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02:12pm 05/08/2003
  There hasn't been any updating lately because... I've had nothing to say. There really isn't anything big enough to put down. I guess it's just a summer thing.

School's starting soon. This year isn't going to be easy.. we've got a lot of tests to take, not to mention my job on top of that. I can do it, I'll be fine.		  
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10:19pm 05/07/2003
  The visit at Shisho's went well. Every time I go there I realize how much I've missed it. It's like breathing fresh air. I forget about everything when I'm with him. Having her there was.. different. But not in a bad way at all. When she was there it felt even more right.

We had been there a few days, just me and him spending some needed time together. One day, he told me that he wanted to talk to me. It really didn't seem like anything weird so I said ok. When we started talking.. he brought it up. The cage. He told me that I had to remember what Akito really was. That no matter what he said I shouldn't listen to him because he was only trying to hurt me. And I told him I would. I tried to leave.. but he wanted to keep talking. He wanted to keep talking about that damned cage. I told him I've accepted it, I didn't want to talk about it. But he calmly told me that I hadn't. I got angry. I yelled at him and left, even though he wanted to keep going. Afterwards I took a walk to cool my head. And he didn't follow me, he knows better. He knows when I get mad I just need to be left alone for a while. When I was walking I just ended up getting angry again.. at myself. Because, what if he's right? He knows me better than anyone else. He's always known exactly what to say to me to make me grow and learn. And now... now I don't really know what to think. I've been lying to myself this whole time. I haven't accepted it. I've ignored it.

When I got back to the dojo he acted like nothing had happened. Like no words had been said between us. He was leaving me to think about it. And I still am I guess. We left only a few days ago. I miss it already.		  
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11:39pm 25/06/2003
  Hmph. So we're leaving tomorrow. It's going to be weird having here there... not in a bad way though. Yuki better stay away from me. The last thing I need is to show up at Shisho's in a bad mood >.>.  
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05:50pm 23/06/2003
 
mood: blah
I just got off the phone with Shisho. He said I could come for a week again. Anything to get out of this house. I'm sick of arguing with Yuki all the time and I'm sick of Shigure being stupid. And I need some time off work. Speaking of work... I noticed my shirts fit a little tighter >_>. That's what I get for doing so much stupid crap at work.

I'm complaining way too much. *sighs* I'm looking forward to going back to Shisho's, even if it is only for a week. Last time that week was just what I needed. Even if I did come back to shit going on with Akito.

... maybe she'd like to come with me this time.		  
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03:45am 18/06/2003
 
mood: sleepy
-_- I've been working so much. Today was one of my few days off during the week. I can really enjoy Yuki being gone. It'd be nice if he was never coming back. I only have a few more days. I hope he volunteered at more than one of those camps. Then this summer would be perfect.

I wonder if Shigure has somewhere he has to go....

I don't even know why I'm still awake. I was on the roof looking at the sky and suddenly I got really tired.		  
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05:47pm 15/06/2003
 
mood: blah
Fathers day is just another reminder of how undeserving I am of Shisho.		  
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>_>   
01:06pm 13/06/2003
 
mood: bitchy
So I guess I can't do a damn thing right around here. Yuki's so wonderful. As always. Yuki wakes up on time. Yuki makes breakfast. Yuki gets wonderful grades. Everyone, look at Yuki and follow his example. Especially you, baka neko. Why can't you be more like Yuki? Why aren't you more patient like Yuki? Why do you always yell at everyone? Yuki doesn't yell at people. Yuki's fighting skills are so much better than yours. You should really train more.

....

I'm sick of it! I don't care if he's so perfect! I don't care about him! He doesn't have to worry about a job! He doesn't have to think about what's going to happen next year! Because it's not going to happen to him. It's going to happen to me! The baka neko! So what if I yell too much? So what if I sleep in? Do those things matter that much? What about just trying to enjoy everything? Trying to enjoy life how it is. Not worrying about stupid things like yelling or sleeping in too much or cooking breakfast.

My head hurts. I'm going out.		  
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09:44pm 05/06/2003
 
mood: angry
Everyone's blaiming ME for what happened yesterday! HE was the one who challenged ME! I'm already in a bad mood. Reading these stupid journals put me in a worse one.		  
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01:10pm 05/06/2003
 
mood: irritated
I haven't seen a computer screen for so long it seems. I was studying so much and then exams were here and I just wanted time to relax. And I kept working, through it all. Damn Akito for doing this. It makes everything harder. But >_> I'll just not think about it and keep going.

I just woke up a little while ago. I guess fighting with Hatsuharu took more out of me than I thought. I don't care if he was black. I can't forgive him for what he said yesterday. Yeah, so what if I kicked him 'there'? He wouldn't shut the hell up! I just hope no one tells Shisho about it.. he always taught me to fight with honor... yesterday I didn't do that. But neither did he. I've got bruises everywhere, including my face. That bastard. He better not come back here when I'm home.

Kagura left a bunch of crap on my bed yesterday. I just sort of put it all in a pile and fell asleep when I got back home. The whole cleaning thing yesterday was a huge disaster. Everyone kept trying to clean my room. It's MY room! I don't want people touching it! It's my stuff! It's personal! Does no one understand that? I guess not because they wouldn't get out. Even when I was trying to get dressed! I kept yelling and yelling at them to get out and I guess it pissed Hatsuharu off because he told me it was time for our fight and threw some pants at me. He said I was too 'hot tempered'. Me?!? He should look at himself! Always turning black and saying stupid things! Bastard.		  
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05:51pm 18/05/2003
  I really think Kagura shouldn't be allowed here anymore! She broke my door and then Shigure wouldn't stop whining about how he had to fix it! It's not MY fault she broke it!

....


Exams are coming up really quickly. Not much more time and we'll be free. And then I can work a lot over the summer.

Work.. oh yeah. Gotta do that tonight.		  
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06:51pm 14/05/2003
 
mood: scared
Kagura wont leave! She keeps following me around! I finally managed to lock myself in my room by pushing my book shelf against the door....

........


I can hear her behind it.... She's asking me to come out. Now she's asking me why don't I love her? Now she's yelling that I'm so mean.

.....and now it's moving.		  
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04:27pm 27/04/2003
 
music: Two Mix - Rythm Emotion
Going back to school wasn't a really big deal. I just got back into it. I have had to get some after school help from one of my classmates to catch up... but no one knows that. I'm not very proud that it took me this long to get back. Exams are coming up so quickly. I can't wait until the year is over.

Working and going to school is harder than I thought it was. I do a lot of physical stuff at work.. lifting things, fixing things. Things the girls can't do. I work right after school and come home late at night.. most of the time later than she does. I feel so tired I don't really say anything to anyone and occasionally barely have the energy to eat dinner and take a bath. But at the same time I feel like I'm finally standing on my own two feet. Who knew one of Akito's little plans would make me feel better about myself. I have a few days off a week and I spend most of that time in my room, studying. It'll be easier once school is done.

Mm I'm hungry all of the sudden.		  
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09:51pm 20/04/2003
 
music: Gackt - Seven
It's really strange how things get back to normal so quickly. And how one little thing can change the whole atmosphere of the house.

I guess... I better get to bed early. School and everything.		  
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08:13pm 15/04/2003
 
mood: calm
It's been a while since I've touched this thing. I went to the building. And I talked to the guy there...I think he was Momiji's dad. He asked me a few questions and told me to come back the next day. When I went back he told me he had thought about it and that I had the job. My first day was yesterday. It's not easy work but I didn't really expect it to be. I get my first paycheck next Friday... I'll go to the school on the following Monday and tell them I'm ready to come back.

I'm going to let everyone know over dinner tonight.		  
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05:14pm 09/04/2003
 
mood: determined
Everyone's been trying to help me. Even Hatsuharu. He came up on the roof with some words of advice... I guess he really has a lot to say if you just listen to him. Y'know.. when he's NOT being Mr. black jackass. And she told me there was a job opening where she works.. at Momiji's fathers building. I'm tempted to go check it out.. she said it would be perfect for me.

I need to stop hanging around the house and get off my ass and do something. If I just sit here and do nothing like I have been then it'll be like he's won. I can't let that happen.

... Yeah, I'm going. She's working tonight so... I'll just have to try and avoid her ~_~.		  
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05:55pm 06/04/2003
 
mood: apathetic
music: Hamasaki Ayumi - Evolution
I'm not moping. I'm... thinking. Trying to come up with a solution. The only two I can think of are:

Get a job.
Just don't finish

The one where I just don't finish is really attractive right now. But I know I can't. I have to pick myself up and do it. I have some ideas where I could get a job and I'm going to try this week.

It probably seems to everyone that I'm just moping around but they don't know what it's like to be so hated by someone that they do everything in their power to try and hurt you. I don't really care that Akito hates me but I wish he would give it a rest. Just let me spend the rest of my time out here as pleasant as I can.		  
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04:57pm 28/03/2003
 
mood: crushed
I just realized....tomorrow is my last day.

I'll...tell everyone I'm sick.		  
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02:17pm 26/03/2003
 
mood: angry
I cannot believe he did this! That bastard! I know that he's doing this to anger and humiliate me and it's working! I want to go over there and strangle him!

I don't know what to do. I...do I quit school? Could I get a job? I don't know... I feel helpless right now.

No, I have to get a grip on myself. They said I could stay for the remainder of the month but if I can't pay then I can't come back. Dammit.

Damn him. I hate him. I can't wait until he dies. I only wish I could be the one to do it.

I'm going up to the roof. If anyone reads this, don't bother me.		  
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06:15pm 19/03/2003
 
mood: bored
So we went to the onsen. It wasn't bad. Nice, quiet and relaxing except when Ookami was freaking out over something. Yuki went, of course. I was looking forward to a quiet weekend, just the three of us. Until I woke up Saturday morning. We had been playing Dai Hin Min late the night before and I guess I overslept because everyone was dressed already. Everyone being her, Yuki, Ookami...Ritsu, Momiji, and Hatsuharu. I don't know WHY they all came but it really pissed me off. It was going to be really quiet and nice and relaxing but NO. They just HAD to come. u_u I tried not to yell at everyone but no one would tell me why they were there.

Heh...she still doesn't know who sent her the note. ....I think it was Hatsuharu. ...Yeah, it was him.

Things have pretty much gotten quiet since then. Kisa came over yesterday but I don't mind her except when she brings Hiro along. He's such a brat. And he's disrespectful. And I could think of a million more things to say about him.

It's nice outside. I'm going for a walk.		  
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White Day   
11:51pm 09/03/2003
 
mood: uncomfortable
She asked me to come with her.

I guess I am.

Heh wonder who sent her the note.....maybe it was Yuki. Yeah, probably was Yuki.		  
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souma_kyou
 
 
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