ok, well...I'm actually starting to a bit). I guess it'll come. Robyn says's I been hit by a semi again so I should just chill the fuck out. She's right. I will but first...I'm gonna be totally ungracious and BITCH.

People are on my fucking nerves. I expect people to act right and I DO realize that's my first mistake. I can't help it. It's how I'm built. I went close to over the top that day at clinic when they were making noise about gettin Ken an ultrasound whenever they could fucking get to it. I was flat out righteously rude to folks. That ain't me. But I'm in the middle of the job. The job is to get the man up on his feet and feeling better than he has in years. If you ain't gonna help me get this job done...then you need to get the fuck outta my way and rest assured I will raise nine kinds a hell till I GET my fucking way.

I don't think sick people should have to work so fuckin hard just to get a chance at trying to get well. That's disgusts me. They need to be focused on their own little reality of their body, mind and spirit. They need not be victims of the horrific profit obsessed monster our healthcare system is. They need to not be herded like cattle to the next painful procedure and stared at like freaks when they say, ouch. The majority don't seem to mind this shit. They'll bitch a little then just say, oh well. Just par for the course these days when you get sick and THAT pisses me off too.

I had an epiphany on the way to the hospital one day while smoking a cigarette and approaching the University/Rose/VA Industrial Complex. I've had to work hard to try to help my husband achieve something that kinda resembles decent health...really hard. I've decided it fuckin sux. It's not noble. The amount of fucking cold hearted bullshit you have to go through is repulsive. I love the dude. It hurts to watch him have to go through it but it's worth goin through it to maybe get to keep him a little longer. At this point, if he decided to bail and quit working so fucking hard, I'd totally get it. So it occurred to me right then and there as I was smoking. If I get lung cancer cuz it's genetic in my family and cuz I've smoked for 20 years. I won't fucking do it. I will just try to die as quickly as possible. I know what I'm talking about. I know what it would take and I'd rather just get the fuck off the planet than go through that shit.

And I'm completely, totally fed the fuck up with 'family' members who present themselves as such upright citizens to the world and completely forsake their family during crisis. I've learned what mother fucking ball-less pussies some 'upright citizens' can be when it comes to their beloved family members. Heh...and I'm the one with mental illness. My anger is large and I ain't got nothing left in me to even attempt to abide these people. They really truly in every vulgar sense of the word need to FUCK OFF.

I grew up with a bunch of psycho bitches who ran their heads about nasty shit whenever the mood hit them. They just loved to stir shit up at every opportunity. The men in our lives usually let em go for awhile then said some magic words and reined their back-biting asses in. I've tried NOT to follow in the bitches footsteps but by God I need to stay the fuck away from some 'family' members right now or I will let loose in a similar way to what I saw so much growing up and there won't be nothing passive aggressive about it.

I used to have compassion...and some pity (which isn't really very nice). I used to say...oh, this shit scares em so much they just have to stay away. They can't handle it. They're terrified of their own mortality and the reality that they can't control everything in life. They've lost that indulgence from me now. I used to say they ain't worth my time. That's probably still true. But now I think it's time for some consequences. They do NOT need to get up in my face with their self righteous bullshit right now. I got some venom I need to get rid of.

I'll talk about work another day.		  
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Lord, I Need To Pull Down My Skirt   
03:26am 28/03/2006
 
mood: grateful
music: Rodney Atkins - If You're Goin Through Hell
My Redneck Fundamentalism is showin.

K, this tune is such a lovely description of how it all went a few years ago. Most especially this stanza:

But the good news is
There's angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin out a hand to pull ya back up on your feet
The ones that you been draggin
For so long you're on your knees
You might as well be prayin

I mean FUCK! Can I even begin to tell all the stories of how it was? Dr G said, "You're husband's prolly gonna die". I totally believed him. I got it. I knew the facts. Denial is not one of my talents. What the hell do you do with that? Uhm...you just don't do anything. You hang on to what ever the hell you got. I held on to the shit they taught me when I was a kid. I believed it then and there's some of it I still believe. It's just that nowadays, I believe there's a whole lot more. You hang on to the beautiful skinny black lady who comes up to you in the Saratoga Parking Garage smokin area at Tulane and says, "Why you here?". And after you tell her why (no major dramatic explanation...everyone there's got a major drama), you hang on to how she starts preachin and tellin you how she's gonna pray for us. You hang on to the fact that you know God sent her to you.

This tune is all nostalgicy. Indulge me. I dig that Spike...and Angel...(and Buffy) would totally get the demon references. Like, it all just fit. What they taught me back in the day and how it came to be when the hubby almost bit it. It lined up just right. This song represents. My Old People (what's left of em) would be proud. Hehehe, somehow, "The devil didn't know we were there" Hahahahahahahaha

For those with the broadband go here and scroll down to Atkins, Rodney. Double click on the only choice there, "If You're Goin Through Hell".

http://music.aol.com/archive/main.adp?category=4

Here's the lyrics. You'll prolly get it even without hearin the tune. Thing is...we may very well be goin to "that place" again soon. With added features. His Sissy's goin give him one of her kidneys. Now, I get to fret for him and her. You know, it's all about ME! "...if you're goin through hell, keep on goin". Go Winston, Go Winston!!!

K, will do. Only with the help of the friends (angels everywhere out on the streets). Can't do this w/out em, this go round. They were "there" last time. This time, literally, physically, they will be here. You heard me? You WILL.be.there! So sayeth, JD!

Well, ya know those times when
Ya feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says "I Don't Mind If You Kick Me|"
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
Ya think they can't worse than that
And then they do

You step off the straight and narrow and
Ya don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to you

Well, that's when you learn the truth

If you're goin through hell, keep on goin
Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
'Fore the devil even knows you're there

I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundred different demons
Breathin fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were layin

Yeah

But the good news is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holdin out a hand to pull ya back up on your feet
The ones that you been draggin
For so long you're on your knees
You might as well be prayin

Guess what I'm sayin,

If you're goin through hell, keep on goin
Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
'Fore the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're goin through hell, keep on movin
Face that fire, walk right through it
You might get out
'Fore the devil even knows you're there

Woo

If you're goin through hell, keep on goin
Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
'Fore the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, If you're goin through hell, keep on movin
Face that fire, walk right through it
You might get out
'Fore the devil even knows you're there
Yeah, You might get out
'Fore the devil even knows you're there

Yeah

Oooo ooohooo

Ohhhhh

Oh and why not a little plug? It's what I know.

http://www.rodneyatkins.com/		  
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Uhm...Wait A Minute   
11:55pm 06/03/2006
 
mood: amused
music: Ferguson On The Tube
Has anyone on the planet, other than me, gone, "I'll be damned"?

...the latest big budget romantic comedy, Failure To Launch, stars Matthew McConaughey (who's 36 and the 'Sexiest Man Alive' and from Longview, Texas and who - even though he's two yrs younger than us - Mandy and I still wonder how the hell we missed THAT!) as the male romantic lead and Sarah Jessica Parker (who's FORTY) as the female romantic lead.

No one's talking about that fact at all. Flick's just opening this weekend so there's only press from the stars selling it. It may be a big ole dud but if this sucker makes some bank...hehehe, I wonder then if folks'll notice? Wonder if anyone in the media will point that fact out? Hmmm...prolly not. It's rude to mention a lady's age.

Heh...and well, Entertainment Tonight prolly sells a whole lotta 'age defying' cosmetics. We just won't bring it up. Wouldn't want to let them women start thinking they might still be vibrant and beautiful and capable of being a sex symbol at forty. They might not feel as bad about themselves and then they might not spend as much to be thin and wrinkle free. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Mrs. Broderick sells hair dye. Go hair dye! Go Retinol A! Go eating right and working out and good genes! I'm just saying...What kinda message are these movie makers sending? I thought women in Hollywood were washed up at forty?

I'm sure what's happened here is that no one was supposed to notice. Ooops. I prolly just ruined Sarah Jess's career.		  
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How cool was that?   
11:57pm 28/02/2006
 
mood: touched
music: Karoke Music from The Cat's Meow on Bourbon
Bless their hearts. Seriously. They pulled it off! Yeah for them and consequently, all of us! Ok...never been to Mardi Gras in New Orleans but over the years I usually end up on Bourbo cam from Nola.com at the end of the night on Fat Tuesday. Shit really seriously simmers down at midnight, believe it or not. The way it works is the cops come down Bourbon Street right AT midnight and force everyone that's left off the street and up onto the sidewalk. That's the official end to Mardi Gras. (Get your ass home. Take a few hours to sleep it off so you can get your sinnin' ass to church in the morning to get the ashes.) Right behind the wall of cops comes the street sweepers and within a few hours they got the street CLEANED of all the trash and most of the folks are gone. This year was different even concerning this aspect. Man, how cool. Three cops on foot were followed by two cop cars. Behind them was a line of police with the new chief, Warren Riley, in the very middle of that line waving to everyone. Looked a little like a celebrity color guard. The folks on the sidewalks were CLAPPIN for the cops! Louisiana is famous for not having their shit together but the cops making it happen is why there WAS a Mardi Gras in New Orleans this year. Behind that line was the combined unit of New Orleans cops and the state troopers who helped em out this go round. Then came the mounted cops. The horses were dancing. But this was the coolest...at the end there were only two sanitation trucks. No street sweepers. Usually this is for real. This year it was ceremonial. No curfew (some bars stay open and you can be on the sidewalk) but it IS technically illegal to be ON the street. Mardi Gras' over. It was touching. And I ain't even really drunk. I wish Chief Riley the best of luck in the coming months. They done good.		  
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Only Five Days Late   
03:06am 21/02/2006
 
mood: jubilant
music: Still the freaking Olympic ice dancin. It's kinda cool
Ken's neice finally got here! She's beautiful and perfect like all babies. I was the official picture taker and Ken and I both got to hold her for quiet a while. The brother and sister-in-law are being incredibly generous sharin little Kyla Rei. Spike has knitted two baby dresses (my cousin's new baby girl, Madison Michel got here Jan 8th!), a hooded towel and finished off a baby blanket started long ago. Oh yeah...and a coupla cunnin' Jayne Cobb hats. Go Spike!		  
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Decent Humans who become Super Nurses, ROCK!   
02:56am 21/02/2006
 
mood: chipper
music: Ice Dancin on the Tube. Dude, I've never watched before.
Nurse Ann was wondering about Ken dreaming as a blind person who had once been able to see. He told her yes, he still sees in his dreams. She wrote this back. How lucky were we that the Universe sent her to take care of him? Ken told her back then that every time he hit the morphine pump, he imagined a pterodactyl flying over his bed dropping little pterodactyl eggs down on him and then everything felt better. She totally got a kick outta that.

Ann wrote to Ken:

Do you find the colors more vivid or less vivid like a fading of remembering color versus a strong rememberence of color?

And how are you doing? Been out skiing or anything crazy? I could totally see you doing something like that just to mess with peoples heads.

Since my return post-Katrina I have been working over at another hospital just bouncing around the med-surg floors. Kinda getting bored but I work with some fun folks there. Tulane re-opened it's ER and 56 beds I think it was. Waiting for them to upscale so I can get back there. I really miss the whole Transplant thing. I never classified myself as any kind of nurse over the years until the last couple at Tulane. There is just something about transplant that has me totally sucked in.

Personally, I am hanging in there. Life here post Katrina kind sucks still. As I put in my blog, customer service no longer has any meaning and no one even bothers to apologize for the crappy service ya get. There still isn't a single 24 hour Wal-Mart in the New Orleans Metro area and being a full fledged creature of the night, I much prefer to shop at night so I find this frustrating too. The kids are still driving me nuts on a daily basis. They are 17, 13, and 7 now. Only 10 more years and I will have the last one out the door and into college woo-hoo.

But thank you for sharing the answers to my questions. I just have this overly curious mind sometimes and I never know where it will lead me when it starts to wander out on its own. And thanks for the sweet compliments....I still think about and talk about you and JD all the time. I kinda miss ya'lls crazy personalities. And yes, I still relate the pterydactyl story when teaching pain control and medication side effects to newer nurses. Those are the moments that I enjoy. The insight to the patient mind. I have some first hand experience as a patient but sometimes I like that fresh perspective.

Gotta run and get ready for work. You take care of yourself and no skiing the master slopes!

Luv ya
Ann

THIS angel woman is one part of how we both got through the time we were at Tulane.		  
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To quote Spike, "Well, that was a slap and a tickle."   
07:39pm 14/11/2005
 
mood: pleased
music: Cowboys And Eagles on Monday Night Football
Ken now has a graft in is upper left arm. He also has two incisions, lots of pretty bruising and lots of swelling. Oh yeah, and lots of percocet. And so far...knock on wood...surprisingly little pain. They used general instead of local anesthesia which means I probably should have taken some valium instead drinking so much coffee. I just get the willies now when he has to have general. He's had more than enough of that shit...but it all went fine. Now we just wait for two weeks to see the drama queen, control freak vascular surgeon and then they'll attempt to stick the new graft for dialysis. If that goes well in two or three more weeks he'll get that evil catheter taken out of his chest and THEN he'll get to take showers again.

Not that I believe anything will actually come of it but the surgeon says she thinks there might be a possibility of eventually gettin that fistula in his right arm working so they won't be able to use that arm for taking blood pressures. Last week at dialysis a very proactive Ken had the tech take his blood pressue in his arm then his thigh then his calf to compare the difference. Apparently there was a 20 point difference. We've always been told that pressures outta the legs aren't as acurate. He mentioned the difference to the surgeon today. She brought it up when she came to tell me everything went well. She said that could be indicative of an arterial stenosis. Which means that if that fuckin artery has narrowed then the graft might not work after all. I said, wouldn't the venogram have shown that? She said no...that just looks at the veins not the arteries and they usually don't have folks go through having an arteriogram before a graft placement because its only like a 20% chance there would be a problem. Heh. I cyincally laughed at her and said, yeah...he was the 10% who had major complications from a kidney/pancreas transplant. She put her face in her hands and moaned. We moved on. I'm like, hell...statistically, he's already had the weird shit so he should escape other weird shit, right? Right? I SAID, RIGHT?

Now, since it's all about me...seven hours in a waiting room wondering how the hell he's doing is too goddamned long. I did it to myself. I coulda been pestering the receptionist and the volunteer for hourly updates but why bother em? Ain't gonna change anything. It goes in stages. You find out an estimated amount of time that the procedure will take so then you know how long you can hang out in the smoking area before they might start looking for you. A half hour is about enough time to find the smoking area, smoke then get back to the waiting room. You have to time it all just right. If you don't get back by the time the surgeon comes lookin for you, you won't get to talk to them. Then all you'll have to go on is what the recovery room nurse can remember about what she was (maybe) told happened. An eight hour procedure is just about enough time to smoke, go find the cafeteria and maybe eat, smoke, go find the gift shop and look at all the shit they think you wanna buy to make your sick person and yourself feel better (cuz sales of all the overpriced shit in there go to the Hospital Auxillary...whatever the hell that is), smoke, talk to other smokers who are also chatty type people, go see if they have any babies to look at in the nursery (most hospitals don't put babies on display in the nursery anymore cuz they want the baby w/the mom all the time and they're afraid people will kidnap the babies..that's a total drag...that was always the only cool thing to do at a hospital), smoke, wander the halls, go back to the waiting room and see if there's anything good on the tv...if there is, sit and knit, smoke and then repeat it all...a coupla times.

Luckily, today's procedure was only supposed to be two hours. Woohoo, plenty of time for lots of smoking and some food. Didn't have to fuck with the gift shop. Prolly should have. You can only smoke for so long w/a snow storm on the way sittin in the shade so I spent WAY too much time in the damn waiting room. Musta been a bunch of patients w/all intellectual type family members cuz no one turned on the tv or they were all like me goin, why bother? Day time tv...ugh. I had a book about demons and knights. Good vs Evil. Good was gettin the shit kicked outta it so my mind began to wander. About two and a half hours after they took him off, I hadn't had a panic attack but that fuckin waiting room was really good for inducing flashbacks. So I told myself to shut the fuck and stick your nose back in the book. We need to get Good outta this mess. After reading the same page three times and not knowing what I had just read, I realized Good was pretty much fucked. And then the surgeon finally came in. Second stage. A lot of joints will let you go back and hang out with him even if he won't be ready to go home for a while. Not this place. They only let ya go back right before they're letting em go. THAT sucks! I figured at least another hour or two for more smoking and hall wandering. Got back to the waiting room and hung out for a while then the volunteer finds me and says it may be be awhile longer cuz his oxygen saturation ain't high enough. Why don't you go eat. So four hours, much mind wandering and a handful of flashbacks after I talked to the surgeon, I finally got to see him. Hehe...and he was still high! He was mobile though so I finally chilled out.

THIS should be the last hospital shit for awhile. Until the next transplant. We got the letter sayin he's officially on the list for a new kidney last week. When we got home Ken check his messages. He had a call from one of the joints he's applied to. He's got a fucking job interview.		  
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What Problems?   
08:13am 26/10/2005
 
mood: tired
music: Collin Raye squishy shit in the background at work
The life I was trying to rebuild is falling apart. Not a big surprise, really. I'd just hoped for better. I did more than hope. With the help of some amazing friends, I got a job, got moved into an apartment, got health insurance and even went out here and there. Knew the job would end. Had a choice. Bust ass and find a job to replace the one I'm loosing to keep it all or wait for the husband to take his turn at saving the day. I decided to wait for the husband cuz...well...without the husband functioning on a husbandy level, what the hell is there really to save? I really did think it was his turn. He even told me he would. But I guess he's decided otherwise. He doesn't think he's capable of saving the day anymore therefore he believes he has no responsibility to do so. So, I guess that leaves me. But somehow I've lost all my inspiration to do so. I gave it my best shot. Can't do more than that. Wonder what it will look like as it all falls into peices?		  
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1.29 For A Jug Of Thunderbird? DAMN!!   
02:11am 22/10/2005
 
mood: anxious
music: When The Word Was Thunderbird - Billy Joe Shaver
Can't sleep. Too many interesting and fun distractions to work on the real problems in my life. All the answers lie within the stories of Firefly. So, take a valium, turn down the central nervous system a few notches, hopefully pass out and avoid the problems. New problem...gettin up in the morning is gonna be a royal bitch.		  
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Well, That Sucked   
02:01am 22/10/2005
 
mood: aggravated
music: Latest on Wilma on msnbc
Don't think Livejournal and AOL play well together. If you click on the link, it'll take you to an aol page but the fuckin pic won't load. If ya cut and past the url...THEN the fuckin pic will load. The fuckin pic ain't even worth all that...to anyone other than me. The subject line referred to the pic. But applies to this bullshit too. Guess its just a matter of degrees.

http://members.aol.com/djocki/neworleansnewsweeksmaller.jpg		  
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To Wash Away New Orleans   
10:43am 12/09/2005
 
mood: distressed
music: Hurricane - Leon Everette
Regional or not, it's always been a thang. It was gonna happen someday. Like the big scary dragon that may come flying in from outta the South at any moment. Or like the nuclear bombs the Soviets were gonna drop on us someday. A mini apocalypse that -like so many other things- was unique to New Orleans. I grew up with the legendary storm who just didn't have a name yet.

I was 13 or 14 years old when this song was at the top of the country charts. That woulda been 1981. It was one of my favorites. New Orleans has always been one of my favorite places. Couldn't get this song outta my head from Saturday night before the storm till...well, it still ain't outta my head. Been hearin it for 20 odd years. Now we know her name and...it was finally a lot of water.

Hurricane - Leon Everette

Written by:
Stewart Harris
Thom Schuyler
Keith Stegall

Thirty miles out in the gulf stream
I can hear those south winds moan.
The preachers are lookin for Noah.
Shrimp boats are hurryin home.
The Old Man down in the Quater
Slowly turned his head.
Took another sip of whiskey
Then he looked and me and said,

Man, I was born in the rain by the Pontchartrain
Underneath that Louisiana moon.
I don't mind the strain or the hurricane.
She comes round every June.
That high black water
She's the Devil's daughter.
She's hard and she's cold and she's mean.
Nobody's taught her that it takes a lot of water
To wash away New Orleans.

A man come down from Chicago
Gonna set that levee right.
He said it's got to be three feet higher
Or it won't make it through the night.
The Old Man down in the Quarter
Said, dontcha listen to that boy.
Da water be down by morning, Son
He'll be on his way to Illinois.

Well, I was born in the rain by the Pontchartrain
Underneath that Louisiana moon.
Don't mind the strain or the hurricane
She comes round every June.
And high black water
She's the Devil's daughter
She's hard and she's cold and she's mean.
But we finally taught her that it takes a lot of water
To wash away New Orleans.

Well, I was born in the rain by the Pontchartrain
Underneath that Louisiana moon.
Don't mind the strain or the hurricane
She comes round every June.
That high black water
She the Devil's daughter
She's hard and she's cold and she's mean.
But we finally taught her that it takes a lot of water
To wash away New Orleans.		  
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spikeknits
 
 
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