| |
[Jul. 21st, 2008|09:14 pm] |
|
I'm really fucking depressed. So if you want to ruin my life now is the best time because I haven't been this vulnerable in years. |
|
|
| New Hair: |
[Jul. 5th, 2008|04:44 pm] |
From about 2 weeks ago:
 Now showing my tatas and John's jaw
 I love her.
I am Beautiful |
|
|
| |
[Jul. 3rd, 2008|09:32 am] |
|
Well, AES sucks and won't give me my information fast enough. Therefore I will have bad credit for the rest of my life.... |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 30th, 2008|08:47 pm] |
My arms....
....are gross.
I'm going to start lifting again, in hopes that they will stop looking globular.
I'm sorry; it's a vent. :( |
|
|
| Aren't you smug, Yahoo news? |
[Jun. 27th, 2008|08:31 am] |
"Obama, Clinton take first public step toward unity (AP)"
In today's headlines, EVERYWHERE in America, people think they're clever for getting that pun.
It's been a while. I turned 21 this weekend, and in the midst of my shitty shitfest of an afternoon on Saturday I spent 120 dollars on a haircut and new clothes I didn't need. My birthday outing was really fun, and I appreciate all who went out considering not many people did. It meant more than you think and gave me a great weekend to remember. What I am a little upset about, and I probably have myself to blame because of my bitchiness, is that not many people did come out that could have. It's not that I didn't have a good birthday party, once again, I'm just mad at myself that I don't have the huge group of friends I always think I do. Mostly, its fair-weathered and kind of irritating on both parties. But the real friends I do have are honestly the best ever, and I really don't know where I'd be without them.
"I like Clay Aiken"- Kyle Spayd. Just putting that out there.
I'm back to working 7 days weeks starting Sunday before my trip to Florida with Dana. I'll be exhausting some funds on that, but I just applied for a loan for school (and, most likely, housing) for the school year, so I may be set.
But seriously, I'm more broke than ever and it's depressing.
This weekend is packed. Going out with my boyfriend, which if you need to know the story you can talk to me irl, hanging out at the YMCA and NOT working (tanning b/c beach plans fell through), and Dana's BBQ!! Heck Yes! |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 20th, 2008|08:52 am] |
|
I hate myself. I really really do. If I am alone it's my fault I'm here. |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 17th, 2008|10:26 am] |
I'm busy
John's graduated yay!
And in other news I am a complete bitch and starting to accidentally ruin my relationship with John because I'm so stressed out and taking it out on bad behavior.
If anyone has suggestions as to how I can stop this, please let me know. |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 12th, 2008|07:57 am] |
Everything annoys me about myself.
I acted like a bitch and I probably lost (or at least severely irritated) 2 of my really good friends. I'm just so stressed but that's not an excuse because they're there for me. And if they do leave my friendship behind I completely understand because I haven't learned by now that the world does not revolve around me. I've lost friends like this before and I should know by now. I'm sorry.
In other news, I was a little bitchy last night because John dropped the bombshell that he won't be in the state for my 21st birthday party....along with about 30 of my other friends. It's not that I'm selfish and having a pity party for myself that I don't want to go out anymore, it's because birthday's are so overplayed in our minds as some huge blowout by the media which in return only makes us spend a shitload of money. I have good days. I have fun with my friends that aren't designated on days. Why do I have to plan fun? So much fucking stress over a fucking day in which I planned to be happy? Not for me.
John's upset, but really, family comes first. I'm upset, but really, I need to get over myself.
But if I can be selfish for just a second, I just feel really alone right now. |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 10th, 2008|09:54 am] |
UGH.
Seriously.
I miss Seraphina. Hope all is well in Germany!! |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 8th, 2008|12:05 pm] |
Well after a night of drinking pbr I'm back to a higher weight and feel dumb for ever thinking I was underweight. Ew.
Ew ew ew ew ew ew
Zohan was actually ok.
Graduation party today instead of bike race. |
|
|
| loom. |
[Jun. 6th, 2008|08:37 am] |
What is amusing to me right now that the Tech center keyboards are so run down. I cannot see the 'a' or the 's' on them. It's funny because you'd think they'd fix that after bragging to be so technologically savvy.
I've reached my goal weight, 110 lbs. It's not as glorifying as I once thought, considering I feel tired and all around strength-less. I've been losing weight too fast and what's even worse is that I don't have an appetite most of the time, with the exception of the carb craves I get. My mom thinks I'm having issues with my thyroid, because it's hereditary and because I'm already anemic. I'm seeing the doctor about that next week. In the mean time, I will be eating everything in site whether I want it or not...juuuuust to make me feel better about this whole thing.
....I know I know the irony of that last paragraph is killing me as much as it's killing you.
I'm hanging out with Anna tonight!!!! We're going to a party, I think. But mostly, we're catching up and drinking.
21st plans including McFaddens, BTW. More details to come. |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 5th, 2008|01:00 pm] |
Join me in my quest for actually eating meals. I has an apple for lunch yesterday until I ate Wawa mac and cheese at four.
I'm worried. I want to make everything better but I can't.
I'm also losing friends because I'm being myself again. :(
So much shit. Just smile. |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|08:51 pm] |
I need an attitude adjustment. Let's call this a summer resolution:
-I resolve to be less loud and boisterous. period. seriously.
-I resolve to get my muscles back into a state where I can run 3 miles and not feel like passing out for 3 days
-I resolve to stop eating Wendy's so much because my cash flow is hurting
-I resolve to be a better friend to others, my family, and myself. This includes making sure I'm not overworked and thusly, not a bitch.
I resolve to just roll with it. The future can wait....except when it comes to the environment. I'll continue to worry about that impending doom.
I got yelled at at TUP today. Monique and I were talking too loud and then Irene said something about no Instant messages when at work (I was only on Gchat and that was a week ago for a minute). :-/. I'm actually a really hard worker there, and that's what makes me upset about this. I skip my lunch break to get work done and I still seem like a slacker because I decided to be friendly at work. humph. |
|
|
| |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|07:48 pm] |
|
also lost finale < sex and the city movie |
|
|
| not directed toward anyone; seriously this time. |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|07:44 pm] |
| [ | Ears |
| | recieving end of sirens- armistace | ] |
I'm a melodramatic bitch, so if you don't want to hear my melodramatic bitching, don't read this.
Let's think about this:
I spend time on real friends, helping them with real problems and keeping those problems confidential. I spend my time on 2 real jobs, one of which continues to screw me over to the point of tears. I work seven days a week. I spend my time resting because I am overworked, not baking or doing something miraculous with my free time. Scratch that; I have no time to sleep or eat. (I'm getting really skinny but in the unhealthiest of ways).
How do people who are far worse and less productive people have better lives?
I can't do it. It's been a week and I'm exhausted. |
|
|
| |
[May. 28th, 2008|10:55 pm] |
I'm not selfish. I know people have lives. I know most people don't give a shit about my good or bad day.
That being said it's always been hard for me to trust that someone won't come along and ruin the great things I have at the time and try to blame somebody else.
Like in elementary school. Like in college.
That's why. That is why. |
|
|
| |
[May. 26th, 2008|12:17 pm] |
I had the BEST lunch ever today and I need to tell someone:
-Lean Cuisine Chicken Alfredo
-Frozen peaches and strawberries
-some 90 calorie snack thing with oatmeal and chocolate
Happy Memorial Day! Off to Baker Park! |
|
|
| Update on my life |
[May. 25th, 2008|03:14 pm] |
I have another job and hate apple computers. :( John's ok; he's in better spirits and gets his jaw opened this Wednesday. I'm getting my car fixed this Wednesday as well. Also, I have no money and will be working forever this summer. Good luck trying to get a hold of me.
PS FLORIDA 08 :) |
|
|
| |
[May. 17th, 2008|07:09 pm] |
I'm going to be extremely selfish in this post, but I don't care. John's asleep and fed 2 feet away from me on the couch so I think I can think about myself for a couple seconds.
Thanks for everyone involved in making this week go as smooth as it could. Jess and Mark were extreme helpers in all of this shit. Dana, I couldn't be more thankful for a friend like you asking about John as much as you did during your senior/graduation week, and I'm TOTALLY buying you dinner sometime. Cat, same goes for you. You were wonderful for coming with me to the ER because I sure as hell couldn't have endured that ride myself. And to anyone I've missed, just thanks for being there for John, not for me yourself or anyone else.
That was more than a couple seconds. Also, I probably misspelled a lot in this post and my grammar is atrocious. You know what? I don't care. Saved you a post there didn't it? |
|
|
| |
[May. 17th, 2008|12:14 am] |
|
You just don't get it. |
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
soselfishsosory's journal
