Current mood:	crazy
Current music:	You'll be safe here - Rivermaya
Entry tags:	leche ka eiji!

Pallidula Rigida Nudula

Final Chapter: The Fall
Author: Mushroom
Rating: R
To tea_drinker, my beloved foreign correspondent.
Important notes: This is the final chapter, but an epilogue shall be posted soon.
The last lines are written by the Roman Emperor Hadrian to his beloved Antinous.




X.

Weeks passed, and Julian caged himself inside the apartment. He occasionally walked with Chesca to school, and bought groceries, but he preferred to stay indoors, where the air was breathable and held the fragrance of paint and Seth.



Julian mixed the red and white paint in a round container, his right hand gripping a tiny paintbrush. Crimson eyes followed the swirls round the damp paint, continuously spinning, and blinked.

“Pink.” Chesca looked over and beamed. “I’ll need the pink paint, thank you.”

Julian handed it to her wordlessly, and hastily smiled when she gave him a weird look.

“I know. You’re distressed, aren’t you?” The little girl sighed. “Thing is, nothing can stop my brother if he’s dead-set on something.”

Julian nodded. Early that morning he woke up and Seth was not beside him, and so he panicked. (The older man usually woke up late). He immediately rushed out the door and snatched the note pinned on the rusty refrigerator, which said: ‘I’ll go find work. Watch over Chesca for a while. Time to be responsible now.’

The fair boy was annoyed, but there was nothing he could do about it. Chesca was still working on another painting and he decided to help, yet his thoughts strayed and landed on the image of Seth, Seth with the resolute tone of his voice, Seth with a serious look on his face when he decided that they needed a better life, even if it meant throwing their dreams away.

“Does Seth believe that things would really change for the better if he does succeed in finding work? Is it really possible to have a happy life in Liberty? This is just stupid.” Julian dropped his paintbrush and stood up, straightening his jeans. “What’s wrong with him, anyway?! He’s the one who told me things about R Town, but now he’s shitting around, telling me to dismiss that dream because what’s important is now. He’s crazy.”

Chesca listened in silence as Julian droned on and on, furious, running both hands through his hair, walking about in frantic movements. The boy was usually calm and playful but now he seemed restless, and that was what Chesca thought interesting. When he finally settled down on the couch and pouted morosely, she stood up and hung her painting on the wall to their left, which was already plastered with her colorful creations.

“Seth loves you, Julian.” She said sadly.

“I know,” He groaned. “That’s why this is so difficult.”

Chesca smiled. “You both met in this place. Somehow, without your awareness, Liberty became significant for you. You have your unhappiness to thank.”

Julian stretched on the couch and buried his face under a pillow while the little girl walked towards the window to close it. “It’s getting quite raucous outside. I’ve heard news about an uprising from the neighbors. They could be rumors, as gossip is regularly exchanged here in the slums, but a rebellion seems exciting, doesn’t it?” The shouting grew louder as she beamed to herself.

“Please close the window, Ches. The smog is drifting in.”

“Wait, there’s a group of dogs playing around on the street below us. How cute! One of them even has a rainbow collar.”

All of a sudden Julian stood up, face a deathly white, and stormed out of the apartment. Chesca screamed, asking him what was wrong, but her questions were drowned by the barks of dogs and men.



XI.

Seth arrived with a sour look on his face. He was turned down in every office he applied in, because there weren’t available slots for him. Unemployment was a primary issue in Liberty, and has never been resolved. The obviously tired and irritated man slumped on the kitchen counter and gulped down a bottle of water found near the sink.

Maybe I should sell some of my clothes. Even if they’re burnt.

He wiped a few drops of water from his chin and frowned. He forgot what he was supposed to be doing.

Seth looked up to see Julian walking towards him with an unreadable expression on his face. He welcomed the sight of his love, and the wrinkles on his forehead vanished.

“Chesca’s asleep. She told me to read to her before she slept, and so I grabbed the nearest techno magazine I could find and read some of the articles to her.”

“That should bore her to death.” Seth gave his lopsided grin and extended an arm towards Julian. He allowed himself to be pulled, sighing on the other’s neck. “Know what, I have to leave. Tomorrow.”



“Where?” Seth’s hands seized the boy’s small waist, rough and exhausted fingers roaming the skin underneath his top. Julian bit his lip as the older man lifted his shirt up to his chest, only to continue groping him with familiar strokes.

“B-Back.” He gripped on the edge of the kitchen counter, watching his aroused reflection on the shiny tiles.

“To the old man?” Seth removed Julian’s shirt completely. His hands were still busy, but the rest of him did nothing. No—his eyes were focused on Julian as he responded to his touch, moaning and reaching for something to hold. “Why?”

“Because he’s sick, no…he’s dying, and I have to take care of him, the old man and his pets. The dogs were roaming around, lost and afraid because their owner is gone. They’re what he has left. I know I mean nothing to him, but he took me in, and that means something to me.” Julian said breathlessly, finally thrusting himself towards Seth, kissing him hungrily. Seth kissed him back with similar enthusiasm. They left the kitchen counter, tripped over a few cans of paint, and in their passion and impatience had sex on the floor just outside their bedroom. Julian was trapped between the freezing carpet and Seth’s delightfully warm body, and he closed his eyes and thought that it was comparable to his current problem. He shivered. Should he complain because the floor was too cold, or moan in pleasure because Seth was just too damn hot? He couldn’t ignore both sensations.

Seth won, eventually; he pressed down hard enough to let him concentrate.

There were noise and much grunting (no talking, that could wait). Only when Seth finally collapsed over Julian after an avid wave of orgasm did he ask, “And when are you coming back?”

Julian gasped for air, trying to keep up to Seth’s gradual stillness. “Just wait for me at the bus stop. I’ll catch up soon. I need to fix a few things.”

“And I’ll go look for work. I’ll get one this time. I promise!” Seth laughed wonderfully when the fair boy rolled his eyes. “Say, why don’t I take you to your old man?”

Julian smirked. “If I take you to him, he’ll probably lock you up and never let you go. He loves customers, that fool. Even if he has a problem in the head.”

“Will he lock you up?”

Long, bony arms wrapped around Seth and squeezed. “He’s old. He’s not strong enough to take me away from you. You, on the other hand…you’re quite muscular, have you noticed that? Where’d you get those muscles even if you just lounge around all the time?”

Seth ignored his question and snatched something from his jeans pocket; it was a recorder. “I just had this brilliant idea a while ago, out in the city. Why don’t we record your songs? I could even play my guitar in the background. We’ll have something to laugh at when we get older.”

The younger boy raised an eyebrow, took the recorder, pressed the play button and took a deep breath before he sang. “A stolen kiss, a tug of the heart. A longing pure and true from the start.”

Seth snickered, but Julian raised a finger to his lips.

“I am mortal, you are up above. Only a young man confessing his love.”

They made love again, on the bed this time (they were laughing at the top of their voices and were in an exceedingly enamored mood that they even forgot to close the windows), and in the morning the three walked out of the apartment in different directions. Seth was to look for work, Chesca rushed to her school (“And I thought I was going to have a decent sleep last night, but NO! My brother just HAD to come home in a carnal rage!”), and Julian brought the dogs along with him back to the shop.

“I haven’t forgotten R Town!” Julian announced before they parted ways. Seth wanted to shout back, but he was gone.



XII.

Seth wore his best suit and still nobody wanted him as an employee. He was growing old…almost thirty, and those who were middle-aged were considered spent individuals. He never felt so unwanted in his life.

Julian loved him, anyway. He felt a boost of self-worth.

He waited for Chesca outside her school and they strolled down the streets, exited the walls, and viewed the bus stop for the first time in weeks. Seth became sweaty and nervous all of a sudden, and his sister held his hand to comfort.

“I-I’ve forgotten about this,” He whispered strangely.

Chesca shook her head. “You erased five years of waiting in your memories. Julian’s influence is rather strong.”

“At least I didn’t wait in vain.” The older brother smiled to himself, and they both ran towards the benches. Chesca brought along a suitcase containing morbid novels and began to read, while Seth leaned against the bench and wiped his sweat with a face towel.

Julian did not come that evening. It was already past twelve and Chesca was already asleep on his lap.

Another minute.

The lone tree in the barren field rustled, indicating the beginnings of cold wind. Seth knew his sister was tired, so he scooped her up in his arms and walked back to the buildings, feeling a bit disgruntled.




XIII.


He was expecting to hear a lame-ass excuse the next day from a sheepish Julian. Of course he would act cross about it, but a kiss would suffice. Then they’d go trudge home (Home…?) and make love and laugh and not think about other things.

It was twelve o’ clock, again. Chesca was probably home all by herself, starving. Seth called it a day and closed his ears to the shouting that took place in Liberty.

He waited day after day, sometimes with Chesca, sometimes without. Chesca reminded Seth of the insane family they could've made with Julian. When he was alone, he played the guitar all by himself, expecting Julian's sexy voice after every note.

Either way, it was painful.



XIV.

Still not there. Just to make sure, Seth left at two in the morning.




XV.

He realized that Julian never really told him where he lived. He roamed the busy streets of Liberty, scanning the buildings for a worn-down bicycle shop. For some unknown reason, the shop seemed non-existent. He wanted to ask around, but the whole city was in disarray. There were marches of protestors in every road, yelling their complaints with bellowing voices, and the police brigade would try to stop them by using force. Remonstrations were bloody and disorganized. Seth wondered if Julian was involved with the lot, but he knew that the fair boy cared not of such things.

He borrowed his neighbor’s motorbike and continued hunting the bicycle shop down, this time narrowly avoiding being decapitated by pipes and slabs of wood, all held by angry mobsters. There was no trace of a pale boy in every crowd, and the stores were closed and abandoned.

After his search he would wait at the bus stop. He’d take the box of magazines with him and flip the pages, pointing here and there, laughing at the things they noticed long ago, alone.



XVI.

“FUCK YOU, JULIAN! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO COME HERE, ANYWAY?! YOU JUST…JUST TOOK OFF AND NEVER CAME BACK!”

Seth kicked the magazines roughly, making them shoot into the air, and shouted all the more.

“I NEVER ASKED FOR YOU! I NEEDED THE BUS, NOT YOU!!! I DON’T NEED YOU AT ALL, JULIAN! YOU HEAR ME?! JULIAN!”

He dropped on the grass and wept noisily, sniffing and coughing and rubbing his running nose with the sleeves of his shirt.




XVII.

Chesca noticed a rainbow-collared dog entering a small store through a broken window. Making sure that there was no one inside it, she crept in and called the dog’s attention.

She was greeted by rows and rows of bicycles, in all sizes and colors. There was one with a basket in front, a bicycle she especially wanted for a long time. It seemed like the store was deserted, and there was a horde of protestors outside, so she needed to go to the bus stop to check on Seth quickly before things went out of hand.

“Don’t they get tired of shouting? As if the high officials would listen...it's all mindless noise to them.” She said aloud, and coughed when she accidentally inhaled dust.

The girl picked a short red bicycle and giggled when the dog wagged its tail in agreement. She drove the bicycle out in the open, with the rainbow dog trailing after her in speed.

Chesca spotted her brother; he was lying on the grass, eyes staring into the blank horizon. She mounted her bicycle and leaned it against the tree trunk, and slowly approached Seth. The dog waited patiently beside her.

“Hey Seth,” She said in a sing-song voice.

Her older brother groaned and rolled to his side.

“I brought someone with me.”

“FUCK IT, I KNEW HE WAS MAKING FUN OF ME!!!” Seth immediately sprung up and whirled around, expecting Julian standing with a smirk playing on his lips.

“My apologies…I brought a dog with me, not..." Her voice trailed off, then she grinned forcibly. "Isn’t he cute?” Chesca rubbed the dog’s ear and it barked happily. “Sorry to disappoint you, though.”

Seth glared at her and shook his head afterwards. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not okay. I’m not okay. You’re not okay. Even Liberty is in deep trouble right now.” The girl sat on the bench, ruffling the dog’s fur. “I had a dream again. There was fire. It wasn’t the same fire I saw the day before you met Julian. It was destructive.”

“So, what am I supposed to do now?”

Chesca looked at him seriously. “You’ve been depending on me too much. It’s just a dream, although it says something. It’s time you acted on your own.”

Seth looked at Chesca. She seemed past her younger years; the curls on her hair were well-defined now, and she was sporting fuller lips.

“I’ve been waiting for a bus for five years. The only thing that inspired me was information about a town outside of Liberty. Then Julian came. We waited together. Now he’s gone. Now I’m waiting for him, and I don't even give a damn about R Town.” Seth clenched his fists. “They’re both uncertain futures. I don’t know if a bus will pass by. I don’t know if Julian will come back. But what makes the whole thing worse is that I already had a taste of Julian. Naturally, I wouldn’t want to let him go, or rather, I would like to feel him again. Freedom, I haven’t had it at all. Maybe it’s better not to, so I wouldn’t want it so much like the way I’m missing that stupid fucker.

I’m waiting again. How many years have passed since Julian?”

“Two, I guess.” Chesca bowed her head. “I don’t really care.”

Seth laughed brokenly. “See? I’ve done nothing but wait. My patience is taking its toll. I’m running out of energy. The things I value the most…they never come. But you’re here, Ches. Thank you.”

His sister left the bench and embraced him. They hugged each other for several minutes, and it was a beautiful sight. “The thing is…Julian promised that you’ll meet again. I’d like to think that he keeps his word. You can always have all three of us; R Town, Julian, and I. We’ll never forsake you.”





“Did you really see a bus?”

For the first time in his entire life, Seth actually questioned his sister.

She nodded and did not falter. “But with the tone of your voice, I wish I hadn’t.”




XVIII.


He began to think that Julian was probably just a ghost. He was too pale, too beautiful to be real. But then, the fair boy could also be a product of his imagination, an image crafted by the mists of the desert and his loneliness.

Chesca assured him everyday that Julian was real. “Follow your instincts, Seth. You feel him when you sleep together, don’t you?”

Even the past seemed like a dream; when he was with Julian he felt cool and warm at the same time, and it was something he couldn't understand. Nowadays Liberty was only hot and noisy. Even Chesca stopped going to school; it was difficult to absorb things with a hot climate. On the other hand, Wallace’s bank account was almost running empty. It meant that Seth had to find work soon or living would be very difficult.

Maybe the old man's taking much of his time. He has to take care of the dying man, after all.

Seth whispered those words to himself many times.




Seth was about to give up that day and wake up to the next, when surprisingly, he heard a rumbling noise. He perked up at once.

“Ooh look, a bus.” Chesca announced in a deadpan. Seth opened and closed his mouth, unable to speak; inside him was a battle of different emotions raring to emerge.

A small bus stopped right in front of them. It was colored purple, just like in the stories Chesca often told him. Seth walked towards the driver, hardly believing what was before him. He let his hands trail the wall of the bus, relieved at its solidity.

“Oh Julian,” He managed to say. He thought that this was it, and waited for his beloved’s excited reply, but there was nothing.

“Hop on kids, haven’t got all day.” said the bored driver. Her name plate said Grace, and it was smudged with mud or chocolate, whichever.

“Where are you headed?”

“To where you’re headed. No duh.”

Seth rubbed his palms together, jumping a bit. “Aah. I see.” He glanced at Chesca’s way, but she was busy playing with her new dog, so he looked back at the driver. “So, uhhh...how long will it take us to get there?”

The older brother was fully aware that he was stalling, but he did not know why he felt the urge to do so.

“Long enough, but not as long as the years you’ve been waiting.” Seth made a hesitant noise, and Grace folded her arms. “Shit, what’s yer problem? You’ve been expecting me, right? Get in, I hafta journey to the West in about a few hours, I’ve got other customers too.”

The grass wrinkled and the green faded, making way for a crisp brown. The sunlight became even hotter and brighter at that point, and it stained the purple walls of the vehicle.

“No.”

“What?” The driver’s head made a sharp turn and she glowered at him. “Backing out, you retard?! Bring your sister with you; this is what you wanted, right? What you've been waiting fer so long? Now Imma give it to you. Doesn't come for free, but it's a cheap price...” Grace glanced at his duffel bag. "...Like, you can give me that cheap recorder, for instance."

Seth shook his head even harder, eyes welling with tears. “No.”

“Just hand it over, kiddo," The driver extended a hand, beckoning Seth to hand over the bag. "I’m a very busy person, as you’ve noticed. Don’t go fucking with me. I’m leaving you shit at the count of five. One…”

“Oh god Ches, I’m so sorry.” Seth covered his face with his hands, and he began trembling like mad. “I’m so sorry…why don’t you leave first, J-Julian and I will just follow.”

“Two…”

“I’m not going anywhere without you.” His sister said flatly. Her eyes did not leave the dog’s fur.

“Three…”

“…DAMNIT, CHESCA!”

“Four…”

Seth was openly crying now.

“Idiot.” The driver kicked the door close and the bus drove away, trampling over the grass that had just decided to appear.

As soon as the bus was out of view, Seth collapsed on the ground in tears. “I told Julian that I would take him with me. If it means waiting another ten years then I’ll—“ Words failed him, and he punched the earth, making a loud noise. He continued crying, fat tears rolling down his cheeks and raining down on his palms. When Seth’s eyes were finally swollen and dry, Chesca skipped over to him and kissed his cheek.

“Don’t be thick, that wasn’t the bus.”

He looked up, eyes child-like and confused.

Chesca shrugged. “That wasn’t it. She isn't the same driver. The driver I met was more insane. That was just a distraction, a temptation of sorts.” She threw a disk in the air, and the dog made a perfect catch. “Those who enter R Town are those who truly deserve it; and acceptance in R Town is free if you're qualified. I bet that bus is headed somewhere else. I heard the West is in shambles.”

Seth exhaled loudly, too happy to move. “W-why didn’t you tell me?”

The girl looked at him mysteriously. “Just so you know…I trust you, Seth. You placed so much faith in me and my predictions, so I give you the same amount of faith in return. I knew that you’d make the right choice. You’re my brother after all.”

She laughed; a bubbly, cheerful laugh, and skipped away to play catch with the rainbow-collared dog. Seth felt his love for his sister burst and bewilder his heart. He loved her dearly, and Julian too.

However, he greatly wished that the world would stop toying with him.




XIX.


Chesca barged inside Seth’s room and shook him awake. “SETH!”

He only managed a grunt and looked at his room lazily. Rainbow, as Chesca dubbed the dog she found, was howling loudly in the hallway outside his bedroom. Meanwhile his sister started rummaging through his belongings, stuffing a few underwear and jeans in a suitcase filled with books and instant noodles.

“Why’re you in a hurry?" He asked groggily. "Wassup?"

“I couldn’t sleep. Something’s bound to happen. We need to leave, now.”

Seth rubbed his eyes and wore his wristwatch; it was three in the morning. Then he shoved the only two things that were important to him inside a duffel bag: a photo of Julian and Chesca, and a recorder he used to keep some of the fair boy’s silly songs. The records kept him awake and quite lonely at night, when his body felt rather unappreciated. He slung his guitar on his shoulders and took a deep breath. "Let's go."

The two solitary figures left the building without a sound, and the dog trotted in front, leading the way proudly.

“Where are we going?” Seth inquired.

“I don’t know. I just wanted to get out of—“

At that exact moment, the building next to their apartment exploded.

“FUCK!” Seth grabbed Chesca’s arm and they ran along the street at once, their deafening footsteps waking up most of the people in the neighborhood. There were screaming and slamming noises behind them, followed by even louder explosions.

“Don’t look back, just keep running.” Seth gritted his teeth as he whispered to his sister.

“This is the final touch of the revolt!” She exclaimed, her skinny legs almost tripping until Seth caught her shirt. They ran and ran, relying on their feet to show them the way. Another round of explosions responded to their every step.

Women were shrieking, men were cursing, doors and windows were smashed as homes were infiltrated. Lights were switched on then turned off again; the power source failed them. Liberty became pitch-black. More explosions were heard in different parts of the city. Questions were raised, panic was spreading.

“THIS IS THE END!” Someone declared, tripping over his own feet. People walked all over him, fleeing their burning homes.

Still they ran.

They passed by a row of Victorian homes that were on fire; the once lovely and picturesque houses of wealthy people melted and crumbled into ashes, emitting black smoke and the odor of burnt flesh. A boy was crying alone by himself, and Seth tried to save him, but he ran off to disappear into the flames...probably to join those familiar to him.

He decided not to look back, not to focus his eyes on anything else but his sister. The dog was still leading the way. Chesca’s grip on him was still firm, but she was shaking uncontrollably.

Seth and Chesca arrived at the town square, where people lost control of themselves and started shouting out names of those they considered their saviors. They were mostly in their pajamas, apparently caught unaware, with their eyes still droopy and blemished. The Libertans covered their noses with towels and handkerchiefs, clutching at their hearts, saying that this wasn’t supposed to happen, they were supposed to be safe.

One man was rather hysterical, and declared his life lost as his house burned down into nothing. Seth detested him.

The police blamed anyone who looked suspicious, and people blamed the police for not accomplishing their duties properly. As the citizens of Liberty jeered and pushed each other, Seth scooped Chesca up in his arms and followed Rainbow without hesitation, narrowing his mind from their pleas of help. He could still recall the vivid memory of his own house burning, with Wallace confined in his own room, struggling for his own life. Seth looked at his sister and hugged her close to him as he dashed.

“Seth, I don’t want to die.” said Chesca. He wondered if he should believe her; she seemed rather calm. There was nothing to be said, but he wanted to be more of a big brother to her; she was the only one left.

“Yes.”

A blast erupted from the highest office tower miles behind them. Seth could not help but look back and watch the manifestation of Liberty’s grandeur shake and crumble, its magnificent pillars of marble and cement breaking into tiny little pieces of deadly stone. Hundreds of people along the street were pierced with the shards that zoomed through the air in seconds; Seth and Chesca were bathed in their blood as they finally crashed to the stony floor in the force of the impact.

Seth protected his sister by lying over her and cradling her head. His nose was broken and he could feel his blood escape him, forming pools on the rocky granite. His tongue tasted salt and sweat.

There was an eerie silence.

“J-Julian,” Chesca choked out, coughing and writhing a bit. Her tears drenched Seth’s polo shirt.

They lay there for hours, waiting for the sunrise.

It did not come.




XX.


Seth felt a dog lick his ear as he woke. He raised himself up to his knees and patted the furry creature. “Hello. Thanks for waking me up.”

Chesca was fast asleep when he carried her and her suitcase carefully, as not to disturb her. She was smiling. She was having a good dream.

“Lead the way.” Seth remarked, wiping the blood from his nose with a towel he found in the suitcase. Rainbow whined and jogged over rubble, corpses and dirt.

Liberty was still burning when Seth and Chesca left the security of its walls. The racket inevitably died down. The bus stop was left untouched, though the horrible scent from the city lingered amongst the air, and the sky was dark.

Seth fished out the recorder from his duffel bag, smiled when he found it intact, and clicked on the play button.

Then he sat down on the bench and sang along as he waited for Julian:


“Vagrant soul, you tender one,
guest and fellow of the body,
Now you have to descend into places
pallid and rigid and nude,
Nor will you be playful as you used to be.”




THE END