Ever wanted to learn how to write a really good suspense story? James Pinkerton is here to help you out. The first time I read this, I laughed until I cried.

A scan of 'How to Write Suspense.' It's anthologized, so it's not readily available online--this was the best result Google turned up for me.

Excerpt: "Lightning is so suspenseful it's not even funny, so always use it for everything. Lightning makes the reader notice whatever happened before the lightning, so also remember to put in a lot of suspense before the lightning crashes. Just pack it in there, no one will mind."

In other news, I was in Starbucks today and saw an advertisement for their new line of hot chocolates: "As special as your cashmere sweater." It's self-parody, right? Right?

1. I have decided not to go on the academic job market this year. Fuck the academic job market. I might never go on the academic job market. I just want to finish my dissertation and have done with it by August. I have begun having dreams in which I am literally screaming to various friends and relatives about how much I hate academia and about how I'm NOT GOING TO DO IT ANYMORE. I fear the reality is not far away. Give me my degree and let me flee screaming into the night, mmkay? Then I can relax about having an "agenda for future research," which I lack and don't want. Give me a paper-pushing job with a salary that actually pays the bills and provides benefits and doesn't have a boss who expects me to give a shit about Derrida.

2. I went shopping with a friend today who wants to build up a professional wardrobe (ironic!). She found a few cute things, but I, myself, remain wounded. You know how sometimes you see something awesome on the rack? And you know you can't afford it, and you won't buy it, and you don't even have anywhere to wear it because it's a fucking evening gown for crying out loud, but you still try it on, just because? And then you wish you never had, because it's amazing, and you two were made for each other, but you can never be together because of the cruel vagaries of Fate?

I've never looked so good in anything in my life. And I just KNOW that dress wept when I left it behind. Holy shit, what am I saying, "I don't have anywhere to wear it"? I would have worn it to the damn grocery store! I would have worn it everywhere! I would have told people I was on my way to or from an amazing party, and just stopped by to "pick up some stuff"! I would have paid $190, which, on second thought, no.

In the grand scheme of things, no. 1 is markedly more important than no. 2, of course. I think I might be projecting.

3. Speaking of fashion, enjoy Sonia Rykiel's Fashion Week show. Yowza.

edit: It's fun on video too!

Oh...Paul :(

From the BBC miniseries Deep Blue:

"The ocean: an endless expanse of blue. A vast, watery desert."

So a while back I wrote this porny DWP fic called The X Ingredient. I posted it as 'unfinished,' because frankly, I just couldn't see it going to a happy place.

But skeeter451 had a different idea, a GREAT idea, and she ran it by me; and I am now pleased to rec "Sightings," a sequel to "The X Ingredient." I won't spoil the surprise, but one look at the first part is all you need to know about how she's structured this nifty, innovative story. I'm flattered she thought my fic deserved the time and energy it took her to come up with this!

You can find all the parts of "Sightings" here.

Every once in a while I listen to a song over and over again, because it makes me so happy. And if it makes me happy enough, I will want to share it. So here you go:

Amanda by Waylon Jennings.

Ganked from chilly_flame:



Hey, you can either laugh or cry, right? Right.

Way to go, Hillary. That was a hell of a speech and she knocked it out of the park, and she is absolutely correct about John McCain, and his presidency would be fucking terrifying. I hope people listen to her. She is smart as hell and I'm glad she's at least still in the Senate as an influential figure, because we need her there.

Although I am not such a fan of the way the cameras kept panning to women during her speech--specifically, women who looked less than enthused and occasionally discontented. Women who looked like they were thinking, "Yeah right." Women who make it look like they're going to torpedo Obama's campaign when they're probably, hopefully, thinking nothing of the kind.

Because I hate that women, specifically Hillary supporters, are being painted as this kind of spiteful demographic who care more about a candidate than the issues she passionately supports, I hate that the media is blowing this out of all proportion by mentioning a few women who are going to lunch with John McCain, I hate that the Democratic party is still being portrayed as irreversibly divided and ineffectual and petty and marketed towards swing voters as such, and blaming women for it because you don't hear nearly as much about discontented men who supported Hillary. Not nearly as much. I hate that women are portrayed as voting with their hearts and not their heads, because that's just what women do, am I right?

Not that I ever expected any better. But I still hate it.

Edit: I heard this on NPR just this afternoon while driving home from the grocery store (I am remembering it as best I can, and I actually hurried to post this as soon as I got home):

INTERVIEWER: So, as a former Hillary supporter, will you be voting for Barack Obama at the convention?

MALE DELEGATE: Absolutely not. It would be unconscionable. My mandate is to vote for Hillary Clinton, from the people who sent me here, and that is what I'm going to do.

INTERVIEWER: Okay, that's at the convention, but what about the general election in November? Will you vote Republican?

MALE DELEGATE: No. I think that would be unconscionable too. I think the Democratic party has to stick together.

INTERVIEWER: Now, your wife is a Hillary supporter too, but she has a different opinion, right?

MALE DELEGATE: Right. For her, it is unconscionable to vote for Barack Obama. I disagree very much, but these strong-minded women are gonna do what they're gonna do, and we need to support them. That's democracy, right? (rueful laugh)

Yeah, those poor bastards, at our mercy like that.

Edit Part Two: plaidder has just made a post re: Clinton Vs. Obama that I find interesting. (Note: if you are a fervent Hillary supporter, Plaid Adder's post, while not at all hateful, is not exactly warm and fuzzy. Just FYI.) I don't agree with everything she says, but this right here?

Sorry. I am bitter, too, I guess, but express it in a different way: by jettisoning idealism, principles, emotional investment, the importance of a "protest vote," all that kind of stuff and instead focusing on the pragmatic goal of ejecting the Republican Party from the throne of power. Along those lines, I have taken the position that I will forgive Obama for being a big disappointment as far as progressive issues go on the condition that he do one thing only, which is @#$! WIN.

I am right in line with this right here. To my sorrow.

I've had this in my head for a while, so here it is: Truth and Measure, fifty years later, as Archer remembers it.

The Parting Glass
By Telanu
Fandom: The Devil Wears Prada (film), Miranda/Andy femslash
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Lauren Weisberger and 20th Century Fox own the characters and places you recognize (except for The New Yorker, natch). The rest are mine.

Thanks to thelastgoodname for her original idea of, um, for her original idea that I'm not spoilering here. Suffice to say, I ran with it, and this is for her (y'know, if she wants it). Thanks to luthien, as always, for a great beta.

Summary: Truth and Measure, fifty years later.

( Read more... )

1. Happy Birthday, Harry Potter! (Anybody else remember that guy? Those were the days.)

2. Thanks for the kind comments and feedback I've received over the past couple of weeks. You are all awesome.

3. Look what I got!

( I'm on my own bookshelf! )

Hey Everybody,

I'm heading out of town tomorrow and will be back the 19th, so if you send any emails or leave me any comments and I don't reply back right away, you totally shouldn't think, "God, what a bitch, I'll never offer to send her a million dollars out of the blue again." By all means, feel free to send me a million dollars--or more, if you really must--any time you feel like it, including this week. I'll reply to everybody when I return.

I hope you all have a lovely week! I'll think of you while I'm getting sunburned.

Love,
T.

BIG EDIT: My site's been fixed. Hurrah, nym777! You are amazing. Anyway, you can now read the story at its true home :)

Anyway, on to the good stuff. Here is the gigantic-ass fic I have been writing since August 2007. It is a lot of words and has taken me a long time. (Given when I started writing it, you might--probably will--notice some similarities between my fic and some other fics that have been posted since then. Allow me to swear up, down, and sideways that these similarities are entirely coincidental. Really!)

So, yes, the fic took a long time, is a lot of words, and I hope it goes without saying that I would love to know what you think of it.

Immense thanks to my betas, luthien and thelastgoodname. They've been with me through it all, and this story is much, much, MUCH the better for their help and patience!

Fic opens in a new window/tab.

Link to menu page: Truth and Measure

Rating: M/NC-17.

Summary: Andy doesn't leave Miranda in Paris, and learns that a single decision can change your life. But the main thing about decisions? You don't get to stop with one.


And now: *pops champagne cork and drinks up*

Edit: I know the fic's long, so if anybody wants to download it as a text file for your own nefarious purposes, there you go!

Son of Edit: There are a few spoilers in the comments now, just FYI!

1) I am going out of town tomorrow morning and will be back on Monday night. Internet access likely to be spotty. Then I'm going out of town AGAIN on the 12th and will be back on the 19th or 20th. Internet access likely to be nonexistent.

Sooooooo basically I'm planning to post Truth and Measure on July 8 or 9, between my trips. (Probably 9, but we'll see.) Some people wanted advance warning, so there you go!


2) Did you know that the staff at Vogue magazine is interested in helping you--yes, YOU, the sloppy, banal, bourgeois woman on the street--pinch pennies this summer, since things are so tight for everybody, money-wise? Anna Wintour and her minions are so helpful. But in case you do not subscribe (and why not?), I have listed some of the most helpful, frugal tips below.

Don't thank me. I'm just doing it because I'm basically a wonderful person and I can't help myself.

From the Vogue article "Cheap Thrills" in the July 2008 issue (now available in stores!), we have:

Tip One: For a chic--yet affordable--new haircut: Catch a rising star.
Gui Schoedler in Santa Monica: $130
Chris Rosario in Santa Monica: $80
Antonio Gonzales in NYC: $160
Michelle Fiona in NYC: $150
Severn Dorre in Chicago: $80
Stephen Adair in Dallas: $70
Christina Perau in Aspen: $115

Seventy bucks for a haircut! And I thought everything was bigger in Texas. Good grief, they're just giving it away. How do they pay back their loans for cosmetology school?

( And there's more where that came from! )

Ganked from wizened_cynic. Make a Wordle! I stole from her and pasted text from the fics I'd written this year, and the most-repeated words are the biggest. The following is probably not a surprise at all.

(click for bigger)



She WOULD be the center of attention, wouldn't she? (I am particularly fond of the way "slut" and "naked" appear right under her name.)

It has come to my attention that Miranda's twin children in The Devil Wears Prada are not ten years old. I have seen stories in which they are twelve, thirteen, and fourteen, but never ten. The actresses were born in 1992. WHY DID I THINK THE TWINS WERE TEN YEARS OLD? WHY, WHY, WHY??? I have no rational explanation. I am verklempt. They are ten years old in my superlong story, and act accordingly with their ten-year-oldish stature.

Welp, that's it, I'll just have to rewrite the whole story. See you in another six months.

Happy Birthday, tofty!!!!

I wruv you.

Son of Rambow is the cutest, sweetest movie you will see this year, and I mean that in an entirely, 100%-good, completely non-ironic way. Well, cute and sweet with a dark edge--the movie's very good at capturing the way kids can be revolting little creatures when they want, and is much the better for it. Go see this movie when you want something to pick you up, but want something of substance, too. Hell, just go see it, period. It's magical.

The movie's IMDB page, if you are curious: here.

Also, Happy Birthday, Johnny Depp! I know in my heart that you read this journal. I know it.

There is this really neat literary device I just learned about, and it's called 'foreshadowing.'

Oh hey! I also finished the first draft of that gigantic-ass Devil Wears Prada story that I've been working on since last August, although I took a sabbatical to write about space pirates, which was fun. It is very, very, very long. Longer than AWS. This is not a boast at all because frankly, I am not sure a story this long needs to exist. For the record, yes, I said the same thing about the last three Harry Potter books. (But I have a soft spot for Goblet of Fire.) It is in the hands of two extremely capable betas right now--I mean my fic is, not GoF, although I think they both own all the HP books--and I will probably make another post when I have a better idea of when I'm going to post the actual fic, since some people have asked me to.

So I guess this is a post about how I'm going to make another post that will let you know that, at some point, I will be making a third post.

I deeply apologize.