I haaaate HuffPo’s Living section. It’s always the same thing: 5 ways to be happier, 5 ways to be healthier, 5 keys to a healthy and happy life, 5 surprising ways to be a better person.

It’s all common senseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee peeeeeeooooopleeeeeee whyyy are they getting paid for this

Here let me write you a self help article right now.



Even the happiest and brightest among us feel a little down and dim every so often. Maybe the drudgery of your morning commute in the lingering darkness of winter mornings makes you yearn for warmer latitudes, or maybe you’re exhausted from listening to the spiteful gossip emanating from the cubicles around you; the only viable entertainment in your workplace. While achieving the storybook happy ending in your life is something few people can ever truly manage, there are some quick and easy ways to pick yourself up from the every-day nadirs that plague even the most well-adjusted of us.

1.) Eat fruits and vegetables
We’ve all been told by our mothers to eat healthy, but who knew they were on par with nutritionists from around the world? Study after study show the beneficial effects fruits and vegetables have on us. A healthy diet can lead your emotions to stability – too many fats and sugars have a high and low effect, you may get a rush, but you’re doomed to fall. Substituting a piece of fruit for a salty or sugary snack during the day is a quick way to not only improve your mood, but make you feel better about yourself. Imagine how good you’d feel knowing that you opted for the healthy option, instead of the fattening temptation!

2.) Exercise
Exercise releases endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Exercise helps get you in shape! Losing weight makes you happy! Starting a long-term trend of daily exercise can greatly improve you both physically and mentally. The physical workout will boost your confidence; you’ll look better and you’ll feel great about how you were able to commit! Taking a moment during the day to stretch or go for a walk helps to clear your mind and improves your mood. When you feel a bad mood coming on, take a break and go for a walk!

3.) Get more sleep
The key to a healthy life is to sleep well and sleep often. Try to go to bed when you know you can get at least 7 full hours of sleep. Sleeping well every night not only makes you healthier, but you’ll feel better in the morning. Heading to work because you’re well rested and not because you’re three cups of coffee to the wind is the key to a good day at work.


I COULD KEEP GOING.

DO YOU SEE

DO YOU SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Also HIRE ME

SUP DUDES?!?!?



ROCKINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN'!!!!

lolol looking at pictures of our dearly departed Mimi La Rue makes me feel so much better. Wait that's sadistic isn't it. I see that dog with her head all crumpled up in her neck fat dressed in whatever demeaning costume she was put in that morning, staring at the camera with dead eyes as her horrible owner humiliates her in front of whatever paparazzi find Tori Spelling remotely relevant when all she wants to do is die a slow, painful death and I laugggggggggghhhhhhhh.

Oh, Mimi La Rue. So long as I am not Tori Spellings obese and abused pet I guess things really aren't that bad.

Though, I am apparently allergic to kiwis. And I discovered that after my antibiotics ran out and but the infection hadn't. Which was after the sinus infection descended upon me. So I'll need to spend another 3 hours in the hospital tomorrow to get another prescription.

BUT




so its ok.

As a woman I really, truly am completely insulted.







And that's all I'm going to say about that.

I do say! Politics have become akin to a crack-like substance, in that I have been freebasing them at an alarming rate, only to desire more!






( UP WITH AMERICA! UP WITH AMERICA! UP WITH TINY GNOME LIKE MEN IN TINY LITTLE SUITS! I MEAN, AMERICA! )

OH SWEET JESUS I GOTTA HAVE MORE OF THAT CORMAC MCCARTHY POSTAPOCALYPSE PLEASE BABY BABY BABY DON'T HOLD OUT CMON GIRL YOU KNOW I'M GOOD FOR IT BABY BABY DON'T SAY THAT


An essay is required. Filming locations: Braddock, PA. Pittsburgh, PA. This is when someone should step up in a city council meeting and say something to the effect of: “So like … this film depicts one of the most horrifying landscapes ever conceived in modern literature. And they uh. They filmed a lot of it here. Right here. Do … Do you think maybe we should like … fix the city up or … or something?”

But oh wowwwww I can't wait for this film. (I read the book in less than 5 hours. Sometimes I would look up from it and stare out the train window and be completely surprised by my surroundings. What is that picturesque farm doing there? I was completely detached. The book was more reality than reality? hskdjsdf seriously man it GOT TO ME.)

Last night I dreamt that I was part of Angelina Jolie's inner sanctum of political advisers for her republican bid for the white house. We were all around a table discussing strategy, and I cut everyone off to explain quite frankly that we could not, under ANY circumstances, let people think that she saw herself as a true, holy, God-appointed saint. This would be too damaging. We could allow other people to imply such things and raise rumors about it, but the idea could never come directly from us. Everyone was in agreement.

Then I woke up.



1.) What

2.) Why would she be running as the republican candidate, anyway?

3.) Seriously, a saint?

4.) What the hell is wrong with me?

This is the most disgusting ad campaign I have ever seen. HOW DOES THIS MAKE SEX APPEALING? I mean, she looks pregnant in this one but OH WAIT IT'S HIS BUTT. Seriously this is like a pro-abstinence campaign done right. I wanna barf.

Also, this.

I laughed and laughed and laughed and then read on to where it said that the team was actually made up of native Brazilians. >:| this is my stern face, Olympics. I am feeling very stern.

On that note, I watched the gold metal competition for the 400m men’s swimming relay last night despite knowing the outcome and HOLY CRAP. It actually made me like swell up with pride and I had to keep myself from cheering the last swimmer on, despite knowing full well how it was going to turn out. Also, the opening? Jesus China, settle down. Quit being both amazing and terrifying.

If the world had a set of genitals and it was infested with huge painful herpes and all the individual sores merged together to form one giant, throbbing, oozing, festering boil, that boil would be Yahoo Answers.

Did you know that Capoeira is spelled Capoeira? I found this out at the bus stop today.

I’m either going to take fencing, tai chi, yoga, or SOMETHING fun like … well probably not capoeira because I’ve seen people doing it badly and it’s just embarrassing. It’s one of those things you need to be really really good at or else it’s just not worth it and you’re basically just awkwardly jumping around stiffly swinging various appendages.

I’ve totally worn his pants! I mean, not his pair in particular, but those pants for sure. They were my winter pajama pants.



I’m going to NY come hell or high water. I am going to watch the Perseid meteor shower tonight in Frick Park, sleep like 2 hours, get up at 5am, and catch the train. TRY AND STOP ME, WORLD. Like you have any ammo left, anyway. I intend to be on a trampoline in Long Island by dinnertime tomorrow.

I feel I should mention that if I’m unable to ever get my own Retarded Shiba Inu, I’ll settle for a Schipperke. Because they are like tiny little black demons.

Sometimes you need to forget all the trivial details of life and realize that, overall, you're doing pretty well.

In other words, this is what I currently look like:





ps: Look what I'm doing next week!

Scientific discovery! Alternate title: A Slightly More Informed Explanation Than The Current Theory On The Internet That’s Only Really Being Perpetuated By One Dude Building On Top Of A Single, Anonymous Bit Of Misinformation.

Google Earth! Coordinates are 40.619, -80.512. I was getting elevations for various sources in PA when a neon blue lake caught my eye. Google Earth has it explained as a hot-water holding tank for the nearby nuclear plant that’s completely free of impurities. I searched a little and found the forum thread about it, with a few other dissenting opinions. Jason came in and we talked about it for a bit; it’s actually owned by the nearby coal plant instead (why do they both have to be next to each other? Oh and I should mention that if you go only a few miles up the Ohio you will be exactly where my dad’s family lives and where I will be on the 4th,) and it’s just a dumping site. I happened on the TRI page for the coal company, and they have Little Blue Lake listed as a transfer site for a dozen or more chemicals. Maybe it’s not radioactive, but that doesn’t mean it’s not a mutagenic affront to the lord*!
*the lord HATES it when we misplace chemicals. He’s all “dude I fuckin’ built that chemical into that rock for a reason why would you go and take it out and then throw it in a lake with a bunch of others are you retarded or something?”

Anyway, I just thought it looked cool, if not completely awful. I really want to go there, but Jason seems to think he’s tried in the past and it’s blocked off somewhere. There are even spooky facilities on the shore, weird dock-like structures and long, white strands of something crisscrossing the surface. Who WOULDN’T want to go? I bet it stinks to high hell and causes cancer if you so much as look at it. Hell it probably causes cancer if you just think about it.

…OH GOD
I played right into its hands.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/06/religious-right-figure-ge_n_105667.html

this article makes me seriously happy in my pants.

even some of the comments! though the more recent ones are just retarded, it was nice to see people who identified themselves as evangelical Christians explaining that they're going to vote for Obama, because so many of the things he stands for are "true" Christian values (and not, you know, war mongering, guns, destroying the earth, racism, helping the wealthy and ignoring the poor, et cetera,) and that being a Republican doesn't necessarily mean you're a Christian, though the idea is so constantly reinforced in our culture because having the slightest liberal leaning makes you an atheist heathen.

"I will be voting for Obama and I have supported his campaign throughout the year. He is the candidate that serves the Christian community with his message of unity, fighting for the poor, the hungry, the oppressed and fighting for our freedoms.

These are the traits that I see as a Christian president and I believe that other Christians around the nation are with me on that."


"Not very suprising that the most serious Christians (followers of Jesus) are drifting away from the party of war, guns, racism, the death penalty and not helping the poor.

The other 60% of evangelicals probably haven't read to much about Jesus."

LOOOOL ♥


and this is going in my AIM profile immedes:
We cannot imagine a Jesus who would say:

"You are strong and powerful; your ideals are noble. Make war to spread those ideals."
"The end is near - So it doesn't matter what you do to my Father's creation."
"Heal the sick - Provided they can pay."
"All are welcome at the table - As long as they are the same as we are."
"Follow me - And help me form a government to force others to follow."


GUYS
GUYS
THIS IS PRETTY COOL.

this is such a good song!!

i feel so dirty liking a song by an actress. how can this be good?!

ps i have 7 hours of college left lolol. i'm going to make SUCH an ass out of myself tonight oh lordy it's going to be bad i'm so psyched.

then i'll make a bigger ass out of myself tomorrow night because it'll be in front of my grandma ahaha

but then srs bsnss + pizza party in a museum lol i love/hate this super lame department i'll miss it so much

I want to live in the Cork Factory. I was going to say a lot about how I love the Strip District and how I love feeling like I'm a part of the community there (and truthfully I like to think that I am,) and how happy it really makes me, but honestly the only reason I want to live there is because ... that's where the celebrities go.

Like Viggo Fucking Mortensen.

Who I didn't get to meet today because he was busy having a life sized horse's head sculpted out of chocolate.



And what's awful is that he's in town cause they're filming The Road. This is a pretty classy city I know, I'm glad they thought of us when they thought of a burned out, dead America. Particularly the Strip! Jerks. No I'm joking Viggo I love you please buy my chicken.

HAHAHA, DELETE. The world does not need drunken sex entries from me, as amusing as I find them at like 8pm when I'm already trashed.

I am glad I was coherent enough to use this icon, though.

I have a few hours off today so instead of working ahead i made DOLLS

( DAWHAHAHA )

My horoscope today said:

"Try to fight the urge to burn bridges today."

SO I GUESS I HAVE TO WAIT TILL TOMORROW.

It's been snowing nonstop all day, it's really strange. My aunt passed away this morning.

I'm not proud of how I dealt with things on Saturday, when I found out she only had a few days left, but I guess it was a natural response. I'm just not happy that it had to be in public.

I've already spent a lot of time being sad, now I'm looking back at things and feeling angry at some people. A lot of Christians weren't very Christian to me, and I feel like it's insignificant to a lot of people that something like this happened. As in, move on, deal with it, let's get back to business. Oh well. C'est la vie and all that.


I have a paper due tomorrow that I'd like to get an extension on, but it's not going to happen. The only reason I'm getting it done is because it's on Musashi Miyamoto, and as I was sitting here staring at the word document all morning I realized the focus is on his final battle with Kojiro Sasaki and the idea of aware ... So I thought, fuck it, let's write a paper about the fleetingness of life.

It's coming along nicely, thanks.

Today was harsh.

( my day sucked because of coffee and lame celebrities? i dont know. )

As for my SECOND job (air quality division internship,) I was going to post a youtube clip of the simpsons that explained how I feel, but I couldn't find it ... so you'll have to settle for the wikiquote version.


Prof. Taylor: Hi, Lisa, I'm Alison's father, Professor Taylor. I've heard great things about you.
Lisa: Oh, really? I...
Prof. Taylor: Oh, don't be modest! I'm glad we have someone who can join us in our anagram game.
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a description of that person.
Prof. Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: Genuine class!
Prof. Taylor: Ho ho, very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: (thinks for a moment) Jeremy's...iron.
Prof. Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. (hands it to Lisa) Perhaps you'd like to bounce it?

also: my roommate may be getting married in three days. this is so insane I cannot handle.