Sordid Lil' Thing ([info]sordidlilthing) wrote,
@ 2005-11-07 20:06:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry
Entry tags:oneshot, poetry

Angst

Mikhail

By: Mushroom
Freeverse


There is such a thing
As a person who
is born without
distractions
Bulging out of his skin
Or what’s left of those
Supple things you want to
Hold.
He
Learns of a sunflower’s scent
And the tune of
a paintbrush
His eyes scatter;
Minding the other inhaling
His own eager
Rose.
Heaven dropping
Hands gliding
down
measuring the length
Of satin sheets
Against his back
He screams for
More.
When he touches
Sharp bristles
Crowning the other
head
He knows it is wrong, yet
hides a smile,
Waiting for him to
Stop.


***

The Monologue of Yet Another Tortured Man to His Most Desired

Author: Mushroom
Rating: PG




Allow me to express my dearest and sincerest words for you,
My good friend.
Ehem.
I thought ladies walking by
With their fancy skirts and scarves (as it is in fashion today, but what do I care of them?)
Would catch my interest.
I mean I just THOUGHT,
And then my thoughts became jumbled and tousled and—
Well, I made a mess of myself.
Ladies know; they have that sense of sorts.
Sensible, I mean.
Anyway, as I was saying…
Uhh…yes, the ladies.
I wouldn’t look at them, they wouldn’t look at me, and god knows why these things don’t happen.
Did I just mention something inappropriate?
Moving on.
So,
I saw you the other day
You were wearing my favorite sweater
And my favorite sneakers
And my favorite tight-fitting pants.
Now don’t look at me like that!
They’re my favorites, especially when you wear them.
Much better, best for your form.
And they’re not even mine, which makes them even more special.
Because they’re from you, of course.
And they’re around you.
Enveloping you.
I could see your figure, even underneath thick wool. Sorry, I was looking that day. It was quite noticeable, actually. Very obvious. 'Twas winter, and the weather was too much to bear, but my eyes received a handful.
I told you explaining myself is such a chore!
I’ve changed?
Why, I’ve been like this for such a long time now!
Okay, okay, I’m rather shaky now, but I’m working on it.
So, without making myself look silly;
(Though it’s probably too late for that.)
I just thought that…
Maybe…
If we hold hands
(Mine's all sweaty, but at least it's warm)
And you feel something...
Maybe…you can tell me what it is?
I need someone to explain it all to me; I don’t really understand myself anymore.
We can swap ideas
Emotions, things like that.
Ladies do that often; why can’t we?
I know, I know! It’s a weird suggestion.
I’m never making another one again, I promise.
Yes, I promise.
You don’t have to leave, though.
Not now.
To the ladies? They’re walking by? What? But I just—yes, I must admit they’re an adorable bunch. Like porcelain dolls. Rather easy to break.
We are too old to be playing with dolls--not that I used to.
You’re dating one of them, yes?
Oh.
Is she pretty? You’re asking me if she’s pretty?
Well, I’m afraid so—I mean, I guess so.
Go on.
Catch your lass.
Yes, no problem.
I think she turned left, to the convenience store.
Right. Cheerio! No, no, I’ll pay. If you stay I can make it a triple scotch!
Fine.
Oh, me? I think I’ll just go home and watch the news and—good lord he’s off—eat popcorn and drink hot chocolate and drown myself with wine and fruits, maybe baskets of cookies and then I’ll go pour them all in the tub so I can sink in it like the Titanic while bleeding my eyes off their sockets, chewing on my purple lips and scratching the good five minutes of courage off, because it hurts, it hurts when you don’t listen.




(Post a new comment)


[info]star_flare
2005-11-07 12:47 pm UTC (link)
I love the poetry.
The wordplay is just BEAUTIFUL.
If I quoted, I think I'd be quoting every life. =____=;;
And even though it's slash (well, it reads like slash to me, so if I'm wrong, sorry D =), it's still very nice. Powerful in its simplicity.

Allow me to express my dearest and sincerest words for you
My good friend.
Comma after "you", before "my good friend". XD

They’re my favorites, especially when you wear them.
XD
You really have a way with words and ideas.

And you feel something
Maybe…you can tell me what it is?
I think you're supposed to punctuate after "something"?

Oh me?
Comma after "oh".

good lord he’s off
Comma after "lord", but maybe this was deliberate. *shot*

Again, lots of emotions on this prose. I can feel the dismay, the edge of bitterness when he was discussing the woman. I also love how you ended it.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]star_flare
2005-11-07 12:50 pm UTC (link)
If I quoted, I think I'd be quoting every life.
I'm whiny about my life at the moment, so excuse that typo. I meant "line", of course. ^^;;

PS// I've also read the latest chapter of your Seth and Julian story (I still think of it as "Pallid, Rigid, Nude", so I can't really quite catch the actual title, which is a BIIIIG difference--pretty stupid, huh?), but I haven't quite gotten around reviewing it. But I will, someday. XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]sordidlilthing
2005-11-07 01:26 pm UTC (link)
Take your time in reviewing! (Although I'm actually waiting for your comment to go and work on the epilogue) :D I know you're busy XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]sordidlilthing
2005-11-07 01:24 pm UTC (link)
Ooh, thank you! I actually thought I was losing my touch in poetry already... T___T

Thank you for the corrections (AGAIN)! You really ARE my ultimate beta-reader. XD

Glad you liked the prose as well. :3:3:3 I have a gay friend, and I decided to write a story for him regarding his feelings. He's obsessed in love with a straight man, apparently. ;_;

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]chastity_rowan
2005-11-07 11:16 pm UTC (link)
Ooh, thank you! I actually thought I was losing my touch in poetry already... T___T

Utot.

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]sordidlilthing
2005-11-08 12:26 am UTC (link)
O_O;

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]star_flare
2005-11-08 12:19 pm UTC (link)
You give me too much credit. I am flattered at the value you give towards my comma OC-ness, hahahah. XD

Awwww for your gay friend.
I guess it's really just part of life, huh?

Sidenote, I think it's "freeverse", not "freelance". XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

[info]mushroom18
2005-11-08 02:16 pm UTC (link)
WOOPS! Goddamnit, I was thinking of [info]luinthoniel's other internet name, which is "The Freelancer". Since it's her birthday and all O_O;

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]minnow_53
2005-11-07 04:40 pm UTC (link)
I have a gay friend, and I decided to write a story for him regarding his feelings. He's obsessed in love with a straight man, apparently.

Yay, so I understood it as well as liked it! That's very sweet and sad.

^_^xx

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]sordidlilthing
2005-11-08 12:26 am UTC (link)
Thank you~~~ *showers with confetti*

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]chastity_rowan
2005-11-07 11:15 pm UTC (link)
but what do I care of them?)

The ladies or the fashion? Teehee~~

This reminds me of gay Englishmen in tights

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]sordidlilthing
2005-11-08 12:27 am UTC (link)
Hahah, that's the catch. It looks like he means the fashion, but it's really the ladies he's referring to.

It really helps, reading fanfics made by brilliant British authors. XD

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]yume_kokoro
2005-11-08 10:44 pm UTC (link)
I love the rythmic fluidity to "Mikhail" - the imagery is very arresting.
as for "The Monologue of Yet Another Tortured Man to His Most Desired" - it reads like a love story that just leaves a person breathless - I almost wish you'd expand it into a story - but the style is unique, so it's perfect the way it is.

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]sordidlilthing
2005-11-10 02:26 pm UTC (link)
Ooh, thank you for reviewing! XD *hearts*

I'm glad you liked and understood the Monologue. I thought it would be too incoherent for readers to comprehend.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

[info]aki_yuki
2005-11-13 06:36 pm UTC (link)
Oh, this is beautiful. That's... that's it. It's beautiful. I think it's a nice piece to use in a declamation, though. It has really strong emotions hidden between the lines.

...because it hurts, it hurts when you don’t listen.
I just love that last line. <3

(Reply to this)(Thread)

[info]mushroom18
2005-12-08 11:20 am UTC (link)
OMG I JUST NOTICED THIS NOW!!! *bangs head on wall*

Thank you...very much. I enjoyed writing it as well. I miss you! *hugs*

(Reply to this)(Parent)
Blah Blah Blah IN AWE Blah Blah Blah
(Anonymous)
2006-12-03 10:30 pm UTC (link)
...

*awed*

I'll confess, it took a moment for "Mikhail" to sink in, after reading it. I'm not sure if you intended it, but it was almost like it was in two pieces, and the first half seemed like prettily worded gibberish until I'd read to the end. Actually, I think I'll read through it a few more times. Maybe I'm just slow today... Moving on. The overall feel was "angst," without it being the pity and tears sort. More a sort of solemn message. The last lines reminded me a bit of the eye of a storm; waiting for the turmoil, for the consequences.

The monologue, however, was the one I was really impressed with. I actually want to print it out and put it on my wall like a poster, but I'll settle for bookmarking it right now. There's not much I can say of it that hasn't been said already, but I'd like to comment that I think writing it out like this worked far better than a dialouge could've. I just like the idea that we don't really get what the other man is thinking, his justifications, or denial, or disbelief, or confusion, or, or, or... It leaves the reader to see it more like the narrator does, as most in that situation wouldn't be able to hear anything past the rejection. I also like how you don't cut out the "unnecessary" bits, what might be nervous babbling on his part. It makes it seem more realistic.

...excuse me while I put this in wordpad and fix the printer, if'in you will...

And my apologies for the long rant of a comment! ^^"

(Is there any particular meaning behind "Mikhail", by the way?)

(Reply to this)(Thread)
Re: Blah Blah Blah IN AWE Blah Blah Blah
[info]sordidlilthing
2006-12-04 11:46 am UTC (link)
Awww, but I don't know you! I wish you could introduce yourself so I could thank you properly. :D:D:D

(Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)
Re: Blah Blah Blah IN AWE Blah Blah Blah
(Anonymous)
2006-12-10 04:42 am UTC (link)
...I have no account on LJ, so short of giving you my real name, yada yada, I can't really do that.
Um. Almost all my e-mail addresses and IM names and such have to do with "Semper," either as part of "semper insolitus," or "semper ubi sub ubi," which is "Always," "always unusual," and "always where under where," in Latin, respectively. And, no, the 'where' wasn't a mistake. That's the joke. X3 So! Calling me 'Semper' should work, and I belatedly apologize for my wordiness.

...in this post, also.

(Reply to this)(Parent)

Create an Account
Forgot your login?
Login w/ OpenID
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…