I can't check LJ from work, and my connection at home is horribly, horribly slow.

Assume that I don't know anything that's happened to you in the last three months, unless I've seen you in person.

And, of course, Ann tells me some of what's going on in your lives, but she obviously can't give me the word-for-word breakdown.

So, here's my little summary.

I took time off of ComedySportz, because I didn't feel particularly funny when we had to put Jackson to sleep; it's the first time I've ever faced a situation like that, and it's the hardest decision I've ever had to make.

I still like my new job.

I've gotten a big boost in research availability by getting assistance from D.P. Lyle, MD, who wrote "Forensics for Dummies" and "Murder and Mayhem," both of which I heartily recommend for writers who like forensic material. Dr. Lyle is wonderfully helpful and resourceful as well as being a nice guy.

I miss all of you. I miss being on LJ. I miss feeling like I'm an active part of your lives. Unfortunately, I don't have a solution yet that allows me to interact with you the way I could at my last so-called job. I'm hoping to find a way to update all of you more often than once every couple months. I know Ann can keep you informed of the big stuff, but it's the little stuff that makes our friendships seem real.

I look forward to seeing some of you in a couple weeks. The next month I'll be traveling to NY to visit family again -- my nephew's first birthday is coming up -- and then the week after that, I'll be traveling to Iowa to do some research for Book Number Two (which is not a sequel, but is also a murder mystery set in Indianapolis).

Oh, and I've got a Book Expo coming up -- 2500 people there, and I'll be one of maybe a handful of writers with a FICTION book to pitch. Wish me luck. It's not costing me anything, so even one sale will be good... but I'm only about 15-20 books away from actually turning a profit.

Still Strange,
David

I have not had a chance to read a lot of your entries recently.

This is just a quick note to say I'm alive, I'm well, and I bagged my first eight-point buck last night.

About 1 am. With my car.

We're fine. The car isn't. The deer sure isn't.

Again, everybody's okay except Bambi, and other than that things have been pretty good. I like my new job (except for my lack of internet time).

Hope to post more later,

Strange/David

My book is on Amazon.

If you'd like to write a review there, please do.

As a matter of fact, I will glady collect any reviews and blurbs and add them to my website. The only drawback there is that if by some strange chance somebody I don't know finds the website and reads the reviews and orders the book, if they're the suspicious sort, they'll see that most of you (who have the book at this point, anyway) are thanked in the Acknowledgements. And then they'll get irritated by what will appear to be a sweetheart deal. And then they'll write me a nasty letter. And I'll be deeply hurt. But by then, they'll have bought the book, so that'll make up for it.

See? Everything works out.

--Strange/David

I get distracted a lot. Not in an attention-deficit sort of way, but in a too-focused-on-my-inner-life kind of way. Not only am I intensely introspective, I'm also constantly swarmed with ideas. Most of these ideas never come to anything, even if I spend a while developing them.

These distractions are so intense that I often forget things temporarily, because my brain is working so hard to improve my ideas that it forgets the facts. Sometimes these things are trivial – such as, say, who wrote Gone With the Wind -- or commonly forgotten – where my keys are – but often they're things that people just aren't supposed to forget.

With this in mind, I have decided to create two lists:


Examples Of Ideas I Have Had And Discarded But Still Remember Now And Then
An epic, multi-generational story about two rival clans of werewolves (1987)
A horror story about a man who collects others' tongues (1991)
A modern-day film update of Beowulf set largely in an abandoned school building, utilizing portions of Dvorak's "New World Symphony" as soundtrack (1994)
A cops-and-gangs story in which a former gang member, now a cop, is forced to pull a gun on his own mother to try to protect the man who probably killed his brother (1995)
A "supervillain" story about a man who can essentially teleport aspects of himself (his appearance or his voice, for example) or all of himself to various places, pursued by a detective with a near-mystic intuition… I was reading a lot of Dean Koontz at this point (1996)
A story where the mythical becomes scientific – essentially a forensic look at vampirism, from the perspective of a vampire (2003)



Examples Of Things I Have Forgotten While Distracted And Mentally Working On Projects Such As These
What color "lavender" is.
Where I work (I suddenly couldn't remember anything about what I did for a living, where it was located, or how long I'd been there… it lasted for almost fifteen seconds)
What my car looked like.
What a baseball was.
What the word "gender" meant (while trying to fill out paperwork).
Why I had a screwdriver in my hand.
Who my boss was (while she was talking to me).
The English word for "amigo" (while I was not actively involved in anything Spanish).
Why I was bleeding from my mouth. Although this one I blame at least partially on the punch I sustained as opposed to the sudden story idea I got from it.
My brother's name.
My own name.

For Pete's sake, how bad can I be at predicting games? My percentage fell again, to 55.81% (72-for-129). I can get it to 56.15 if the Colts win tonight. A perfect week next week won't put me back over 60%.

Oh, well. Two of my three fantasy teams won, and I'm only down by four points in the last one, with Peyton Manning still to play, so I should win that one unless somehow he completely falls apart.

--Strange/David

"I don't know what seeing him in person will do -- you can't get blood from a turnip."
"I'm not intending to take it from his turnip."

Ganked from dallasgirl25

Pick 15 people on your Live Journal friends list to write about. NEVER reveal the correct answers. Let them decide who they are.

This was tough, as I have around thirty people on my friends list. Don't take it personally if you didn't "make the cut." It doesn't mean I don't love you -- even Ann isn't in this fifteen (although in her case it's because it would be wayyy too easy to guess). I just didn't figure anyone really wanted to read thirty of these.


1. The first time I met you, I knew you were going to be a friend. Because I'm generally afraid of people, that's not true of anyone else on my friends list.

2. I can't remember your last name, although I think I should know it. I have no idea where you live, although I think you've told me. And your website is on my top five list for daily visits.

3. Other than Ann, you are the one person from college that my parents remember. The very first time I saw you, I honestly thought you were going to hurt me.

4. After all this time, I still don't know why the two of us have the discussions we have. I've never known anyone who thinks like you, and there are times when I'm baffled by things that you do and say. Despite all of that, I can't help but like you.

5. We've found some common ground after a few misfires; within the past year, you've become someone I really look forward to seeing. My appreciation for your talent (in a field where I have none) is limitless.

6. I've seen both your public and your private personae, and you've seen mine. I mean, my personae. Or personi? Does it change when it's male? Like alumnus, alumna, alumni, alumnae?... And you probably appreciated that tangent, at least a little bit. You also appreciate my favorite grocery store.

7. Your sense of fun is infectious, and your heart is so big; right now, I bet you could use some frosted animal crackers and a jar of peanut butter.

8. You've introduced me, indirectly, to some of the most interesting blogs I've ever seen. If I ever make it to your area, I'll bring you something that you can't normally get (not sure what, yet...)

9. Even when we disagree on things like politics and music, you make me laugh. For some reason, I can't help but think of you as a rock star in hiding.

10. I wish you were a writer, because you've had a lot of interesting experiences and thoughts. It's silly that we don't get together more.

11. You're the first person I expect to be famous.

12. You seem to put equal amounts of effort into tearing down the people and things that you dislike and building up the people and things you like. I don't know if I've ever met anyone else who can be as sarcastic as you while still being as lovingly supportive as you. (And while I'll admit to getting bothered by the sarcasm if it's aimed at something I like, I also really enjoy it if you dislike something that I also dislike.)

13. You remind me of who I want to be, simply because I have never been the friend that I wanted to be.

14. I think you might be the coolest doofus ever; I love how genuine you are.

15. I first knew you through your significant other, but now that I'm getting to know you on your own, I think you're truly amazing. I hope that I have your patience and wisdom when I have children, because I'll need it.

--Strange/David

Okay, I'm going to try to do the NaNoWriMo thing.

I am occasionally asked, "How do you get your ideas?"

My response is always, "How do you not get ideas?"

I look at the world and play "What if?" all the time. What's this guy's story? Why does this happen? What if it happened differently?

The hard part isn't getting ideas. It's sorting through to sift the wheat from the chaff. So, wish me luck. I'm about to look out of a window in the hopes that I will find a wheat... um... nugget. Kernel? Anyway, I hope it's good.

--Strange/David

Another not-quite-random list of things.

I got the new job, so I turned in two weeks' notice to my current workplace. I did this purely as a courtesy, as it is at-will employment, and they're not looking to hire anybody new. Well, as it turns out, it's yet another way for them to shaft me. Now that I have turned in my notice, they will not allow me to take any paid leave (such as SICK TIME). And I'm sick. If I go home, I don't get paid. Those bastards. And while I'm not certain about the legality of that -- maybe it's in my contract, maybe it's standard, I don't know -- the worst I could do would be threaten to take them to small claims court, and the nature of the company's legal situation means they literally have a stay on all litigation. So I'd have to wait for the company to get out of rehabilitation, and there would be two options: the company pulls through and I get my day's pay, or the company goes bankrupt and I get nothing. And the latter is more likely. So.

Once I'm at the new job, I will be far less present online... which means fewer LJ entries, which makes me sad. I've come to rely on LJ for most of my social contacts (besides ComedySportz and Ann's family). I don't want to go away. So I'm going to make an extra effort to keep up when I get home from work and/or on weekends.

I completely forgot that this is National Novel Writing Month (see the main website for details). The organizers encourage perseverance and enthusiasm as opposed to great detail and literary quality. In other words, just write, don't think. The goal is to write 50,000 words by midnight November 30.

Today is Nov 4, meaning I have 27 days (including today as day 1) if I want to participate. That's an average of 1,852 words per day. That's about two and a half pages -- more if I'm heavy on the dialogue. But I have no idea what I would write about. They "let" you make notes and plans and so on, so it's not just writing on the fly, but right now I don't even have an idea for a story that would be less than 400 pages, except for a vague idea that might -- might -- fill out thirty or forty pages if I stretch it.

I could work on the demon story I was posting at davesbook, but you're supposed to start writing in November, and that was started quite a while ago; picking it up now would be "cheating."

I could work on the story I asked you all to submit characters for a while ago, but frankly, I have continued to be stumped as to a plot that would incorporate all of your characters without introducing several of my own.

So I think my best bet, if I am to participate, is to start a brand new idea and just write on the fly. As soon as inspiration strikes, I will set myself an outline, based on the old screenwriting formula of 10/30/90/120. That formula means that, in a standard 120-page script:
1. Hook the interest by page 10, or you'll lose the reader's interest.
2. An important plot twist should set the conflict around page 30.
3. A major plot twist or revelation should be expected around page 90.
4. The resolution should come within a few pages of the end (page 120) unless there is important falling action.

With a roughly 175-page story, that means 14/43/131/175 or thereabouts, and I personally believe that prose usually needs a quicker punch than screenplays (where the first few pages often set the scene and tone before the basic plot is revealed). But still, it will give me a guideline for how to pace my story. I'd rather it run long than short.

And I've got Friday night free -- maybe I'll write a ton that night. I just think it would be fun to try to do, and I know a couple other people who read this are doing it, too.

So. Now all I need is an idea. I suppose I could do this like improv and ask for a suggestion, but a certain somebody might say something rather obscure and bizarre. Such as, oh, I don't know, "Tallulah Bankhead vs. Ralph Macchio: the Final Battle."

Plus, I'd probably get too many suggestions. And then I'd have to pick one. And then if I didn't pick yours, you'd be hurt and take it personally, and I'd have to bake you cookies to repair our friendship, and I'm not that good at baking cookies.

Oh, yes, and I still love my new userpic from lizardek.

--Strange/David

As someone who supported Kerry (as part of my belief in Anyone But Bush), I hope that I am one of the intelligent among the Losing People.

I don't like Bush, and I don't trust Bush, and -- to be blunt -- my faith in the humanity of the American public took a hit today. BUT: we voted. We were outvoted. We must play the hand we were dealt.

And, Dear Legislators, that means putting aside partisanship when it is only for the sake of partisanship. By all means, if you believe what the President decides is wrong, fight against it with all the powers you have legally given to you. Filibuster, if necessary. Gain votes through legal means. Drum up support for better measures.

But don't fight him just because he is who he is. As much as I disagree with Bush's policies and beliefs, and as much as I literally fear the power of some in the administration, he is not Lord Vader. Don't fight him when there's no need to.

Please, pick your battles, Dear Legislators.

And, Dear Non=Legislators: Remember -- even if you, like I, voted for Kerry, so you can comfortably say "Don't blame me" any time something goes wrong, this is still the Greatest Nation On Earth. The finest democracy. Which means this: YOU STILL HAVE A VOICE. You're not restricted to agreeing with him.

I'm not saying you should like him. I'm not saying you shouldn't fight tooth and nail against the things you think are wrong. But pick your battles. We all agree on the basic goals -- education, safety, etc. Let's find a way to get there from here.

Bottom line: issues are issues. Nothing else is worth considering. By the rules of the game, this is our starting point. Let's try to make progress.

1) I think Kerry is doing the right thing by waiting. The odds are very, very slim that he will win, but I don't believe it does any damage to the process to wait. I hope I would say the same thing if the situation was reversed.

2) Since I do believe that Bush has, in all likelihood, won, and since I've seen some of the scariest people in politics get elected to other important positions, I'm starting to be very, very frightened of the American public. I'm scared that there will be an increase in crimes against homosexuals and other "non-Christian" folks, because the prevailing attitude seems to be one not just of non-support, but of active dislike. While most people are not violent, it's those few who are whose views are becoming more acceptable that scare me.

3) lizardek is awesome; she gave new user icons to her friends!

4) I feel sick today, and should have stayed home. Especially considering I'll lose my sick time when I leave, and I leave in less than 2 weeks.

5) Of course, ( Football. )

--Strange/David

( Wherein Strange/David discusses Israel, the U.N., and other things that he probably doesn't understand as well as he'd like to )

--Strange/David

On Thursday, I left work at noon, changed into my suit, and made my way to Safeco for an interview.

Now, let me back up and tell you about how I got this interview. My boss was contacted by a recruiting company, and although she was not interested in the job, she thought I might be. She got my permission to give them my name and contact info.

The recruiting company called me and asked me to take a typing test through a website online. I did, scoring 89 wpm at 98% accuracy. The website allowed me to e-mail the results to the recruiting company, which is what they had asked me to do, so I did.

On that day, I was off early, so I drove home. When I got there, the recruiter called and said, "We just spoke to Safeco, and we misunderstood their earlier request; they want you to take a typing test here."

So I changed into business clothes and drove for 45 minutes to take a one-minute typing test. I was not monitored during this test, and because the website specifically says that it's not to be used for recruiting purposes, they had me e-mail the results to myself and forward the e-mail to them (giving me every opportunity to doctor the results, which I didn't do, because this time I scored a 90 wpm at 100% accuracy).

When I went for my official interview at Safeco on Thursday, the first thing they had me do: a typing test. I scored 98 wpm at 98.5% accuracy, which adjusts to 97 wpm. Best I've ever scored.

I was interviewed for three hours. I don't remember most of the rest of the evening, except that there was a trip to Meijer and Ann made pudding by mistake... which I hope she tells you about in her LiveJournal.

The next morning, we drove to Chicago and had lunch with helloheather, wallybat, and disenchant. Ann made her chicken salad which is, in my personal opinion, incredible. Lunch was nice, although I barely remember any of the conversation because I was nervous about meeting and eating with a couple people who, although we know each other online, don't really know each other in person. And I have to say, after seeing wallybat in person as a fifties girl and as Hermione from the Harry Potter books, I have a very hard time reconciling that with the knowledge that some of disenchant's goth jewelry came from her.

I had just massive amounts of fun this weekend -- great food, great drink, the new card game I learned, toasting my book, getting buzzed enough to do several Motown hits on karaoke once I realized that I had total freedom because people were either singing along or paying NO attention... and I am completely in love with helloheather's and cetan's house. And their cats.

Costume list of LJ folks: I was a fairy godfather (suit, cotton balls in my mouth, stuffed cat to pet, and wings); davesanngel was the Tooth Fairy; disenchant was a fairy gothmother; wallybat was Hermione; cetan was Homestar Runner; helloheather was a fifties hostess; gonj was Count Slackula; and hilhas1 was a Slutterfly.

I also got to meet up with hannibalv and bdar and give them copies of my book. Yay!

In football news, the Colts lost again; if playoffs were today, they wouldn't even be in. My prediction percentage has fallen again (57.39, or 66-for-115). And my three fantasy football teams have somehow all won.

Oh, yes. And I got the job. I start in two weeks.

--Strange/David

Last night I was online, trying to learn more about the company with which I will be interviewing in less than four hours. Somebody tried to call me, which knocked me offline. It wasn't Ann, so I tried calling my parents in New York, knowing that my mother was probably going to call.

We chatted a little bit about Grandpa, and then we talked briefly about the World Series (which was in the seventh or eighth inning of the game at that point). I commented on how this seemed to be a pretty good time to be in Massachusetts right now, what with the Patriots' streak and the Red Sox tying up the sweep of the series.

Mom said, "As long as it doesn't extend to Kerry, I'll be fine."

Now, I figured my mother was likely to vote Republican (actually, she's just as likely to vote for the Right To Life Party candidate), but I still found myself kind of surprised at how angry she sounded at Kerry.

I mean, I understand that not everybody likes Kerry, and that's fine. And I understand that there are people who are downright scared of Kerry's political beliefs, and that's their right. But I didn't expect to hear my mother, who is an intelligent person, sound angry at Kerry.

After a little bit more conversation, I realized that her issue was specifically abortion... she said she wasn't completely sold on Bush as a good President, but she couldn't in good conscience vote for a man who specifically said that he would only appoint Supreme Court Justices who would uphold Roe v Wade.

Please note: I don't intend for this post to actually be about abortion. I understand both sides of the issue, and I have strong opinions of my own on the matter, and the point is not to talk about the political issue of abortion. If you're pro-life, agree with my mother and move on. If you're pro-choice, disagree with my mother and move on. No one will change any beliefs here, and kudos to everyone on both sides of the issue who try to handle it the right way -- through voting and civilized political activism.

For Mom, it's about as close as it can get to a single-issue vote. And, knowing that she was likely to vote for the Right To Life Party, I marveled that this intelligent woman could "throw her vote away" to make a statement. Unless the Right To Life Party has endorsed Bush rather than nominate their own candidate (I don't know what they've done in New York or elsewhere), I was just astounded. I mean, I understand that electability isn't the only issue, but voting for third-party candidates just seems like an exercise in futility.

And then it struck me. Mom lives in New York. It doesn't matter who she votes for anyway, the state will go for Kerry. And I live in Indiana. It doesn't matter who I vote for, either -- the state will go for Bush.

So, happily putting aside my difference of opinion with Mom, it's nice to know that I am my mother's son -- we're both going to go throw our vote away on Tuesday, just to make a point.

Go vote!

--Strange/David

At ComedySportz, I frequently work all three shows on a weekend. I usually ref one and play two, and very often I am not on the team that gets to play the catch-up game of Five Thingz.

As a reminder to those of you who haven't seen the game, or as an introduction to the new readers I've gained since the last time, here's a description of the game: ( behind this cut )

These are the Five Thingz I got to guess -- and guessed correctly! -- last weekend:

1. Playing rugby with a chicken for a ball, on ice.
2. Breakdancing to bluegrass music with Garth Brooks.
3. Plummeting to the earth from a rooster, landing on pudding, wearing a Jan Brady costume.
4. Eating mud from a coconut with a hammer as a utensil.
5. Churning butter in an urn with ABBA.

I didn't actually say "plummeting" -- I said "falling". They could have done clues based on "plum" or "plumber" to get me to plummeting, but they didn't actually try. (Of course, one of the guys said that if I got "plummeting" he'd buy the ref a new car, so he had motive to not try...)

Here's what I found the most amusing in the cluegiving:
Rugby: shown as football, then the French (!?) national anthem, then a gruff, angry-looking person. An angry Frenchman playing football? Somehow I figured it must be rugby, even though I don't know what it has to do with France.
Garth Brooks: the gibberish version of "Low Places": "Zoooo, ah zah beng zim bo-o-o zheiba..."
Jan Brady costume: Brady Bunch theme song followed by a whiny, "Zoppa, Zoppa, Zoppa!" Bear in mind, I've never seen an episode of the Brady Bunch. Ever. I've seen parts of several episodes, but I know nearly nothing about the show. All I knew was that it wasn't Marcia (the only sister whose name I knew for sure, although I'm not sure if I spelled it right). I pulled the name "Jan" out of the blue. Until I talked to Ann afterward, I couldn't name the third sister, or either of the two younger brothers.
Coconut: Jon "J-Co" Colby, giving me the clue, mimed climbing a tree, chopping something down, cutting it in half, and using it as a bra while doing the hula.
ABBA: A pretty badly done rendition of "Dancing Queen" (in gibberish, of course)... the tune entered my head, and my thought process was, "Oh, it's that really freaking annoying song from that MasterCard commercial where the dancers are too sexy for the music... and it was about Broadway... and the song's been on the radio, too, so it was pop music before it was Broadway... which pop stars did Broadway? Billy Joel? It's not Billy Joel. Ed would know this. Lynn would know this. Mia might... Mia. Mamma Mia. ABBA!"

I freaking love ComedySportz.

--Strange/David

( So you wanna know about next weekend? )
--Strange/David

( Well, this was an odd weekend. )
--Strange/David

This is supposed to be funny. I hope it is.

What Kind Of Pain In My Ass Are You?

--Strange/David

I've thought about updating this several times today. (Alternately, "Several times today, I've thought about updating this.")

But I've really got nothing to say. I don't want to talk about the job interview, because I don't want to jinx it. I don't really have anything more to say about my book yet. I have not had further adventures in odor from the dogs.

I just want to hang out and talk to somebody. If I didn't have to work at ComedySportz tonight and tomorrow night, I'd get together with friends. (Which reminds me... davesanngel, we forgot to call gonj.)

Talk to me, people. Ask me questions. Tell me stories. Give me something to consider, something I can respond to (alternately, "to which I can respond").

--Strange/David