Him and I splitting up has turned into this time of realization for both of us. Neither of us causing drama. Just doing what we need to do. Be kind and be friends.....because of the little one. My respect for him has upped. We are getting along after getting this out. Still both scared......but this is the right thing to do. I will be moving downstairs.....a way for little mama to get used to the situation of mommy and daddy not being together. But still number one being her parents. I need his friendship and he needs mine. I want her to have some time. .... My priority being mature about this for her. My first priority being I need to be stable for her to ease into her Mom and Dad not being together anymore.

I cannot decide if I feel like a failure.....mostly because him and I have been good to each other about this. It makes it easier. Neither of us wants to point blame or be angry at each other for everything that has happened and went on. He is my friend and he will continue to be my friend for the rest of our lives. I am saying most of this for myself. Just to say it out loud. It is going to take time, we both realize this. But i do need to start sleeping downstairs.....and we do need to move apart as soon as it is possible.


Sometimes I get sad, but then i tell myself I have to keep it together. At all times. I know that feeling of depression slipping in. But for some reason, my control over it this time is just that....in control. I had no idea I had come this far....

The road ahead I cannot even imagine......But what is happening now I can see. I think once i start thinking about what furniture I will take and what furniture he will take is when my entire self will get that road ahead picture again. But for now, I can only deal with dealing with this.

What the Hell is this?


FROM: MR.MILLA
TEL:2783-710-1023
FAX:2783-9295-727

Dear Sonja ,

You may be surprised to receive this letter from me
since you do not know me personally. I am MILLA DUNN,
the first son of Mr. ALAN DUNN, who was
recently murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe. I
got your contact through network online hence decided
to write you.

Before the death of my father, he had taken me to
Johannesburg to deposit the sum of US$20Million
(Twenty Million United States Dollars), in one of
the private security companies, as if he foresaw the
looming danger in Zimbabwe.
This money was deposited in a box as germ stones to
avoid much demurrage from the Security Company. This
amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and
chemicals for the farms and establishment of a new
farm in Swaziland.

This land problem came when Zimbabwean President Mr.
Robert Mugabe introduced a new Land Act reform which
wholly affected the rich white farmers and some
few black farmers.This resulted to the killing and mob
action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics in
the society. In fact, a lot of people were killed
because of this land reformed Act for which my
father was one of the victims.

It is against this background that, I and my family
who are currently staying in South Africa decided to
transfer my father?s money to a
foreign country since the law of South Africa
prohibits refugees open any bank account or to be
involved in any financial transaction
througout the teritorial zones of South Africa. As
the eldest son of my father, I am saddled with the
responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account
where this money could be transferred into without the
knowledge of my government who are bent on taking
everything . All i seek for is an honest
businessman, whom I can entrust my future and that of
my family , I must also let you know that this
transaction is 100%risk free. If you
accept to assist me and my family all I want from you
is for you to make arrangements and come to
Johannesburg ? South Africa, so that you can help me
open a non-resident account in your name which will
aid us in transferring the money into any account you
will nominate overseas. This money I intend to use
for investmentand growth in your country.
I have two options for you, firstly you can choose to
have certain percentage of the money for nominating
your account for this transaction, Or you can go into
partnership with me for the proper profitable
investment of the money in your country. Whichever
the option you want, feel free to notify me. I have
also mapped out 5% of this money for all kinds of
expenses we might incure in the process of this
transaction. If you do not prefer a
partnership I am willing to give you 25% of the money
while the remaining 70% will remain for me and my
family.If you are realy capable and willing to assist
me please contact me immediately with the above
Tel,Fax or this e-mail address with which i have sent
you this message.Finally, please treat this matter as
urgent as possible, i'm in dire need to leave this
country soonest.Thanks for your mutual co-operation,
I expect your soonest response.

Kind Regards,

Mr.MILLA DUNN.
(For the Family)

Is the band "Creed" country music????

Moving, moving....

Still looking for day care.....


I do not enjoy cold weather....or the lack of sun for a week.

In hopes that tonight, when i log onto this thing
I will be able to write and say all the things I been meaning to say.

Mental block.....

Or just busy.....

of course...the one night I have to work late...She calls me. to talk.
I so bad want to hear her voice on the other end yelling "SOPHIA!"
I so bad want to just know that she is okay. I so bad want to make that connection of...I love you...and miss you again. The words .. .this medium...it does not work for me. I see past all of it. I just want to hear her voice. Not on my machine...but in my ear....

I love you corylus contorta

Please call me again. Please let me know where my soul mate sister is.
Help me apease my guilt and anger over not knowing you for the past 6months.

A benefit to help an aspiring midwife attend school.....

SATURDAY AUGUST 25th
10pm to 4 ish??

the benefit is being held at

"THE AUSHAUS"
2418E E. Cesar Chavez

DJ's PLAYING at this shindig are

*Shane E

*BIG LEGS

*Manny

*Joey Foley

*MEOW

Live Music by: Horizontal

DOOR PRIZES!!
Raffling OFF A PIERCING AND jewelry included BY: "BEAR" from Forbidden Fruit
Raffling off and hour REIKI Energy session by Barbara


5 buck donation suggested...with that donation you will receive a ticket to get either 2beers or One glass of wine!

beers will be a buck each...wine is two bucks each.
(come on ladies and gentlemen lets all pitch in and help this girl make it to midwifery school to help deliver babes!)

for more info call 699-4609

I cannot help it. I cannot stay angry for long. something always happens to make me wake up the next day feeling like I just came back from the ocean. I love the ocean.
Last night...I danced to cocteau twins....and brandy painted me dancing. two hours of spinning around her house....two hours of her painting naked. Now I feel as if I can do anything.
after the chaos...we sat and watched her giving birth to xennia. that was an hour of us both crying. when it was over I immediately got up and left. all I could think about was holding lily and being with her. all women in labor look like paintings.

Did you ever read someone's livejournal....and laugh your ass off at how LAME they are? Even though you know you would never name them personally? But still enjoy reading their stupid idiot like livejournal entries?

visine feels like daggers in your fucking eyes first thing in the morning. geeesus.

nemaste
"I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light, and of peace. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one."


Someone told me this. I could not remember all of it..until tonight walking out of a friends den....someone had posted it up on the wall.

I could melt....



I love my life....

funker vogt...stupid livejournal thing....cut my music off...

I have got to find a better way to release.

i hate what is going on inside of me right this moment.

it screams pathetic.....

humility....the spice of life...

I am going swimming today! swimming swimming swimming!

I joined the Package_gang! I had too...i am so into pen pals and such. I love getting others items i could never buy for myself....because it is usually to fucking rad to hide in my own little hut.

my package pal is merryfnpoppins I am super excited about this. My friend Docc thinks she is the shit...
I was hoping I would get her..because she seems super intelligent and interesting. Compliments to you miss merry!

my day was somewhat shitty...well..no...it wasnt...my scotty came home with flowers for me...god he is such a beautiful man! he loves me...i will attack him tonight.

Dave and starly came over....they made my night much better...i love those two! I finally told starly about my idea of dressing her in henna and taking black and white photos of her....now i just need to learn how to do body henna! such cuteness tonight...lily would not let go of starly....when starly and dave were leaving , lily monster was grabbing on to starly and crying. what can i say...those two have been here since the beginning....
I cannot wait to see those two pregnant....

I am so craving some red wine right now....

I am taking starly out for sushi and saki this friday...we are even going to be responsible and get a ride!

sure wish i could find that present for dave i been meaning to get him. it is really annoying not being able to find it...i should just give in and order it offline.

Micheal and Monica are coming over tomorrow afternoon...talk about a cute couple. such sweetness....Happy i have people like that in my life.

I am getting all ansy about sending out a package! friday...i will do it friday. I am so cheesy...not only am i gonna send stuff..but i am really thinking hard about decorating my packaging to her. i know the post office hates that.....but there are ALWAYS ways around that sort of thing.

alright...done posting about nothing much.

love you world!

It was all so simple...
I spent so much time ingesting...not thinking...not realizing.
Seeing clear..feeling clear...i miss this person so much.
How odd not being afraid of her...how odd
The easy time i am having seeing her...enjoying her
my simple abundance of anger...still here...
not clouded
i say enjoy
goodnight tired sonja

I should be in bed...asleep. But my mind is just going and going...I love it...

hey body ...catch up with the rest of me!

my mind ...The Fibonacci sequence in nature

it is so beautiful....The Fibonacci sequence in nature

I am in relief land....

gone,dreaming,alone,listening,reading.

Visited the in-laws tonight. drank some wine...ate dinner. I try...everytime we go over there to be understanding about shelly's condition...but as always...she says things that are hard for me to handle. Tonight...it was putting down Poppy to no end...he could not do a thing right. it was embarrassing. She can be so fucking mean sometimes. And as always i am told to keep my mouth shut. Whenever he was holding lily he was not doing it right...and she would bring up something from their past pertaining to the situation...to prove he was inept.

And then there was the situation with Mike and Anne buying a house. Apparantly Only MIKE is trying to cheat the owners out of money...NOT her perfect fucking duaghter! Only Mike is the selfish one...Little Miss Perfect ANNE is going along with it. It's like..UH deal with it lady...Your daughter is a selfish little brat...regardless of what YOU Think! As if all of a sudden her daughter with a graduate degree cannot think for herself!

She bitches about Poppy and the way he chose to live his life. Her thinking is...She raised four kids on her own...which i give her so much credit for..So he owes her everything in the world...but if it were the other way around...she would be bitching because he did not work hard ENOUGH! She gets annoyed when he doesnt protect their riches...! its like..HELLO lady! chose your
fucking BATTLES ALREADY!

and as always...she is still not done punishing US for the car smelling like smoke thing. Everytime she talks about anne and mike buying a new house AGAIN she has to rub it in...(we have seen the house, not so good) She gets pissed whenever we bring up the fact that YES we are still having fun spending our money on fun things...no we are not ready to be responsible enough to buy a house...no we dont feel like being poor for years and years because we chose to buy a house. NO WE DONT PLAN ON LIVING IN AUSTIN FOR FOREVER! one of the main reasons we have not bought a house here!
YES! we do think it is funny that you have a son who has a girlfriend who he pays for everything for when HE HIMSELF has never ever had a job! YES we think it is funny that he never ever visits and yet he is still the perfect little boy.

alright enough mean shit...vented enough...WHEW...done.

I love her...she is an amazing woman..regardless of my private views in here.