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And How Can I Stand Here With You And Not Be Moved By You?

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tour: day 42. fin. [20 Jul 2008|12:36am]

askheychris
[ music | kill holiday - you're taking it well. ]

Currently, I am driving from ferndale, michigan to the most wonderful city in the world, Chicago. Home.
I won't lie, I could keep this up for another few weeks. I wish I could just tour for months on end. Coming home is a double-edged sword. I miss sushi from fresh, downtown lunches, call of duty 4, running along the lake and the wonderful miss gianna, who will be the big 4 next month (full bday party coverage will be posted). But its those familiar comforts that I feel might pull me back into a lazy slump. Eh, we'll see how it goes. Maybe ill just up and move to europe and become a gypsy or to portland and be a street punk... but then I'd have to wear crass shirts and I've always thought that band sucked and get sick face tats and I'm sure that shit hurts like fuck and I've turned into a pussy with pain in my old age. Plus, the homeless street kid punX are nothing more than nu-hippies anyway and fuck if I'm not showering for days.

Years ago, I went to mexico with my exgf and we met some white dude who was renting out the sailboats. As he was instructing us, I interrupted him and asked how he got there. He said he was from arizona and that he came down and vacation and just stayed. Just like that. Stayed for years. Intrigued, I asked why. He said because while he wasn't making much money, he got to live in paradise every day. God, I wish I could do that shit. Its like I fear attachments, not because I'm commitment-phobic but because, like in the movie heat, I want to just drop everything and peace-out in 10 minutes.
When we were alone, an old friend always talked about pulling a 'good will hunting', and just disappearing one day. In a way, he did and I have to respect that. But in order to do that, I'd have to leave so much behind that I love, so ill stay. Like I always do. For the past 3 years, the background of my phone has read, "courage is the ability to let go of the familiar."

There's something almost indescribable about a strangers hug. Someone you've never seen, never met or spoken to that walks up and hugs you with everything they have. I know that most people won't ever know what that feels like, but on long saturday night drives home, its something that I get to exhale and smile about. I love seeing it. Feeling it. I don't like letting go. Call me a creep but sometimes I find a little something in those moments. Like, sometimes I want to grab you and sit down and say, "tell me everything. Why you're here. What makes you tick. What you hope and pray for at the end of the night."
But I never do. I just hug you back with everything I've got and hope you feel it as well.

I say it often because I mean it often, thank you. Thank you for the smiles you think I don't see, the tears in your eyes when you walk away, the way your hand shakes when you're holding the camera, the words and secrets you trust me with, how you scramble for something for me to sign as if I'm going to walk away, for the little notes on dollars in my tip box, for the couches and floors, for the notes, letters, gifts, food, love, support and belief. Thank you.

You guys made the past 6 weeks fly by and gave me one of the best times of my life.

Thank you.

33 comments|post comment

they always ask me why?... [17 Jul 2008|03:05am]

askheychris
because they dont see what i see.
they see an insecure socially awkward asshole.

and i see more fight than anyone ive ever known.
25 comments|post comment

tour; day 39. tuffallo, new york. [16 Jul 2008|04:15pm]

askheychris
[ music | the starbucks acoustic hippy jam band ]

ive been sitting in this starbucks for 3 hours. i know they want to kill my hoolum-lookin ass.
im in buffalo, ny and they cant make a vanilla latte to save their lives. ugh, even the backwoods hippies in vermont got that shit right. well, actually they made it iced at first then i had to tell them it wasnt iced so they gave me two drinks. its kind of a mini scam i seem to get away with often. like ordering a steak at outback, eating your baked potato then telling them that the steak was too rare. when they bring it back, it comes with a brand new potato! oh, its the small victories that make me feel comfortable as a gluttonous american consumer.

im waiting for my friend to get out of work so i can meet up and go get buffalo wings at the anchor bar, because thats "the thing" to do in buffalo. i did it last time and i think i peed fire out my ass for 3 days.
the first time i was here was in 96... or 97, or 98, eh, what do i know? anywho, i moshed hard for a reunion show for a band called slugfest. that night we slept in scott vogels tiny kitchen that only fit 2 of us side by side like sardines. it sucked. thats what i realized on this tour, sleeping on concrete and under tour vans and crap like that only sounds cool in retrospective journal entries. at the time, it really really sucks balls. this is why i just cant wrap my head around someone voluntarily leaving their comfortable house to go sleep in a gortex sleepingbag in the middle of mosquitos and night air that gives you shitty sore throats. "oh, its the adventure." oh fuck you, hippy. you want a real adventure, go to mexico city and hang with the street punks huffing paint out of a paperbag while fighting off rival gangs of mexicans with sharpened sticks. then you'll "impress" me with your little adventures. i have a new goal, as unpunk as it sounds, i want to sleep in beds for the rest of my life. i figure it wont take too much money to make that happen, right?

hey, have you guys ever heard of this band called the fallout boys? well, they used to have this asian dude that told em what to do and where to go. i think he was a tour manager or turd wrangler or something, either way, hes doing his DJ think full time now. hes all big and famous and shit but only has 50 people as friends on his myspace and thats like, embarrassing. click this little blue guy and friend him and tell him he wasnt as funny as i was in release the bats.

i have four more US speaking dates for probably the rest of the year. i may go back out in december or january when its ridiculously cold because i only seem to tour in shitty weather. speaking of shitty weather, ill be back in the UK in october so start saving your shillings, ill have my new book, new shirts, sweatpants and other totally awesome things with my name all over it.
heres where i will be this week:

July, 16 2008 07:00 PM - spot coffee
227 Delaware @Chippewa, buffalo, New York 14202 - donation
(716) 332-2299

July, 17 2008 06:30 PM - beehive coffee
1327 E. Carson st., pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15203 - donation
(412) 488-4483

July, 18 2008 05:30 PM - Enclave Coffeehouse
4124 Erie st., Willoughby, Ohio 44094 - donation
(440)953-0666

July, 19 2008 06:30 PM - AJs cafe
240 W. Nine Mile Rd., ferndale, Michigan 48220 - donation
Phone: (248) 399-3946


come out and see if im worth the hype. its free and im lonely.

37 comments|post comment

tour; day 37. quick canaduh update. [15 Jul 2008|12:50am]

askheychris
[ music | the soothing sounds of the canadian expressway. ]

Oh dear friends, I haven't been neglecting you, I simply haven't been able to get a decent wireless signal lately, I swear. Man, so much has happened is ricockulous.

Last we spoke I was in NYC wit john and ree. Man, that shit seems like forever ago but it was last week. So weird. I peaced out of there to go kick it at the way manor in NJ for a couple. For as much as I hate that damn state, they make it tolerable. Saw wall-e (fucking amazing), then mikey and alicia took me on the my chem guided tour. We went and ate at the diner where they filmed the last sopranos episode and I took a picture which I can't upload because I'm updating from my stupid sidekick (hence all that annoying capitalization). We ate awesome meats and laid around in sweatpants like george castanza. Somewhere in there I taught francis bean cobain how to play call of duty 4... don't ask.

I left for boston and met up with my dude jamie apocalypse. I've known this rager for like the past 10 years and its a serious brodown everytime we hang. He showed me his 108 inch HDtv then we walked around the town, he showed me ben frankins grave then took me to bodega and I bought a pair of shoes. If you don't know what this place is, its this totally hidden little unmarked corner store... but when you walk to the back and stand in front of the pop machine, it slide open to reveal a hidden shoe store. Fucking sick. Jamie didn't even tell me we were going and when that thing slid open I geeked.
The speaking in boston was weird. Better turn out than last year but since it was outside, I had to compete with the people playing their instruments (loudly) for some shakespeare in the park crap. So we moved underneath a tree and I had story time outside. In the end, I had an awesome time and got to meet some really solid kids.

Jamie and I had sushi and I left for vermont. I was nodding off around 2am so I pulled over at this amazing motel. This might be the best one yet... hey, have you ever been on the road and said to yourself, "gosh, I have so many guns in this car, I wish I could find a motel that would buy them from me?"
Well, don't you worry, kids. I found it. How do I know, you ask? Oh, just the 7 signs they posted stating they would. The place came complete with window air conditioning units, screen doors and a magic fingers VIBRATING BED! Man, the luxury you kids don't even know you're paying for.

The border crossing into canada wasn't too bad. They kept me for about an hour and a half and made me fill out tons of paperwork and I had to pay $32 in taxes for the stuff I want to sell... remember that when the tip box gets in your lap. Jokes.
Montreal crowd was larger than last time and I didn't feel the language barrier like I did last year. Afterward, a group of kids and I went out for poutine. Fine, ill admit, the canadians did something right... well, that AND rolo mcflurries!

Currently, I am sleeping in another luxurious motel somewhere inbetween montreal and toronto. I don't even think they name towns out here because, pssh, I doubt anyone even cares.

Ill be speaking in toronto tomorrow to drive past all the prostitutes that stand there likes its no big whoop.

51 comments|post comment

let's give it a try [14 Jul 2008|11:17pm]

carousels
So I really want to sell my Clandestine red "Big Heart" hoodie. I wanted to post it on here first before any other community or ebay in case any of my friends would want it for a more reasonable price. (it goes for about $44 on the clandestine website)

It's in size M but it's actually bigger than regular medium sized hoodies. It's in perfect condition since I wore it about four times in total.

Anyone interested? =)
2 comments|post comment

[13 Jul 2008|01:09am]

natacha92
THE TMI MEME

For all your lollerific needs. COME AND KILL BOREDOM WITH SOME GROSS FUN!

two updates in one day? chris, you must have a lot of time on your hands? [10 Jul 2008|01:31pm]

askheychris
[ music | brian the dog moshing ]

in my downtime on tour, ive been working on my LJ retrospective book. its more work than i expected; going through over 4 years of writing to pick out what i feel has the most substance, what im most proud of.
its interesting to see the progression in my writing, well, i suppose not so much in the writing as in the willingness to be open and understanding. either way, much is getting cut because as it stands now after 2 edits, it is still five times longer than any book ive ever written. oh, and did i mention that im writing footnotes for each entry? yeah, time to do a 3rd edit.
but look what i stumbled upon from january 2005:

5. i have a "things to do before i die" list i keep in my wallet just to remind me how unwisely im using my time. this year im crossing two things off even if i have to stab babies in their eyes. first, do the running of the bulls in spain. yes, i am aware of how un-PC it is but the way i figure it, if they can catch me, then they get reparations. second, the chicago marathon on october 9th. this will be my 7th year in a row of training, difference is, im actually going to run it...

im thinking about doing the book again. i may need investors, cause god knows how long it'll take me to raise $2000.


while i might laugh at my early stuff, a lot of it had heart. some misdirected, but most filled with good intentions.
but sometimes, sometimes it feels good to read that shit and know that i accomplished something.

i made 3 predictions in that paragraph... and i made all 3 come true.
like ive always said, i dont necessarily believe its because im all that intelligent and driven, no, i think its more that im just to dumb to stop. hell, maybe thats all it takes.
im almost scared to make more goals for myself because shit, what if i actually accomplish those? i mean, could i still be the self-deprecating sensitive artist if i keep this up?

but yeah, sometimes its okay to be proud of yourself.

32 comments|post comment

tour; day 33. via williamsburg, brooklyn. deep V neck capitol of the world. [10 Jul 2008|01:52am]

askheychris
[ music | the air conditioner ]

so john, ree, mean sarah and i just got back from BARCADE in brooklyn. its a bar filled with old school arcade games. this is amazing and may be new yorks only redeeming quality.
hey, do you like the smell of piss, large piles of garbage and construction? come to new york city.
its the pitts.
so john and i were driving back from my speaking in brooklyn today and im raging because my GPS isnt working because of the buildings and tunnels and i scream, "SEE!" as i point to a massive construction site, "all over this goddamn city is fucking construction."
...
then i realized it was ground zero. eeh, oops. i felt terrible.

i got back to john and rees apartment and we decided to walk to this carnival down the street. immediately i was weary because all i remember is getting beat up and almost beat up very damn time i went to the fucking carnival. but brooklyn aint letting that shit go down so they had like 53 cops all over the place. how about i felt more safe there in the middle of brooklyn at night than i did in the fucking suburbs in illinois.

things i ate within 1 hour:
watermelon.
fried oreos.
2 slices of pizza.
a coke.
corn on the cobb.
beef kebabs.
a cup of rice.
stuffed grape leaves.
a falafel sandwich.

currently, im sitting here in a food coma watching 'the girls next door' while john designs new 2*sweet merch.
john and i finally agreed on who our favorite girl next door is, its bridget.
see, holly is the clear fav but holly wouldnt put up with either of our shit for anymore than 16 days but bridget, oh, bridget would laugh at our jokes and think we were totally adorable. plus her butt is way bigger than holly and kendras, which makes her the clear winner.

tomorrow im here in connecticut:
July 10th, 2008 - Trackside teen center
15 station road, wilton ct. 06897
Phone: 203.834.2888
6pm - donation

then im off for a couple nights to hang in dirty jersey with mikey to play call of duty 4 and hit up some diners. im stoked to finally do laundry and relax on a day off with friends.

seriously lurker pic while being sensitive artist on the phone before my philly speaking. but i like it a lot.
christopher gutierrez
photo cred: [info]ethniemaggie

45 comments|post comment

I'm taking requests... [09 Jul 2008|07:30pm]

patrick_fob

[xmexandxyoux]
  I'm taking slash requests, so if you want something done by me, tell me what pairing you want and i'll try and do it, darlings.
Your choices of dudes are below:

Any of the Panic guys
Any of the FOB guys
Any of Cobra Starship
Gerard Way
Mike Carden
William Beckett
Bob Morris
Travis McCoy
Any of Simple Plan
Joel Madden
Any of The Cab


That might not be all, so don't hesitate to ask.
1 comment|post comment

tour; day 31. [08 Jul 2008|05:18pm]

askheychris
[ music | panera jazz and some dude crunching sun chips in my ear. ]

- somehow, i manage to see more movies when im out on tour than i do when im home.
today, i went to see the love guru. i walked out 10 minutes into it. i had the makings of being the worst movie of all time. i dont have time for bad movies, music, books or art. i went to see handcock for the second time because i cant stop thinking about it. i might be in love with charlize theron. no, like, IN love. all i need is a chance to be in the same room and i will charm her into a wedding. dont believe me? someone make it happen.

- its official. as of yesterday, this is currently the longest ive ever been away from home. i went to europe a while ago for 30 days and i was dying by the end. so far, i have not gotten homesick whatsoever. if anything, its making me re-think my position i go back to when i get back home. i have some things coming up that i am stoked on. no, not like some new cool t-shirt design (although, yes, that is happening as well). its all about maintaining momentum.
its this weird thing that i realized. when people ask me where i see myself in the future, i always respond saying that asking for more would seem almost greedy. but then i stand in front of crowds and profess that i should be continuously evolve. to become better. its a promise i make to myself and to rooms of kids all over the place. so by that right, i should want better for myself. and i do. and i will. things are coming. i promise.

- another thing i realized last night is, i cant fucking stand people who sign autographs as scribbles.
ok, ill give it to the first innovative motherfucker who scribbled his name on the bottom of a painting of some shit, but from the second dude to all the 18 year olds in pop-punk bands, you're an asshole if thats how you sign an autograph. seriously, if someone wants your goddamn autograph, usually, its to show other people. they have you sign shirts and guitars and you turn around with your sharpie and make a squiggly Z and thats supposed to be your fucking name?
hey, teenage warped tour hero, YOU'RE NOT salvador dali. take the extra 2 seconds out of your busy fucking day and write your name so its at least legible. you OWE that to someone who thinks your art is cool. assholes.

- it was announced yesterday that my BFF gheeslings brother will be on the next season of big brother. hes a hot dude and i might poke him with my pickle if he didnt have some crappy view on the world and had a vagina. he looks like the villain already but ill tell you this; he might be a conservative but hes a good dude who only gave me the silent treatment for 5 minutes over dinner. then we talked about me being weird and gheesling being high maintenance. which she is.

and even more adventures in DC:
my dad lives here

standing in the spot dr. martin luther king gave his 'i have a dream' speech:
dr. martin luther king jr. stood here.

georgetown punx (if you dont know, go buy the movie 'another state of mind' or be lazy and watch the quick interview below)
georgetown punx

*also note the legendary steps that make a quick appearance at 1:55

41 comments|post comment

tour; day 29. [07 Jul 2008|03:04am]

askheychris
[ music | minor threat - out of step. ]

two decades ago, i was laying down in the back of my mothers station wagon on our way back to chicago from centerville, minnesota. every summer, i would spend a week or so visiting family up there. we would swim and fish and do many other water related things.

one day while i was bored out of my mind and had to take a shit, i looked around for a magazine or book to read, instead, i found a cassette tape that had been broken in half and un-spooled across the laundry room. i scooped it up into a small pile and headed for the shitter. ever since i can remember i spend a long time taking a dump. i like to relax and sometimes it comes in waves, not all at once. so for a good 20 minutes i sat there winding this tape with my finger twisting in the hole. eventually, i had it back together, so i looked around for scotch tape to finish up my operation. when i was finished, i triumphantly rushed up the stairs to show my cousins what i had done while bored on the crapper. they looked at me unimpressed and said, "big deal, you can have it if you want." and continued playing 8-bit nintendo.
i had no idea what was on the tape until i found the handwritten cover. it was a compilation tape of punk bands. some i had heard, some i wanted to hear and some i even liked. i took the tape, shoved it deep in the pocket of my book bag and forgot about it... until we began the drive home and i was looking for something to keep me entertained. i took out that cassette wrapped in scotch tape, put it in my fisher-price indestructible tape player and pressed play. i heard songs for the first time by bands like: naked raygun, angry samoans, the adolescents, FEAR, the replacements, youth brigade and minor threat.

there was a song on that tape that i found myself continuously rewinding over and over again because i just HAD to figure out the lyrics. it was a song that i later found out was called 'out of step' by minor threat, the song responsible for laying the foundation of the straight edge philosophy. i must have played that song 20 times that day. when i got home i went out and bought the tape.
that band has always and consistently made my top 5 bands of all time since that day. they are one of the most influential bands in my life, and ever since i saw the cover of the 7" they recorded in 1983 called 'salad days', i simply HAD to find this iconic house of punk rock history.


a few years ago, i pulled out my 'list of things to do before i die' and wrote, "sit on the minor threat salad days steps."
yesterday, after over a half hour of searching through overgrown bushes and with the help of many people i managed to find it...

salad days.

and i got to scratch another accomplishment off of my list.


before that, i sat on the steps of this stupid place as well.
the kids will have their say

today, im here:
July, 7 2008 06:00 PM - starbucks
347 south street, philadelphia, Pennsylvania 19147 - donation
(215)627-4060

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