Current mood:	crappy
Entry tags:	defeating commander jonathan johnson, original

Defeating Commander Jonathan Johnson, Mission Four

Author: Mushroom
Rating: PG-13 (OMFG is it true?!)
Summary: Now that the legendary Dave Austin is well-known in the Congregatio, he executes various covert ops from equally secret associations. Yet his heart yearns for the exchange-front-end device called the O-PMJ-D. He is informed of another way, the keyboard operation called |\00/8|11(3)T|-9|#R, where numbers are uncertain.
Notes: Many thanks to chastity_rowan for the help with all the geeky stuff. Dedicated to luinthoniel. Disclaimer: All geeky stuff, ideas and quotes were spawned by other greater people than moi.

Again, the summary has a code. (This summary is also a clue for chapter 3’s code and for other chapters.) If you manage to crack it (it’s quite easy) then please comment and I’ll reward you with a DRAWING~!

Mission One, Mission Two, Mission Three.



MISSION FOUR: OPEN UP YOUR MIND

***

“Only those who try will become.” – Kimahri, Final Fantasy X



Colin liked taking long, warm showers during the night, while the radio boomed with the exclusive Power Ranger’s soundtrack. Dave would yell over the racket, pull up his trusty razor, and shave whatever facial hair had sprung throughout the week. Most likely Colin would have forgotten his towel, and as a result he would shout out to his dorm mate to hand it to him.

When Dave shaved while staring at his awfully aroused reflection, he couldn’t take it and wanted to push the curtains away and declare his love for Colin as his eyes feasted…somewhere else (he’s a guy, and guys are easily distracted). What more if Dave was asked to bring a towel to a (naturally) naked and dripping wet Colin Gulliver, keeper of the keys of his sheltered hormones? So when he hands it to his best friend, he never looks. A normal straight guy wouldn’t even care about whatever’s hanging between his best friend’s legs. Being straight meant ignorance, but not exactly bliss.

That was their appearance in the gym. The goths, the punks, the nerds, the jocks…they all had the same eyes, no matter how unusual they looked. They all held one common denominator, and it all pointed to Dave Austin.

“…Don’t tell me…you really are like me.” He didn’t even want to classify what his sexual orientation was. Sure, he knew the term, he wasn’t stupid. It was homosexuality. But was it really necessary to name something he can’t even describe himself?

“To tell you the truth, we weren’t really sure,” The gang leader replied, then received strange looks from the others. “…Okay, so some of us were sure, but we never had the guts to, you know, come out of the closet. It’s not in the norm.”

Dave glared at them. “So you came here to point out that I’m abnormal?! Hell I know I’m abnormal, but that’s what you lot think, and frankly I don’t even give a damn—“

“Just chill, willya?” a guy wearing a baseball cap said hastily. “Don’t go blowing up; we’re not here to do any damage. We’re just here because we really need your help. So, we’ve been studying in this school, hangin’ around and pretendin’ that we’re you know, just like the rest of them.”

A geek nodded, causing his glasses to slide down his nose. To Dave’s disbelief, nobody even snickered. “We all knew that we were slowly succumbing to the dark side of the Force—“

The gossip looked indignant. “Shut up, didn’t I say NO fuckin’ fucking around and stating fuckin’ metaphors—“

“Whaddya mean dark side of the force?!” Dave snarled. Of course he knew what it meant, being best friends with a possessed geek for three and a half years, but he didn’t like how the geek said it…he made it sound like being gay was evil or something.

The geek whimpered and shook his head furiously. “N-no, I-I’m s-so-sorry…okay, I’ll change it. We were all aware of our homosexuality for a long time, but we were too scared to—okay, so maybe not all of us were scared—“ He just received resentful looks from the Goths, who never feared anything as they claimed, “—we didn’t like to come out in the open because everyone in school would freak. So we were silent…lurking in the shadows, polishing our vourges…not that weapon.” He added hastily, seeing that everyone was taking the allegory in the perverted sense.

“…and then you came out.” An artist said triumphantly (at least he looked like an artist, there were artsy blotches of paint in his overalls, but he could’ve just been your average klutz). “You were like, the instigator of all that is essential in our secretive hearts. You declared your love for that…whatever he is, and basically we were all just floored. You were so brave, like a warrior never fearing to charge, and even if he is wounded he still continues to fight for his ideals—“

“—like a hero. YOU are my—OUR—hero.” The gang leader said seriously. Dave glared at his direction, preparing for the attack of the giggles, but it never came. He scanned the rest of the confessors, with a look that dared them to laugh, but they were resolute. He saw fire in their eyes, blazing with such honest passion that Dave finally sighed.

“…why do you want to see me, then?” He placed his fists on his pockets and stared at the floor. “I can’t help you with anything; I honestly don’t even know what I’m supposed to do…”

“Be our mentor,” They urged. “Be the leader of our cause.”

“WHAT cause?!”

A large guy with a Harley-Davidson jacket stepped forward. “Join our group for we need a leader. Because of your display of courage in showing your true self, we seek your advice on certain things. We need your counsel, there will be discussions…all members will help one another undergo the process called “coming out of the closet”. You are the first to come out, and so we need you. Our group cannot function without you.”

This is just a huge joke. A few weeks ago, I was a mere speck of dust hovering over the heads of my the classmates and was treated like an invisible creature. A few days ago, I was the biggest abnormal shirt-lifter in the history of the school. And now a bunch of bozos start a meeting in a horny gym, and are asking me to give them advice?!

He wanted to decline the offer, run out of the gymnasium, and hide under his bed never to be seen again. But then the jocks started cracking their knuckles; he even spotted a karate student tightening his black belt.

“Be our leader…or ELSE.” The gang leader growled. “I heard that Gulliver wanted you to join a costume party with him…I wonder how good you’ll look as a mummy…”

So…joining their ‘cause’ is actually compulsory. He glanced at the geeks and wallflowers and wondered if they were threatened to join as well. What choice did he have? Colin needed him whole for the cosplay event. He shrugged and nodded.

They jumped and yelled in glee. Dave even spotted some of them hugging and wiping tears from the corner of their eyes. Before his mind could register how much they needed him, he received a clap on the back.

“Sorry for being so harsh on ya before, Austin.” A jock grinned. “I didn’t even know I was this way until I started staring at my teammates’ asses in the shower rooms.”

“Ehehehehe…” Dave feigned a grin and tried to stop himself from shuddering at the jock’s declaration; he just realized that they shared the same shower room. He had nothing against homosexual basketball players, but butt-viewing was something he didn’t really agree on, especially if his butt was the victim. After a few seconds everybody finally settled down on the gym floor and formed a circle, and even the groans ceased and the supernatural presence seemed to listen in the conversation.

“We should have a group name!” One said excitedly.

“How ‘bout ‘Austin’s Angels’?” one suggested, and Dave almost barfed his intestines out. The others laughed good-naturedly and started shouting out other group names, until they agreed on The League of Really Extraordinary Gentlemen, and looked at Dave Austin for approval. He said, “Whatever,” and the word instantly became their catch phrase, uttered amongst themselves outside the group as a secret code of sorts. Then they urged the former nobody to speak, and despite his usual shyness he spoke; spoke like he never talked for years when indeed, it had been years since he exchanged real conversation with a few frie—dare he say it?—acquaintances. Everybody listened, drinking in his words, acknowledging his ideas, and it was a funny scene to look at. Dave thought, ‘never will there be a time that all types of people would flock together and listen to a complete lowlife’, but then it happened. Sometimes, despite our differences, one similar factor makes us chase the unknown.


***

“I love the smell of napalm in the morning... Smells like victory.” - Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore, "Apocalypse Now”



He went home, still a little dazed, but his cheeks were flushed with excitement. He was actually acknowledged by other people! To think that he gained new friends by being what he feared would make him be the object of disgust. Dave started humming the Power Rangers theme song to himself before he opened the door, eager to greet his darling.

His greeting was instantly dropped down the sewers as he gulped down Colin’s devastated face. His future-boyfriend instincts taking over, Dave rushed to his side and held his shoulders tightly. “What happened?! DID SOMEBODY BULLY YOU AGAIN?! Damnit, I swear I’m going to—“

“No.” Colin said hollowly.

“Then what is it?!” Dave demanded, and his anger evaporated when Colin shoved a page of Liberation at his nose.

He stared. His ultimate rival Commander Jonafuck was in his everyday tight garb, and with him was his troop of diverse aliens. A balloon read, “Come my men, ready your plasma guns…I fear that the Kaldops have used their neutron-blast repelling air waves in this control station.” The Crompay Alpha fleet searched the other rooms, and the Commander accidentally discovered a not-so-secret (well, it’s bound to happen anyway) stairway leading to darkness. Dave scratched his head as the Commander slowly walked down, and one of his troops used his laser eyes as a flash light.

Commander Jonathan Johnson was surprised. Inside the musty cellar was a woman clad in royal attire…it was the Princess of Jamalia! Out came a flashback, and shots of Commander Johnson in his tweens was shown, and the princess was also there. They started blasting each other with their laser beams, and finally they stopped and battled ‘inside their mind’. They both exchanged far-fetched comebacks as they mind-wrestled, and in one gripping moment they even shared a brief kiss, though their dialogue was mostly sarcastic.

Happiness crept up Dave’s heart, and he grinned maniacally. “See?! I told you there was something going on with your Commander bozo. He already has a love interest! A woman in the scene is predictable, especially if he’s as perfect as you claim! You don’t have any chance now.” Not that he had any chance to begin with.

Colin took Liberation from him, and Dave saw it. He saw his distressed expression, like a boy who just lost his only Superman toy. The happiness was replaced by unavoidable guilt, and Dave blinked his eyes and looked at the tips of his shoes. “I’m sorry Colin. I forgot that the Commander was important to you.”

The redhead shook his head. “It doesn’t matter if he has a love interest, he still is anyway. It doesn’t take away my admiration for him.”

“Yeah, I’m sure the girl would die sooner or later. She looks sick.”

“Yeah.”

They both smiled warmly at each other and did their handshake for the second time. Colin insisted on sleeping beside him again; there they lay with the blankets round their ankles, as the night breeze gushed past through the open window. Dave noticed that Colin still looked a bit lonely, so he read A Wrinkle in Time out loud to him (with wild gesticulations and voice-acting that Colin just had to snort in laughter and wriggle his legs) before they slept.

There was no mention of the early meeting in the gymnasium and the upcoming cosplay event. Only the sound of their snores and the shuffles of blanketed feet could be heard in the dark room, and the Commander smiled toothily at them from the posters on the wall.


***


"For some moments in life there are no words." - Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory



At one point of his life Dave Austin asked himself, “Why did things turn out this way? Losing my father, living unseen by the society, falling in love with my best friend…they all came simultaneously, it’s a wonder I can handle them myself.”

Things weren’t always the way they were before. Dave’s father was alive and complained about their neighbors regularly, he used to be popular in middle school because he was an expert fisherman, and he had no permanent friends. Once Dave entered highschool, things changed. His dad wasn’t really indestructible as he thought he would be, fishing wasn’t the ‘in’ thing, and a geek became his best friend. There was one catch; he never really thought it would happen, but he loved Colin. He never admitted it to himself, but then the words kept on ringing in his ears and he just knew that he loved Colin, loved him romantically, loved him and wanted to kiss him.

When the League of Really Extraordinary Gentlemen (or LREG) asked him why, he started thinking.

He could say that he loved his orange hair, a contradiction to his soft-spoken demeanor (…so maybe he squeals sometimes, but only sometimes). But that was self-explanatory anyway, if you really loved someone.

“What characteristics does he have that you admire, sir?” they asked.

And he just knew.

Colin did not mature throughout the years. (‘Mature’ in the view of the society.) He remained a kid, obsessing over action heroes and Pc games and warriors. Colin’s interests were left behind by puberty—even his voice wasn’t deep, and he only grew a few inches taller—therefore, he was also left behind by his eager pubescent classmates. It was his childlike attitude, his youthful optimism, which kept Dave rooted to the ground. Colin did not act like an adult even if he was required to, he ignored the “You’re supposed to’s” of the public, and he continued to keep his childhood dreams and hopes when others abandoned them for girls, cars and rap songs. Dave loved this aspect of him, that Colin was yet a child but could defeat any respectable adult in a battle-of-the-brains contest.

Colin Gulliver was the biggest ditz, often yelled at by people on the street because he usually crashes into them. He trips almost everywhere and his face has landed on cold asphalt for so many times. Hence, he was labeled a weakling in their community, and was never entrusted with specifically hard tasks. Dave, however, thought him the strongest man he has ever known. Even if ridiculed almost everyday by bullies with rotten cavities, he never dwelled in angst, nor entertained thoughts of suicide and campus-shooting, nor tried to be unlike himself. Colin was never afraid to tell Dave that he was in love with a man, and a fictional one at that. He was never scared of revealing his true nature. Colin’s bursts of valor and self-acceptance may have been a part of his naivety, but it was enough for Dave Austin to care for him a great deal.

It would be a blatant lie to say that he only loved Colin’s personality. Recently he found the redhead’s slim feet rather adorable, and often sneaked glances to worship it while they slept side by side. He loved Colin’s unkempt ginger hair, the tight suspenders (although he did fantasize taking them off sometimes), his scent of soap and musty books, and his nipped fingernails. Love made his senses keen; he would notice if Colin was tired, if he used a different shampoo, and if he just read a different book. Dave was a nobody but he felt like somebody when Colin was with him, and their handshakes were more intimate, more endearing. And the freckles! How could he forget those tiny spots of red scattered across his face, down to his neck, shoulders and chest. Dave loved touching and just feeling his freckle-coated skin, with fingers roaming softly over the slender crust (wishing that he could just rip every layer of clothing and masks and barriers that came between them and the world).

Nevertheless, the two best friends still fought like normal boys. They bickered over the silliest of things; like who gets the tub first, who controls the remote, who scrubs the bathroom floor…but they were petty things, and one of them would surely concede sooner or later. Dave found it hard to lose his temper on Colin nowadays; his love for him was becoming so intense that he even thought of him while in dire situations, and all the negative energy he kept to himself was mostly focused on his ruthless rival, Commander Spandex.

“You really are in love.” They said in awe.

Dave blushed. “…Maybe you’re right.”

The gossip was impressed. “So, why did Colin fuck—“

“WHAT?!” Dave barked and accidentally whacked his seatmate on the face in his alarm.

“—Cool it, I’m not done yet—why did Colin fuckin’ love you back?”

He started to calm down, then felt like he plunged into a pool of ice.

“S-sir? Austin?!” A goth guy with a pink scarf nudged him violently, and he snapped out of his trance.

“Err, h-he…doesn’t love me. I mean—he doesn’t know I love him, and I don’t know if he loves me either.”

“So…you’re not a couple yet.”

“Uhhh…yep.”

The meeting was adjourned early, for every single member of LREG kicked him out of the place and demanded that he tell Colin his true feelings OR ELSE.

(“Or else” became the League of Really Extraordinary Gentlemen’s new catch phrase.)

***


MISSION PENDING. BACK-UP WILL FOLLOW.

***

TO BE CONTINUED.